In the Midlst of a Major Energetic Storm

From Saturday the 18^th:

Last night I spent some time binge listening to Destin Gerek’s podcasts.  He’s got a pretty good body of work now and it’s well worth a listen.  Not all of it will be relevant or valuable to you, and I’d have recommendations for Destin on how he conducts his podcasts (he’s generally putting too much attention on the guest and not enough input from him – probably needs a monologue or something so his knowledge and message is coming out more directly), but he’s brought in some pretty solid guests for an inaugural podcast.  It’s on iTunes – just search “Destin Gerek” and you’ll find it. 

As for me, I’m settling into my not-so-new lifestyle and starting to really enjoy it.  When I started this journey inward, I think there was a lot of resistance, and so there was a lot of subconscious sabotage – distraction, wasting my valuable downtime, etc.  But lately I’ve found a good place energetically.  I’m in a place where some pretty big waves that hit late last year and early this year have passed and I can celebrate a bit.  Things aren’t the way I’d like them to be for the long term, but for now things are good and getting better.

I’m embracing my journey inward with a lot more enthusiasm and curiosity, and also more honesty.  The whole point of this is to clear out the BS and get clear on who I am and my larger purpose.  And I’m finally at a point where I can look at myself more clearly.

And it’s interesting.  I realize I’ve changed in a lot of ways I didn’t even realize, that some big things that had been bothering me and driving how and what I’ve been pursuing are gone, they’ve cleared up.

After I clear out all the layers of anxiety and BS, I’ve been surprised to find I’m actually very happy with this quiet, simpler life.  I really love my wife, I love my son and enjoy spending lots of quality time with him, I really like my job how things are developing career-wise, and I really enjoy these moments of quiet meditation and reflection, just enjoying the slow pace with little or nothing to do. 

I really enjoy my meditations, energy clearings and alchemy.  I enjoy not having a lot on my plate and feeling my life slow down.  This is home for me.  For a while I’d feel bored, and I still do from time to time, but the more I embrace slowing down, the less bored I feel.  I just relax and time seems to fly by without having to fill it with “doing stuff.”

For a while I was pretty attached to the Internet and social media, but I’m cutting that cord, too.  It feels good.  It reminds me of those times last year when we’d take short vacations to places “off the grid,” or where Internet was spotty at best.  And it was sooooo nice!  Just relaxing with my family and slowing down to the pace of the sun and moon and letting all the BS of city life go. 

 

Since the 18^th It’s been a steady week of major energetic attacks, so it appears that period was a brief lull in the storm.

It appears now that I’m in the middle of a very large energetic storm.  I still continue to receive the message to slow down and go inward, and it’s beginning to have some positive effects, but it’s clear the energetic storm is far from over and there is much to learn.

I’ve been in this “going inward” state since around November.  At first I felt a lot of resistance, but now my mind is slowing down and things opening up.  But that’s not the end of it. It’s just a marker.  The attacks are getting stronger and affecting things around me.  Possessions breaking, things like that.  Also money issues and work stress for me and my wife.

This is the problem with energetic attacks – I can shield myself and my family, but I can’t shield everything.  So major repairs, expenses and work stresses come in, and there’s little I can do except try to minimize the damage. 

But it hasn’t been just things breaking, it’s affecting me as well.  Many nights of difficult sleep and just general stress. The reason I’m being asked to focus inward and heal is because this is a difficult time energetically and it’s going to take a lot of resources to keep the energy clear and moving on the right path. 

But despite the external attacks and their affect on my energy and things around me, my internal state is getting better. I’ve been using Natural Grounding more regularly.  And it works.  In fact, I’m finding blocks from the last time I stopped doing NG and it’s clearing out my energy more and more. 

So I keep going.  Internally it’s getting better, externally some major stuff is going on.

Etienne has talked about some of the recent energetic events, and I sense there’s a lot more happening.  So it’s just a big energetic storm and it’s going to have to run its course.  It seems to be affecting everyone, and many in not good ways.  I’m watching the reaction to Trump with wonder – millions of people going crazy from the energy flows. 

Keep going.  More to follow.

