How Checking Out In Front of the TV Clarified My Views on Masculinity

 My current path has been moving strongly out of “hibernation” and into activity and major evolution.  It’s been a lot of internal and external changes, including getting more “buff” from the gym. 

And it’s led me to points where my system feels it’s “too much/too fast” and pushes back, insists that I take it easy.  And I listened – I’ll listen for a while anyhow, a little rest and chill is good. So I flipped on some streaming.

Tried “Principles of Pleasure” for about ten minutes.  The “intersectional” and trans agendas weren’t serving me at all, so I ditched it.  I found a documentary on the “Manosphere,” which seemed interesting.

It was disappointing.  Mostly because Louis Theroux decided to make it a documentary about Louis Theroux instead of actually looking into the phenomenon with real curiosity.  What kind of men are attracted to the “Manoshpere”?  He doesn’t seem to care, he just dismisses them. 

He discusses their message, but only so far as he can do a “gotcha.”  But what is their message, and what about it resonates with so many young men today?  He doesn’t know, he doesn’t care.  Great documentary, wanker.

When I watch these things, I look for the value – what about this can be of value and service to me?  What can align with or clarify my vision?  There are aspects of the “Manoshpere” the resonate – focus on physical fitness and strength training, placing  a high value on masculine power and leadership, however imperfect their interpretation might be. 

And they are successful. Yes, a lot of them are grifters and that’s a problem.  But Justin Waller is a legitimate successful businessman.  There’s no dismissing that.  They’ve done well in their own way.  And you can argue with their morals or model but you can’t argue with success. 

So there are some positive things there.  You don’t have to support OnlyFans or like their podcast model, or even agree with much of what they say to recognize there is real value.  And there is no denying they have a following.  And that following has some commonalities.

They have clearly tapped into a crisis of masculinity.  A lot of young men are lacking any kind of male leadership in their lives.  These are men who are raised mostly (or entirely) by their mothers.  They were taught in school almost entirely by women teachers.  Maybe in high school they got into a sport and found a good male coach and some older young men who could mentor, but they’ve spent most of their lives trying to figure it out on their own.

The problem with the “Manoshpere” is it substitutes real male mentorship with grift and easy answers.  It provides little if any foundational work.  It’s a bypass, which is very attractive to people who feel lost.  There are a lot of bypasses out there.  Some lost boys join Antifa.  Some lost boys subvert their masculinity in hopes the girls will like them and they’ll be accepted (on someone else’s terms).  Some lost boys join the “Manosphere” and develop angry, reactive patterns around women.

Getting back to the documentary, while the “bros” don’t provide a great model for masculinity, it’s better than the “soy boy” model Theroux offers.  And ten minutes of “listening to women” talk about their grievance agenda was my week’s quota of torture.

So, no, weak weenie “woke” men and feminist women are not part of the solution to the crisis of masculinity. The left has no answers, since it literally created the problem in the first place and is too stubborn and arrogant to do any soul-searching. (Plus its model is about controlling people, and personal sovereignty is their enemy.)

So, yes, the “bros” are very imperfect.  But “listening to women” is not going to connect men to their masculine core.  And listening to men who went down the “listening to women” path isn’t any better. (There’s a place for that listening, but after a man has connected to his masculine core and can relate to women from a place of strength and partnership.)

Some of the things the “bros” say is accurate.  Women have no interest in men being successful, in fact it goes against their interest.  In order for a man to find his masculine core and be successful as a man, he needs to separate from women and find his own identity, free from any influence of women. This is an essential aspect of developing into manhood.

“Go your own way?”  Not so much.  Men need community.  A gym is better than nothing, but there are alternatives.  Telling men to forge their path alone is cult/grifter messaging. It’s separating and isolating someone to take advantage. 

Raging against perceived systematic oppression (“the matrix”) is horseshit.  It’s as annoying when it’s leftist women or right-wing men and it serves nobody.

But while the pattern is unhealthy, there is an element of truth that, if followed, can lead to finding that masculine core.  And that’s learning to differentiate between external programming and your personal sovereignty.  Learning to undo all of those patterns and beliefs from society, from women, from soy boys, from the media, from grifters, and everyone else and learning to differentiate from “what is someone else’s voice” and “what is my own voice.”

Now that practice is gold.  That process will transform a confused man-boy into a real man, standing in his own power, who can relate to women and the world from a place of sovereignty. 

And this process isn’t about complaining about feminists or soy boys.  It’s about noticing.  It’s about getting quiet, instead of getting angry.  It’s about really listening – to yourself, to everyone around you.  It’s about learning to feel into yourself – not your emotional reactions, but you inner sense, to recognize who you really are.  To learn to separate the bullshit outside, and even more importantly the bullshit inside, from your core self and your truth.

When you begin to understand that both the “Manosphere” and its critics are both working to manipulate you for their own gains, and can develop the patience and humility to notice how you are being manipulated, and can work on healing those parts of yourself, then you’re on your way to being a true alpha. 

Pensacola Beach Sunset

The surf fishing on Sunday wasn't anything to write home about.  Nothing but June grass, not a single bite.  But the beach is beautiful and the sunset energy is amazing.

This is my home. I've spent a lot of money and effort to make it my home, and sometimes it feels like it's a waste or going nowhere.  But when I'm out here in my element, it makes sense.  Every time I come out I have to spend some time on the beach, no matter how the time of year or quality of fishing.  I need this energy.

And I need the Pensacola side.  Perdido Key is nice and good for fishing, but the water is murky and it lacks that emerald shine of the Pensacola side.  

