Awakenings, Resolution and Superpowers

I’m feeling very emotional, feeling like everything is moving very quickly and shaken up.  My personal story has been destroyed and I’m processing a lot of sadness, shame and regret, while dealing with massive shifts.  I’m lacking sleep, which isn’t helping.  All the while my phone is blowing up with people – mostly people looking for some guidance or inspiration from me, some pretty influential people. 

My energy has been very “stuck,” maybe as a protection from the chaos.  Etienne ended up freezing the energy and then reactivating it. Then the energy was incredibly clear, more so than I’d ever experienced before.

After that something came up and I needed to resolve my broken karma.  And I had a *LOT* of broken karma, most of it very old. I resolved a lot of things and then ended up having dreams where more broken karma came up.  I meditated and tried to resolve them.  Sooooooooo much shame – I’ve done so much damage to my karma, it was really difficult to look at these things, but it felt good to repair my karma. 

A lot was just closure.  But there were valuable lessons I wish I’d learned much earlier.  The big “a-ha” was around my story of being the nerd who was picked on in school.  It turns out that story was mostly the opposite of the truth.  Yes, I got picked on, but mostly I used that story as an excuse to cause far, far more damage to the world than was caused to me.  There were a LOT of people in my past who had that lesson to give me, and a TON of unprocessed shame. 

It feels good to really work through that shame, but it sure would have been nice to fix my karma like this much earlier in life – like maybe in high school when I was marinating in my victim status and being a jerk to myself and others. 

And that whole feedback loop was self-destructive and “out of character.”  When I’ve allowed myself to be outside that karmic cycle I’d created, I’m my real self, and actually a very good and loving person with a clean karma. That’s why a lot of people either see me as a really good person and can’t understand why I had the past I did, or see me as a jerk and can’t understand my story.

So it felt good to resolve the broken karma, and I feel bad for how I behaved in that victim story.  And I’m having to process all those feelings now, that shame, and also the void from that story being destroyed. It’s empowering and liberating and unsettling. Mostly it feels good to be free from the oppression of my own negative karmic cycle.  It is a bummer facing all the crap I caused, but it’s a lot better than hiding in that victim story.

Meanwhile, Etienne reactivated my energy and things are – WHOA!  I got a message “FINISH YOUR WRITING!”  Meanwhile, my wife found a job – very quickly after getting her visa.  Things have gone from “stuck” for months and months to “everything all at once.” 

Last night I had another very powerful coaching session with a client – the first one cleared out energetic cords with his mom and as a result he stopped drinking (wow!); this one I cleared out his issues with his father and he experienced a spiritual rebirth. 

This is VERY powerful stuff and it left me buzzing.  My energy was very high and I had trouble falling asleep, then intense dreams. 

I’m accessing some energetic superpowers and it’s intense.  I clearly have not been accessing my energetic potential up to now.

Now my energy is off the charts and I’m having trouble grounding and integrating it, it’s like my whole energetic system is trembling with power.  It’s crazy. 

I mean, I was doing some major work with this guy and it was like flexing my finger, it was very little effort, just this flow.  So yah, it’s like a superpower and I’m still learning to manage it. 

It’s crazy.  I have just begun to access some of my real potential.  It’s all been there, hiding behind clouds of doubt.  Now that I see it and feel it, I want to do more – a lot more. 

Yes, I'm Judgmental. And Spiritual. And You Should Be Too.

The whole “non-judgmentalism” aspect of the Western spiritual movement is, quite frankly, bullshit.

Yes, I’m being judgmental here.  Yes, I’m spiritual.  And no, there isn’t a problem with holding those two things.  Frankly, all good spiritualists should be questioning what’s going on and using some judgment, instead of swallowing all the bullshit and calling it ice cream.

Let’s get real – the spiritual community in the West, and particularly in California where I live, is a complete mess.  What started off as an attempt to connect with Source outside of the fault-ridden structures of established religion has devolved into a meaningless mushpile of feel-good platitudes, ungrounded “feelings” in replacement of spiritual connection, and an excuse for people to behave selfishly and prideful without being called out, because pointing out shitty behavior is “judgmental.”

The spiritual community in the West likes to imagine it is without sin – because they like to imagine sin doesn’t exist in their religious structure.  Except for one cardinal sin – Thou shalt not judge.  Which includes pointing out how everyone is happily marching to the edge of a cliff – nope, that might hurt someone’s feelings, which goes against the tenants of the First Spiritual Church of Feelings.

I’ve had it with this bullshit. And I’m not afraid to say so.  And no, I’m not going away just because others feel uncomfortable with my truth – some people need to start feeling uncomfortable now.

Spirituality – connection with Source – is not about eating vegan.  It’s not about organic food, or body poses, or justifying your desire for lots of random sex.  It’s sure as hell not about practicing Non-Violent Communication.  There’s nothing inherently good or bad about any of those things, but there’s absolutely nothing sacred or spiritual about them, either.  Sorry – everything you do isn’t “spiritual,” just because you want to connect to universal truth and have certain hobbies or political opinions.

Connection to spirit, to Source, to universal truth, means putting aside your ego and preference and listening.  It means, by definition, some things will be true and other things will be (*trigger warning*) false. 

