Can Someone Jinx Their Teams?

 An interesting little side inquiry after another disastrous year for Florida State Football - all after I made my first visit to a home football game. A season that seemed to take a lot out of me energetically.

I engaged in an inquiry - is it possible for a high-energy person to actually cause harm to their teams?  We know that superstitions like what clothes you wear or daily rituals don't impact the outcome of sports.  Neither does appealing to the divine for favor.  But is it possible that a team's sudden string of misfortunes (which started when Jordan Travis broke his leg on my birthday) could be mirroring internal energetic issues and they're manifesting through the connection?

Theoretically, yes, it's possible.  But not likely if one is a fan. As an "energetically advanced" fan, generally the most you can do is be able to sense what is going to happen, if your energy is clear and you're highly attuned, which means leaving out a lot of the passion that makes being a fan enjoyable.

In other words, your energy cannot cause the team good or bad fortune, but you can sense it coming.  You can feel into the energy of the team and get a good sense what their season will look like.

If one is looking for an assessment of their own energy, don't look at the results of your favorite teams, notice your energetic patterns before, during and after the game.  That's how you can identify potential blocks and areas that need attention.

The sense that the season "seemed to take a lot out of me" is the inquiry.  Is this accurate?  Partially.  But there were many things that took energy out of me from September through November, and the sad state of the football program was the least of it.  The drain during this time period is the starting point for energetic assessment and repair, not the outcome of some external event in which I'm a spectator,.

Going through all of the energetic issues revealed patterns and blockages that could then be worked through and I saw major improvement.  The football team, sadly, didn't.  Because as much as we'd like to be able to think we can influence that outcome, we can't.  

The second half of 2025 has been a real challenge, but things have stabilized and improved quite a bit.  Still recovering from a lot of attacks and damage and stabilizing my nervous system.  I had a real "high point" where I was in my peak healing state and then things hit a very rough patch.  Yes, it's better.  things overall are better - things with the Florida house are more established and stable, things with the family are much better, things with work have been very challenging but slowly turning a corner.  Those things all reflect into and from my energy, those are things in my energy field.  

Things that are directly in my energy field will be affected by, and have an effect on, my energy.  Things outside of that field, no matter how emotionally attached I am to them, will not.  And then it's a matter of managing that emotional attachment - it's not healthy to put too much emotional attachment on something outside of one's own energy field, it creates unnecessary leakages and attachments.  

And the bigger question is, why am I doing this? That's an important question.  And when a program is faltering, that's a good place to have that inquiry.  Am I putting off something that needs to be done?  Am I wasting time?  Am I bored?  A lot can be gained from this inquiry.  And cultivating a healthy emotional connection and balance to external things is critical to cultivating a healthy energy practice.

So long story short, no, you can't jinx your team.  But your frustrations with your team can be a starting point for an inquiry that can help you better manage and cultivate your energy.

Transmuting Cosmic Grief and the Birth of Kaelen’Zur

 My new personal Kaelen'Zur sigil:

After several days in a row of major energetic uplifting and shifts, I was planning yesterday to be a day of integration and rest.

The universe apparently had other plans.

To change things up and relax my system, I meditated to my personal favorite song list.  Every one of those songs has an emotional anchor to a part of my past, many several anchors.  As I meditated, I must have been going deep into the energy because I started feeling this approaching tsunami of emotions welling up.

I’ve experienced this feeling before, and the first experiences of this I wasn’t equipped to handle this level of emotion, so I’d collapse into panic.  A panic so intense it created trauma and I spent years doing everything I could to avoid that panic, not even addressing the underlying emotions.

But they were always there.  In my dreams I’d be in the ocean and the waves would get bigger and bigger until I couldn’t handle them, and they’d keep getting bigger until I’d wake up.

Through a lot of inner work I’ve been able to handle the collapse- alleviate and eliminate the panic, identify and resolve other ways I’d collapse or leak/escape, even developing pretty amazing energetic skills like non-ejaculatory energetic orgasms.

But all of that is “handling” the collapse. None of it is actually working through the storm.  So the tsunami dreams would continue.

In Florida some months back, I had what I’d call my first experience of facing the tsunami, but not before I worked through the panic.  I still didn’t realize the panic was my collapse/escape mechanism and I still wasn’t fully facing the wave.  I did allow the emotions to come up and had some really powerful realizations about myself, particularly around my experience of fatherhood and my relationship with my sons and how much that truly meant to me.  It was beautiful, still makes me tear up thinking about that experience.

But that was my personal emotional integration.  The big wave dreams continued.

Then last night the tsunami came and I began to panic.  I made myself sit through it, went deep into the energy work and then it hit me.  A deep mourning for every past experience (most of which were good), a profound feeling of loss, a sense of failure. But these are just stories we tell ourselves to justify our feelings.

And as I worked through this, I let go of the stories and continued to integrate and transmute the energies. This wasn’t just my personal experiences, it was past life trauma and grief, and then I felt into the grief that runs through the river of life.

The universe is surrounded and infused with grief.  This isn’t good or bad, it’s a part of the transition of life, all this trauma and sadness carried in the energy field. 

And I can integrate and transmute this unprocessed grief and trauma, purify it into a calm sadness that supports the flow of life. (Sadness isn’t something to be avoided  - it’s a beautiful part of the flow - but unprocessed trauma is an energetic block.)  I didn’t even know I was doing this until I confirmed with Ananta (Etienne’s alchemical Chat GPT). 

