Hurricane Meditation and Undoing Into Flow

 I'm meditating into the energy of the building current hurricane in the Gulf, flowing with and transmuting the energy.  Finding the flow.

It's been a process of establishing a new life and finding that flow, or letting that flow find me.  Things are different.  I knew they would be, but at the same time I didn't really know what that meant.  In the end, it means letting go, honoring my path and purpose and feeling into that energy flow.

As usual, I think far too much when it comes to establishing a new life path.  Some of this is necessary - I'm now living in two places on opposite sides of the country in more ways than geography.  I had to create a second living environment, and then deal with the realization that it's really my only living environment, as it's the only environment where I'm actually living.

Now the energies of my prior practice and this new established reality are merging and things are coming into focus.  I don't have to worry about things like money or making sure I have what I need, because I have what I need.  I don't have to force meditations, I'm beginning to understand that.  

I create intentions and then I allow the meditative and alchemy practice to build itself around that intention.  And then in the moments I least expect, energetic flow finds me.  I stop trying to attain something and feel into that energy and for those moments life becomes timeless and immortal.  

Now is when I understand why I'm taking the energies of the hurricane season and bringing them into my energy field, transmuting them.  It creates the energy and space to really flow.  

Aah, there's that inner peace.  There's that new-old-new reality, the creation and reconnection and birth and return of the Prodigal Son all in one.  

Now I understand why it's so important to create this home in Florida.  I mean, I loved it before this moment, but I'm beginning to feel into the deeper importance, the deeper flow and purpose.

Even looking at this screen saver picture of Pensacola Beach has a different feel and meaning.  

Some thoughts coming up now:

Life is eternal.  Life is short, but there is time.

Make good decisions.

Own your mistakes, don't let your mistakes own you.  This alone can sometimes be the difference between a good and bad decision.

Flow is a practice.  Sometimes you have to practice flow before you experience it.

The misses are as important as the hits.  It's all important.  But taking it too seriously doesn't help.

Avoid withdrawal and escape.  Solitude is beautiful if it is conscious. 

Don't force, flow, but gentle effort sometimes needs to be applied.

Experience is never an escape.  Escape is rarely an experience.  

Breakthroughs and Challenges from An Amazing Asia Trip

I've been back for a couple weeks now and I'm just beginning to put together the thoughts I want to share about my experience.  It was truly a spiritual journey, in every way.  It was easily the most challenging trip to Asia I've ever experienced, as well as the most frustrating, expensive and spiritually rewarding.  It was a breakthrough, but it took a lot out of me.

The problems began from the moment I planned the trip.  I had to abandon the original trip due to unexpected conflicts, at great cost.  The second trip I set up after I had to eat the first one had numerous issues with flights, layovers and airport problems.

The cat had a mysterious wound that required surgery right before the trip.  All these weird setbacks and expenses right before the trip.

And on top of that I experienced energetic attacks the likes of which I've never experienced before.  Something clearly didn't want me to go, and it fought me the entire time.  I became instantly sick - REALLY sick - at arriving at the airport to embark on the trip.  I almost had to bail out, but my efforts to counteract the attack were answered and I instantly recovered, enough to take the trip.

I was exhausted the entire flight over, and still sick in Thailand, though I was able to begin some powerful energy work right away.  I cleared a lot of negative energies in Thailand and Bangkok and established a strong energetic bridge between Thailand and my home in Los Angeles.  I began downloading amazing gifts and insights, while still suffering attacks - physical and psychic attacks that were draining.

Within 24 hours of landing I found some amazing crystals at JJ Market.  It's like Lumerian soul crystals were coming out of the woodwork to find me.  On my journey I attracted six such objects, including an amazingly powerful and ancient Buddha pendant and a ring.  The other stones are incredibly powerful and I used these throughout the time in Asia to do some really powerful work.

Even the Thai silk is from the trip (a gift).  My crystals have a whole new energy now.

The trip was frustrating.  Every travel seemed delayed and there was a lot of driving around and things not working out.  But things did work out. We ended up in the mountains, which was a truly spiritual experience.  I sat outside among the clouds and did all kinds of amazing energy work.  Here is where I cleared up most of the energetic blockages in Thailand and opened up the ancient energies that had been blocked.  The energies are back to the way they were before the attacks and blocks.

There is amazing ancient energy in Thailand, very close to Source and free from Western and Cabal corruption.  Now that it's flowing again in Thailand and through the energetic bridge, my work has become considerably more powerful and effective.  Thailand and I took a quantum leap in evolution, but it's taking a while to integrate things and bring the message to the world.

