Thank You, Fan!

I want to take this opportunity to say "Thank You" to my supporters out there.  It's because of you I brought the blog back from hibernation.

The last incarnation I had a small, loyal group of fans, but it was always a struggle getting any kind of momentum and some days it felt like more trouble than it was worth.  I'm realizing now this was because I still wasn't speaking my truth, so the blog wasn't giving people enough value.

Now - the fan base is steadily growing, Twitter is continuing to grow and be a real active source of dialogue and information (at around the time I was about to completely give up on Twitter ever offering value).  More importantly, I'm able to reach out and help people, through coaching, collaboration and through sharing my truth with you.

So - thank you.  For those who stuck with me all these years, thank you.  For those just now joining up - thank you.  For those finding value in what I'm doing here, thank you.  It means a lot to me to know my efforts are making a real difference.  It's what gives me the energy and inspiration to keep going. 

The major reason all of this is anonymous is because I want this to be about the message and the value I'm providing to you, not about me personally (well, if you're inspired, I'd invite you to become a coaching client :-)
I want the attention to remain on my message - that's what's really important here - not the messenger.  I'm proud of the work I do, but this here is my chance to give something of value to the universe without people knowing who it is. 

I realize this is a rather counterproductive strategy for developing a coaching practice, but I like it this way.

So here's to you - my fan.  I'll hold a can for you any day. 

It's Come Together - Musings on Destin Gerek and My Path

I made a conscious effort this past weekend to resolve some energetic blocks and imbalances and some pretty big things definitely shifted.  Something’s very different about my energy and I’ve been able to finally let go of some pretty major patterns.  I feel a lot more peaceful and more clear on my purpose. 

I’ve been producing a lot of content for Destin’s book lately, it’s like I finally see how my purpose and his purpose intersect.  I struggled for a long time, going through many, many self-help, pick-up and other programs.  I knew things weren’t right, but I struggled to find a better way.

I started working with Destin as a client about seven years ago.  My relationship with him as a coach ended years ago, but I’ve continued working with him on many things, helping him with copy, assisting with his business development and now this writing project which has been gestating for years.  I’d go through periods where I’d wonder what I was doing – why was I still drawn to invest so much in this?

And the questions, logically, seemed valid.  I’ve found my path and my voice, and it’s not the same as his.  I understand him and his work very well (that’s why I’m a compatible writer for him), but I think I always knew from the beginning that Destin’s work is a resource for me, and a valuable one, but that my path would take me on a much different route.

For one, as much as I have spoken on and on about sex in my writings in the recent past, I’m not Destin.  I might utilize Tantra and a few other things, and I’m certainly grateful for the many ways my working with Destin has opened up my world and improved my life.  But in the end, this is just one aspect of my life.  It’s not the foundation, like it is for him and a lot of the men he likes to work with. 

On the one hand, it’s good to see different ways of living.  It’s been like exploring other cultures, seeing the Tantra and daka/ dakini stuff.  And it’s been good for expanding my boundaries, instead of just saying “that’s not me” and rejecting everything out of hand.  It’s also nice to find my happiness and my truth and honor that truth. 

Which means I can let a lot of that “Erotic Rockstar” stuff go.  That was never why I joined up with Destin in the first place.  It was never about dedicating my life to being a sex guru, it was about healing my pain, finding my own happiness and purpose, and then moving in my own direction. 

And as it became clear that he and I are on different paths, I began to wonder if my working with him was serving either of us, or if it was just a partnership of convenience.  And now I can see much more clearly that yes, we do have common goals, and I can be of tremendous help to the world by working with him.

As I mentioned earlier, I suffered for a long time in the “self-help wilderness.”  There’s a lot of crap out there.  I actually read one of Dr. Phil’s books (the dude’s a total fraud – don’t waste your time on that guy – only a complete idiot would listen to Dr. Phil on anything) a long time ago.  I’ve tried a lot of things – some helped, but it was all really lacking.  I really wish there had been a book like Destin’s out there when I was much younger – to have that foundation and give myself permission to explore more things earlier in my life.  I believe this book can help a lot of men avoid some of the pitfalls and suffering that I went through when everything felt “out of place” in my life but I couldn’t figure my way out of the mess.