Growing up in Southern California, it's taking me some time to get used to south-facing beaches.  Whether it's on the beach or on the kayak (and it's usually on the kayak), the sunsets are extraordinary.  The clean energy, the way the clouds shade the sun with gorgeous red, pink and orange hues, the nature all around, it's a special feeling.

This is my base, the foundation for my energy work and creative flow.  I bring this back with me to California until I can fully move out here and completely meld into this environment.

I have a gym here now - World Gym.  I love it.  It's a lot more laid-back than the UFC in Torrance, which is kind of a madhouse and way too loud, but a good place to lift.  I have a couple coffee shops I like, some areas I like to walk.  Fishing is no longer the foundation, it's something I do, along with other things and the days flow quickly and smoothly.

And this is the source of my current creative and energetic evolution.  The new novels, the emergence of Kaelen'Zur, the personal evolution, all sprung forth from here.  Which really is to say it sprung forth from my heart, my true center, because I chose this.  All of this. 

I finally, fully feel like my true self.  I am home.

An Open Heart Comes When You Stop Giving Away Your Power

 You want to feel a heart opening, a deep connection with humanity? 

Stop looking for it. Stop asking for it. Stop waiting for others to give you permission or approval. Stop giving yourself away in the hopes of an exchange. 

Stop giving away your power. 

Stop telling the world you’re not good enough by training the world to take your power before acknowledging your worth. Claim your sovereignty - not angrily and reactively, but out of genuine love for yourself. 

Know your worth. Feel your worth. Communicate that to the world and accept nothing less. Not out of entitlement, but just this is how it is. 

The world is not scary. People are not looking to reject you. Learn to recognize and avoid truly bad people and bad behavior (especially your own). After that, just know the world really doesn’t care about you the way you think it does. 

Which means you don’t have to live behind armor and masks. You can just be, it’s your birthright. Stop hiding and diffusing your energy behind incongruent wardrobes, nervous tics and habits that are only there to keep people away, and beliefs that just suck your energy and offer nothing. 

You don’t have to judge or assume things about people you don’t know or the world around you. You can let it be - good, bad or indifferent - it’s not going to take your power anymore. You stand on your own, and you can let everyone be. 

You don’t have to feel personally attacked when someone has a different opinion than you, or a different lifestyle. You don’t have to feel threatened, attacked, insulted or feel pity for others. You can let it all be and let yourself be. 

You don’t need to prove yourself or give away your power to be loved or feel attraction from the opposite sex. You don’t owe your employer more than your time, talents and effort. 

And when you stop giving away your power to a world that either isn’t asking for it or doesn’t deserve it, you can stop living in fear and anxiety. You can let your heart truly open and feel the experience around you. You can truly live from an open heart. 

The way we lived when we were children, before we were taught we weren’t good enough. 

Viewing the Machine that Controls Us

 

This morning I had conscious awareness of the various chemical and genetic programming going on that were driving my system and behavior and before written off as “magic.”  It’s not magic.  It’s a very precise and manipulative science.  Everything – the visual stimulation, the way my genetics would interact with my stories, my imagination, the chemicals and my body’s reaction – it’s all a very carefully-aligned programming.  And in those moments I had awareness of all of it, and just *that much* distance from them that I could see the control board and begin to consciously operate some of the switches.

This is my “red pill” moment.  I can now actually see how this programming has been running everything in my life to some extent.  The false scarcity mentality is a genetic bypass to compel me to reproduce and to bring forth a legacy.  The false survival instinct programming is designed to avoid risk and stick to the known programming.  Even the artificial self-image concepts were all to force certain behaviors, even if they weren’t consciously serving me or making me happy.  This programming doesn’t give a shit about my happiness or best interest, it serves something else entirely.

And once I saw it, once I saw that I can have even the slightest actual control over that programming, that changes everything. 

I feel nothing but empathy for my prior selves.  They acted as they were compelled to act.  I was programmed to believe in magic.  Now I know the truth, I don’t hate my old self, I feel so much more love and understanding for that old, badly manipulated self.

I don’t even hate the machine.  It was just doing its job, automatically.  Now I’m being given choice.

All the fears and worries about my job, finances, and all this other petty stuff feels so silly now, but only because I now have the key.  They can’t touch me now.  I have choice, even over my fears.  Which is good, because some fear is good and important, and that can get overwritten too, which can be deadly.  But most fear is just manipulative BS.

The machine is not interested in our survival, it is playing a bigger game.  We are each expendable.

Even my spiritual practice changes.  A lot was really chemical reactions. Not bad, some actually healthy.  But now conscious.  That accidental (was it accidental?) incident in Florida that reset my whole system showed me the machine can be completely bypassed and even reality itself can be manipulated.

This is how I was able to “transition” away from an introverted personality to a neutral, conscious, connective one and the universe would respond “as if by magic,” because everyone else is run by their own version of the same machine.

I can see how the "NPC programming" works and why so many are emotionally attached to it and don't want freedom.  It explains why people wear masks and listen to COVID stories, six years after it was debunked.  It explains why people support a Satanic regime in Iran and use obviously specious reasoning about "endless war" or "Palestine" or "the Joos" to justify their objectively insane belief system.  (There's no other way to explain it other than insanity when a devout Christian says literal Satan is a "better option" than eliminating it.  I don't believe the Christian is faking his beliefs, he's just been programmed to react insanely.)

It helps me see how other good people are being badly manipulated.  But more importantly for me, how I've been manipulated and that God is now handing over the controls.