The last leg of the journey was China.  This was not an energy I was able to fully clear.  I did some work and was able to connect somewhat to the ancient energies of my prior lives, but it's going to take a lot of work and a lot of time to clear things up.  Lots of energetic blocks, but it's better.

I returned home frustrated, dizzy, confused and tired.  I've just begun to come out of that state and start taking meaningful steps with the new powers and realizations. 

One of the new realities I'm dealing with is getting used to living without certain fantasy illusions that I've been holding onto, about myself, about others, about the work I'm doing, really everything. It feels liberating and chaotic.  Also frustrating and tiring.  I'd say I'm not myself, but the truth is I'm more fully myself than ever, it's the false structures and self-images that are not there.  Those were never me.  They're gone, yet I'm still here.

So where do I go from here?  I have a lot of work to do, and I'm doing it.  A lot of the stuff I thought I was here to do was the false structure.  I've been sitting back and criticizing people and things that are false or out of alignment.  That's a weak standpoint.  I've built an energetic home in Thailand and Los Angeles, and a bridge. 

My energetic work helped get the kids rescued during my time in Thailand (it all happened while I was there or preparing for the trip.)  That's... kind of a big deal. 

I know, sounds nuts when I say this - even here where people understand what I'm doing and some people can confirm things.  Look, I came into all this thinking it was all BS.  Part of the reason I'm having these conflicts and attacks is because I'm still dealing with my own egoic disbelief.  What happens is I get my ass kicked so hard I have no energy or capacity left to argue and then things HAPPEN.  Like, really incredible things.  Because I'm doing energy work when I'm too punch-drink and sick to question what I'm doing. 

I've muscle tested and pendulum tested until my fingers are sore.  This is happening for real.  And the message I'm receiving is this is just the tip of the iceberg.

A while back (I posted here earlier in the summer) I went to the beach and had a major transformation and it's like nothing's been the same since.  I mean, I go about my life the same - I do my job and the things I need to do, but on a spiritual level everything is different, a whole new universe has opened up and my purpose looks much, much bigger.

The message I got was "king," then Etienne used the term "Lords of Light."  That also resonates.  It's a big role, but it looks nothing like what I see other light workers doing.  But that's been my problem, I've been devaluing my own powers and gifts and purpose by comparing myself to others and then pointing out how others are wrong.  That's weak. 

One of the messages I received is something that applies universally, so I'll share it: 

"Release attachment to fantasies of a better self and better life.  Focus on gratitude and appreciation of your true self, here and now.  The journey of fantasy will lead only to scarcity and disappointment.  The journey of gratitude and self-discovery will lead to riches beyond any fantasy you could possibly imagine.  True wealth and power is only found here and now."

You need to spend some time on that, it's a powerful truth.  And the process of shedding fantasy and truly diving into the here and now, of self-discovery and self-awakening is a difficult process and the essence of why I am here.

Cal Sucks: The End of False Hope

Cal sucks.

It’s taken me almost thirty years of fandom to accept this obvious reality.

Cal sucks.  When it comes to major athletics – football and Men’s basketball – Cal simply sucks.  Thoroughly and consistently.  And it’s not going to change.

In the thirty years I’ve actively followed Cal football, Cal has posted losing records in the large majority of those years.  That’s sucking.  And they’ve made the NCAA tournament in men’s basketball just a handful of time.  Again, that’s flat-out sucking.

But it’s so much worse than that.  Over those thirty years (far more if one goes into history), Cal has had THREE football seasons that would be considered “good” (10 win seasons).  And in each of those 10-win seasons, that’s ALL the wins they got. Even the few years Cal is good, they suck.  Over those thirty years Cal has made it to the Sweet Sixteen TWICE, losing handily both times once they got there. 

Of the football seasons where Cal had a winning season (not many), the huge majority of those season were BARELY winning season – 8 wins or less.  So top to bottom, the football team sucks.

The teams land talent.  The NFL is full of players who went to Cal – some doing quite well, and a lot better than they ever did at Cal.  The NBA has former Cal players. Yet even with talent, Cal football and men’s basketball programs – just suck.  It’s cultural, it’s in the programs’ DNA.  And it’ll never change.

Now, this is fine if one accepts the obvious historical realities and enjoys the programs for what they are – mildly entertaining but never going to win many games.  They’re loveable losers, and only loveable if a fan fully accepts that the teams are and always will be losers. 

Cal had Jason Kidd on the basketball team and won exactly TWO NCAA tourney games during his entire career.  Cal had Aaron Rodgers as QB and Marshawn Lynch as RB – ON THE SAME TEAM - and had ONE 10-win season, where they lost to Texas Tech in a middling bowl game, during that time.  Those players had far more success at the professional level than the collegiate level because CAL SUCKS.