Black Magic and Energetic Attacks: Your Negative Thoughts Are Killing You

Someone I wouldn’t expect asked me recently if I did “magic.”  I said not really, I’m an energy healer, but it’s not magic in the sense laypeople think. I don’t “cast spells” on people or anything like that.  The person was concerned that I might be “placing curses” on people.  Which I thought was odd because 1) this person has done nothing but mock my energy work and 2) this person has been attacking me energetically on a constant basis, just not as a trained alchemist.  

As I posted before, I don’t use energy work unto others without their express permission.  To do so, either as an uninvited “good spell” or “curse” is black magic.  Generally black magic doesn’t work – that is, it doesn’t help nor harm the intended recipient.  It does, however, do a lot of damage to the energy of the person engaging in black magic.

Because most people who engage in energy work really don’t know what they’re doing, black magic is common.  And a lot of people aren’t even aware they’re engaging in black magic.  Simply saying a prayer asking God to change someone else in some way to your liking is black magic. 

So if you’re angry at someone and you wish for God to “smite” them in some way, you’re committing black magic, and almost certainly damaging your energy.  If you do this enough times, and with enough power, you will eventually kill yourself.  Even if you wish for God to change someone “for the better,” and that person rejects it, you’re poisoning your energy.  Even energy healers will full permission have to be careful – always asking for no more than what the recipient is willing to accept, and always for the greater good.  That way if a request falls outside the boundaries it’s negated.

At this point in my journey I can tell certain people are attacking me energetically.  Most of the attacks are pretty weak, but occasionally someone with some real power and intent will throw something at me.  I have a very strong energetic protection, which means energetic attacks (or even “beneficial” black magic) bounces straight off and hits the attacker with the same level of force in reverse. People who are consciously engaged in energy work figure it out quick and stop attacking, because they don’t like getting hit with their own negative juju.

The danger is those who either don’t believe in energy or don’t know what they’re doing.  They keep attacking and receiving the full brunt of their attacks and never realize their actions are making them more and more ill.  The worst of these attackers start becoming physically ill- maybe someone who never gets sick starts developing colds and flus on a regular basis.  Others get cysts or migraines.  Others it can be even more serious – over time people’s negative thoughts toward others will give them cancer, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and/or severe mental illness.

I think this person is experiencing some serious medical issues, but it’s interesting this person thought to even approach me and suggest I might be “cursing” them – that’s the telltale sign this person has been engaging in a LOT of negative thought toward me.  I hadn’t been giving this person a moment’s thought since I told them to stop bothering me, but apparently this person has been spending a lot of time and energy thinking bad thoughts about me.

In Buddhism we talk about right thought, right action, right life, the Law of Cause and Effect. And Buddhists make no distinction between wrong thought and wrong action, they’re equally destructive to the person engaging in them.  The world around us is our thoughts – it’s impossible to fill one’s mind with bad thoughts and manifest a good world.  That’s not to say we’re perfect, but that we strive for purity in thought, which leads to purity in action, which leads to purity in life.  But other religions talk about this too. Christianity speaks about sinning through thought alone and many of the concepts are similar – you are your thoughts, and there’s no getting around it.

Too many people don’t get this, or they believe somehow their bad thoughts are “justified,” that if they were wronged then they’re entitled to think bad thoughts and engage in black magic.  But the universe did not create an exemption for revenge, or “he started it.” You are either committed to pure thought or not and your life will reflect that choice.  There are no exceptions.

When I see people suffering because of their decisions to engage in forms of black magic, I feel sad.  Often the negative reactions seem disproportionate to their thoughts and actions.  I’ve seen quite a few people who are victims of their own karma, and never once did I feel their karmic comeuppance was fair or justified.  But it’s not about fairness, it’s about the level of negative energy and the ability of the system to handle that energy without collapsing.  So for some people, a little negative thinking can practically kill them, while others can be like that for a long time before their system tips and bad things start manifesting in their lives. 

So no, I don’t cause people to have health problems.  I can help those who give me permission to heal their energy.  I can teach people how to heal their own energy.  And I can share what I know – like now – to hopefully help others from making terrible mistakes.

And as for now, I’m still going inward and healing my energy.  It’s frustrating at times, because it feels like I should be “doing something” more, but the message keeps coming back that this is what I need to be doing.  So I will. 

