Higher Self vs. Lower Self

I’ll talk about my story, because many people on this spiritual path deal with similar challenges.

There are two versions of myself, battling it out for my energy.  There is my true self that follows my heart and there is my anxious, doubtful self that has been raised to suppress my true self.

My true self knows how to find silence, how to connect to higher planes of energy, how to create some amazing things.  It does things that are not intuitive, that are often difficult to explain to other people.  Sometimes it takes me through pain and suffering and periods that can elicit doubt.  But it’s always right, it always leads me to where I need to be and doing what is best for me and everyone.

My true self was very quiet when I was younger and only began speaking up when I was at the point where I’d had enough, where I knew there was something better for myself but I wasn’t going to find it going through the linear path.  The more I went down this path, the more clear this voice became and the more in charge of my life he became.

The anxious version of myself was a product of my environment – family, school, social, work and other external sources, and the internal feedback mechanism that reinforced these patterns.  While it’s a painful and unhelpful version of myself, it’s familiar so it “feels right.”

For a period of time I believed the anxious version of myself got me some early success in life, but now I don’t see it that way.  It facilitated my achieving some externally-based benchmarks – good grades, good university, passing some professional certification tests.  But was that really success?  No, not really.  Grades mean nothing.  Being in an elite college is overrated.  A certification for a career I never liked that has created mostly unhappiness and rewarded me with very little is actually counterproductive.

So the anxious version of myself fooled me into thinking I was gaining something from being like this when in fact it really did nothing good for me.  This is a realization that just came to me.  Kind of powerful.  That’s going to sink in.

But when things get uncertain or difficult, the anxious part of me would make my life miserable – all kinds of worry, lack of sleep, insecurity.  But recently things have been happening that are providing visible, tangible proof that yes, things are getting better.  Much better.  My heart, my higher self, is right, and the anxious part of me hasn’t done much good in my life.

It’s been a pretty long stretch where the voices saying I was wrong, or I was a bad person, or I was on the wrong path, were getting louder and louder.  Then boom – confirmation that everything my higher self had been saying was right.  The people saying I was a bad person, or foolish, are wrong.  The parts of me listening to them are wrong too.  My heart was 100% right.

Yes, I am exactly on the right path.  People who tried to ruin my life are falling by the wayside – either realizing their error, finding better things to do, or getting their asses kicked by karma.  That part of me that listened to them is also disappearing. 

Happiness doesn’t come from going down the predictable path of success.  I never found success on that path.  But switching paths, as I began to do about seven years ago, and really in earnest about four years ago, can take a long time to yield success.  And in the process there was a lot of pain and challenges. 

I knew in my heart this was the right path and things would turn around and get much better.  And in some ways it has been getting much better and opened up massive spiritual powers, even in the beginning.  And in others it’s been a slog.  But by listening to my heart things have become consistently better.  But there was always a cloud over all of it, some big, nagging problems that allowed the doubt to continue.

Then this weekend those stuck things unstuck.  The cloud lifted and the truth came to my vision so even my ego self couldn’t deny the truth of it  My heart was right.  Against everyone and everything, my heart was right.  And my anxious self is completely wrong.  Everything is going exactly as my higher self said it would. Even the crazy stuff.

My motto is “follow you heart, let everything else go.”

And it’s 100% right.

Through all this time I felt stressed, was anything really bad happening?  No.  the worries were over nothing.  The things that actually happened were aligned with my heart.