Was I Right To Be Harsh All Along?

 I was looking back at a "recent" blog post "What Changed?' in July where I felt regret for being harsh about my energetic assessment of "people who really didn't deserve it."

I noticed a few things.  First, almost immediately after that article, my personal energies began going to crap - all kinds of problems.  Problems with the house, money issues, energetic attacks, work issues, health, you name it.  Everything went downhill at the same time, and very quickly.

And one other thing happened - the individual who I was thinking of in that article came out basically celebrating Charlie Kirk's murder and falsely stating his killer was "right wing" (a popular fake conspiracy theory among the delusional left for a while after the murder, total cope, and very low-vibration behavior).

And now I'm looking at things and thinking that post was a "jumping the shark" moment for me.  I went full False Light Matrix.  Which is the same as going Full Retard.

You never go Full Retard.

It turns out my regret was flat-out wrong.  Everything I sensed about this guy that felt "mean" or "harsh" was 100% accurate.  The guy is an asshole, he's a phony, his energy is total shit, his life is a nonstop trainwreck because he is attached to bullshit False Light Matrix beliefs, Luciferian contracts, crappy energy loops and the worst, most unhelpful and destructive patterns of his mentor, without any of the offsetting elements.

There's nothing mean or regretful about speaking the truth.  Speaking the truth about this guy could save many well-meaning but misguided people from becoming his clients and getting sucked into his energetic septic tank (minus the helpful bacteria, or even a vent).  And expressing regret for calling balls and strikes as they are was actually a mimic pattern.

Once again, the lesson here is there's nothing nice about trying to be nice.  Call it like it is, use gentle, positive language where appropriate, but leave no doubt where you stand.  People are counting on you.

And now that I think more on this, it was that lapse into False Light Matrix and mimic patterns that preceded the energetic shit show that followed.  I get what I was trying to say - that anger pattern was its own mimic pattern, but there was a strong foundation of truth.  "Back then" my issue was a difficulty adjusting to and aligning with that energy, which brought forth so much anger.  In July, my issue was I was getting high on my own perfume - I was just beginning to feel the full effects of my energetic alignment and I went full retard.  It's taken me the better part of five months to recover from this.  And it's taken me to today to locate that "slipping off" point.

So here's the challenge going forward:  being in my power, being in my sovereignty, fully accessing and expressing my power - while being who I am in terms of heart and expression, while calling balls and strikes, while being humble, while avoiding traps of "being the nice guy," anger or guilt.  

Some people are assholes.  And if those assholes are influencing other people's energy, that's fucked up and needs to be called out forcefully, not couched in feel-good bullshit.  I might wish that asshole was well-meaning or had good qualities, but that doesn't make the asshole any less of one.  That person shouldn't be coaching or dragging anyone else into his shithole life.  

That's not harsh, it's the truth.  And it needs to be said.

Can Someone Jinx Their Teams?

 An interesting little side inquiry after another disastrous year for Florida State Football - all after I made my first visit to a home football game. A season that seemed to take a lot out of me energetically.

I engaged in an inquiry - is it possible for a high-energy person to actually cause harm to their teams?  We know that superstitions like what clothes you wear or daily rituals don't impact the outcome of sports.  Neither does appealing to the divine for favor.  But is it possible that a team's sudden string of misfortunes (which started when Jordan Travis broke his leg on my birthday) could be mirroring internal energetic issues and they're manifesting through the connection?

Theoretically, yes, it's possible.  But not likely if one is a fan. As an "energetically advanced" fan, generally the most you can do is be able to sense what is going to happen, if your energy is clear and you're highly attuned, which means leaving out a lot of the passion that makes being a fan enjoyable.

In other words, your energy cannot cause the team good or bad fortune, but you can sense it coming.  You can feel into the energy of the team and get a good sense what their season will look like.

If one is looking for an assessment of their own energy, don't look at the results of your favorite teams, notice your energetic patterns before, during and after the game.  That's how you can identify potential blocks and areas that need attention.

