General Update: Clearing Energy, and the Death of the California Spiritual Community

Energies are moving much more quickly around me and things are becoming much more clear in my field. 

I’ve been going through a period of cutting out people in my social media who are afflicted with spiritual rot.  It seems recent events have made identifying these people much easier. And also my current energy state is making it easier to let them go, to stop justifying keeping them around.

One of my voices against doing this kept saying I’d be bored, that I’d invested so much in these spiritual endeavors and people, now I’m throwing it away.  But actually, throwing away the crap has saved my spiritual practice.  It’s not polluted as much with BS.  And if it means my social media becomes devoid of all but a small handful of spiritual people, all the better. 

Not spending time (or not spending nearly as much time, anyhow) on social media has actually opened up my energy.  No surprise, I’m more productive at work, and actually finding more things to do with my time.  Turns out social media and the “stuff” promoted by the toxic spirituality crowd wasn’t taking up idle time, it was crowding out a whole lot of other things I hadn’t even thought about because I lacked the time and energy to work on them – the time I voluntarily gave up to engage in the other bullshit.

Cutting out the energetic garbage actually leads to less boredom and more focused effort.  Unfriending non-friends actually creates space for real friendship.  I end up not missing these people or things.

The “boredom” and “urge to be doing something” is tough to move through.  On the other side is sadness. Unprocessed hurt is driving the distraction.  But it’s only by going through the desire to distract myself that I can finally process this pain and sadness.

There’s sadness and regret and guilt.  And it’s not overwhelming or scary.  In fact it’s easy to process and heal.  And then I sleep much better.

The energies in California have aligned with Source, but unfortunately the overwhelming majority of people in CA who consider themselves spiritual or evolved are being cut off from this energetic shift.  For them it’ll be separation and death.  It’s the way it has to be, I’ve come to accept it.  People really don’t change for the most part. 

Oh these people will still be around – making noise, spouting hippie BS, imagining themselves connected to Source, but spiritually they are dying.  And eventually their physical bodies will die too.  We’re already seeing this, many people in the so-called “spiritual community” in CA are dropping like flies.  People will blame it on depression, or drugs, or misfortune, but it’s the end game of the energetic shift.

I’ve seen so many people who supposedly eat well, exercise regularly and everything else, yet their energy is regularly in the “dangerously low” zone.  People outside of the “spiritual community” don’t really talk about adrenal fatigue, but every other person in the “spiritual community” suffers from this while in the general population it’s a rare affliction.  It’s going to get worse.  And then the entire community as it is structured will collapse and die.

But again, as for me, things getting better and better.  And the message I’m getting is to keep going into the light and cut away the dead branches.  There’s nothing to do now but cut the dying energy away and focus on expanding my own life and energetic practice. 

Self-Inquiry and Where I Go From Here

My energy has clearly opened up over the past two months, and opened at another level this last week.  For the past 4 ½ years, my energy has been moving forward but weighed down a lot. Over the past couple months, and accelerating this month, a lot of that weight is lifted and the energy is much more free, to the point where I have space to process and repurpose things from my “bad energy” past into my present.  I was sitting on a lot of stuff and didn’t want to even look at it.  Now I can use it or finally get rid of it.

And this freedom also means I don’t have to hold onto things that were beneficial but maybe outlived their usefulness, or have turned rotten on their own and need to be eliminated. 

I was looking at pictures of myself from twenty years ago, and it was a time when my energy was high but also misdirected and there was a lot of negative energy in my field I wasn’t clearing out. And I looked older than I do now.  I had fuller, darker hair, but I was overweight and had the look of someone who was ageing too rapidly on the inside.  Energetically I’ve actually reversed the ageing process.

So what am I doing now with this expanded energy?  I’m back to actually doing alchemy instead of hunkering down.  I’m engaged in Natural Grounding.  I’ve finally made the decision to end my work with Destin and his group and refocus my energy toward positive, productive things in my own life and area of impact. I’m more active with my family and career than I’ve ever been. 

And now I’m feeling a calling to find outlets for my energy.  The time for slowing down and doing nothing is coming to a close and I’m being called to move forward. But in what direction and in what way is not clear.

I feel called in many different directions, and feel resistance in all of those directions.  So there’s still processing going on.

One thing I’ve noticed is coaching keeps calling me in and I truly enjoy my work when helping people find happier and more fulfilling lives and clearing out their limiting BS.  It feels good, and the universe keeps handing me clients.

But I’m torn.  I don’t sense this is a profession, more a calling to serve.  I have a great job that pays well and there’s no reason to change careers.  I could maybe add this as a second gig on the side, but I feel zero calling to build a practice.