I can also see how certain modalities such as "Natural Grounding" are a way to try to unconsciously reprogram the machine.  They can work - sort of - but it takes a long time and dedicated practice.  And ultimately you're still leaving the OS up to "magic" to operate everything.  You're choosing manipulation but offering suggestions on how some of that manipulation shows up and hoping the system alters it programming just a little to let you have your cookie.  Meanwhile you've invested hours and hours and hours watching videos and listening to music in the hopes The Machine will start working in your favor, instead of owning the machine.

And that person was me.  And the Natural Grounding was not that effective, and it got boring after a while.  Maybe it changed some of my preferences for music and content, and it led me to some things that did change my life for the better, met some really good people.  I look back on that version of myself with empathy. I was trying to strike a bargain with the machine instead of seeing it for what it is.  

There is a downside to this.  Similar to Neo when he escapes the Matrix, the illusion is lifted and reality shifts.  A lot of the "feel-good" patterns go away for good.  But you also realize how fake it all was.  It was brain chemistry and genetic patterns handed down by generation.  It worked, but it was always limited.  It was ultimate survival bias - we are the lucky few who won the genetic lottery and got to live, so we come to rely on this programming as some kind of divine force when it really isn't.  

We are who we are because are ancestors were who they were.  All the way through the existence of life up to us.  But adaptation is not wisdom.  Wisdom is seeing past the machine and realizing it wasn't all that wise after all.  In fact, in a lot of ways, it's a mess and needs major improvement.  

We can do better.  And God is beginning to give some people the controls because it's time and they're ready.  That is the evolution.

Iran Protests, Maduro, Energetic Changes and the Way Forward

 

I recall when that horrible agreement between the US and the Iranian terrorist regime was signed and we sent pallets of money to them.  That moment was a point of clarity. Energetically, it laid bare the Satanic workings in the “light worker/ evolution” communities.  There were these posts over on Ken Wilber’s “Integral” discussion group heralding this agreement as ushering in a new awakening.  A truly scary thought considering their allegiance.

I made a note of that at the time and was certain that was not a tipping point into Satanic control, but the moment of overreach by the Luciferian operators and that the energetic pendulum would swing back.

That was around ten years ago, which seems like ages considering all the changes since.  But it’s worth noting in light of the rapid transformations we are seeing over the past year, which were set up by energetic shifts that began ten years ago.

The Satanic Islam cult has been badly damaged and is on the retreat.  Hamas, Hezbollah, Syria and now Iran have all been severely weakened and their support structures have been severely damaged or destroyed.  The “partnership” with Satanic Islam has been completely destroyed, with one side out of power and discredited and the other severely damaged and being undermined by its own people.

In looking at the larger picture the Satanic/Luciferian forces have taken a severe blow.  Frauds have been exposed.  USAid and PBS have been decapitated.  Maduro was taken out in a lightning strike, as was Iran’s nuclear program.  Now Iranians are rising up in open revolt, with nothing but their bare hands and sheer numbers, against the Satanic Iranian regime.

Looking deeper into the spiritual and evolution communities, the collapse is even more profound. The whole Ken Wilber cult is almost entirely gone and the energies are nonexistent.  Most of the “evolutionary” communities that had their heyday in the 2010s are either gone entirely, splintered, or the leadership has fallen into disaster and largely walked away. 

The light worker community has seen a massive purification with the huge majority of people and leaders leaving and only the pure essence remaining in just a handful.  The false light matrix has been completely destroyed. 

The light workers who stood steadfast against lockdowns and vaccines (and there were few to begin with), most either absorbed into political partisanship or disengaged completely.  There are a few still around and they make up most of the remaining true light workers, a small number.

Information about the overstatement of world populations is beginning to emerge into the mainstream.  There is some debate as to whether the populations were deliberately overstated from the beginning (very possible) or if there was a significant depopulation that’s occurred recently.  I don’t claim to know the truth about this, except that a significantly smaller global population than what’s being reported would align with the other energetic changes and evolving awareness taking place.

Leaving that aside, the small but purified group is now the foundation for building and supporting the new energetic structures – liquid money, shiny black flame, the post-Satanic social structure.

It’s coming forth in visible and subtle ways.  Will the Satanic government of Iran fall now or later? The “when” matters as far as gauging timing and strength of the new energetic structure.  The “what” had already been set in motion.

And, of course, there will be pushback – those losing their power won’t go down without a fight, although their ability to fight has been diminished.

And others who used to be in the fight have defected. People like Tucker Carlson and Candace Owens have lost their way and opted for the quick Satanic buck over principles.  Don’t go down with them.

On my blog page I have the image of the monks who assembled in Bangkok, a beautiful energy.  The energy of the Iranian people rising up is similar, even stronger, as Thailand has struggled energetically for the past ten years.  Thailand used to be at the energetic forefront but that seems to be changing. 

In fact, the whole concept of plugging into or aligning with external sources of energy, such as images or videos, has run its course for now.  Natural Grounding, which was so effective for a while, has lost its way and many of the sources have become corrupted or no longer hold that power.

So where do we go?  Looking elsewhere for energetic alignment is not working anymore.  Focus instead on energetic purification, the shiny black flame and teal flame.  Put your energetic self in these flames and burn away the husk.  Focus attention here instead of external-source grounding, which was always problematic but even more so now. 

When engaging, avoid looking for “results.”  Focus on the purity of energy for its own sake.  External results will be misleading, especially given the chaotic situation going on as society goes through its own “husk burning.” In a pure state it’s easier to understand the changes taking place, accept them and notice your place in the structure.  At this point it’s mostly around cleansing, awareness and acceptance than “making things happen,” so put your energies here.