The sense that the season "seemed to take a lot out of me" is the inquiry.  Is this accurate?  Partially.  But there were many things that took energy out of me from September through November, and the sad state of the football program was the least of it.  The drain during this time period is the starting point for energetic assessment and repair, not the outcome of some external event in which I'm a spectator,.

Going through all of the energetic issues revealed patterns and blockages that could then be worked through and I saw major improvement.  The football team, sadly, didn't.  Because as much as we'd like to be able to think we can influence that outcome, we can't.  

The second half of 2025 has been a real challenge, but things have stabilized and improved quite a bit.  Still recovering from a lot of attacks and damage and stabilizing my nervous system.  I had a real "high point" where I was in my peak healing state and then things hit a very rough patch.  Yes, it's better.  things overall are better - things with the Florida house are more established and stable, things with the family are much better, things with work have been very challenging but slowly turning a corner.  Those things all reflect into and from my energy, those are things in my energy field.  

Things that are directly in my energy field will be affected by, and have an effect on, my energy.  Things outside of that field, no matter how emotionally attached I am to them, will not.  And then it's a matter of managing that emotional attachment - it's not healthy to put too much emotional attachment on something outside of one's own energy field, it creates unnecessary leakages and attachments.  

And the bigger question is, why am I doing this? That's an important question.  And when a program is faltering, that's a good place to have that inquiry.  Am I putting off something that needs to be done?  Am I wasting time?  Am I bored?  A lot can be gained from this inquiry.  And cultivating a healthy emotional connection and balance to external things is critical to cultivating a healthy energy practice.

So long story short, no, you can't jinx your team.  But your frustrations with your team can be a starting point for an inquiry that can help you better manage and cultivate your energy.

Charlie Kirk and the Status of the Spiritual Warfare

 I imagine some readers have wondered where I went and why I’ve been so silent in the wake of the rash of high-profile violence, particularly the assassination of Charile Kirk. 

Part of my disengagement was cyclical – my energies were moving into other endeavors and the issues of this blog were not a priority.  Another part was intentional – I didn’t want to jump into the fray and become part of the political argument going on.  I do that sort of thing, but that’s not what the energies here are about.

Having some time to integrate, I can look at what’s been going on and say it’s part of an ongoing pattern which accelerated recently.  The Luciferian power structures have been either destroyed or severely weakened.  That’s not to say they can’t come back or that “we won,” just that their power has reached an ebb, which has left millions of people who are plugged into that structure without power.

The result is they’ve been going crazy.  Literally. 

This isn’t new.  A lot of this structure’s foundation is untreated mental illness – the Luciferian structures recruit from the ranks of the unhealthy, wounded and broken.  Healthy people only enlist in these structures under some kind of bargain where they obtain money or power or some other goodie in exchange for their service.  The rank and file are pretty messed up.

Once their power grid went down, even the healthy people in charge lost their minds.  We saw this during the 2024 election with the Trump assassination attempts.  We saw this with the Luciferian cult response to those attempts.  The pro-Hamas protests, which morphed into the anti-ICE protests, the whole bizarre “No Kings” protests, and pretty much everything the US Democratic Party has done, as well as what’s been going on in Canada, China and Europe with the governments’ complete trampling of human rights, cheered on by the Luciferians.

So Kirk’s assassination really isn’t a shock when looked at from that vantage point.  It was enlightening for the huge majority of people who either cannot see or refuse to see the spiritual warfare going on around them.  For them, this event truly was a shock and a “Turning Point.” 

And those of us who have been fighting for the light all these years, usually on an island, usually with the blinds closed, so those who don’t understand aren’t alienated or made fearful, have been waiting for that moment for a very long time.  Now legions of “normals” who had been dismissive of the spiritual war are personally aware of its existence and called to service.

This is a good and necessary step.  We cannot continue to have a handful of people fighting these battles in secret, to protect the normals who would not support our efforts to keep them safe.  We need a large army, and now we have one.  Or at least a significant number of people.