I’m pouring forth this effort for those men, and for the women who will be impacted by the changes in the lives of those men.  It’s not about my writing career, though I’m sure it’ll help with that, too.  It’s not about my coaching – though it’s helping me gain more clarity of purpose around that too.  It’s about helping a lot of people bypass the suffering that I went through (and which I ended up dragging a lot of other people through as well). 

I looked in the mirror last night and I thought “Yah, that’s it.  It’s come together.”  I’m solid in my core, I have a sense of purpose, I feel happy, I’ve let go of some worry patterns and reconciled some things (some of which are big ones that only resolved over the past week or so after the veil lifted).  I’m me now.  It feels good. 

I think a lot of people saw the “journey” as me being something I’m not – whose this guy pretending he’s like Destin?  And yah, I never was.  I wasn’t trying to be, I just wanted to expand and look at things from a different perspective, to grow.  And I did.  It was pretty costly in some ways, but I’m grateful.  On the way, I also discovered some new things that “stuck” and are now a part of me.  And many things I can now let go that never felt genuine.

But that’s part of the growth process.  I found it very offensive when people would ridicule me for trying something different – I have zero respect for people who try to keep others “in their place.”  But doing things just to show the haters that I can live my own life isn’t really growing, either. At some point, I found my own way, found my own peace, and the voices of the haters just became traffic noise.

I’m not a traditionalist.  I’m not a Tantrika. I’m not a PUA. I’m not an Erotic Rockstar.  I’m not a Jedi Master.  I’m not any of those things, and I’m a little of all those things and more. That’s the beauty of a path of growth, it can transcend and encompass many labels, because it’s not in one place. And that’s why I can’t wait to see Destin’s book in the marketplace – I want to see more men walking their path.  I want thousands of men to look in the mirror a few years from now and feel like I do now, that it’s come together.  We all deserve that.

"That Struggle Isn't Mine"

I had this powerful realization. I was reading something on Facebook and getting annoyed with what I saw as yet another false connection between "evolved people" and "not making money."  Then I just let it go. Something inside said it was time to stop arguing and just let them be. 

Then something else came up that gave me a sense of freedom "This struggle isn't mine." And woosh, the need to fight was gone. 

And wow, that's a powerful truth. That struggle isn't mine. I have my own calling and struggles that come with it, but most of the stuff that's been worrying me or urging me to fight, was never my struggle. 

So I don't have to worry. I don't have to care. I can just let it pass. And that feels really good. 

I'm getting more clarity on my calling. My Jedi training isn't so much for me to train Jedis, but to help heal and assist the suffering and help people find happiness. There is something profound in that calling - I'm not called to be a superhero and do profound feats, but to bring forth profound love as help people live happier lives. 

I'm not here to change the universe, but to change myself and in the process raise the vibration of many, even if it's just by a little. 

So I don't need to argue over what is "awakened," or argue politics, or worry about big things. That struggle isn't mine. I don't need to have imaginary battles with people who oppose me. That struggle isn't mine. 

I'm here to shine a light and brighten the lives of people, even just a little, and do this with pure and loving heart. I can do that. 

Message from the Universe: "You're Coaching Now!"

You know that moment when you’re sharing some advice – and you realize the advice is actually meant for you?

Yeah, I’m having that moment.

Someone shows up at my work, quite out of the blue, open to some coaching, and I was able to help her open up and feel happy again.  At the same time – right after I’d made reference to a previous coaching experience – that guy messages me to tell me how well things are going for him since then.

Wow.

And this was all in the middle of my going on about how I have done very little to develop my coaching practice on the business end. And it was after I’d spoken about how the universe will point you in the direction you are supposed to go, and if you don’t listen, will violently shove you in that direction.

And then the light goes on.  Okay, this was my tap on the shoulder.

And I can also see where my blocks are.  I love helping people, but somewhere inside I feel like I’m indebted to the universe, so I shouldn’t be setting up a business and doing a lot of intake.  What nonsense.  I’m giving away value left and right – and that does feel good, it feels rewarding.  But it’s imbalanced.  Of course I should be seeking a fair exchange, that’s only appropriate.  And that’s how I can best serve.