Avoid washed-out modalities like Natural Grounding and the “evolution” world.  Let your tribe come to you by cleansing your light and keeping it pure.  Avoid getting sucked into social media loops, doomscrolling, TikTok and other rabbit holes to nowhere that just absorb and corrupt energies.  Engage in some literal “spring cleaning” where you get rid of things that no longer serve you and are just baggage now – physical things in your home, computer files, web pages, habits, thoughts, personal programming.  The less baggage, the stronger and more pure the flame.

And practice patience.  That might be the most important part of all this, it takes time for cycles to shift and it’s a big universe that needs time to cycle.

On Zorhan the Retard and the Future of Human Evolution

This Zorhan guy in New York, who will likely be their next mayor, is about the closest thing energetically to Actual Hitler I’ve seen in the US, at least at that high of a level.

It’s strange to me the attraction of Communism.  It’s such an evil, destructive ideology that creates nothing but poverty, misery and death.  That’s been its legacy everywhere it’s been implemented, in all its forms.  And yes, Nazi is functionally and energetically indistinguishable from Communism, which is probably exactly why Hitler hated the Communists so much.

And yet here in the most prosperous country on Earth, at the highest point in Earth’s prosperity – precisely because of the innovation and abundance brought forth from worldwide capitalism – millions of people want to turn instead to absolute destruction, hopeless poverty, suffering and death. It boggles the mind.

Marxism is one of the worst mimic structures ever created by man.  Conceptually it’s badly aligned, but it claims to want some kind of equal shared flow in exchange for having every aspect of your life – including your right to even exist – controlled by some self-appointed rulers.  Energetically it is a complete, irrevocable death of money flow.  The only way out is to uproot the entire evil structure, kill it, and completely replace it, it’s incompatible with basic human life.

Communism at its best was stagnation, boredom, mediocrity, and just an endless grey.  Nothing would grow, nothing would change.  There were no inventions.  Technology was stuck pretty much wherever it was when Communism came on board, except for whatever they could steal from their capitalist neighbors.  Then it goes way downhill from there to the horrors of Stalin, Mao and Pol Pot, who in terms of numbers and magnitude of deaths, were actually more deadly than Hitler.

Since the fall of the Berlin Wall and the death of Bolshevik Communism, the world has seen prosperity like never before.  Extreme poverty is closer to elimination than ever. “Average” people have access to technology and comforts that even the wealthiest people couldn’t have dreamed of fifty years ago, and weren’t even a pipe dream in the Communist countries.

And yet, millions want to throw that away for guaranteed misery.  It seems to appeal mostly to NPC’s and people with serious boundary issues who want to control every aspect of everyone else’s life.  And New York City has a high NPC energy, there are a lot of “zombie followers,” basically rats scurrying around waiting for the Pied Piper.

About the only thing Communism even remotely gets right is pointing out the failures of the current economic system. But those failures are due to institutional and emotional kinks in the flow of energy.  The solution is to return to the natural flow of wealth and prosperity, not to completely drain it, remove all money and leave everyone with nothing but a bullet in their head for their troubles.  That’s just mass suicide.

Which brings us to Zorhan The Retard, who wants to basically transform New York City into a Stone Age version by promising free crap for everyone. Hey, it worked great for Venezuela, right?

The main thing that differentiates Communism from Nazi is that, while economically in both cases the government controls the economy, the Nazis added this supernatural belief in their racial supremacy.  And sure enough, this Zorhan guy has his own racist element, with his hatred of Jews and desire to increase taxes on white people.  The elements are certainly there for some real ugly abuse of power that results in massive suffering and death, if his cabal got enough power to pull it off.

Being mayor of New York City gives someone just enough power to screw up the city pretty badly, but even that takes time.  He could bankrupt the city and ruin the economy, but the economic engine would just relocate, probably to Miami. He would have no way to fully destroy anything, since he doesn’t have absolute power in a geography he completely controls.

Which would be the next step.  Because Communism only “works” if it has absolute control over a fixed territory.  And it only keeps going through military expansion – otherwise it becomes totalitarian crony capitalism disguised as Communism, like China and Vietnam.  Money needs to flow for growth, and by definition that cannot happen in a Communist society. 

Assuming this Communist venture isn’t just some stupid, bored white people doing something stupid once and then forgetting it, the evolution would be toward complete control over people’s lives. At which point the stupid white people who thought this was fun would seriously regret their choices but be unable to undo them or escape.  I’m not sure New York as a whole is quite at that level of collective stupidity, but it’s clear this guy is.

I see strong Luciferian energetic ties when I look at his energy.  He’s not “coming from a good place,” he’s coming from an evil place and knows exactly what he’s doing. You can see a similar contract with AOC, the Congresswoman also from NYC.  She’ll bobble through her day like a dopey waitress and then in certain moments her language, mannerism, voice would all change and it’s like the evil entities grabbed the controls.  The shift is palpable and really scary when you see it.

But with this guy, there’s no “pause,” he’s like that all the time.  Which means he’s not being controlled, he is the controller.  He’s the entity, not the host.

It’s bizarre how the NPC’s gravitate toward this kind of disgusting crap, but they do, and they always have throughout history. There’s a lot of hope now that the overall global energetic structure is improving a lot, but this expansion might actually make the pockets of evil more concentrated and, well, more evil.  We're seeing this in places like Los Angeles, San Francisco and apparently New York City.