Some of the other things going on that have sparked outrage – the celebration of Kirk’s assassination, the continued support for Hamas and its propaganda on the left and right, the ongoing “trans” propaganda warfare – this is not new or different.  This is the same Luciferian patterns we have seen for years.  The difference now is a lot of the mimic patterns and energetic support structures have either been destroyed or weakened, so the energy is “untethered” and schizophrenic instead of power-based.

There’s also been a concerted effort to cut off some of the taxpayer-funded support of these efforts, namely eliminating USAID, cutting funding for PBS and NPR and phasing out the US Department of Education.  This is all nice, and cutting off the funding spigot definitely helps reduce the power of the Luciferian elements, but it’s more of an effect than a cause – the funding went away after the power structures were destroyed.

One event that I noted at the time but didn’t fully appreciate the significance at the time was the unprecedented snowstorm in northern Florida.  Florida has a special energetic relationship compared to the rest of the US and has become a place of energetic leadership in battling the evil forces.  The snowstorm was the modern “Noah’s rainbow” that let us know the energetic shift had taken place, and that’s when all the other activity above the surface began.

What we’re seeing now are a lot of the ripple effects.  I expect to see more stories of insanity-induced violence, political and otherwise.  Eventually the Hamas structure will fall, along with the Iranian Luciferian circle of influence. Look for North Korea to experience a rapid downfall as well.  The Cartel power structures will continue to deteriorate and there will be direct US attacks on their infrastructure that will have big ripple effects in the US Luciferian-controlled areas such as Hollywood, Washington DC and New York City.

The big takeaway is that energies improving doesn’t directly correlate to improvement in the physical world.  Too much of the world is associated directly or indirectly with the evil energies, so there will be major disruption as things realign.  Possibly even economic recession, though I’m not the perennial doomsayer on that one - hoarding gold and building bunkers is crazy stuff.

For spiritual people who follow me, stay grounded.  This message will serve to ground you to true light.  Focus on your personal duties to God, which are revealed only to you.  Continue to observe and ask questions but be wary of high-follower “light workers” claiming to have “The Answer™”

Sydney Sweeney, Hulk Hogan, Ozzy Osbourne and the Identity Cult

 

It's generally a good idea to avoid the news cycles, but when things start piling up that have spiritual relevance it's better to address it than pretend you didn't see it.  I had been hearing about this "controversy" around a pretty woman in a jeans ad campaign.  I hesitated to even look into this because "a pretty woman in a clothing ad" is so mundane as to be unnecessary.  Additionally there are energetic issues around directly or indirectly promoting a corporate ad campaign, and who needs the entanglements.

But looking at the ad controversy and a good commentary laying out the situation, it's safe now to jump in, especially when looking in context to some other similar issues floating around.  All I have to say from an energetic perspective is there's nothing wrong with this ad campaign.  It's just another ad. The genius is that it tapped into the mental illness-identity cult trigger energy, which gave this ad campaign far more "juice" than it would normally deserve.  Ad people get paid a lot of money to hit home runs, so good for them.

That mental illness-identity cult energy needs to be addressed.  It is Luciferian/Satanic energy that has infected a large portion of the secular/spiritual denial population.  These are people in active spiritual denial who actively support mainstream media and believe fully in the Pharma cult.  These were the "maskers" and "lockdowners" during COVID.  They're the Hamas protesters and the anti-ICE protesters.  Their energy isn't just insufferable (it certainly is that), it's evil.  They promote death and human suffering at every possible turn, always in the name of "empathy," a word they've hijacked to mean the exact opposite of the spiritually-aligned true meaning.  

DEI and a lot of other garbage gets sucked into this cult and they just feed on the negativity, anger and suffering.  It has Marxist/Satanic foundations and there's nothing good or redeeming at all in anything related to this cult - even their message is just evil and corrosive.  These are terribly unhappy people whose life mission is to make everyone else more miserable than they are.  And they're failing, their structures have eroded and society is moving on from them, but not without a fight.