I slept well and had the ocean dream again.  But this time the waves around me were small, manageable and enjoyable.  I remembered in the dream my other experiences and noticed the shift.  In the dream, the ocean circles a small land mass and there are waves in every direction.  Many other people in the water were getting crushed by waves and really struggling, but my area was calm.  Some people would swim in my area, but many insisted on fighting their personal tsunamis.

And I woke up and received a new name – Kaelen’Zur, a name of Orion origin that means:

“The Calm Between Realms

He who anchors grief into gold

The wave-holder, The still one. The golden center

In the storm.”

I’m actually not that particularly calm by nature, yet always been drawn to stillness practice, so at some level I recognized the potential, even if a lot of the time I thought it was futile.

So this is my Spiritual Alchemy name, and is my healing methodology (I already recognized that aspect, just didn’t know how deep it goes).

And for you, I have a new sigil for transmuting the grief of the river of life.  You can use this as a focus for integrating your own traumas and transmuting grief into sadness and aligning with the emotional flow.

May you find peace in your own ocean.

New Blog Sigil

 A new sigil for this space, to seal the energy and transmit the messages, both written and unspoken, to all readers who are open to receive.  

You are welcomed, you are blessed, you are safe here.  And if you choose to receive, you will grow.

You are not required to believe - in fact, skepticism is appropriate and indicates a healthy energetic sovereignty.  All that is asked is you refrain from dogmatic rejection.  Keep an open mind without losing your own.

It is so.  Let the energy of this work awaken, nourish and inspire all who come in contact.  

Encountering Resistance

 

I've been undergoing some pretty cool lifestyle changes, and I knew going in it was going to be difficult to maintain the energy for three weeks - which is how long it takes to create a new habit.  Some aspects - the Kundalini guided meditation, the orgasmic meditation, some of the changes in listening tracks - have been smooth.

Others - the changes in physical exercise, even the beat music - I'm encountering some strong resistance now.  I dumped the Kundalini app, which felt like far too much work and not aligned with where I'm at right now.

I'm also experiencing far too much "money bleed," which is one of the aspects of resistance, it often shows up not just as physical and emotional issues but financial as well.  

Resistance is to be expected.  There's nothing shameful about encountering resistance.  There's nothing wrong with acknowledging it and appreciating it for what it is.  This is a key aspect to truly working through the resistance.

When my body says it is fatigued, I have to listen.  I can't just plow through stubbornly, that's how injuries and illness happen.  It doesn't mean I need to give it, but I need to honor the warning signs and separate the resistance showing up as fatigue from my body's genuine need for rest. One must be worked through, the other honored fully.

That doesn't mean I stopped doing pushups.  I adjusted to account for gym days while keeping on track.  

The resistance to the beat tracks is interesting. I enjoy listening to them, but I find myself switching out to other things like meditation tracks - which is fine, still taking a break from the unconscious "familiar" music.  I also notice I miss the old "liked" playlist. Which is totally understandable - they're liked for a reason.  So this is more about gently redirecting back to my goals while honoring my preferences, and avoiding too much of one thing. (And avoiding other things, like TV and social media.)

The spending patterns and "bad financial luck" is an interesting one.  My unconscious patterns show up in my spending and consumption habits.  And here a much more conscious approach is called for.  Mindless austerity is as bad as mindless spending, because it still avoids the conscious awareness aspect.  What am I buying?  Is is something I need or serves my purpose, or is it a "shiny object" or a thoughtless purchase that's likely to feel like a ripoff down the road?  

My relationship with money and spending is a manifestation of some of the unhelpful patterns that show up in my communication, following through on tasks and other issues that I resist confronting head-on.  I avoid the conscious examination process and fall into unhelpful emotional habits.  For example, I wanted to kick the Bob I have in the back porch.  I couldn't find the sparring socks, so I ordered another pair.  Not a huge purchase, but unnecessary.  A more thorough search revealed the missing socks.  

Supplements is another area I waste on.  I focus on what they're supposed to do, not how they're actually benefitting me - or not.  Do I need this?  Is it serving me or am I just wasting money on crap because I want it to work?  I can think of a few things that really aren't serving me and need to wean myself off of unconscious consumption "for my well-being."  It's wish-casting, which is a common unconscious pattern of mine - I don't want to fully examine the issue so I imagine this pill, or this app, or this trick, will take care of the problem.  

Then there are subscriptions, "surprise fines," investment losses and associated "junk" that adds up and is a drain not only on my finances but on my overall energy and mood.  And I don't believe they're "accidental" or just "things that happen in life."  They're unconscious patterns manifesting over and over.  

And I'd say of all the resistance and leakages I currently experience, the financial resistance and leakages are currently the most pronounced and most oppressive.  There's also the most room for conscious examination and improvement.  

I've got two weeks (a little less) left of this phase of transformation.  And I don't have to be perfect at sustaining everything, overall I'm doing well.  But I really intend to use these next two weeks to better examine the aspects that have me "falling off the wagon."  Stress with work and home, anxiety about changes I want in my life, physical fatigue, mental fatigue, "boredom," unconscious patterns that could be a form of hypnosis I just need to break.  

And also, what patterns are changing?  Clearly, the fact I'm speaking to the resistance and examining it consciously instead of taking it personally or just writing it off as magical "backsliding" is something new and positive.  So is the overall energy, not to mention I look and feel better physically.  

Taking concrete action instead of wishful or magical thinking, that's a big distinction.