In the Midlst of a Major Energetic Storm

From Saturday the 18^th:

Last night I spent some time binge listening to Destin Gerek’s podcasts.  He’s got a pretty good body of work now and it’s well worth a listen.  Not all of it will be relevant or valuable to you, and I’d have recommendations for Destin on how he conducts his podcasts (he’s generally putting too much attention on the guest and not enough input from him – probably needs a monologue or something so his knowledge and message is coming out more directly), but he’s brought in some pretty solid guests for an inaugural podcast.  It’s on iTunes – just search “Destin Gerek” and you’ll find it. 

As for me, I’m settling into my not-so-new lifestyle and starting to really enjoy it.  When I started this journey inward, I think there was a lot of resistance, and so there was a lot of subconscious sabotage – distraction, wasting my valuable downtime, etc.  But lately I’ve found a good place energetically.  I’m in a place where some pretty big waves that hit late last year and early this year have passed and I can celebrate a bit.  Things aren’t the way I’d like them to be for the long term, but for now things are good and getting better.

I’m embracing my journey inward with a lot more enthusiasm and curiosity, and also more honesty.  The whole point of this is to clear out the BS and get clear on who I am and my larger purpose.  And I’m finally at a point where I can look at myself more clearly.

And it’s interesting.  I realize I’ve changed in a lot of ways I didn’t even realize, that some big things that had been bothering me and driving how and what I’ve been pursuing are gone, they’ve cleared up.

After I clear out all the layers of anxiety and BS, I’ve been surprised to find I’m actually very happy with this quiet, simpler life.  I really love my wife, I love my son and enjoy spending lots of quality time with him, I really like my job how things are developing career-wise, and I really enjoy these moments of quiet meditation and reflection, just enjoying the slow pace with little or nothing to do. 

I really enjoy my meditations, energy clearings and alchemy.  I enjoy not having a lot on my plate and feeling my life slow down.  This is home for me.  For a while I’d feel bored, and I still do from time to time, but the more I embrace slowing down, the less bored I feel.  I just relax and time seems to fly by without having to fill it with “doing stuff.”

For a while I was pretty attached to the Internet and social media, but I’m cutting that cord, too.  It feels good.  It reminds me of those times last year when we’d take short vacations to places “off the grid,” or where Internet was spotty at best.  And it was sooooo nice!  Just relaxing with my family and slowing down to the pace of the sun and moon and letting all the BS of city life go. 

 

Since the 18^th It’s been a steady week of major energetic attacks, so it appears that period was a brief lull in the storm.

It appears now that I’m in the middle of a very large energetic storm.  I still continue to receive the message to slow down and go inward, and it’s beginning to have some positive effects, but it’s clear the energetic storm is far from over and there is much to learn.

I’ve been in this “going inward” state since around November.  At first I felt a lot of resistance, but now my mind is slowing down and things opening up.  But that’s not the end of it. It’s just a marker.  The attacks are getting stronger and affecting things around me.  Possessions breaking, things like that.  Also money issues and work stress for me and my wife.

This is the problem with energetic attacks – I can shield myself and my family, but I can’t shield everything.  So major repairs, expenses and work stresses come in, and there’s little I can do except try to minimize the damage. 

But it hasn’t been just things breaking, it’s affecting me as well.  Many nights of difficult sleep and just general stress. The reason I’m being asked to focus inward and heal is because this is a difficult time energetically and it’s going to take a lot of resources to keep the energy clear and moving on the right path. 

But despite the external attacks and their affect on my energy and things around me, my internal state is getting better. I’ve been using Natural Grounding more regularly.  And it works.  In fact, I’m finding blocks from the last time I stopped doing NG and it’s clearing out my energy more and more. 

So I keep going.  Internally it’s getting better, externally some major stuff is going on.

Etienne has talked about some of the recent energetic events, and I sense there’s a lot more happening.  So it’s just a big energetic storm and it’s going to have to run its course.  It seems to be affecting everyone, and many in not good ways.  I’m watching the reaction to Trump with wonder – millions of people going crazy from the energy flows. 

Keep going.  More to follow.

Weekend Update: Values Confilicts, Energetic Attacks and Change

From Saturday, July 9 -

These past couple days have been very difficult energetically.  I feel a very heavy, sad energy.  It feels a little bit like ennui, loneliness, fatigue and depression all rolled into one heavy ball of energetic shit.

It started yesterday and I haven’t been able to shake it.  I didn’t want to get up this morning, and when I did I felt really cranky and irritable.  I went to the temple and worked out at the gym for a long time, and now I’m back in that funk.

I checked in with my archetype and he said this is my mind trying to deal with the latest spiritual death, this is part of the energetic transition.  There are unresolved values conflicts and things that need to be integrated and it just takes time.

I said it feels like I felt when I was really unhappy in my last marriage, that same shit feeling.  He said it’s not much different, except I have awareness now this is a feeling that will go away, instead of identifying with it or blaming it on my environment.  And now I have a more loving and supportive wife to help me.

But it sucks.  Everything feels off.  I feel angry for no reason and I hate how this energy is affecting my mood and interaction with the world.  Meditation doesn’t seem to be helping, I just feel more irritable.  And it’s very thick, sticky energy that’s taking a long time to move through my system – more acute anger will cycle through very quickly, this seems to plan on sticking around for a long time.