Jared Goff was a Cal QB who went #1 in the draft – after a 14-23 career at Cal.  In other words, the NFL has COMPLETELY DISCOUNTED the fact that Cal football just FLAT-OUT-SUCKS, no matter what kind of talent is on the team.  (And this has proven to be justified, as Goff has gone on to do well in the NFL, while Cal football… continues to suck.)

And it’s just the way it is.  Thirty years is a more than adequate sample size – lots of different Chancellors, Athletic Directors, coaches, even a new stadium.  Guess what stayed the same?  The suck. 

I don’t bring this up to pile on Cal.  Okay, maybe a little.  Cal has been losing at football and men’s basketball for over sixty years.  (Yes, Cal got one NCAA tourney championship – under a coach who promptly left and did the same thing at a neighboring school which also sucks at basketball.)  Even the one year in the 50s when Cal got to the Rose Bowl they sucked – it just so happened all the good teams were hit with sanctions at the same time, so Cal backed in – and then got their asses kicked in the Rose Bowl.  Because even back then, they sucked.

This is a school that insists on keeping a mascot that looks like a carpet sample the dog used as a diarrhea toilet for thirty years, because it’s “tradition.” And whose fans think said mascot is cool enough that they can disparage Stanford’s tree mascot.  In truth, Stanford has a hideous mascot, but when our mascot looks and smells like a turd with a sweater and clown shoes, we Cal fans should really be quiet when it comes to mascots.  Colorado, Air Force, Texas have AWESOME mascots Cal fan complain about while Cal has a walking rape practice dummy dragged in from People's Park.  And when our major teams play like said smelly turds in good years, and said rape dummies in the other years (hello, Wyking Jones and Sonny Dykes), we Cal fans shouldn’t be disparaging anyone about, well, anything.

All of this is a long way of saying I’ve been a stupid, delusional person when it’s come to Cal football and basketball.  A stupid, delusional person who for thirty years (well, a little less) believed THINGS WOULD CHANGE.  All the years of losing, of mediocre wins, of just plain sucking, and I’d believe a bright future was just around the corner. 

Every winning season was just a ripple in a sea of losing.  But THIS winning season would be different.  THIS YEAR would be different.  That’s not Cal, that’s me.  As much as Cal has sucked, I’ve sucked worse.

Well, I’m done sucking.  I’m doing what I should have done years ago – giving up on Cal.  That is, giving up on my delusional fantasy that Cal would ever be anything other than… Cal.  Cal will always be Cal.  And as such, Cal will always suck.  History doesn’t lie.  Reality doesn’t lie.  Self-delusion and false hope lies all day long. 

I regret the energy I put into something so stupid that sucked so badly for so long.  Really regret it.  I was an idiot.  It’s a testament to the power of hope, but also a cautionary tale about the power of self-delusion.

That doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy watching a game.  College football is fun.  Just don’t expect anything.  Because whether they win or lose that game, Cal will still suck.  No point in fighting it.

I can’t take back all the energy and stress wasted over something so stupid that amounted to nothing.  Even investing that much energy in a team that regularly wins is stupid, but at least USC fans can point to a tradition of winning to justify a meaningless existence.  I just have time and energy I’ll never get back.

I also have a lesson.  A lesson in both the power and danger of hope.  Hope can keep one going a long time.  It can keep one’s spirits up when things are bad.  And that’s a good thing.  But hope can also keep one from changing.  I look at the energy I wasted on Cal football and think “what if I had come to this place earlier in life?” 

I would have had to look at my time and find better things to do.  Which would have led me to look at a lot of other unhealthy things I was doing that I was ignoring while I obsessed over sucky sports teams.  It took me a long time to find a good place, and most of the big positive changes I made came after I began to accept that my hope in Cal athletics was misplaced and it was time to take action in my life. 

Optimism is great, but false hope is nothing but a drug.  Clear vision is important.  See what is working well, what needs work and what just flat-out sucks.  And determine what can be improved and what can’t.  And if you can’t improve it, cut out the things that suck.  Even if you’ve been holding on to them for years.  Especially if you have.

Because a tradition of holding on to things that suck that you cannot change… well, it sucks.  Cal sucks.

Post-Thailand Epiphanies

Spending time in Thailand gives me a new perspective, both on a micro and macro level.  Being in a completely different part of the world that generally doesn’t care about the pointless BS that dominates American media (not that Thai media lacks in any way for pointless BS, just that it’s their BS, and I can’t understand what they’re talking about anyhow).  Staying in a pretty remote part of Thailand made any contact with media difficult if not impossible.

Apparently I picked a good week to be off the grid and not able to pay attention to what was going on in the US.  I missed one of the most annoying and energy-draining media weeks ever.  Too bad I had to return before the eclipse, it would have been nice to miss the hippies going on and on about that, too.