The bigger problem here is that, based on my observations, while most people are good, the percentage of ultra-low-frequency-and-proud-of-it people is so high they would sabotage any evolution efforts, like crabs in a bucket.  They’re low-frequency creatures at the level of rodents.  At best they’re fools and at worst, it gets much worse.  But a fool isn’t inherently good – they’re fools and they do really foolish things.

If you go to areas that are poor, you can see this poverty energy in place.  You could put a pallet of millions of dollars in the middle of the village and within a year 99% of the village would be the same as before – still poor, still doing the same things – and the other 1% would have skipped town with some of the money, the rest of the money would just be lost to the wind and pissed away, the fool's favorite thing to do with money.  It’s never going to change for the huge majority of them, and sometimes these people convince enough other people to elect cultural suicide through Marxist revolution – and then those left return to their fields doing the same thing as before under a different flag and with fewer neighbors and limbs. 

Those that move from the village usually create new pockets of fools – and evil people with more resources – and the cycle continues. 

And when I see these fools get together and support an obvious evil, it doesn’t give me much hope that Earth can ascend.  Because every time we’d create the flow, the rodents would chew through the wires, build their nests in the flow causing damage to everyone, hoard, steal, manipulate, pollute and otherwise ruin the flow for everyone.  Or they would run around sowing doubt in enough low-confidence people that they’d give up and it fizzles out.

I have serious doubts that humanity can get its act together.  They can’t even reproduce anymore. It’s truly a dying society. 

So maybe Zorhan The Retard is the natural progression of the rats of society who only know how to bring others down and resent anyone who evolves.  He’s like voting for the giant meteor. 

I don’t like being so cynical about things.  Maybe we can evolve and just leave the rats behind, I don’t know. I do know that Communism and other forms of totalitarianism will have no place in the evolved society, which values freedom, contribution and fair exchange of value.  And we're a long way from that.

Revisiting Men's Work

 I’ve been inspired/ called forth to engage more actively in my inner work, walking the path of a better man.  It’s not that I haven’t been doing any work – in fact over the past five years that I stepped away from the “men’s work,” I’ve done a LOT of things and undergone many changes. 

I dedicated myself to Taekwondo and advanced to a third degree black belt.  No small task.  I embraced my opposition to COVID lockdowns and mandates and used that energy to improve my health, my message, and even buy a house and car in Florida, and eventually to decide to live in that house part-time.  I also bought a new car and fully paid off the debt. 

I reconnected with things I love, namely fishing and skiing.  I became a better husband and father, and now a grandfather.

That’s a lot of work, especially for someone who “stepped away” from the work.  It was a process I needed to go through.

Since I established the Florida house as a second home, I began turning it into a spiritual and emotional “spa,” a place where I could relax, recharge, energize and go deeper into my spiritual practice.  The quiet, the solitude, the green surroundings, the space available in the home, the feeling of having my own house that I own and take responsibility for, the beach and water, and the way I consciously cultivated an energetic space and practice that’s fully and uniquely mine, led me back to a desire to reengage with the “men’s work” I put on pause about five years ago.

I found some good podcasts, some good resources and adjusted my spiritual practice to include some of the practices that helped me grow in the past.  And I’ve seen some very strong results in the couple months that I’ve revisited this journey.

And I’ve also rediscovered some challenges.

The fears that would wake me up at night returned – “STOP!  You’re going the wrong way!” “You’re throwing away your future!” “You can’t afford to do this!” “You’re not dedicated to your job and your career!”  “You’re too old!” “You haven’t accomplished anything in your life!”

So I would get out of bed, sit down at my meditation space and follow those feelings in.  What’s behind this feeling, this thought?  And what’s behind that?  Eventually it would all lead back to some form of “you’re not good enough.”  And what’s behind that?  A fear that I’m not good at making the right choices – and I have made a lot of poor choices in the past, and even more as I started going through this journey. 

But at this point I’ve come to the place where I’ve fallen on my ass a lot, and yah it sucks, but I always pick myself up and move forward. It’s tiring and frustrating, but here I am.  I have two great kids and the best relationship I’ve had with both of them.  I have a beautiful, loving wife and a very happy marriage that’s approaching a decade.  I finally have a house.  I’m doing the things I love, and accomplishing things I didn’t even have on my radar screen ten years ago.

So yeah, I’ve fucked up and fallen down, but I always seem to end up in a better place and a better quality of life.

The more work I do on myself the more I have to face my “old self” and the beliefs and patterns that weren’t serving me in the past.

I come up against a fear response. Often it seems it isn’t even really attached to anything.

I dig at it and “I’m not good enough” comes up. And what’s behind that? Scary stuff. And behind that? More scary stuff. And on and on until I get to a core that seems to be “generational,” I inherited this core fear, and now that I’m old enough to have a choice, I choose to reject it.

 

So that’s where I’m at - noticing, facing, digging and eliminating core fears that I inherited but I don’t accept as mine.

 

At the core is understanding myself.  My way is different. Maybe a little “irresponsible,” definitely not “by the book.” I’m not doing things according to tradition or conventional wisdom.

 

Whether I like it or not, I’m walking my own path.  And I realize I can’t stop myself. So, either accept it and put it to best use for me or let it run me and deal with this constant cycle of correction that feels like sabotage.

 

It’s clear something deeper is pulling me in this direction.  And at this point in my life

I don’t have the energy to debate it or argue with it, so I’m just going to accept it, however crazy, irrational, irresponsible or counter-intuitive it might seem.  I want to understand it so I can best serve that fire inside me and my rational and intuitive selves can serve in partnership.  I’ve accepted that I’m just going to go through the fears and accept that I’ll sometimes fuck up – though I’ll fuck up a lot less if I’m aligned and commit to going through the fears. 