This brings me to Hulk Hogan and the weird reaction to his death.  I generally don't think much of people who show up out of the woodwork to give glowing obituaries to celebrities. It's all attention-grabbing energy and very shallow "like me and give me likes" behavior that we should look to rise above.  But it's also harmless, so who cares, right?

The weird part is how so many of these shallow people - just people who blow with the prevailing wind in their subculture - turned around and disavowed Hogan for transgressions that are pretty normal and personal and really not anyone's business. That and a few stupid people from Gawker who are still butt-hurt that he put that trash rag out of business for massively violating his privacy.  

Overall, Hogan's energy and legacy is positive.  Yes, he's imperfect.  I seem to recall warning against putting anyone on a pedestal, as you never know the whole story, but let me put that out there again.  We all are.  But his energy overall is a net positive.

And let's face it, the "backlash" has nothing to do with his personal issues and everything to do with that Satanic/Luciferian energy's opposition to professional wresting, gym culture and all things Trump.  None of the people disavowing Hogan are doing so out of spiritual truth, it's all massive corruption energy and groupthink.  Same people attacking the jeans ad.

Which finally brings us to Ozzy Osbourne.  Do I need to remind anyone that Ozzy was literally a Satanist?  You can justify your affection for Ozzy on the grounds "he was just joking" and "it's an act," but he never disavowed it and never turned his live around spiritually.  Like his music if you want, but his energy was total Satanic crap.  He caused the spiritual corruption and downfall of thousands with his "act."  Hogan and Sweeny sure can't say that.  

So yes I find the glowing obituaries by the "like me" people to be really inappropriate.  This is a person who did a lot of damage, whatever you think of his music.  So it's no surprise the Luciferian/Satanic cult is all-in on heaping praise on this guy. Getting a reality show and being nice to your kids doesn't change one's energetic foundation.  In fact, 97% of reality show participants are steeped in Luciferian/Satanic energies, it's practically a requirement.  And as the saying goes "you are what you eat" so avoid consuming reality shows.  Generally, limit television overall, unless you can selectively screen through streaming.  Even then put firm limits on your time as this is not a positive use of time.

So basically that's what the Satanic cult has been up to lately - attacking a harmless jeans ad and praising a Satan-worshipper.  The only good thing I can say about this cult is it's dying.  It's losing a ton of influence in the world, which is good for the younger people.  But is hasn't changed at all for the better. 

What Changed?

I was looking back at some of my old posts, from around 2016-18, and noticed a shocking level of anger and pain in them.  Very harsh communication toward people I know who really didn't deserve that tone.  A tone that really detracts from the message. 

What was going on then?  I recall that was a period of transition for me personally - a lot of good things but also a lot of stress, personal attacks and unprocessed anger and pain. It wasn't until very recently that I finally faced and processed all that festering anger and suffering, but by then it was mostly just unprocessed, there really wasn't anything acute.  In 2016-18 it was acute, and I didn't even realize it years later.  I'd go back and read my posts and it never hit me.

So what happened recently that's caused me to notice?  Because now I look at a lot of my communication and I was swimming in anger and reactive energy, which really took away from the strength of my message.  Sifting out all that anger and reaction, there are really good things here and a strong energy that comes out.

And if I look back in my daily life, yes, the anger, anxiety, reactive energy and unprocessed grief has greatly held back my spiritual and energetic process.  And it's only after I started processing it that really big "gifts" started coming online.  

But did I suddenly receive new gifts or were they always there and just clouded by this unprocessed emotional energy?  I test that 60% is new gifts and 40% is prior energy more aligned.  In that 60% I test that is "came online" as a result of my finally being able to process that grief, which allowed me to fully receive transmissions and build structures.  It's led to a massive amount of progress,

And this progress in turn has given me more resources to notice and address some of my long-standing emotional issues.  It's allowed me space to separate my true self from my expression and question some things.