Yah, not everything that pops into your head is a spiritual truth.  A lot of it is bullshit.  Which is okay, we all have bullshit thoughts, but it’s not okay when you’re insisting that your bullshit is divine and everyone should eat it and call it ice cream.

Sorry, I’m not doing that anymore.  Actually, I’m not sorry.  I’m not at all sorry that I’m being called forth to call bullshit when I see it.  And throwing the “judgment” card at me isn’t going to work – we are SUPPOSED to use judgment!

This isn’t the same thing as prejudging people, discriminating, oppressing or being bigoted.  Those tend to fall into prejudgment – casting judgment on things and people you don’t really know.  But being open-minded doesn’t mean one does not evaluate the facts in front of them – the mind is there for a reason and discernment is a valuable attribute of an evolved being.

So when someone wants to explore his or her sexuality, that’s great.  When someone insists their doing so makes them “spiritual,” that’s where I call bullshit.  Refraining from sex doesn’t make one more connected to Source.  Neither does engaging in sex.  Sure, you can bring your spiritual connection into either your practice of celibacy or sexual connection, just as one can bring their spirituality into reading a book or breathing.  But none of those activities is inherently spiritual, and all of them can and are badly misused (okay I’m hard-pressed on an example that applies to breathing – maybe being annoying and socially uncalibrated in one’s “conscious breathing” and using spirituality as an excuse for being socially retarded and inconsiderate, I’ve experienced instances of this from time to time).

When someone posts an obviously touched-up skin selfie that’s clearly meant to get attention for their ego and adds some spiritual bullshit in the description, I see what you’re doing, and it’s bullshit.  You’re using spirituality and the “one sin of spirituality” to immunize yourself from criticism while you’re being an attention whore.  (And just in case you move on to the ‘misogyny’ card, keep in mind I know quite a few men who engage in this behavior too.)  If you just posted your “look at me, I’m an insecure person in love with my wounds!” selfie without the obvious “I’m being spiritual so you can’t call me out on my bullshit” tags, I’d be annoyed but I wouldn’t really care.

But when you very obviously engage in bullshit behavior AND call it spiritual – yah, I’m done looking the other way.  Because you’re bullshit is polluting the environment for everyone else.  And when enough people do the same crappy things, you end up with what we have now – a group of talented people that is hopelessly lost and going off a cliff at a time when we really need people to step up in this world.

We are going through a major evolutionary change.  No, all is not good and well, you can’t just sit there thinking good thoughts and expect to get through this.  Yes, your vibration is rising, yes you have gifts.  And no, that doesn’t mean you can do whatever the fuck you want and think it’ll all be okay, because actions have consequences.  Bullshit creates more bullshit – THAT’S how the LOA is working out for the spiritual community.

I’m saying “bullshit” not because I want everyone to feel bad and go crawl under a rock and die.  I’m saying it because, you all need to wake up, smell the bullshit, CHANGE, and start helping to truly heal the world.  You can’t do that if you’re being selfish, self-deluded, inconsiderate, capricious, prideful and just plain stupid. 

It’s time to end your love affair with your wounded inner child, heal, step up and start helping, instead of expecting the world to accommodate your personal issues free from “judgment.”  I see you being stupid, that doesn’t mean I believe you are stupid – if I thought this was truly the best you could do, I would be quiet and leave you alone.  If I truly thought “this is the best you can do,” I wouldn’t feel frustrated.  It’s because I know how talented and gifted and truly amazing you are and you are capable of being that I’m so fucking pissed that you’re throwing away your abilities on utter BULLSHIT.

We really need the help over here – over here on the side that uses judgment to act for what is right, not what just feels good.  Over here on the side that knows thoughts create chaos and suffering as well as bliss, and that we are all personally responsible for the suffering our world is going through.  The side that knows we can turn this around if we pull our heads out of our asses and start playing in the real world.

We can work to change things for the better, or we can spend our lives with our heads in the sand while the energetic forces create the change without us – violently and painfully.  Because no matter how far we try to hide our heads, we will not escape the truth. 

And if you think judgment is painful, wait till you see what a violent attitude adjustment looks like.  Get ready, it’s happening.

Thank You, Fan!

I want to take this opportunity to say "Thank You" to my supporters out there.  It's because of you I brought the blog back from hibernation.

The last incarnation I had a small, loyal group of fans, but it was always a struggle getting any kind of momentum and some days it felt like more trouble than it was worth.  I'm realizing now this was because I still wasn't speaking my truth, so the blog wasn't giving people enough value.

Now - the fan base is steadily growing, Twitter is continuing to grow and be a real active source of dialogue and information (at around the time I was about to completely give up on Twitter ever offering value).  More importantly, I'm able to reach out and help people, through coaching, collaboration and through sharing my truth with you.

So - thank you.  For those who stuck with me all these years, thank you.  For those just now joining up - thank you.  For those finding value in what I'm doing here, thank you.  It means a lot to me to know my efforts are making a real difference.  It's what gives me the energy and inspiration to keep going. 

The major reason all of this is anonymous is because I want this to be about the message and the value I'm providing to you, not about me personally (well, if you're inspired, I'd invite you to become a coaching client :-)
I want the attention to remain on my message - that's what's really important here - not the messenger.  I'm proud of the work I do, but this here is my chance to give something of value to the universe without people knowing who it is. 