Furthermore, I don’t like what I see out there in the “evolutionary coaching” scene.  My Facebook is full of hippies contributing nothing of value to the world who hold themselves out as “personal coaches,” basically to avoid taking responsibility for their lives.  All these losers living the same “life purpose,” and not one of them actually making an honest living from it.  It’s escapism. 

To go on my soap box a little – a coach who doesn’t have his basic shit handled – job, paying bills, taking care of his family and being a responsible member of society – CANNOT coach.  If you suck at the very basic aspect of living, you are a life FAILURE, not a life COACH.  Duh. Yet I can count over a dozen people on my Facebook alone who are broke, pathetic LOSERS who claim they’re rejecting conformity by refusing to be responsible people and instead “living their purpose” – which coincidentally is ALWAYS “life coaching.”

As they say, those who can’t do, coach.  So if you suck ass at life, then by that logic your calling must be to coach others to be successful at life, right?  Bullshit.

In every one of these cases, my life is MUCH better than theirs.  These people holding themselves out as coaches are basically sponges of society.  In at least three cases, the “coach” has his or her kids taken away or supervised by the government for failure at basic parenting.  In a dozen others, they can’t pay their own rent.  They can pontificate – boy, they’re good at blathering on and on and on (yah, they got the resources to fund their pot habit, obviously).  They all claim to be legendary in bed (yet none of them is very good at actually maintaining a relationship, so one has to question how truly ‘irresistible’ these supposedly awesome lovers truly are), and more than willing to share their knowledge (which in every case is just more pot-inspired verbal diarrhea of zero value).

So basically we’re talking about a bunch of losers with overinflated senses of self-worth using “coaching” as a means of propping up their fragile egos to help them forget that their lives are basically total shit.  So no, I have no interest whatsoever in being associated in any way with that cohort.  I am proud of my success in life.  I’m not perfect by any means, but next to these people…?

And those that are “successful” are almost all total bottom-feeders, basically leeching off of people with low self-esteem.  They’re charlatans. I’ve seen all kinds of deception and outright theft of product among people who claim to teach “integrity,” and it’s disgusting.  Even the very few that are good coaches and ethical tend to play to the lowest common denominator – they’ve sharpened the marketing saw but their coaching product is bland and uninspiring.

So I don’t want to be energetically associated with the evolutionary coaching fad as it is currently structured.  And at the same time I keep getting called to serve and doing a good job at helping people in my own way.  I have a lot of skills and experience to offer, without wallowing in failure or using drugs for inspiration.  My resistance is I don’t want to be “one of them.”  So I won’t.

Then there’s the writing.  Writing is always a part of my expression, but I’m sure there’s more.  What would I be offering that’s distinct and value-added amidst a sea of charlatans, flakes and incompetents? What would I be offering that actually would inspire me to put energy into that endeavor and work on my craft?

One of the things I’ve observed about myself in my communication is that I tend to overstate the positive in my progress and minimize anything that’s not going well. This isn’t conscious, it’s more that I really want things I’m doing to “work,” and also mistakes and areas of improvement sounds like drudgery and work.  With the energies opening up, I can look more honestly and put more conscious attention on things I want to improve. 

So here’s my current list:

Focus:

1.       Eliminate overthinking and worry by focusing and refocusing on the present moment

2.       Connect to stillness – continue and expand practice

3.       Focus on healing and releasing all shame, guilt, embarrassment, and negative beliefs

4.       Expand the container of unflappability – notice where things are getting under my skin and consciously expand my capacity to hold space for these things

5.       Expand into those areas I want to go but hold back out of fear of the “energy spikes.” 

6.       Discover what things I want to do and do them.

7.       Get a full night’s sleep every night

8.       Lose 10 pounds

It’s a fine line between discussing areas of personal improvement and whining about my problems.  I hate whiners.  And I’m sure my undersharing of my areas that I seek to improve is a result of that disdain. But it’s not whining if you’re doing something about it, it’s reflection. And it’s important. What’s the point of an anonymous blog if I’m not going to utilize it to explore those less-than-perfect aspects of myself?

Clearing Out Junk -- Consciously

I'd never be this person, but some days my "stuff" feels like this.

 

For someone who spends a lot of time working on clearing my space, clearing my energy and getting rid of things, I seem to have a lot of stuff. Every time I go through it I end up throwing bags and bags away and still have too much stuff. 