And the message I’m getting is, it’s time to take that step. 

It’s time to create the robust coaching practice, to really sell myself.  Maybe even time to revisit the spiritual/ self-help book that’s been in the back of my mind and bring that to life. It’s time to put the petal to the metal and bring Destin’s book all the way to the finish line.  It’s time to bring everything together.

The other block is that this endeavor fell flat last time. But I was in a much different place then.  I wasn’t holding my own identity as a coach, I was forcing it, and I was missing some life experience steps.  Even then, though, I was helping people.  I realize that “business failure” was associated with a very bad time in my life, but that’s all gone now. 

So it’s happening now, ready or not.  And… I’m ready.  I’m coaching now.

From Metatron: No, All People Are Not Basically Good

The past six months has been a tremendous period of resolution and clarity.  And it’s led to some values conflicts.  It’s become clear that Dad was right in some respects – not everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. 

A couple people I’ve had to let go completely this year – they proved themselves beyond any doubt to be completely toxic and untrustworthy toward me.  And this turned out to be a positive – I could cut them off completely energetically.  But I also had to face the part of me that gives people the benefit of the doubt and admit that approach is wrong. 

Some people can be good around me and toxic around others; some people can be good around others and hopelessly toxic around me; some people are all-around bad people; and some people are all-around good people. And as far as I’m concerned, the people who are hopelessly toxic around me and the people who are all-around bad people should be treated exactly the same. 

And this is actually a difficult realization to make.  Especially since I’m responsible for the initial schism.  But ultimately I’m not responsible for the ensuing choices they’ve made that have resulted in their becoming hopelessly toxic in my energy space (and quite possibly everywhere else in their lives as well).

I asked Metatron about this today. His answer:  “Seeing things with complete clarity means giving up sentimental attachments to certain values concepts.  ‘All people are basically good’ is a distortion, and one that was created out of self-interest. From an extended time frame, this concept begins to more closely correlate with reality, but even when extended out infinitely through time is still a distortion.

“Over the span of a lifetime, this notion is far from truth; over less than that span, the notion is patently false.  In this present moment, which is the only moment that matters, there are thousands of people on just your own planet who are considerably more evil than good.  Their lives are inherently valuable, but their efforts have been a tremendous disservice. 

“It is not your job to concern yourself with saving people who are being destructive.  It is your job to see clearly what is going on and take decisive action for the greater good.  This means letting go of the foolish notion that ‘all people are basically good’ and protecting yourself from people who are clearly not serving the greater good.

“As far as your own guilt, that is your distortion and delusion.  Nobody makes somebody into a destructive force.  That concept is actually a mind control method to ensure the person acting in a destructive manner remains a destructive force.  The moment one releases responsibility for their condition, they lose their ability to change their condition.  Assuming false responsibility for others in the form of guilt only completes the circuit and ensures both parties remain in a destructive energetic cycle.  You can look around and see the destruction such a circuit is causing in the world.

“The appropriate response then is to recognize the destructive energy, remove any connection with it, and seal off completely.  Don’t engage with it.  Everyone has their journey.  You had your periods when your energy was very destructive, and you moved through those periods.  You have to disengage to allow others to do the same.

“Look at everyone and everything as it is, not as you wish it were.  Look at your energy, thoughts, and actions as they are, tend to your own blocks and distortions. Look at the energy and actions of others and engage or disengage as appropriate.  Do not judge nor justify, simply notice and act decisively.

“Things will begin moving much more quickly and you are being called upon to decide and act.  The time for idealism, sentimental attachments, guilt, fear and self-pity is long past.  You need to grow up and assume your full responsibility.  That means full disengagement from destructive energies in your thoughts, actions and energy, and full disengagement from any notions that would encourage you to maintain connection at any level. 

“Hold the greater good in your heart at all times.  Decide, act, and keep moving.  Follow your heart and let everything else go.”