Nearing the Top of the Hill

My life has felt like I’ve been pushing the ball uphill for a very long time.  But now I’m sensing I’m at (or at least very near) the top of that hill.  Things are starting to make sense and come together in new ways.

For a few months now I’ve been consciously going in, slowing down my life, meditating a lot more, and doing much less. I didn’t know why I was being asked by my higher self to do this, but I did.  It didn’t make sense, I felt a lot of resistance, but I kept going in, kept slowing down.

Eventually I found myself “re-discovering” things I’d forgotten for a long time.  Things like Natural Grounding and Quigong.  And then more things started shifting and making sense.  It seems that in my effort to change parts of myself that needed to grow, I’d also abandoned other parts of me that are important to my core being.  And in the quiet and reflection, I found them again.

Maybe I thought these core principles were holding me back, or the cause of my unhappiness.  But without them, I was incomplete and just “not myself.”  And maybe I had to lose myself to find myself, maybe I had to throw away those things and go through this journey in order to appreciate them.

And it’s not like everything in my life during this journey of about the last about twenty years (around the time I first went off-track and “lost myself”) has been for nothing.  I’ve brought a lot of amazing things into my life.  Yes, a lot of mistakes and a lot of what seemed like wasted effort, but also good things.  When I slowed down, the things that are really important to me seem to come to me, I don’t have to try. 

Granted, I can look back at the mistakes and shake my head.  There were plenty.  And others weren’t really mistakes so much as me trying on different outfits.  But looking back now, those were not good looks for me.  Still, the me before all that wasn’t all that hot, either.  Somehow I’ve grown and kept going and become better.

And yes, that personal journey influences who I am as a healer and alchemist.  It shapes who I am as a coach.  I’ve found I’m getting very good at cutting to the heart of the matter with other people’s problems and offering valuable insight.  My energetic work is more aligned and effective now.  I’ve made peace with places in my own life where I’d been badly out of integrity, and somehow I’ve found my way home again, overall better off for the experience.

And at this point I’m realizing that taking a long time to just be quiet and still, to meditate and reflect, can be the best way to transform a life for the better.  Sometimes all that “doing” just leads us in circles, while if we remain still, the path opens up easily for us.

Returning to Natural Grounding and Quigong

My meditation and energetic cultivation "routine" had been thrown off a bit over the past couple years.  Which needed to happen, the old routine was becoming unhelpful. And over those two years I cultivated a whole new set of energetic practices, focused on meditation, alchemy and crystal energy.

But I'd lost connection with some really valuable resources, particularly Natural Grounding.  Maybe I thought I didn't need it, or watching videos was too difficult given my schedule.  At any rate, I reconnected with these resources and they're more powerful than ever.  I can bring the alchemy and crystal energy resources in with my "old practice" and create something better than ever.

Things that felt "stuck," that wouldn't clear out easily with stillness meditation, vaporized.  My energy feels much clearer and more connected to purpose.  The video above is a powerhouse resource, but I've also been having great results with Buachompoo Ford.



And I'd completely forgotten about these incredible Quigong videos - simple exercises that generate INCREDIBLE amounts of chi energy. I started practicing these and saw MAJOR changes in my energy.

I was going into this year feeling like it was a slog.  My energy during the holidays was choppy and ungrounded.  The beginning of this year was very busy at work and it seemed like all this free time I've had recently was going to waste.  I was making some progress, but also feeling stuck, tired and irritated. 

Now, after a week of these resource, I feel like that energetic shit has been flushed out and I'm back in a nice, calm, centered place.  The alchemy and crystal energy work is much more effective now.  Stillness meditation doesn't feel like a struggle to avoid being distracted, but connection to stillness.

It feels like I've finally shaken off the energetic hangover from the end of 2016, when there were huge energetic events one after the other, and fully integrated that new energy and those shifts.  And more than I have in quite a while.  I'm going to add these back to my energetic and alchemy work.

Slowing Down: Keep Meditating, Keep Breathing

I’ve been very quiet, with very little blogging activity and even less activity writing outside of this blog.  Apart from being very busy with work and family holiday activities, I’ve been quiet off the blog, too.  I’m going with the flow of the season – quiet, slow, going inward.  This has been the continuation of the trend that began last year of slowing down and going inward.

