Two Secrets to Happiness

Want to hear a secret to happiness that could change your life? How about, as a bonus, I give you TWO secrets?  Sound good?

You may think happiness is something you have to attain or work toward, or something very elusive and only available to a few “lucky” people, but that’s not true.

Yes, many people would like you to believe that happiness is difficult or requires you to do something or follow someone or buy something or stay in a lousy relationship.  Many people want you to believe that being happy is difficult because – Secret #1:  The Powers that Be Don’t Want You to Be Happy.

That’s right.  Companies who sell goods want you to be unhappy, because unhappy, insecure people spend more money. Chances are your employer doesn’t want you to be happy – happy employees had high self-esteem, don’t tolerate poor working conditions or incompetence, and have no problem changing jobs or careers to serve their best purpose.  Employers can’t control happy workers, which means they have to actually be good employers if they want to attract and retain them. 

Chances are good your spouse or significant other doesn’t want you to be happy; chances are even better your exes don’t want you to be happy; probably your family doesn’t really want you to be happy, either.  Happy people are connected to their freedom and sense of worth.  They cannot be oppressed, degraded or manipulated.  Happy people are not fooled by guilt-trips or false concepts of “loyalty.”  They know their value, they offer high-value and expect high-value in return. A mediocre partner who isn’t connected with their value will feel challenged and threatened, because deep down they know their partner is worth more than they’re willing to give, and so will leave. 

Most of the concepts around “relationship loyalty,” “commitment,” and the various social and legal constructs are there as protection for low-value, insecure people who need to force others to stay with them for external reasons.

Even your family, while outwardly wishing you happiness, may not really want you to be happy.  Families that talk a lot about “obligation” and “sacrifice,” and always seem to be shooting down your dreams in obvious or subtle ways, are operating from a place of low-value.  They are living in fear and scarcity and trying to brainwash you through guilt to live in fear and scarcity as well. 

Your friends may not want you to be happy, especially if they’ve brainwashed themselves into believing they cannot be happy.  They will find ways to bring you down to their unhappy level, either through negativity or drama. 

Of course, the political establishment doesn’t want you to be happy – they want control over you.  The only way they obtain control is if you give it, which means they have to convince you THEY hold the key to your happiness – so hand over your freedom and in exchange they’ll give you happiness.  (This transaction NEVER works, it will be obvious why later.)

The way to tell if a political concept is serving source is to ask “Does this result in more freedom for all?”  If the answer is “yes,” then it serves source.  So quickly, name ONE political idea proposed by any major political party anywhere that fits this definition.  You can’t.  They didn’t obtain power by teaching people to think for themselves – that would put the political establishment right out of business – if everyone thought for themselves, who would be left serve the politicians’ giant egos?

This brings me to the Second and Main Secret – Secret #2: No Person, Circumstance or Thing Can Make You Unhappy – ONLY YOU CAN TAKE AWAY YOUR HAPPINESS.

I’ve just handed you the keys to the kingdom, yet most of you will spend your time trying to convince me I’m wrong than just be happy.    Because your ego is SCARED TO DEATH (literally) of this simple concept.  If you adopt this secret and take it to heart, your ego will no longer have any control over you.

Witness your thoughts right now.  Are they telling you “Yes, this is true!  I can be happy now!”  Or are they violently disagreeing, furiously searching for proof that happiness is not a simple base state and that unhappiness is an illusion.  And if you inquire within that negative voice, it will tell you it’s fighting this concept because “You Will Die.” 

What your ego means is  - IT (your ego) will die.  But you will keep on going and be happy.

When someone says or does something we regard as hurtful, we say they hurt us.  But did they really?  If someone calls me a purple elephant, will I get upset?  No, I’ll laugh.  That person is either being silly or crazy.  I’ve decided inside not to accept the attack and in just slides off.  But what if someone says to me “You’re stupid,” or “you’re a dork.”  I could also brush that off as crazy talk (as we all should – nobody has the right to define who we are, that’s up to us), or I could decide “this person is correct,” and feel bad.  But who made me feel bad? Me – of course!  I made the decision to accept the criticism and internalize it.

We do this all the time.  And what’s worse, when things happen, we go ahead and attach our own negative criticism to the situation.  Someone honks on the road?  “I’m a bad driver.”  Boss yells at us?  “I am a bad employee, I am lazy, I am no good.”  Loved one disappoints us in some way? “I’m not lovable.  I’m ugly.  I’m not worthy.  I make bad choices.”  Are any of these things we tell ourselves true?  No.  They FEEL true, because we told these things to ourselves, but they’re just as silly and crazy as the purple elephant example.

The truth is, things happen.  That’s life.  If we are in a place of witness, where we simply notice things, these things don’t hurt.  They’re just things that happen, information.  It might be important information and we have to make changes. And things may be uncomfortable, even painful at times, but we can look at the world from a place of peace and happiness, knowing our inner value and worth at all times. 

Everything outside is just information, and every thought is just a thought – they’re like pebbles on the beach.  We choose to pick them up or not.  Some are valuable – some are like gold and we want to pick these up.  But many are like broken glass – painful to touch.  And most are just useless stones.

But what do we do to ourselves?  We go around searching the beach for the broken glass and we grip that glass with all our might, again and again.  Someone said or did something hurtful and we have that memory – that’s the glass.  But it’s just glass, we don’t have to bring it into our lives.  But we keep gripping it, again and again.  We even tell ourselves we DESERVE to spend our time suffering like this. 

When we live a life of mindfulness, of inner peace, we notice everything.  We notice the beach, the sound of the waves, the feel of the sun and the air on our skin. All the beautiful things in our lives we can’t feel when all we do is spend our time stepping on and holding onto broken glass.  When we live a life of peace and clarity, we can see the beautiful ocean, the golden pebbles on the sand, and the glass.  We can leave the glass alone – it’s over there, it can’t hurt us – and we can enjoy our time on this beach that is our life.

Maybe now in your mind you believe your beach is nothing but a pile of broken glass stretching to infinity.  This is your ego oppressing you. Your mind is obsessed with the negative thoughts until it thinks that’s all there is.  But it isn’t.

 Every life is made to be happy – even yours.

Do you see now?  Do you see the simple truth?  Do you see why arguing over politics or fighting with your spouse or worrying about your job is silly?  You’re playing with broken glass and forgetting there is this big, beautiful beach.

And you can see why happiness is not given by others, or the result of some huge sacrifice or achievement. 

With Love,

Uthaithani