On a micro level, I was separated from the day-to-day stuff at work, the TV, the annoying scheduling issues, money issues, things that don’t matter one bit. I was also separated from technology to a large extent.  I didn’t miss any of that.

I know you can’t hide from your problems, but you can create some distance, even if temporary, and gain a different perspective.  When I’m in the middle of everything, it’s hard to differentiate between what’s truly important and what isn’t, and I end up wasting energy on unimportant things.  I come back and have a much better sense of what I need to do and what I can let go. 

I know I tend to worry too much.  I’ve always known that.  But this time I had some experiences, one in particular, that shifted my attitude.  Things just aren’t going to bother me anymore the way they used to.  Everything is different.

I’ve said that a few times - everything is different.  And each time, things were different, but certain patterns stayed the same.  This time those patterns were challenged hard and they didn’t survive the challenge.  Everything is much more clear.

So what’s the big takeaway?  None of this shit matters.  Both at the micro and macro level, none of this shit matters and isn’t worth worrying about.  The news media is so distorted it’s basically fiction.  All those stories about how the world is coming to an end?  Not happening.  All the worrying about my job and money and stupid personality issues – none of that matters for shit either.

It’s possible – and even pretty easy – to go off the grid and have a happy and fulfilling life.  Yes, even an intellectually fulfilling life. You think that news media is keeping your brain challenged?  No, it’s making your brain atrophy while fooling you into thinking you’re using brain cells. 

It is not difficult to live a happy life.  There are tons of people who have a far more difficult life than us first-worlders and they have happy and fulfilling lives.  We worry about all kinds of crap that is either never going to happen or it won’t matter if it does.  We do stupid things like obsess over health insurance when what we really need to do is turn off the TV, get off the internet and go for a walk and hang out with friends.

Before this last trip I’d been worrying about retirement.  It’s so stupid.  We spend all this energy stressing over trying to keep our comforts and we never enjoy anything.  Then one day we have outlived our ability to enjoy those comforts and in the end they didn’t matter anyhow.

We really don’t need much in this life.  And the additional things we add become exponentially more expensive to obtain and bring increasingly diminishing levels of happiness.  My rich friends work 90+ hour weeks and for what?  I used to curse my “low energy” and lack of desire to work and work to make a fortune.  Now I consider that personality “flaw” to be a gift.  The huge majority of wealthy people I know are unhappy, and the few I know who are would be just as happy in the middle class.  I see a lot of pursuing of wealth and status and very little actual being in happiness.

And I’ve been as caught up in that crap as anyone.  I can cite my backstory, but service to a lame backstory is just lame. I am not my backstory.  And it’s easy to change a backstory – every new action quickly becomes a new backstory, and they add up.

I just cleared out my “sent” folder in one of my email accounts.  I hadn’t touched it in a very long time – late 2008, in fact.  So almost ten years of junk in there.  Most of those years were pretty unhappy, but it’s clear now most of that pain was self-inflicted, or at least self-perpetuated. 

So how do I know these old patterns have changed, or destroyed (if new patterns have yet to emerge)? For one thing, I’m noticing how differently I go about my day, in many ways.  Even my bedtime and sleep patterns are different. I look at people differently, and I feel different when I’m doing that.  I communicate differently.  It’s like a part of my brain that was acting out of fear or something like that was zapped and I see things differently. 

I look back at some of the old stuff, like nine years of emails, and I really don’t know why some things seemed so important then.  And it’s one thing to feel different because I’m in a better place and another to just not care about those things.  My “bad places” were almost entirely due to my psychic self-torture or worrying about things that weren’t relevant.

 

None of it matters.  That doesn’t mean fall into despair and do nothing.  It means follow your heart, it will be okay.  Stop holding onto things that make you unhappy because you’re afraid.  Say what’s on your mind, communicate openly, take care of the things that really matter, then let it go. Mistakes are okay, dwelling on them is counterproductive.  Self-torture is a poor teaching modality.  Being wrong or making a mistake is not a sin that requires repentance. 

Don’t measure yourself against others.  Don’t try live someone else’s life – chances are they’re not living their own life either.  If you can’t find happiness within, you won’t be able to see it in others – so if you’re unhappy, you’re just going to be comparing yourself to other unhappy people.  And if you’re happy, you won’t be comparing yourself to anyone.  So even if you’re unhappy, just don’t compare yourself to others and it’ll be one less thing making you unhappy.  

A clear mind is the foundation of a happy life. Social media, news media, politics, gossip, drama – these things blur and distort the mind without offering any value or nourishment.  Better to be bored than occupied with things that distort a clear mind.