Death Cults and Politics

I didn't plan on this blog becoming political. In fact, I figured "Spiritual Woo-Woo" would put me far away from the sphere of screaming monkeys and troll bots.

But - politics is human nature.  And human nature is a part of the spiritual evolution dynamic.  More specifically, the part that gets in the way of spiritual evolution.

So here we are in this day and age talking about the evolution of our planet and we have people losing their minds over Donald Trump, who is an anti-Cabal change agent, slandering kids who demonstrated at a pro-life rally, and passing legislation to legalize abortions all the way up to the last day of pregnancy.

We've got crazies promoting "open borders," to facilitate human trafficking, illegal attempts to try to remove Trump by any means, slander against Kavanaugh, lies about environmental collapse to try to impose socialism, oppression by the dictators in Venezuela, on and on.

I'm talking about how humanity is evolving while humanity is showing itself to be ever darker, more evil, more anti-life and anti-truth than ever.  How can this be?

How can we be evolving with this going on?

The Cabal is dying, but it's not dead.  It knows it's dying and it's desperate.  It's lashing out on all fronts and in every way.  So "above the surface" we can see a lot of froth and movement.  But it's "wind chop."  It looks like a lot but it's actually weak and whipped-up for visual effect.  Underneath the current is moving ever stronger in a different direction - toward life, toward truth, toward freedom.

Venezuelans want freedom.  Americans don't want open borders or socialism.  A huge majority of American want Roe v Wade repealed.  Reality is moving in the opposite direction of what we see on the news.

The death cult is real.  Their celebration of abortion is profoundly bizarre and downright inhuman.  Only a death cult would actively celebrate abortion.  It's one thing to take a stance that government cannot be a substitute for individual moral judgment - in other words, avoiding doing something you want to do because it is illegal is still immoral, so remove the government from the equation.  But this is a full-on celebration of death. 

That's the true colors of the Cabal on display.  And it's ugly. 

But I'm saying the Cabal is dying - yet they're out there doing a lot of damage. Leftist governments, leftist political movements, old-guard corporate governance, government bureaucracy, universities  and the establishment news media are the last vestiges of the Cabal.  Their objectives are always oppression and death and they operate through fear - there's always some "worse thing" that's going to happen (some end-of-the-world) which makes their hellish alternative seem palpable. 

And since most people live in fear, their messaged get resonance.  But less and less so.  Because the energy of their messages is dead now.  People are starting to see thorough them.  Yes, they got a law passed in New York.  But that's surface chop, like I said. Remember, at one point Hitler, Stalin and Mao controlled a majority of the world's population within the same generational time period. 

The current has been moving against the Cabal for a long time now.  Today might look bad, but the end of the Cabal is fast approaching - evolution is happening.

Prayerful Thought is the Essence of Truth

Prayerful thought is the foundation of an awakened life. It is the only way one can resolve their problems and align with soul’s purpose, to live out one’s charge given by Source.

Every time there is a tragedy, we see a similar pattern.  Some offer “thoughts and prayers,” while others mock that gesture and insist that giving more power to governmental authority is the only solution.  These are predictable responses, and neither really gets to the heart of the matter, though the “thoughts and prayers” people are closer to the truth.

The powers of ego will always mock spirituality – not because they truly believe it is ineffective, but because they know it is effective and true spiritual connection, connection to Source, will destroy the ego and the powers to suppress freedom.  The powers of ego always offer government authority as a solution to problems, yet never accept any accountability when this expanded authority proves ineffective.  It is not their goal to solve problems, it is to expand power and ego.  That’s it. 

Don’t be fooled, “progressives” are not the slightest bit interested in solving problems – they thrive on chaos, suffering and ego power.  People who debase and oppose spirituality are not to be trusted, because they are the enemy of truth and freedom, however righteous they try to present themselves.  What they oppose, a spiritual person should examine, because there is usually some strong truth in the things “progressives” most vehemently oppose.

And prayerful thought is one of the most powerful truths there is.  So let me provide a simple outline of how to establish a spiritually-grounded life.

1.       Take full responsibility for your life experience.  One of the most foundational aspects of a spiritual life is fully embracing the “Law of Cause and Effect,” that everything in our life experience exists because of our thoughts and actions, in this life and previous lives.  You create everything in your life experience. 

But, you say, I’m impacted by a tragedy in wherever.  That can’t be my responsibility!  Yes it is.  You invited that tragedy into your life experience.  You didn’t shoot anyone or have anything to do with the event, but it’s in your reality nonetheless, because you put it there with your thoughts and actions.  Nobody else could put it there but you. 

This is a truth for every experience in your life.  Every thought and action you have is your responsibility.  This is the most difficult aspect of spirituality, taking full responsibility.  The ego wants to blame and deflect.  The moment one takes full responsibility, the ego is mortally crippled. 

2.       Connect to Source.  You cannot think yourself out of your situation at your current level.  You must find a higher place to get a full view.  You can’t fix ego problems through the ego, you need a higher source.  Connecting to divinity, to the reflection and expression of Source, elevates one’s vibration, which gives one space to truly see and resolve things from a place of truth. 

Truth does not exist at the ego level.  It comes from Source.  Humans cannot find truth without connection to something bigger, the universal truth. 

Guess what?  Connection to Source in its expressions and pure reflections is PRAYER.  You accept responsibility for your life, you let go of the belief that your ego can fix itself, and you PRAY to connect to truth. 

