In my unawakened stages, my primary operating modality was
fear, with most of my actions based around this. Fear, and the inability to face and process
that fear, manifests in anxiety, avoidance, resistance, procrastination,
suppressed expression, insecurity, self-doubt, shame, resentment, anger and
rage. It also manifests in relationship patterns of attachment,
approval-seeking, jealousy and controlling behavior.
It is one thing to feel fear – we all feel fear. It is another to identify with the fear and
fear-based paradigms. From what I see at
my current vantage point, Western society, and particularly American society,
operates out of fear.
Which of course makes sense – when people are afraid, they
make excellent sheep. The cabal that controls our power structures utilizes
fear as its primary means of oppression – and it works. We are trained from an early age to both
embody fear and feel shame around our fear, which keeps us repressed. People who operate on the fear-shame
wavelength will choose jobs that fit the mold the power keepers want. They choose disempowering relationship models
and engage in lose-lose relationship dynamics, both on a micro and macro level
(“the battle of the sexes”). They spend
money foolishly, make unwise investments (or overly conservative investments in
the business structures that support the cabal), they vote based on fear, they
have repressed sexual energy and massive spiritual blocks (they give over their
spiritual growth to oppressive power structures or individuals).
I’ve been moving past this level for many years, but would
find myself pulled back. What finally
broke the connection was massive alchemy work while floating. Since then the fear mechanism still operates
in me, but I recognize it as an illusion.
Just last night I experienced the pattern of
self-doubt. This has often been the
pattern on my journey – I’ll have massive expression, and then feel
self-doubt. This is the fear mechanism
working to derail my growth and suppress expression. Now I recognize it and can see it for what it
is.
There are very few things worthy of fear. There are a small number worthy or worry or
concern, and even then it should be mostly a reminder to get things done. Fear is a draining, disempowering and
ineffective motivator. But the emotion
is powerful and visceral, and it commands attention.
So how does one disengage from the fear operator? First, realize it exists in you and
everywhere around you. Just assume
whatever is causing you fear is 1/10th as important as you feel it
is and go from there. Begin to become
keenly aware of how this mechanism operates within you – you’ll likely see it’s
operating in everything you do and think.
Noticing that it exists and how it’s operating, while recognizing it’s
not real, is most of the battle.
Begin to disassociate from the thoughts and story and focus
on the actual feeling in your body – what does fear/ anxiety/ worry feel
like? Hot? Buzzing? Tension? Where is it?
Welcome the feeling, keep focusing on the feeling and ignore the story. Eventually the feeling will change (I’ll post
a video that explains the process of working through emotions). And eventually you can begin to notice the
difference between fear – the bodily and chemical emotional reaction, and the
fear-based internal and external structure, which is entirely illusory and an
invention.
Eventually you’ll begin to realize the world is not coming
to an end and it’s not a big deal. Then
you are free to operate from a place of consciousness.
The other piece of this is shame around fear. This is the other part of our society’s
deliberately disempowering paradigm – create false fear, then disempower people
for feeling fear. Again, the process at
the larger level is similar – realize this isn’t you, this isn’t who you are,
it is an artificial creation. Once you
get that there’s no reason to think less of yourself for having emotions, the
shame structure breaks down.
Do you beat yourself up for feeling fear on a roller
coaster? No, of course not. You probably jump right back in line and go
again. (If you don’t do roller coasters,
there are other examples, like scary movies, or even traveling to unknown
destinations.) Feeling fear is natural,
and can be fun sometimes. The shame
aspect is entirely external. Learn to
separate what is real and “you” from what is not real and not “you,” even if
everyone around you is convinced the illusion is real.
The other part of evolving out of the fear/ shame paradigm
is creating a higher base state. This is
done through meditation, alchemy and consciously engaging in activities that
elevate your energy (things you enjoy doing that make you feel good about
yourself). The critical aspect is to
engage in these practices not as a distraction from your otherwise fearful and
unhappy life, but AS your life. These
things, these feelings, are you, your true self, your “base state.” This is you when you’re not engaging with the
bullshit of the world. Careful nurturing
of this aspect (and I’ll go into much greater depth) will free you from
lower-consciousness paradigms. You’ll
still feel fear and shame, but they won’t have control over you, because you
have access to your higher self.
I realize this is all “top-level,” but seeing the bigger
picture is useful as you continue on your journey.
Update:
I’ve noticed since my first four crystals were fully
activated and attuned that my sleep pattern has changed dramatically. Now I fall asleep easily, go back to sleep
easily when I wake up. I’m amazed at the
difference – perhaps the newfound peacefulness is allowing my fatigued body to
take the rest it needs.
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