I realize this is a rather counterproductive strategy for developing a coaching practice, but I like it this way.

So here's to you - my fan.  I'll hold a can for you any day. 

It's Come Together - Musings on Destin Gerek and My Path

I made a conscious effort this past weekend to resolve some energetic blocks and imbalances and some pretty big things definitely shifted.  Something’s very different about my energy and I’ve been able to finally let go of some pretty major patterns.  I feel a lot more peaceful and more clear on my purpose. 

I’ve been producing a lot of content for Destin’s book lately, it’s like I finally see how my purpose and his purpose intersect.  I struggled for a long time, going through many, many self-help, pick-up and other programs.  I knew things weren’t right, but I struggled to find a better way.

I started working with Destin as a client about seven years ago.  My relationship with him as a coach ended years ago, but I’ve continued working with him on many things, helping him with copy, assisting with his business development and now this writing project which has been gestating for years.  I’d go through periods where I’d wonder what I was doing – why was I still drawn to invest so much in this?

And the questions, logically, seemed valid.  I’ve found my path and my voice, and it’s not the same as his.  I understand him and his work very well (that’s why I’m a compatible writer for him), but I think I always knew from the beginning that Destin’s work is a resource for me, and a valuable one, but that my path would take me on a much different route.

For one, as much as I have spoken on and on about sex in my writings in the recent past, I’m not Destin.  I might utilize Tantra and a few other things, and I’m certainly grateful for the many ways my working with Destin has opened up my world and improved my life.  But in the end, this is just one aspect of my life.  It’s not the foundation, like it is for him and a lot of the men he likes to work with. 

On the one hand, it’s good to see different ways of living.  It’s been like exploring other cultures, seeing the Tantra and daka/ dakini stuff.  And it’s been good for expanding my boundaries, instead of just saying “that’s not me” and rejecting everything out of hand.  It’s also nice to find my happiness and my truth and honor that truth. 

Which means I can let a lot of that “Erotic Rockstar” stuff go.  That was never why I joined up with Destin in the first place.  It was never about dedicating my life to being a sex guru, it was about healing my pain, finding my own happiness and purpose, and then moving in my own direction. 

And as it became clear that he and I are on different paths, I began to wonder if my working with him was serving either of us, or if it was just a partnership of convenience.  And now I can see much more clearly that yes, we do have common goals, and I can be of tremendous help to the world by working with him.

As I mentioned earlier, I suffered for a long time in the “self-help wilderness.”  There’s a lot of crap out there.  I actually read one of Dr. Phil’s books (the dude’s a total fraud – don’t waste your time on that guy – only a complete idiot would listen to Dr. Phil on anything) a long time ago.  I’ve tried a lot of things – some helped, but it was all really lacking.  I really wish there had been a book like Destin’s out there when I was much younger – to have that foundation and give myself permission to explore more things earlier in my life.  I believe this book can help a lot of men avoid some of the pitfalls and suffering that I went through when everything felt “out of place” in my life but I couldn’t figure my way out of the mess.

I’m pouring forth this effort for those men, and for the women who will be impacted by the changes in the lives of those men.  It’s not about my writing career, though I’m sure it’ll help with that, too.  It’s not about my coaching – though it’s helping me gain more clarity of purpose around that too.  It’s about helping a lot of people bypass the suffering that I went through (and which I ended up dragging a lot of other people through as well). 

I looked in the mirror last night and I thought “Yah, that’s it.  It’s come together.”  I’m solid in my core, I have a sense of purpose, I feel happy, I’ve let go of some worry patterns and reconciled some things (some of which are big ones that only resolved over the past week or so after the veil lifted).  I’m me now.  It feels good. 

I think a lot of people saw the “journey” as me being something I’m not – whose this guy pretending he’s like Destin?  And yah, I never was.  I wasn’t trying to be, I just wanted to expand and look at things from a different perspective, to grow.  And I did.  It was pretty costly in some ways, but I’m grateful.  On the way, I also discovered some new things that “stuck” and are now a part of me.  And many things I can now let go that never felt genuine.

But that’s part of the growth process.  I found it very offensive when people would ridicule me for trying something different – I have zero respect for people who try to keep others “in their place.”  But doing things just to show the haters that I can live my own life isn’t really growing, either. At some point, I found my own way, found my own peace, and the voices of the haters just became traffic noise.

I’m not a traditionalist.  I’m not a Tantrika. I’m not a PUA. I’m not an Erotic Rockstar.  I’m not a Jedi Master.  I’m not any of those things, and I’m a little of all those things and more. That’s the beauty of a path of growth, it can transcend and encompass many labels, because it’s not in one place. And that’s why I can’t wait to see Destin’s book in the marketplace – I want to see more men walking their path.  I want thousands of men to look in the mirror a few years from now and feel like I do now, that it’s come together.  We all deserve that.

"That Struggle Isn't Mine"

I had this powerful realization. I was reading something on Facebook and getting annoyed with what I saw as yet another false connection between "evolved people" and "not making money."  Then I just let it go. Something inside said it was time to stop arguing and just let them be. 

Then something else came up that gave me a sense of freedom "This struggle isn't mine." And woosh, the need to fight was gone. 

And wow, that's a powerful truth. That struggle isn't mine. I have my own calling and struggles that come with it, but most of the stuff that's been worrying me or urging me to fight, was never my struggle. 