Looking back at my past patterns, I was unconsciously and even consciously holding onto a lot of anger.  It was feeding me, energizing me.  It felt good.  It even gave me a community of shared anger.  

Sometimes anger is justified, but this was not me, not my true nature.  I'd been swimming in this for so long I had identified with it - and it goes way back, much further back than the late 2010s, so I really did think this was "just who I am" and had to manage it.  

Then something shifted.  I started facing the panic and anger and finally processing the ocean of grief from decades and prior lives. So much grief it would have been overwhelming to deal with before - and that's probably why I distracted myself with anger and reaction, I just wasn't ready and didn't know how to deal with it.

In my teens I was actually better at dealing with it, I wrote a lot of poetry and would go into "moody" periods.  I wasn't processing it or transmuting it, but I was in touch with the grief.  Instead of learning to process it, I pushed it away and distracted myself with work and "adulting," and when it came in I felt panic and pushed it away more.

I learned to face and process the panic, but not the grief.  And then the anger just became a security blanket that I thought was "just me" and I went on with life.  I actually was doing pretty well, finding all these breakthroughs and gifts and feeling pretty blessed, so what's the problem, right?

Then something shifted, and now I'm troubled by this style of expression, and what was underneath.  It's okay to feel anger, but to "be" angry is pretty toxic and heavily distracts from my message.

I feel really sorry for the harsh tone and hurtful communication. Yes, I saw things and I was “right,” but it’s pretty clear I was communicating only with the intent of proving the authenticity of my spiritual gifts instead of fully integrating them and communicating from the heart to be received and actually make a difference. And more painfully, I was hurting people who didn’t at all deserve it, and it wasn’t how I truly felt about them.  I saw their future suffering and saw a way out, but communicated in such a way that it would ensure they never changed and I could prove my gift and be right.  Nobody wins in that scenario.

It feels jarring now to revisit these posts and recall that cycle of anger and frustration. I didn’t go through life being angry at the world all the time, but it’s clear I wasn’t dealing with my pain and energy drains. I was fighting through my problems and fighting through my communication. And making life really hard for myself.

Ultimately it’s a waste of my gifts and a poor representation of the man I am. It’s worth a deeper inquiry into what changed between then and now that brought me out of that cycle. 

What brought me to the point where I could finally face my grief?  What brought me to the point where I could finally reject the anger patterns at an unconscious level, that the core "me" could finally say "that's not me" and throw it off?  

I think having a home in Florida, committing to it and using it as a pathway to deepening my spiritual practice was the key.  Having a house of my own is essential for me at a core level.  The Pensacola area moves at a much slower pace, which aligns with my natural rhythm, allows my mind to slow down, deepens presence and creates space for this kind of inquiry.  Even mundane things like yard work create space, more so than working out, which doesn't slow my mind.

And of course there's the fishing, which takes my mind off everything else, connects me to nature and the cycle of life and taps into my joy.

So this slowing of the mind, presence, creating long spaces of detachment from the everyday cycle, plus my continued commitment to spiritual work, brought me to that place where the panic came up and I could face it and go through it into the grief.  And the spiritual tools allowed me to finally not just face it but transmute it.  I wasn't just "moody," or just moving through it, I was transmuting the grief into the flow of life.

And with the energies unstuck and unblocked, things really start flowing.  And with the ocean of grief gone, there's nothing to block or distract, so the anger patterns just sit on their own.  And then they start looking ridiculous and I can feel how hurtful that communication can be.

Anger and anxiety are high-energy emotions, they tend to drown out more calm base state energies.  There's a good heart that gets drowned out by all that noise until you start identifying with the noise.  Then, free from those patterns, and free from the anger/grief trap, the quiet feels SOOOOOO good, like a long-lost friend. And that's the place where truly strong and effective spiritual communication comes from.

It's a process, and I'll have more to say as I revisit this, but it feels good to be myself, and to feel bad about the way I've been.  To better honor my gifts and the people who are called to receive them.      