In my mind it’s felt anything but slow and quiet – all kinds of thoughts and emotions coming up, unprocessed feelings, memories, long-standing internal conflicts.  All the while I continued meditating, continued slowing down.  It felt like nothing was happening – I’m meditating more, why do I feel LESS centered?  Why is all this stuff coming up?

And so I’d work through the stuff and keep going inward. 

Then I’d think about how I’m not getting anywhere with this.  I still feel stress, I still have sleepless nights, I still replay things or worry.  I’m supposed to be finding stillness and I’m sitting here feeling distracted.

And I’d keep going.  Keep meditating.  Often it would feel like a waste because I’d sit the whole time and never still my thoughts, spend the whole time thinking of things.

And still I’d keep going inward.

And I started thinking about all I’m missing out by going inward.  I’m not doing stuff, I’m wasting my life.  I’m becoming a bit of a shut-in and a loner.  I thought about the writing I wasn’t doing, the activities I wasn’t doing, the people I wasn’t meeting, the coaching practice I haven’t done anything with lately. 

And I’d keep sitting and meditating, focusing on my breath. 

I’d keep waking up in the middle of the night and struggling to fall back asleep.  I’d keep finding myself fighting to avoid reaching for the smartphone.  And I’d think “shouldn’t I be better at this?”  With all the resources, the things I’ve learned and done, shouldn’t I be making Jedi progress during this time instead of slogging through?

And I’d keep meditating, keep breathing.

Oh and the thoughts – do I really want to keep writing for Destin?  Why am I stuck on my writing for so long?  Why does it feel like I’m backsliding?  Why am I always worrying about money and what I can’t do because I have to sacrifice right now?

And… I’d keep meditating.  Keep breathing.

Keep thinking I’m getting nowhere but I’m going to keep doing this anyhow. And for months, nothing would happen. Well, things happened, a lot of things.  But stillness and peace weren’t among those things.  I started thinking back to times two years ago and four years ago when I was just in this place of awesome stillness. What happened?  Where did it go?  How do I get that back?  Why is this so hard when I’m spending so much time meditating.

And I’d keep meditating.  Keep breathing. 

For weeks it felt like banging my head against a wall, or worse.  I was distracted by current events and past drama.  I was acting reactively.  Yet things were okay.  Mostly I was calm and peaceful and enjoying my simple life.  I just didn’t have that Zen feeling anymore.  But I was actually doing okay overall.  I was aware of my habits I wanted to change and I was actually pretty happy with my simple, quiet life, even if I felt guilty and ashamed of it at times, that Fear of Missing Out.

And I kept meditating, kept breathing.

And things started opening up slightly.  I felt moments of that old Zen feeling.  Then longer moments. And now it feels like it’s shifted back and I’m connected with that old Zen self again. 

Other things changed too.  I began studying Thai again – it’s been so long I just wouldn’t do anything.  Now it feels good. 

And I keep meditating, keep breathing.

I see this year starting off as a continuation of last year – that is to say, a bit of a slog.  This will be a year of living simply, but one where that simple life will pay off with massive progress toward my big goals. The year will begin with a lot of work and sacrifice, but open up at the end.

And the struggle with thoughts and feelings is all part of it.  By slowing down I’m actually allowing these thoughts and feelings to surface so I can process, instead of running or distracting myself from them.  I’m not doing things, I’m specifically not doing.  And this allows me to really look at what it is I’ve been doing and decide if it’s worthwhile. 

And a lot of what I’ve been doing isn’t worthwhile.  It isn’t me.  And by “doing things” I’m missing out on far more than if I do nothing.

It’s a big reset button.  If all I do is focus my energy on being a good dad and husband, doing my job well, and stillness, I’ll be accomplishing more than ever have.  Anything I add to this will be coming from the heart, consciously chosen.  Or I could spend the year meditating in my free time and deepening my relationship to stillness and not add anything.  Maybe that alone is enough. 

So the journey inward continues.  I feel there is a lot of gold here and I’ll emerge a better man.  And maybe those things I used to think were so important to say, to publish, to “add value,” maybe those things were getting in the way of my true value.  Maybe this silence is the best way I can serve right now.

And so I keep meditating, keep breathing.