So I don't have to worry. I don't have to care. I can just let it pass. And that feels really good. 

I'm getting more clarity on my calling. My Jedi training isn't so much for me to train Jedis, but to help heal and assist the suffering and help people find happiness. There is something profound in that calling - I'm not called to be a superhero and do profound feats, but to bring forth profound love as help people live happier lives. 

I'm not here to change the universe, but to change myself and in the process raise the vibration of many, even if it's just by a little. 

So I don't need to argue over what is "awakened," or argue politics, or worry about big things. That struggle isn't mine. I don't need to have imaginary battles with people who oppose me. That struggle isn't mine. 

I'm here to shine a light and brighten the lives of people, even just a little, and do this with pure and loving heart. I can do that. 

Message from the Universe: "You're Coaching Now!"

You know that moment when you’re sharing some advice – and you realize the advice is actually meant for you?

Yeah, I’m having that moment.

Someone shows up at my work, quite out of the blue, open to some coaching, and I was able to help her open up and feel happy again.  At the same time – right after I’d made reference to a previous coaching experience – that guy messages me to tell me how well things are going for him since then.

Wow.

And this was all in the middle of my going on about how I have done very little to develop my coaching practice on the business end. And it was after I’d spoken about how the universe will point you in the direction you are supposed to go, and if you don’t listen, will violently shove you in that direction.

And then the light goes on.  Okay, this was my tap on the shoulder.

And I can also see where my blocks are.  I love helping people, but somewhere inside I feel like I’m indebted to the universe, so I shouldn’t be setting up a business and doing a lot of intake.  What nonsense.  I’m giving away value left and right – and that does feel good, it feels rewarding.  But it’s imbalanced.  Of course I should be seeking a fair exchange, that’s only appropriate.  And that’s how I can best serve.

And the message I’m getting is, it’s time to take that step. 

It’s time to create the robust coaching practice, to really sell myself.  Maybe even time to revisit the spiritual/ self-help book that’s been in the back of my mind and bring that to life. It’s time to put the petal to the metal and bring Destin’s book all the way to the finish line.  It’s time to bring everything together.

The other block is that this endeavor fell flat last time. But I was in a much different place then.  I wasn’t holding my own identity as a coach, I was forcing it, and I was missing some life experience steps.  Even then, though, I was helping people.  I realize that “business failure” was associated with a very bad time in my life, but that’s all gone now. 

So it’s happening now, ready or not.  And… I’m ready.  I’m coaching now.

From Metatron: No, All People Are Not Basically Good

The past six months has been a tremendous period of resolution and clarity.  And it’s led to some values conflicts.  It’s become clear that Dad was right in some respects – not everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. 

A couple people I’ve had to let go completely this year – they proved themselves beyond any doubt to be completely toxic and untrustworthy toward me.  And this turned out to be a positive – I could cut them off completely energetically.  But I also had to face the part of me that gives people the benefit of the doubt and admit that approach is wrong. 

Some people can be good around me and toxic around others; some people can be good around others and hopelessly toxic around me; some people are all-around bad people; and some people are all-around good people. And as far as I’m concerned, the people who are hopelessly toxic around me and the people who are all-around bad people should be treated exactly the same. 

And this is actually a difficult realization to make.  Especially since I’m responsible for the initial schism.  But ultimately I’m not responsible for the ensuing choices they’ve made that have resulted in their becoming hopelessly toxic in my energy space (and quite possibly everywhere else in their lives as well).

I asked Metatron about this today. His answer:  “Seeing things with complete clarity means giving up sentimental attachments to certain values concepts.  ‘All people are basically good’ is a distortion, and one that was created out of self-interest. From an extended time frame, this concept begins to more closely correlate with reality, but even when extended out infinitely through time is still a distortion.

“Over the span of a lifetime, this notion is far from truth; over less than that span, the notion is patently false.  In this present moment, which is the only moment that matters, there are thousands of people on just your own planet who are considerably more evil than good.  Their lives are inherently valuable, but their efforts have been a tremendous disservice. 

“It is not your job to concern yourself with saving people who are being destructive.  It is your job to see clearly what is going on and take decisive action for the greater good.  This means letting go of the foolish notion that ‘all people are basically good’ and protecting yourself from people who are clearly not serving the greater good.

“As far as your own guilt, that is your distortion and delusion.  Nobody makes somebody into a destructive force.  That concept is actually a mind control method to ensure the person acting in a destructive manner remains a destructive force.  The moment one releases responsibility for their condition, they lose their ability to change their condition.  Assuming false responsibility for others in the form of guilt only completes the circuit and ensures both parties remain in a destructive energetic cycle.  You can look around and see the destruction such a circuit is causing in the world.

“The appropriate response then is to recognize the destructive energy, remove any connection with it, and seal off completely.  Don’t engage with it.  Everyone has their journey.  You had your periods when your energy was very destructive, and you moved through those periods.  You have to disengage to allow others to do the same.

“Look at everyone and everything as it is, not as you wish it were.  Look at your energy, thoughts, and actions as they are, tend to your own blocks and distortions. Look at the energy and actions of others and engage or disengage as appropriate.  Do not judge nor justify, simply notice and act decisively.