Energetic Powers Through Action

As Etienne says, this is the time when enlightenment comes from action, instead of the other way around.  I’m at a point where I’m doing things that I don’t understand on an intellectual level – which seems to be working out quite nicely, actually.

Take this new way of attuning objects – petrifying them, then reactivating them and reseeding with Lemurian seed crystals. All I did was hear about the idea and then played with it on my own and I’m having amazing results. But I have no way of explaining how I’m doing it – it’s either one of the “golden egg” powers the Avians gave me, or the archetypes are doing the work on my command.  But something is definitely happening, and it’s very big.

 These are now insanely attuned.  The difference is amazing.

 Then these – again, huge vibrational shifts.  The blue one (top right) – there’s a white “crack” in it on the left hand side that runs around the stone.  It was barely there before I reactivated and reseeded it and as I reactivated it I could see the line getting wider and more visible, it actually changed the physical structure of the crystal.  (You can clearly see the white line in the picture.)

I tried this on a large citrine quartz crystal at home and the internal structure also shifted. 

But again, it’s not like I’m doing anything special – I’m not doing any special ritual or mantras or anything esoteric, it’s all on another level beyond my rational comprehension.  And it feels really good playing on that plane.

So does this have any other applications, apart from making rocks vibrate at higher frequencies?  Well yes, actually. I used it to dissolve and reintegrate some unhealthy thought patterns, and there’s a lot more spaciousness and clarity in my mind now.  So yes, it has practical implications.  And I haven’t meditated with the new improved crystals, so I’m sure there’s much more.

Getting resolution on my wife’s visa is a HUGE burden lifted.  Then getting her Social Security card, just… yes.  It feels like that energy is some ways was “petrified” and now it’s reactivated. There’s a lot more flow.  And she can have a normal life now!

Subconsciously I’d been putting a lot of things on hold until this was fully resolved – that worry the rug was going to get pulled out from under me.  Now everything’s good and the energy is flowing again.  So the “getting Tee Rak settled in the US” phase is now officially over.  She’s here, she’s staying, things are good.  We have a very nice family life and I can reintegrate that energy into other endeavors.  It’s the demarcation point for the next phase of my journey.

Blocks Dissolving, "Petrified Energy" and the Even More Ridiculously Attuned Singing Bowl

Etienne applied a new technique to attune my singing bowl.  First he “petrified” the energy, as you can see here.

The energy won’t calibrate.  It has an effect on the other items on my altar, as the items were in resonance with each other, so now the collective energy felt off, like something was missing. 

Then he brought the energy back, turning it into Lemurian Seed Crystal.  I could feel the energetic shift through the room, huge shift.  Now the frequency is in the trillions. 

I tried playing with this a little myself.  Obviously not the same level, but I could feel the energy “freeze,” and then much more clear when I “unfreeze” the energy. 

Here’s a few crystals I’ve attuned before.  The two on the left were re-attuned with the new process.  The one on the right is the “old” highly-attuned.  There’s definitely a difference now in the energy (the three were all about the same before I played with the first two.

These two I did the same thing and then turned them into “rain” energy.  And now my office at work is flooded with the energy.  I’m clearly on to something here, but need to be careful.  And I’m nowhere near Etienne’s level, but clearly doing something significant with the energy.

All at once the blockages lifted.  My wife received her green card yesterday, got her Social Security card application approval today, all the things that had been blocking us for over a year are gone now.  Internal blocks dissolving as well, I’ve finally moved through some old fears and anxiety patterns and found peace and confidence.

Over the past weekend I had the chance to face some familiar fears, that “panic” that used to come up in certain situations, the unresolved past issues coming to the surface.  I felt those feelings and moved right through them, no problem. It reminded me a little of my experience in the float chamber – I felt a little panic at first, because I expected to.  Once I actually got into the moment, the panic left and that was the end of it.  Years of anxiety and panic patterns just dissolved like that.

I’ll be interested to meditate with the new energy of the singing bowl, and play more with the energetic attunement of some of my crystals.  Especially in light of my recent awakenings and the removal of some big energetic blocks.  There are a lot of energetic openings now and things are just different.  Really different.