 

Thank You, 2016!

This “going inward” has been difficult but incredibly rewarding. 

This week’s lesson has been embracing gratitude and forgiveness. 

Gratitude.  Man, how long have I been preaching that word and never really putting it to work for myself?  But yes, gratitude.  Gratitude and forgiveness, these are the tools to eliminate stress and find happiness. 

Forgiveness allows our minds to stop wandering back.  We forgive others for the wrongs they’ve done.  We forgive ourselves for things that leave us feeling guilty or ashamed.  Then we can focus on the present.  Until our minds drag us into the future, because things are never good enough in the here and now.

Then at some point I decide, fuck it.  I’m going to enjoy my life, just the way it is, right now.  I’m going to be happy with who I am and what I have now. 

So at this point in my journey inward I tried on gratitude, really tried it on.  And felt how, yes, I have a really good life.  And I do.  I have a lot of really wonderful things in my life, and I put them there.  And I sunk into really enjoying those good things I have.  It felt so good!

And then something clicked, I really have everything I need to be happy.  All these thoughts of “sacrifice” or “going without” are really just looking at things from the wrong perspective.  The questions I need to be asking are “how can I fully enjoy this life, just as it is?” and “how can I get the most enjoyment out of this life without spending any money?”  It’s not hard when I start thinking this way.

The greatest obstacles to my full expression of my power are not external.  It’s not really even a matter of studying, though that’s some of it.  It’s mostly resolving these lifelong internal conflicts, clearing my energy pathways to allow the energy to flow.

Gratitude. Really being with the good things I have in my life.

Gratitude lets go of future-thinking, forgiveness lets go of past-thinking, and then there is just here and now.  Which is great.

Who says 2016 sucked? It sure hasn’t for me.  This year has been my best yet.  Personally, things are really great with my little family at home and my life is good now.  There were some choppy parts earlier in the year, but really even that wasn’t too bad, it was mostly me worrying too much. Things have been good.

The earth is experiencing a massive spiritual awakening, creating all kinds of turmoil but also opening up all kinds of amazing possibilities.  I’m grateful for the awakening energy and the changes it’s bringing about.  Things are getting better and humanity will experience awakening like never before. 

Yes, those who refuse to accept or who are resistant will experience suffering. But if you look, you’ll see in most cases these people were creating massive suffering and energetic oppression in the world.  Now they have to deal with their own energetic attitude adjustment – that’s a good thing.

I’m grateful for my own awakening powers. 2016 was the year my gifts came into my awareness and I set forth on my alchemy path.  Which brought me here.

So thank you 2016.  This is the best year so far, with many more amazing years to follow.

Observations as I Slow Down and Look Inward

I haven’t been posting.  The message I keep getting is to slow down and disengage from the unhealthy habits.  To keep slowing down and centering and allowing my energy to transform – that the work is being done for me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m failing at this seemingly simple task.  But that actually goes to show that, first, it’s not a simple task at all; second, bringing awareness to how I’m not slowing down and centering is bringing me closer to my goal; and third, this is where I’m supposed to be.

It doesn’t seem like an exciting way to transform, but this is actually a very intense transformation process, precisely because it’s not about “doing something.”  I’m weaning myself off the social media, internet news and similar energy leaks.  And it’s hard.  And my “not doing” is making this challenge more acute.  Which is the whole point.  The phone and computer is a distraction that keeps me disconnected from my higher self. 

And I am making progress, head-on.  It’s challenging because I’m not giving myself another out – my slowing down means more time and energy going inside and really being with myself.  Which makes the urge to distract myself that much stronger.  And at the same time I’m accessing my phone and internet less and less.  Which means more energy connecting inside.

And connecting inside brings up a lot of anxiety.  I haven’t been sleeping well and it’s interrupted. Shouldn’t I be feeling more centered instead of less? Because I’m actually being with myself and finally being with these anxieties.  So it feels like it’s getting worse, but it’s actually getting better – it’s just that I wasn’t letting myself face all of my internal stress.

Other distractions come up – fear of missing out (FOMO), illusions around my “not doing enough,” worries about my lack of writing and lack of production with Destin, worries about work, worries about money.  But this is all what’s meant to be.  When I’m not distracting myself, this is what comes up.  I have anxieties and values conflicts that need to be faced and released.  And that takes time and a commitment to returning to center, again and again. 