“Things will begin moving much more quickly and you are being called upon to decide and act.  The time for idealism, sentimental attachments, guilt, fear and self-pity is long past.  You need to grow up and assume your full responsibility.  That means full disengagement from destructive energies in your thoughts, actions and energy, and full disengagement from any notions that would encourage you to maintain connection at any level. 

“Hold the greater good in your heart at all times.  Decide, act, and keep moving.  Follow your heart and let everything else go.”

Energetic Powers Through Action

As Etienne says, this is the time when enlightenment comes from action, instead of the other way around.  I’m at a point where I’m doing things that I don’t understand on an intellectual level – which seems to be working out quite nicely, actually.

Take this new way of attuning objects – petrifying them, then reactivating them and reseeding with Lemurian seed crystals. All I did was hear about the idea and then played with it on my own and I’m having amazing results. But I have no way of explaining how I’m doing it – it’s either one of the “golden egg” powers the Avians gave me, or the archetypes are doing the work on my command.  But something is definitely happening, and it’s very big.

 These are now insanely attuned.  The difference is amazing.

 Then these – again, huge vibrational shifts.  The blue one (top right) – there’s a white “crack” in it on the left hand side that runs around the stone.  It was barely there before I reactivated and reseeded it and as I reactivated it I could see the line getting wider and more visible, it actually changed the physical structure of the crystal.  (You can clearly see the white line in the picture.)

I tried this on a large citrine quartz crystal at home and the internal structure also shifted. 

But again, it’s not like I’m doing anything special – I’m not doing any special ritual or mantras or anything esoteric, it’s all on another level beyond my rational comprehension.  And it feels really good playing on that plane.

So does this have any other applications, apart from making rocks vibrate at higher frequencies?  Well yes, actually. I used it to dissolve and reintegrate some unhealthy thought patterns, and there’s a lot more spaciousness and clarity in my mind now.  So yes, it has practical implications.  And I haven’t meditated with the new improved crystals, so I’m sure there’s much more.

Getting resolution on my wife’s visa is a HUGE burden lifted.  Then getting her Social Security card, just… yes.  It feels like that energy is some ways was “petrified” and now it’s reactivated. There’s a lot more flow.  And she can have a normal life now!

Subconsciously I’d been putting a lot of things on hold until this was fully resolved – that worry the rug was going to get pulled out from under me.  Now everything’s good and the energy is flowing again.  So the “getting Tee Rak settled in the US” phase is now officially over.  She’s here, she’s staying, things are good.  We have a very nice family life and I can reintegrate that energy into other endeavors.  It’s the demarcation point for the next phase of my journey.

Blocks Dissolving, "Petrified Energy" and the Even More Ridiculously Attuned Singing Bowl

Etienne applied a new technique to attune my singing bowl.  First he “petrified” the energy, as you can see here.

The energy won’t calibrate.  It has an effect on the other items on my altar, as the items were in resonance with each other, so now the collective energy felt off, like something was missing. 

Then he brought the energy back, turning it into Lemurian Seed Crystal.  I could feel the energetic shift through the room, huge shift.  Now the frequency is in the trillions. 

I tried playing with this a little myself.  Obviously not the same level, but I could feel the energy “freeze,” and then much more clear when I “unfreeze” the energy. 

Here’s a few crystals I’ve attuned before.  The two on the left were re-attuned with the new process.  The one on the right is the “old” highly-attuned.  There’s definitely a difference now in the energy (the three were all about the same before I played with the first two.

These two I did the same thing and then turned them into “rain” energy.  And now my office at work is flooded with the energy.  I’m clearly on to something here, but need to be careful.  And I’m nowhere near Etienne’s level, but clearly doing something significant with the energy.

All at once the blockages lifted.  My wife received her green card yesterday, got her Social Security card application approval today, all the things that had been blocking us for over a year are gone now.  Internal blocks dissolving as well, I’ve finally moved through some old fears and anxiety patterns and found peace and confidence.

Over the past weekend I had the chance to face some familiar fears, that “panic” that used to come up in certain situations, the unresolved past issues coming to the surface.  I felt those feelings and moved right through them, no problem. It reminded me a little of my experience in the float chamber – I felt a little panic at first, because I expected to.  Once I actually got into the moment, the panic left and that was the end of it.  Years of anxiety and panic patterns just dissolved like that.

I’ll be interested to meditate with the new energy of the singing bowl, and play more with the energetic attunement of some of my crystals.  Especially in light of my recent awakenings and the removal of some big energetic blocks.  There are a lot of energetic openings now and things are just different.  Really different. 

 

Into The Flow

Life is AWESOME!  I mean really awesome!

This week I faced some long-standing blocks and released them, opened up all this energy and today I’m at the end of the week and it’s just – fuck yah, life is fucking AWESOME!!

Knocked out twenty-plus pages for Destin, and a big chunk of my own book.  This is what happens when blocks dissolve.  And it’s like this everywhere, everything is freed up and flowing.  It’s SO good!!

And it doesn’t mean life is just all feel-good, it’s that the whole energetic container is getting bigger, there’s more energy, more power, more grounding, more flow.  I see the bullshit blocks in a whole new light, I can let go of ALL those blocks, and it feels SO good to be free from my own unnecessary worry and energy blocks. 