3.       Allow Source Consciousness to Change your Beliefs.  Let go of your attachment to being right and accept a higher truth.  Your broken beliefs led to wrong thoughts which invariably lead to wrong actions.  Right thoughts lead to right actions, which changes your life.  So allowing one’s beliefs to be a pure reflection and expression of Source consciousness is the only way to truly embody right beliefs, which create right thoughts and lead to right actions.  There is no other way.

4.       Test for Accuracy.  Don’t assume the new beliefs and thoughts are accurate until you’ve connected to your true self and confirmed that these are in fact coming from Source consciousness.

5.       Let go of the Ego.  This process of prayerful thought is a mortal threat to the ego and it will fight for dominance.  Let all that go and embrace a higher truth, however uncomfortable.

6.       Trust your Right Thoughts and Actions.  Go forth and take action fearlessly.  You may not be able to logically understand what you’re doing, but you need to allow the process to flow through into your actual behaviors.

7.       Rinse and Repeat.

When I say “simple,” I don’t mean “easy.”  Most people will take many, many lifetimes to embody this simple process.  The huge majority of people will die with their egos fully in charge and will have to keep going through this process again and again.  The good news is we are undergoing a major energetic shift, which means more people than ever are breaking free of ego disconnection from Source.  And many more will fully free themselves in a few more lifetimes, instead of thousands of lifetimes. 

But it’s not easy.  In fact, going through this process will probably suck, at least for a while.  There’s a misconception that spirituality equals joy and comfort and ease.  This is a distraction from the truth.  Source consciousness isn’t concerned with an individual’s personal ease and joy.  It is only truth and freedom.

So next time a tragedy comes into your awareness, by all means, send prayers and thoughts.  There are those who say they do nothing, but in fact they’re the only thing that will truly work.

Food Police and Doubts About Our Evolution

I’m being told by the Archangels that the forces of freedom and energetic elevation are gaining strength.  Everything I sense and energy test confirms this.

But I have my doubts.  Obviously, this is the intent of the news media, but it goes beyond news media to people I know (or thought I knew).   The forces of oppression and spiritual death seem stronger than ever. 

It finally got to the point I had to cull my social media and remove everyone and everything associated with the forces of oppression and spiritual death (and others who were simply deadwood).  It was quite a lot of people and groups.  My social media is better and I feel more open but part of me wonders if I’m not just sticking my head in the sand.

Certain flashpoints are particularly disturbing.  The food police is a big one – people who seem obsessed with telling everyone else what to eat and not eat.  Why would anyone care if someone else was eating sugar, or meat?  How can it be so important for you to be validated by other people when it comes to your eating?  And what the hell gives you the right to try to force people to choose your diet?  We’re talking about the most basic personal decision and the forces for oppression seem to be stronger than ever.

Diet is a personal decision.  Sure, if you have good information and resources, share the information.  But after that, people need to be free to make their own choices. That you don’t like other people eating meat, or sugar, or whatever, just shows you lack proper boundaries and have an inability to mind to your own business.  That’s a character flaw, not a noble cause.  It’s odd this has to be explained to so many people these days.  Eat what makes your body, mind and conscience feel best.  Seek and share information.  That’s all good.  Why can’t people just stop there?  Agree to disagree – why is this so damn hard for so many people?

We’ve got people who now want to regulate pets on the weird argument that owning pets contributes to global warming.  Really.  Whatever benefit you think you’re providing to the world by trying to control other people’s basic behaviors, that really shouldn’t be bothering you, is more than offset by the toxic energy you’re putting forth in trying to control your fellow human beings.

And it should be obvious trying to control people who aren’t hurting anyone is toxic.  People hate it, and they hate you for trying to impose on them.  As they should – oppressing others is wrong.  Duh.  The world would be better off if the people trying to control the basic behaviors of others simply killed themselves than tried to impose their will.  (Assuming they can’t, you know, just mind their own business like normal human beings.)  It’s one thing to stop people from murdering or stealing, it’s quite another to stop people from eating a hamburger or owning a dog.

I could possibly write off this sort of tendency to oppress as a mental disorder, but it’s too prevalent.  It’s more like a supervirus that’s infecting people at an alarming and ever-increasing rate.  It used to be people just knew you didn’t run around trying to take food off people’s plate or take away their dog. And the people who couldn’t mind their business were rightly seen as weirdos – disturbed people nobody took seriously. That kind of oppressive behavior was rightly considered sick.  Now it’s becoming the norm, not even considered extreme.  But it’s just as much of a sick illness as it ever was.  The only thing that’s changed is the percentage of people infected.

And it’s not just people in the news.  That can be explained by the distortions of the news media.  For example, the media created a false narrative that “police are killing black people in record numbers.”  We saw an explosion of videos of black people being shot by cops.  But the real data shows such police killings are at a record LOW.  The difference is explained (obviously) by the record number of people who own and operate video recording devices and easy access to sharing of videos.  So I can easily understand the disconnect between the media narrative (“Police War on Black People”) and the reality (lower crime, more professional policing).

But the control-freak illness is infecting people I know.  Real people. In ever larger numbers.  It’s not some nebulous “thing out there,” or some media distortion where people in Thailand think my house is on fire every time Southern California has a brushfire (I’m nowhere near fire country).  It’s real people I know who have become subjected to this madness.

It’s interesting.  As I write this, Etienne is writing about the challenges of “agreeing to disagree,” which is what this issue with food policing is all about.  You be vegan, I be omnivore.  I respect your lifestyle, you respect mine and we agree to disagree.  Easy peasy, right?  If I invite you to dinner, I’ll make sure it’s vegan and you don’t bother me about what’s in my fridge.  This is such a basic, basic aspect of “getting along with other people” it seems silly to even have to discuss this subject with anyone over the age of five.