And through this process, things are coming up.  Here are some realizations I’m experiencing through this process:

1.       Loneliness and disconnection are what happen when I value expectations and beliefs above what’s true in my heart. This time of quiet and alone has helped me understand my past behavior and what was going on.  I was never alone or rejected – I was choosing disconnected association for ego over genuine connection, which was always in front of me.  The reason I wasn’t in with the “cool kids” was because I just didn’t feel connected to them – my energy didn’t resonate and I didn’t find those associations fulfilling.  But I listened to that anxious voice telling me I needed to be cool, and be with the cool kids, instead of listening to my heart and being with people I enjoyed hanging out with.  Later in life I valued meaningless connections that I thought served ego need, instead of just enjoying connections. 

2.       It is even more difficult to find center when outside things go the way I want than when they don’t.  When big events turn out the way I want, it’s difficult to let go of those feel-good emotions and triggers.  I want more.  When things don’t go the way I want, I feel bad for a little while, but then quickly move on – who wants to feel bad?  But the external feel-good is actually a ruse.  It’s keeping me from moving through my internal stuff and raise my real energy, which is the real feel-good.

3.       Facebook actually feeds disconnection.  Real friendships don’t exist on Facebook.  It’s good for keeping in contact with people spread out through space and time, but it also replaces real connection.  It fools me into thinking I’m keeping up with my friends when I’m further away.  It reinforces the anxiety-driven value of staying vaguely connected with many people I don’t really care about over a few real friendships. 

4.       When I fully embraced being alone, I found my real friends.  I didn’t want to, but I listened to my higher self and pulled away from the BS “friendships.”  I went all the way alone and still.  And I learned to live with that feeling of loneliness that would come up, and all the ego-driven emotions that come up along with that. Then I found myself organically connecting with my real friends.  I even found better friendships with my real Facebook “friends,” because I was actually connection.  I wasn’t trying to do anything, I just wasn’t afraid of being alone and then my truth emerged.

5.       My critics and attackers are shadow.  Yes, even those physically in front of my face.  I’ve defined myself lately by my enemies.  And yes, there are people who stand opposed to me, or at least make it clear they don’t like me.  And they’re real, they’re people.  But the attacks, and my reactions, are pure imagination.  It’s shadow. This is a liberating realization, my enemies are shadow.

6.       Not every negative reaction is shadow.  This flies in the face of New-Age spiritual teaching that says any negative reaction is bad – it’s judgment, it’s anger, it’s my issues coming up.  Sometimes that’s true.  And other times it’s something deeper, that reaction is a manifestation of my truth.  There are a lot of people with a lot of followers who are completely full of shit.  There are a lot of people who are toxic.  There are practices that are fraught with spiritual issues.  The difference is I’m learning I don’t have to react – I can pull back and observe, just wait for the Karmic wheel to turn.  And sure enough, the people and things I’ve strongly disliked turned out to be bad.  Almost always that feeling of revulsion or extreme irritation is completely justified.  Now I just wait and see.

7.       There’s a little voice inside me, saying “I should be doing that.  What am I not doing that?”  And that little voice is always wrong, 100% of the time.  Usually this comes up when #6 comes up.  I get a strong negative feeling toward someone or something.  Then I think “oh, that must be my shadow,” and “oh look, this person is doing this and that, and I think I want to do those things, too.  Then the circle completes itself and I realize my initial negative reaction was actually the right one all along.  As I move more into stillness, my ability to separate ego reactions from energetic reactions becomes better and will eliminate these conflicts.

8.       The voice of my heart’s desire is quiet and its express is very simple.  My heart doesn’t want much.  This bothers my ego, but that’s a cue to go deeper into stillness, not to ignore my heart because I feel I need to “do something.”

9.       My powers get stronger the less I “doing.” I’m actually accomplishing much more by “doing” less. 

10.   I’ve needed to pay better attention to my body.  Things like gut yeast and issues related to years of accumulated stress hadn’t been addressed as I was distracted by “doing things.”  Cleaning out the gut yeast and cortisol and moving toward a more balanced internal system has been good and long overdue.