There’s all kinds of unprocessed stuff.  Every time I look through my papers and such I think “why did I keep this?”  This go around I tossed out a bunch of crap “self-help” books like “Non-Violent Communication,” “The Way of the Superior Man” and “The Power of Now.”  And all kinds of junk letters and cards that don’t serve me.  It’s good that I clear stuff out, but why do I keep these things?  Old clothes I didn’t even know I still had, stuff I never use but for some reason feel like I need to keep.  Then I throw it out.

I only have room for a limited amount of stuff in my life.  For some reason I keep more than I know I have room for, in the hopes that maybe I’ll have space for it again someday.  Occasionally I’ll repurpose the old stuff, but most of the time it just festers, taking up space, until I throw it out. 

In a few cases I feel bad.  A well-intentioned gift that I simply cannot use that I carry from place to place.  Or a poor spending choice that I never derived value from but hope I can someday. Or something that had personal value when I decided to save it and since lost its value, and maybe I don’t want to admit it no longer holds value, as if admitting so would dishonor a part of my past. 

The festering junk I hold onto takes a toll.  I thought I did a really good job of keeping the energy in my living area clean, but I realize I still have too much junk.  And after throwing out boxes of stuff, still too much.  I’ll need another round of throwaway.  Especially clothes, but everything. 

As I reflect on this, I realize my inability to admit I made a mistake on a purchase, or that my lifestyle has changed, really sets me back energetically.  The stuff I keep around because of “denial” is an energetic anchor.  I have a motto – “when it doubt, throw it out.”  But I need to really put this into practice, because my ongoing process as been more like “if there’s a doubt, don’t throw it out.” 

But it’s been years of a kayak staying somewhere not where I can use it.  And that won’t change anytime soon.  So – fuck it.  Like it or not I’m not kayaking.  Get rid of it.  A more proactive approach to keeping my space clear would be “use it or lose it.”  And this goes for everything I own.  Either I find a use for it or it finds the trash can and I learn to be more careful about my purchases in the future.  And personal effects, either scrapbook or scrap heap.  I have “sentimental” junk that means nothing and just keeps going on and on with me, and it’s stupid. 

Just this process of sitting down and reflecting has helped me clarify things on an energetic/ emotional level.  There’s a lot I’m ready to let go, a lot I’m ready to repurpose, and very little that I need, or even want, to keep.  Going through the stuff really helped and letting it go really opened up energy.

Because carrying stuff isn’t helpful.  Either I need to use and engage with the things I have or completely get rid of them. Better to keep just a few things and give those things great attention than to spread little to no attention over many things that serve me little or none. 

But it’s more than just blindly tossing things out.  It’s taking a moment to go through every item, reflect on it and make a conscious decision.  Some things are easy, others are logically easy but emotionally there are values conflicts that need to be resolved.  Others can be repurposed and it takes a little imagination.  And in some cases the process needs to be done several times, each time squeezing out more junk and bringing more value to everything else. 

Doing this is a very dynamic process.  It brings life back to places of stale energy while freeing up space.  It’s also a good meditative/ reflective process – it gives me a chance to finally heal and resolve some old internal “stuff.”  And I’m sure there are ways to expand on this experience, transforming something I normally dread into a process I look forward to doing that brings me energy instead of draining me.

It’s interesting how a process that in the past has been a reflexive “don’t think about it and throw it away,” and something I would dread, is evolving into something that’s actually energetically uplifting.  That going through the old stuff can be a valuable energetic practice in and of itself.



Again My Intuition Is Right: It's a Cult

Sometimes you're too close to things to see the obvious truth in front of you, but my intuitive need to disassociate from someone and something that was feeling more and more like a cult was because - duh - it's a cult.

I worked with this guy for years and could see the warning signs, both in him and my reactions, but I ignored them.  Mostly because when I first met him he was an aspiring cult leader, and sucked at it.  But he was a pretty good cult FOLLOWER even from the beginning.

Now it's becoming clear as he steps into his power that he's manifesting his dreams of actually having a fucking cult.  And apparently he thinks this is fucking cool.

Ugh.  Glad to be done with that shit.

His weird new protégé who mimics his every tic (and fucking lives with him), his fascination with Osho and the Paradise rape cul-er, "ashram," the whole wanting to create his own motherfucking ashram.  Oh, and joining up with "Ethical Cult Building" which sells itself as a marketing training business but has all the creepy cult-fan imagery. 

Fuck that.  And fuck me for supporting that. Cults in any form are utter and complete bullshit and the people who lead them - or aspire to - are 100% fucked in the head.

I can't support this.  You've got to be fucking kidding me - this is mental illness in viral form. 

Fuck.  That.  Shit.