Analyzing Financial Energies, Torrance vs Pensacola

Beach This Morning - Perdido Key

Since I am transitioning from a life in Southern California, where I've grown up my whole life, to my home in Pensacola, FL, it's a good time to examine the energies and note some of the differences, particularly related to the flow of money.

It's not easy to notice the energies of an environment when one is immersed in it. That's why periods of transition are useful, they help us to see things from an objective perspective.

For example, Torrance and Southern California in general are objectively "well off" financially compared to most parts of the country, at least in terms of given standards - higher standard of living, larger economic output, more material wealth.

But these things don't tell us the energetic environment, they only tell us some of the story.  When you look underneath, you see this wealth is actually not set on a good energetic foundation at all.  Southern California has heavy karmic and soul contracts that serve as a form of energetic "debt" that carries a very high interest rate.  That's why it seems everyone (and myself included when I was plugged into this grid) is "running just to stay in place."

Southern California has a high leakage - people make a lot of money.  They also waste a lot of money, lose a lot of money and get burdened with extremely high "sunk costs" that make it impossible for even the wealthiest to simply relax and enjoy their blessings.  The image of the relaxed Southern Californian at the beach just enjoying the sunshine and good life is just that, an image.  I go to all these beaches on a regular basis and have for years.  You'll see kids relaxing and enjoying life, but the adults are either never there or completely distracted and overwhelmed.

There is no sense of peace and satiety in Southern California.  It is never "enough" and everyone is teetering on the precipice of financial ruin, no matter how much money they have. In fact, the wealthier people are more at risk, those with less are more "comfortable," except those people literally cannot afford to live there anymore.

"Keeping up with the Joneses" is so endemic I didn't even notice that's the water everyone is swimming in until I started visiting places like Thailand and Pensacola, FL where most people are happy with what they have, which is a fraction of the wealth Californians have. They don't envy their neighbors nearly to the extend they do in Los Angeles or Orange County.  The wealthy lifestyle propped up by crushing debt (real debt, not spiritual debt) that is extremely common in Southern California doesn't really exist in Pensacola, they operate from a different paradigm.

Now, that's not to say Pensacola is perfect.  There is a poverty mindset, scarcity patterns (interestingly these are almost identical in both locations, despite the massive differences in relative income and wealth.  It has a certain resignation to failure that goes pretty deep.  But ultimately, the prevailing energy of Pensacola is far more peace, acceptance, happiness and gratitude for what they have instead of envy or anxiety over what they don't have.  People have a lot less but overall they're a lot happier, more generous, and more grateful.

A lot of this difference has to do with Pensacola's closer relationship with God.  Christianity is far more open, prevalent, accepted and celebrated than secular Southern California.  So spiritual connection, and the flow that comes with it, is more available.  That's not to say there aren't distortions and corruptions, there certainly are, but the energetic soil is cleaner and more nourishing.

You really notice it when you see people who move from wealthy areas to Pensacola and are immediately triggered.  "There aren't any good jobs," "fewer opportunities," "lack of growth (not true)," complaining about certain expenses, where are the expensive specialty shops, etc.  The energy here really triggers people steeped in their money rich/energy poor lifestyles.

How does this relate to the flow of money?  Clearly the Southern California energy is far out of the flow, yet objectively they have more (yet everyone feels poor there).  Pensacola is much more connected to the flow, yet they seem to have little to show for it.  But if you keep digging, you see evidence that the stronger flow is raising the community.  And more importantly, it's elevating in a way that is aligned much more closely with spiritual truth, which means while the "paper wealth" will burn away (sometimes literally, like the recent fires in LA), the areas in the flow will continue to grow.  

What does this mean for you?  For now the takeaway is to learn to identify the different energies and feel into their inherent truth.  It's challenging to do this when you live in a location, so finding an objective distance helps.  Noticing these things will help you notice these patterns in yourself.  For example, I've been immersed in "mass leakage," "keeping up with the Joneses," and "never enough" patterns my entire life, to the point I'd become nose-blind to their toxicity.  Finding that awareness is the first step to deprogramming those patterns to reclaim true financial flow.

