Timeline Shift Out of California

 

This weekend I officially, on a spiritual level, filed for divorce from California. 

I know that seems weird to say, just like a lot of things I write here, so what’s new?  The thing is, this is exactly like a toxic relationship.  I’m born and raised in California, and as much as I like to think I’m good at this whole “changing thing,” I’m actually not. And it’s my inability to efficiently pivot when it becomes clear a situation is bad for me has caused a lot of unnecessary suffering, expense and wasted years.

I’m not a nomad by nature.  I like to stay where I am, build roots and create something good in my home.  So that “home” is really important.  I’m born and raised in California, now over fifty years (which actually sounds good, not bad).  Most of that has been in the Los Angeles County area, which really was never my “home.”  LA area has a much different feel than Orange County and to me it’s always been dirtier, more crowded, lower-class and second-rate. 

So I’ve been spending a lot of time creating a home in a place I really don’t like and am only in because I have to be here.  But it’s never felt right and at some deep level I’ve been killing time in this second-rate suburban section of the craptacular Los Angeles area. 

Maybe I liked it some a while back, but the disconnect becomes worse and worse over time.  And I’d complain, but it was like the spouse in a toxic relationship who keeps complaining but never moves on, for whatever reason.  Even during COVID, when it became obvious I despise the huge majority of the people in this state (if LA sucks, the Bay Area swallows). I even felt alienated from my alma mater football team – you can only tolerate absolute crap for so long before even the strongest loyalty erodes.

In my mind I think “yeah, I’ve moved on from California.”  But I hadn’t.  Anger and frustration are not emotions associated with “moving on,” they’re associated with “hanging on.”  I was angry because deep down I still didn’t want to move on. 

Yes I bought a house in Pensacola, Florida.  Yes, I was living my best life far away from California, and felt miserable when I’d return.  So I was moving in that direction, but still pushing the ball uphill.

Then something switched, and it felt like this weekend the whole timeline shifted.  I did meditations where I asked the archetypes to remove all spiritual and emotional attachments to California and remove all blocks to creating a new home in Florida.  And it may end up my home isn’t Florida, or it is, I have to be open to all possibilities on that front as well.

And soon after that moment is when the whole timeline and reality changed in front of my eyes.  Things were somewhat familiar but also completely different, multiple Mandela Effects, and a very different thought process.  And at that point I felt, I’m not a Californian. Now I’m a Floridian.  And down the road, who knows?  But I do know this isn’t my home, which means I’m not responsible for it, which means I don’t need to get upset when things don’t work out in California.  It’s not my problem.

I was so passionate about Cal football and basketball, but poof, not anymore.  They’re a team a root for, but I’ve accepted they suck and it just doesn’t matter.  I got a degree there, but it’s really not my school or teams anymore, and hasn’t been for a while now.  I’ve been attached to Florida State since before I moved to the Panhandle, and that might have been some of the draw for choosing that area to buy a house. Kind of bandwagon, but more “supporting the home team.”  The thing is, I became a fan in 2021 when they were a bad team, but their fans packed stadiums and gave a big F-You to the COVID fascists.  That and I really like what Mike Norvell has done there.

And, yah, whether up or down that’s a program that prioritizes winning in football and men’s basketball. (Yah, their basketball team sucked last year, but 25 years of coaching success in the ACC is nothing to sneeze at, even with a bad year.)

But more than that, the whole energy shifted.  It’s all different.  Even the way I meditate and do alchemy now is different, everything.  And all the signals show this isn’t home anymore and those roots are completely gone. 

So I changed some things that connect to the old home, and I’ll be changing more.  Even if I’m physically here, I’m already gone.