Yet here we are, grown-ass people, getting in each others’ business because some people have a weird compulsion to rid the world of sugar and meat (which ain’t gonna happen) and apparently housepets.

Messing with someone’s dog used to be a really good way to get yourself shot.  And most juries would consider it justifiable.  Now it’s a political movement?  How fucked is that??

About as fucked as my having to drop friends because they value their personal opinions (on things they know little or nothing about) over connection and spiritual truth.  The even more fucked up thing is most of them consider themselves “spiritually evolved,” which apparently means “the cool kind of bigoted, oppressive asshole.”

And again, it’s not our differences of opinion that make them assholes, not at all.  I’m used to people disagreeing with me -it’s called a discussion, and it’s enjoyable.  But most normal people at the end of the day value their friendship over their need to have everyone validate their opinion every moment of the day.

Then Trump came along, and now for some people “having everyone agree with everything I believe” is THE most important thing in the world.  WTF?? People, your opinions don’t mean jack.  Neither do mine.  How you vote, whose president, this stuff matters little in the larger picture of things.  But if you’re someone holding yourself out as a spiritual practitioner and you’ve taken a hard stance for ego over greater connection, you’ve committed spiritual suicide.  That’s not Trump’s fault, that’s YOUR  decision.

But that’s exactly what so many people have done.  They’ve valued validation of temporal beliefs over the infinite. And at some point, I have no choice but to accept that “live and let live” has become a one-sided agreement and I need to let these people go.

And that brings me right back to my original thought – are we getting better?  How are we getting better?  How is Earth’s vibration rising when so many are falling in front of my eyes?  When supposedly conscious people are at the forefront of oppression and ego valuation, where is the evidence that confirms the planet is evolving and not devolving?

And the message I get back is “you’re too close to the problem to see the bigger picture.”  In other words “you can’t see it, you’re going to have to trust us and listen to your heart on this.”

So that’s where we’re at.  Earth is rapidly evolving, but apparently the forefront of that evolution isn’t in the West, and it certainly isn’t in California.  In fact things here will likely continue to rapidly devolve before they get better.

Until then, I’ll keep unfriending the food and pet police.

Moving Through the Fire - Energetic Resistance and Growth

I’m really glad I vented here last night.  It’s important that I be very honest with how I am feeling in the moment, not with trying to fit into a narrative that I’m “evolving” with every day better than the one before.

Some days suck.  And that’s valuable.

And yes, there is value in the emotions of anger, frustration, sadness, stuck-ness.  All valuable.  There is even value in my not getting much sleep last night and feeling very off-center this morning.

Even more so because I experience these feelings without getting sucked into the story.  Instead of getting sidetracked into a false narrative about “why I feel such-and-such,” or going into judgment-shame over my feeling, I actually felt it. 

I called upon the archetypes to remove the stories, to remove the shame and judgment around what I’m feeling, so I could feel this energy fully.  I focused on what I’m actually feeling in my body, instead of assigning it a label.  And I noticed how it changed. 

And this additional awareness is a huge gift.  Well worth getting a crappy night’s sleep last night and feeling cranky this morning. 

The causes of my energy getting stuck has nothing to do with the energy being angry or painful, it’s mostly expectations and shame.  If I feel anger or fear and believe “I’m not supposed to feel this because I’m this evolved person,” then things get stuck and it’s very difficult to clear out as long as the emotions and expectations are in conflict.

Or I feel fear or anxiety, and shame around that feeling – judging myself a bad person for experiencing feelings instead of getting curious about the feelings. And the shame creates its own pain and habit cycle.

So last night and this morning, I focused on the feelings.  I let go of the story, the projections, the shame, the distractions.  And I felt.  It wasn’t comfortable, and I am really tired from not sleeping, but this is what I needed.  I needed to feel, really feel.  I needed to open up the space in my energy I’d been habitually clamping, suppressing, denying and judging. 

Because here’s the truth – nobody is making me feel bad.  Nobody is making me stressed, or angry, or ashamed, or anything.  It’s me doing it to myself, then trying to deny it by coming up with a story, someone else to blame.  But it’s me.  And it’s usually because I’ve denied myself the space to just feel.

And initially, stretching and opening this space feels uncomfortable.  It takes time and effort to develop a new habit. But it’s exactly what I needed.  Last night, I embraced my negative feelings.  And this morning, I felt.  And I asked the archetypes to help open the channels more, to replace the old habits of distraction, story and shame with new, empowering habits. 

And it feels really good. 

Now, in the midst of this “my energy is stuck, everything sucks” attitude, let me tell you what’s come up:

I’ve experienced a MASSIVE opening in my writing.  After over a year of doing absolutely nothing, I started writing my novel.  And after about the same amount of time doing nothing with Destin Gerek’s book, we have come up with a game plan to move forward and complete the book.

Yah, that’s a really big deal.  And I’m sure the major resistance that kept me from writing this long manifested itself in the energetic crap I’ve experienced over the past two days.  I’m operating in direct conflict to some pretty strong forces. 

So yah, just like I said, evolution isn’t all wonderful.  Sometimes it sucks.  It sucks because we have forces inside fighting against our progress.  But taking the time to work through them while moving forward it the pathway to a whole new life and one’s true path.  So yah, kind of a really big deal.  And apart from being exhausted and still feeling tense, I’m grateful for the challenge.