The Empty House Vision

I have this recurring dream/ vision that I’m in a completely empty house.  There’s not a piece of furniture or anything else in it.  It’s spotless – clean, the air is crystal clear, the temperature is a steady, moderate temperature everywhere.  And there is nobody there, nothing there, just an empty building.

Sometimes a guide brings me there and then she leaves.  The last time there was a guide, she looked like the Thai singer Palmy.  Sometimes I just show up.

Outside is an empty desert – just nothing.  Not hot, not cold, just open and empty.

I get the message that I can create whatever I want, but I don’t know how.  How do I generate what I want from nothingness?  So I feel stuck there, like I’m trapped in a void.  It feels empty, lonely.

The slate is clean, my life is whatever I want to make of it and I can’t make a damn thing.  And there’s nothing there.  And the feeling of emptiness seems to go on forever.

So all the bad stuff is gone, but then there’s nothing but me and I’m alone.

Shouldn’t I know how to create something from nothing?  Shouldn’t I be able to draw from the infinite power of the universe?  But there’s just nothing.

And there’s no backstory.  Am I dead?  Was I transported there? Did something happen?  Where is everyone else? 

That is a big worry of mine, that everything I’m doing will end up being for nothing, that this is all a big waste of time in the end.  It gets to the heart of my lack of belief in some of the spiritual aspects I’m engaged in – what if in the end it’s all bullshit?

I can’t shake that, this feeling of limbo. I do these things, I test them to be accurate, and I still worry that it’s all bullshit.

I test:  my spiritual pursuits are all bullshit – false.

My spiritual pursuits are true and accurate – true.

My doubts are valid and real – true.

So I really am in some state of limbo – I’m drawn to a certain pursuit, but I don’t see the point and can’t bring my physical and emotional self to align and accept this as reality.  The dualistic spiritual concept I grew up with is false, but the alternative seems like some lame science fiction novel.  

Things are happening that point to some higher spiritual path, but right now it just feels empty and lonely and a big waste of time.

I haven’t broken through to the physical and emotional levels yet.  I’m still working through internal conflicts and feel kind of lost.

So I guess the empty house is really where I’m at right now.  I’ve cleared out the falsehoods but have yet to receive the truth.  This is not a fun place to be.