I want to be alone but I sense being alone is contributing to the problem.

Then July 10 – I felt an opening.  I felt MUCH better, but still this disconnect, like my life doesn’t feel “real.” And it’s because it isn’t.  I haven’t aligned and integrated my life with my core truth, so things still feel “off.”  I realize though it’s just going to take time.  On the upside, I slept much better and my mood is considerably better.

Now today – I’m finally starting to integrate the awakening energy, and understand the internal conflicts going on inside me.  My core truth is in conflict with some deep-seeded emotional patterns, habits and personal beliefs.  Now my truth is openly challenging these patterns and habits, which is both confronting and exciting – real change is happening and I can see it now, understand some of it logically.

Just today, things came up.  My core truth was speaking out against my patterns of how I look at women, and my internal reactions.  And it’s cool, because my core truth is totally right.  But now, when the pattern comes up, there’s a thought that calls it out and points out how silly this pattern is.  “Oh, look, a moderately attractive woman looked at me with a facial expression.  Quick, dump some chemicals into my body and adjust my opinion of myself.”  Of course this inspires laughter (or at least amusement).  It won’t take long for this anti-pattern to dissolve the pattern and align me with my truth. 

Another example – a reaction to Black Lives Matter blocking the freeway.  Before I’d launch into us-versus-them reaction, but this time I was able to stand in my full truth – full support of human life and calling out the bullshit of this George Soros group blocking freeways, which is also supporting human life.

And then today – reading yet another arrogant jackass article by someone who claims to be “awakened.”  My habit pattern was to say “fuck all of you” and just be done with my work with Destin, but this is exactly what the negative forces want.  So instead I actually found my foothold and said  - no, I’m staying right here where I am, in my truth.  And I’ll have nothing to do with this kind of crap behavior from so-called “evolved” people.  I don’t have to take it on, I don’t have to engage any more than I feel is necessary, and I can operate in my truth apart from their bullshit.  Long-standing values conflict – SOLVED!

I sense this transition period is going to be both very challenging and very rewarding.  Some old, unhelpful habits are being directly challenged at a cellular level.  It’s going to take some time for things to reintegrate, but this is a VERY positive development.  And the connection with my core truth is more solid than ever!

My archetype was right, this is a process and parts of it just take time. 

Energetic Attacks, "Dumbing Down" as a Part of Enlightenment

I’d written earlier about some crazy things that came up Saturday before, during and after the distant energy activation.  I ended up feeling very unsettled energetically, experiencing issues with sleep and other energetic attacks even through last night.  But at the same time, things opened up and today I’m feeling the energetic expansion I was told was coming and… wow.

Today I was able to pay off some debts and make some investments, big moves.  I felt blocks clearing and new energies and insights flowing through.  It’s wonderful.  Some powerful insights through dreams.  So my archetype wasn’t kidding, this is “kind of a big deal.” 

It’s the same standard pattern:  activation, followed by some adjustment pains, and then an expansion.

So what’s coming up now?  A freeing up of financial resources and opportunities (that’s important), clearing out of old stuff (I felt compelled to clear out the inbox at home – a years’ worth of crap, no doubt sucking away energy), a much clearer and open expression of my truth, and reintegration of some of my relationships.  Those are not small things.

Also interesting how the psychic attacks are becoming more sophisticated, going into those well-worn places where I already feel insecurity.  Suddenly I’ll have those thoughts that what I’m doing is causing these other problems that I worry about.  Then I clear things up and realize it’s an energetic attack that found the old trigger point, nothing has actually changed.

To put that in layman’s terms, I’m going through changes in my life that trigger the same old fears I’ve already proven to be false. We all have these fears – the things that convince us to stay in the same place, even if that place isn’t service us, out of some weird sense of “security.”  But the fear will try to present itself as new, even though it’s always been there. 

What was different this time was I have some internal resources.  When the fears would come up, my mind would take me back to times when I felt this way, going back very far.  And I realize, depending on how I look at the situation, I’ve either already been living my entire life with this supposed problem, or it’s always been an illusion.  So either way, nothing I do now is going to create the problem – it’s either always been there, and thus isn’t really that bad, considering how my life’s turned out, or never will be.

So the energetic attacks are getting more sophisticated, and so is my defense mechanism. 

And the shift in my mind, the “dumbing down” continues.  I read about this on another spiritual blog, how this is part of the ascension process.  I find myself forgetting things and a lot of times my mind is “blank.”  I find it difficult to consciously think about things the way I used to, and don’t rehearse or hold onto information the way I did in the past. 

I wouldn’t call it “dumbing down,” though.  When I’m called to use it, my mind is sharp and my memory is solid.  It’s just I don’t use it as my first option the way I always did before.

At first this was a bit unnerving, but I took the leap.  I’ve had to learn to make lists and find new ways to organize things, because I just can’t rely on my logical mind to hold onto those lists like it used to.  Things mostly just come and go.  It’s nice, I wouldn’t want to go back to the old way.  But I forget a lot more – and care a whole lot less about not remembering.

Welcome to presence. 

I feel like there was something else I wanted to say…  can’t remember, don’t care.