It’s why I do all this work – to clear up the blocks, open up the container, receive and produce, massively produce.  And yes, it’s fucking great when I have this FLOW.  I love to produce and create, but I have spent so much of my time and energy fighting through these blocks and just getting by, not having the energy to create and wondering if maybe I was wrong about my calling.  Then the blocks finally dissolve and I’m in my creation flow and – YES!  I’m home again!

During that long period of block, I would hold the image of myself in some beautiful environment, writing and creating, but my pleasure would come from the beauty and the relaxation, not the flow.  Here in that flow, it doesn’t matter where I am, the energy, the creation – that’s the pleasure.  I don’t know how I kept going when I was disconnected from this – paddling to keep my head above water and knowing it would get better someday.  But I did.  And I will again when I have those periods of resistance. 

And that is something particularly empowering – knowing I can keep my head above water during the down periods, knowing I’ll get through those blocks and flow again, it’ll be okay.  I’m very excited about this phase in my life and I expect it will impact this blog as well.  I’m feeling more focused and inspired in my writing and expression than I have in a very long time.  I’m emerging form the slog into a much more open place. 

Veil Lifting, Energy Expanding, Blocks Dissloving

The veil is dissolving. In fact it's almost entirely gone now. You can read some details from Etienne here:
https://www.spiritualselftransformation.com/blog/spiritual-transformation/consciousness-shift/the-removal-of-the-veil/

What does this mean?  It means a major infusion of awakening energy, which is going to create powerful shifts on a global level.  In fact we're already seeing many, not all good.  The shifts can be chaotic, painful, annoying, deadly, or incredible - or a combination of these things.

Take my personal "veil-lifting story."  I've gained massive attuning energy and energetic healing powers, but have had to move quickly and painfully through some long-standing energetic blocks that I was very attached to.  Here's a quick memo of what's been going on:

The veil is lifting and it’s bringing big movements into my life – huge movements.

The biggest one is that my wife’s visa has finally been approved today, and she’ll get her green card.  That’s a HUGE block that’s now out of the way.  Even though this was a foregone conclusion from the beginning, we were stuck in a holding pattern until it was officially resolved.  Now we can travel internationally, she can work and we can move forward with our lives.

On a smaller scale the last of my tax returns was approved and the refund deposited.  Also today.

And MASSIVE creation on both Destin’s book and my fiction, all week. 

All this on top of my removal of a HUGE internal block and attachment I didn’t even know was there, that was finally resolved by standing up for myself and fully asserting my boundaries. 

And another block in connection that was lifted with ease, also today.  This one seems to be the icing on the cake of what has become a complete reinvention of an essential aspect of my life.  It’s clear looking at it now that the issues I was having were because I was transitioning from one reality to another and there was too much of the “old energy” attached to the connection.  Now it’s from this clean place and there is all this spaciousness and none of the ego issues.  Wow, night and day!

Throw in the powerful coaching session I created this past weekend and that’s a lot of breakthroughs.

Everything I’m seeing in my reality is confirming Metatron’s message – living in clarity, free from distortions, is a powerful reality beyond the limits of what I thought was possible.  Because what I thought was possible was the distortion.  My distortions have been negative and self-imposed.  And that negative reality was so strong at one point I was literally training people to go along with it. 

So yes, I created all the problems in my life.  And I created a whole lot of imaginary problems to go on top.  And then I’d worry about thing that weren’t there.  That’s a lot of distortion.  And the shadows of that distortion are still out there – the critics, the haterz, all a product of my own distortions.

When I choose to take of the lens, the power is limitless.  And it’s an adjustment, there’s actually a lot of stress in choosing freedom and personal power.  I’ve been very attached to that disempowering distortion.  And at the same time there is some reassurance – it was never the world against me, it was always me against myself. The haterz are a reflection of my own self-loathing.  Everything that’s happened I’ve brought upon myself – which means when I stop attacking myself, it goes away. 

Now I feel the awakening energy pouring in…. mmmm…. Powerful. 

But throughout this period, I was experiencing tremendous stress, sleepless nights, massive worry and psychic trauma.  Because, even with all the work I've done, I've been carrying incredible resistance and attachment to lower vibrations, particularly anger, worry, fear and pride (shame, embarrassment, right-fighting).  It took everything I've done and all that energy and trauma to finally "pop the cork" and let all that crap go.

The part about me realizing the enemy was always within - I fought this for YEARS. I literally created my enemies to give me an excuse to hold onto these attachments.  And I suffered mightily in finally getting past it. And if I'm going through that kind of trauma, imagine what others will face.

So I'm in a great place.  My energy is elevating, I'm elevating the energy of people all around me in ways I didn't know I could before.  I let go of all that internal shit and feel great.  But anyone who tells you this transition is all sweetness and light and we'll all be holding hands and singing folk music in the sunshine is delusional.  This is not a fun period for humanity, and it'll get much worse before it gets better.

Yes, I'm thrilled my blocks are disappearing.  But that just means more work ahead.  Because the world is going to need a LOT of help.

Updates From the Lifting of the Energetic Veil

 

The energy coming off this is so strong and clean.  I picked up this bracelet in Thai Town Saturday and attuned it over the weekend.  I wonder if the lifting of the veil is causing crystals to activate at even higher vibrations. All my crystals are vibrating very, very high. 