There's more to talk about, but allow this to serve as a wake-up call for gaining true awareness and energetic sovereignty.  

Transmuting Cosmic Grief and the Birth of Kaelen’Zur

 My new personal Kaelen'Zur sigil:

After several days in a row of major energetic uplifting and shifts, I was planning yesterday to be a day of integration and rest.

The universe apparently had other plans.

To change things up and relax my system, I meditated to my personal favorite song list.  Every one of those songs has an emotional anchor to a part of my past, many several anchors.  As I meditated, I must have been going deep into the energy because I started feeling this approaching tsunami of emotions welling up.

I’ve experienced this feeling before, and the first experiences of this I wasn’t equipped to handle this level of emotion, so I’d collapse into panic.  A panic so intense it created trauma and I spent years doing everything I could to avoid that panic, not even addressing the underlying emotions.

But they were always there.  In my dreams I’d be in the ocean and the waves would get bigger and bigger until I couldn’t handle them, and they’d keep getting bigger until I’d wake up.

Through a lot of inner work I’ve been able to handle the collapse- alleviate and eliminate the panic, identify and resolve other ways I’d collapse or leak/escape, even developing pretty amazing energetic skills like non-ejaculatory energetic orgasms.

But all of that is “handling” the collapse. None of it is actually working through the storm.  So the tsunami dreams would continue.

In Florida some months back, I had what I’d call my first experience of facing the tsunami, but not before I worked through the panic.  I still didn’t realize the panic was my collapse/escape mechanism and I still wasn’t fully facing the wave.  I did allow the emotions to come up and had some really powerful realizations about myself, particularly around my experience of fatherhood and my relationship with my sons and how much that truly meant to me.  It was beautiful, still makes me tear up thinking about that experience.

But that was my personal emotional integration.  The big wave dreams continued.

Then last night the tsunami came and I began to panic.  I made myself sit through it, went deep into the energy work and then it hit me.  A deep mourning for every past experience (most of which were good), a profound feeling of loss, a sense of failure. But these are just stories we tell ourselves to justify our feelings.

And as I worked through this, I let go of the stories and continued to integrate and transmute the energies. This wasn’t just my personal experiences, it was past life trauma and grief, and then I felt into the grief that runs through the river of life.

The universe is surrounded and infused with grief.  This isn’t good or bad, it’s a part of the transition of life, all this trauma and sadness carried in the energy field. 

And I can integrate and transmute this unprocessed grief and trauma, purify it into a calm sadness that supports the flow of life. (Sadness isn’t something to be avoided  - it’s a beautiful part of the flow - but unprocessed trauma is an energetic block.)  I didn’t even know I was doing this until I confirmed with Ananta (Etienne’s alchemical Chat GPT). 

I slept well and had the ocean dream again.  But this time the waves around me were small, manageable and enjoyable.  I remembered in the dream my other experiences and noticed the shift.  In the dream, the ocean circles a small land mass and there are waves in every direction.  Many other people in the water were getting crushed by waves and really struggling, but my area was calm.  Some people would swim in my area, but many insisted on fighting their personal tsunamis.

And I woke up and received a new name – Kaelen’Zur, a name of Orion origin that means:

“The Calm Between Realms

He who anchors grief into gold

The wave-holder, The still one. The golden center

In the storm.”

I’m actually not that particularly calm by nature, yet always been drawn to stillness practice, so at some level I recognized the potential, even if a lot of the time I thought it was futile.

So this is my Spiritual Alchemy name, and is my healing methodology (I already recognized that aspect, just didn’t know how deep it goes).

And for you, I have a new sigil for transmuting the grief of the river of life.  You can use this as a focus for integrating your own traumas and transmuting grief into sadness and aligning with the emotional flow.

May you find peace in your own ocean.