I’m told jade is my stone, compatible with my birthday.  The energy is definitely good now with the bracelet.  And these stones are “raining energy” – reactivated them.  It’s a lot of strong energy.

I had a very powerful coaching session with a client, guiding him through an energetic cord-cutting meditation Sunday.  It was a great session for him, and impactful for me as well – I experienced many energetic shifts from the coaching experience as the coach.

His issue was cutting the energetic cords with his mom, which is an issue for all men it seems.  It’s a challenging aspect of our work as men, so I’m glad I can do my part to help. 

This happened at the same time I was in the middle of massive creative output for Destin’s book as well as my fiction book.  A lot going on. 

Meanwhile, my energy has been calling me to “stand my ground” and assert my boundaries.  This has led me through some stressful days and feelings of anger and anxiety, but it was long overdue. I’m standing up to the big “bully’ in my life – who really isn’t a bully, but someone I’ve given away my power to again and again.  With this energy elevation, my higher self is having none of that and demanding firm boundaries and respect for my space and expression.

Going through that has felt stressful.  My system is very unaccustomed to this kind of setting and sitting in firm boundaries, as opposed to being reactive and accommodating.  But every time my habits would pull me toward compromise, my higher self would insist on asserting myself.  And in the end it felt good.  Yes, very stressful going through it, and I’m sure the conflict isn’t over, but this is right.  I feel good about myself in a way I haven’t, I’ve released a huge energetic block.  And I’ve kept the jerk in my life from dumping her baggage into my energetic space. 

I have to trust this process – my energy is elevating at a rapid rate, but it looks different than other people, because my blocks and challenges are different.  But look at the weekend – highest energetic attunement powers ever, incredible energy and coaching experience, MASSIVE creative output in a short period of time, and removing a very large and stubborn block in my energy.

That’s a REALLY good weekend!

Yes, it came with energy-induced sleep issues, some stress going against the grain of my patterns, and it didn’t “feel good.”  I’m fatigued, dizzy, unsettled in my energy.  And it’s an insanely powerful experience!  Awakening isn’t supposed to “feel good,” it’s supposed to do good.  And this is doing a whole lot of good.  I’m moving powerfully toward truth, expression and freedom and away from unhealthy patterns. 

That’s a sign that the veil is lifting.  Feeling lightness and happiness while my world stays stuck in the same patterns is not movement, it’s energetic masturbation.  It’s the escapism that plagues the New Age community. Change is tough.  Choosing freedom and full expression of truth is not easy.  That’s the whole point – if it was easy we wouldn’t need higher vibrations of energy to get there, everyone would just do it and world would be great.  Obviously we’re not there, and the faster I can move along my path the more I can do to help in the transition.

Re Worry and Anger

Okay I see what's going on. The veil is lifting and my energetic system is struggling with the energy. The sudden raising of vibration to massive heights is causing an overload and the worry/ anger pattern is an attempt to diffuse the energy, to moderate the transition. 

And it sucks! I hate worrying and being angry. But once I realize it's not the story I though it was I can deal with it and resume my energetic growth. 

Refocusing and Anchoring to Dissolve Blocks

Stories have limited value.  I truly believe we, and I place myself right there in that group, spend far too much time chasing our stories about why we’re doing or feeling this or that.  Somehow we believe if we just understand and value our story enough, it’ll change.

Except it never does.  In fact, that process just entrenches the story even deeper.

At some point we need to decide what’s more important – our attachment to our story or our commitment to growth.

Etienne Charland goes over this very “high-level,” and I think he has a hard time understanding the practical psychic element most of us have to go through in order to remove those energetic blocks and be more effective.  He’s able to resolve a lot energetically (or he just never experienced those things, so it never came up for him), so many may feel left behind – they can’t just “undo” everything energetically and poof-no more problems.

Sometimes we can.  More often we need more practical steps to get through the transition. 

It’s a matter of shifting the story.  Where our attention goes, our energy flows.  So if we keep engaging with the block, nothing will change.  But if we shift focus, we can eliminate the block and then the energy flows freely.

I’ve had some blocks over the past few years that manifest in different ways – worry, irritation, etc.  There are stories, but again, at some point one has to decide if they want to live in stories of live their truth.  Because you can’t do both.

So take a step back.  The story is the excuse for the unhelpful energetic pattern.  It may feel real, but it’s just story.  So disengage and see it for what it is.

Then refocus.  Deep breathing, connecting to earth.  And conscious connection to something else. I have a few periods I can go back to – the recent feeling of freedom during my vacation, recent energetic work with Etienne, times in Thailand, and this period in 2012 right after doing some deep work with Destin.  So anchor those all in, that’s the reconnect. 

Anchor – go back and actually feel the sensations during those high points.  Then hear a sound, visualize a picture and create a touch anchor.  Keep doing this until you can fire the anchor and access the feeling.  Keep going back until the anchor is strong. 

Then every time the old pattern begins, catch yourself and fire the anchor.  After time you’ll catch it earlier and earlier in the pattern until the feeling replaces the old pattern.  This can be used with energetic alchemy to zap the bad energy and create a new framework, so they can work in conjunction. 

A couple things:  this requires a certain amount of patience and self-acceptance.  You have to accept that you have these imperfect patterns.  Then you have to be patient enough to allow the change to happen, because it can take time.  I don’t believe energy work and more “practical” pattern changes have to be mutually exclusive.  In fact they work well together and enhance each other. 

Thoughts After a Week in the Wilderness (And a Flat Tire)

Another day post-vacation and integrating everything, clearing out my work inbox, getting things set straight, now relaxing at the tire shop.

Yes, after a treacherous drive up and down the mountain I popped a tire picking up pizza three blocks from home.  That’s neither good nor bad luck, it just is.  It’s an opportunity for greater presence.

This has been an amazing integration.  I feel all the old BS stripping away.  But man, my ego was holding onto that crap tightly.  And still is.

The value of being highly opinionated, which I have clearly held, appears to be a reflection of a distortion of low self-esteem in some aspect.  Perhaps the value of opinions is a defense against being gullible.  If I hold onto preset opinions that are mine, then I can’t be fooled.  Obviously this is a losing strategy.

And really my opinions serve me little. Opinions and preferences have caused me tremendous stress as well as conflict and social disconnection.

As I integrate my powers and clear out the internal distortions, a new truth emerges that is higher than my opinions and ego.  I can move through many opinions and feel strong and solid in who I am and what I’m doing.

Ego-based “rightness,” however logically and factually sound, is still ultimately a limiting belief.  It is a need for the ego to receive recognition and validation from others. And that validation is fleeting.  Once the ego feels validated, the disconnection returns and the cycle of needing validation resumes.

This isn’t to say “don’t hold opinions and preferences,” as that’s not possible and leads to other ego-based issues (“look at me I’m so unattached to preferences, so fucking indifferent”).  It is about placing value on higher truth.  In this case, my higher truth means consciously letting go of the value I’ve placed on opinions and preferences that are not serving my higher truth. 

This may seem like a faint distinction or a half-measure.  But it’s very clear and strong when it’s embodied.  I’m returning from my vacation and looking at all the opinions that brought up emotional reaction.  Instead of acting on the opinion, this is an opportunity to inquire about the emotional reaction and engage in deeper healing.

Now, this is not a simple process.  I’m aware that my brain is addicted to the emotional chemicals.  My worrying is very disruptive but also creates chemicals my brain likes and wants more of.  Anger is addictive.  The “gambling hormones” are addictive.

But here’s the thing – a lot of my patterns are compensating.  This is the great thing about looking at everything in my life from this “new me,” I’m looking at every pattern in the moment and looking at it against my “true self.” I’ve done this throughout my journey, so for the past 6-7 years since I began in earnest.

What’s different now?  There isn’t a conflict between “what I want” and “what’s my higher truth.”  Instead there’s an awareness and an INSTANT shift.  I notice the emotional pattern, notice the disconnect with the truth, and I lose all interest in that pattern I used to hold onto with everything I had. That’s how I know I’ve changed. 

Even things like – “I popped my tire – this is bad luck.  No wait, it’s good luck.  No wait, that’s me assigning meaning to an event.  It just is.  Now what am I going to do about it?”  Poof, emotional pattern – GONE. 

I used to make meanings and then integrate them into my work – this happened, that means something about my work.  That’s gone too.  I can separate energetic events from confirmation bias.

I had written this before, but I keep coming back to it because it’s going to color the way I set up my “Thailand spiritual retreat.”  On this trip, I was doing something I love with the people I care about, free from other distractions and radiating with the energetic activation.  This formula created the complete shift. 

This is the experience I want to give people who visit my sanctuary, when I am able to bring that into the world.  I want them to have that energetic and physical experience that leaves them truly observing their ego and able to make the real changes in their lives going forward.  To activate and embrace their energetic power, releasing the ego blocks in the way. 

I want to create an experience where people are free from the lives they had before they arrived, yet enjoy a level of comfort and pleasure that makes the Thailand spiritual retreat enjoyable, instead of feeling like a painful sacrifice.

I want to bring this element into my coaching as well – find a way to strip out the life that’s going on to discover what is truly important.

There is a small circle of people that truly matter to me.  And there is a small circle of things that are truly important.  The rest is either a means to that end (making money, for example) or unnecessary distraction, attachment or distortion.

And literally everything I’m worrying about, that’s been keeping me up at night, falls into the “not important” column.  So it’s a matter of shifting my focus to what is important and moving my attention back there whenever I feel myself pulling away into worry.  And it’s often worry about what people think of me – people whom at my heart I don’t care about in the slightest.  And now I can stop worrying and let go.

Not that this will automatically happen, but the training process is in place, moving my attention to what it important and away from what isn’t.  And it comes at the time when I’ve massively expanded my energy.  And it’s at a time when I’m ready to create a new me and let go of the old unhelpful energies and thought patterns, so this is good.

And again, it comes down to the simple question – is this thing important and relevant to me?  And if not, what is that would be a better use of my attention and energy?  Which brings me back to the tire shop, and this – reflecting and integrating the lessons instead of trying to find meaning in a flat tire or getting worked up over cost, inconvenience, or the people yelling at each other on the news channel on the waiting room TV.

"Raining" Crystal Energy

I've learned a new way from Etienne to make the crystal energy more powerful. I took the crystal energy, liquified it, then heated it into steam which then become clouds that rain the energy down. 

After doing it with these crystals, they're now much lighter and the energy flows through the room more completely. Very cool technique.