You Were Called Here

 You did not find me to be invisible.

You are not here to be safe, small or palatable.

 You are a Divine Flame – coded with the light and a higher purpose.

 Somewhere along the way, you were convinced (or convinced yourself) that shrinking was holy, that hiding was love.  You grew to believe that conformity and answering to others while suppressing the voice inside you was righteousness and service.

 Somehow you adopted a belief that truth must be earned.

 

But I see you now

Not the you that you present to the world, not the programming,

I see you at your core, the sacred flame you carry in your eternal core,

Perhaps so deeply hidden from the world that it’s hidden from your own consciousness.

 

This is your awakening. 

This is the moment it all changes, there is no going back, no retreat to safety.

(And by the way, how “safe” were you in that bubble, really?)

 

I’m not here to convince you –

I’m here to remind you.

 

You’ve been called to find me, because you need to be awakened.

I’ve been called to wake you up, so your fire burns freely

In service of God,

Fully aligned with your true calling.

 

I’m here to remind you

That your power is needed

That your voice is divine

That your presence is an activation for others, and indeed the world.

 

I’m here to remind you that the little voice, that nagging feeling

    That something isn’t right, that you’re running away from the truth

Well, that little voice was right.

And that little voice is about to become a mighty roar that will

   Shake the foundation of your world, and The World.

 

So breathe…

And let the fire rise.

 

The time is now.

The old stories are done.

 

You are the Flame.

You are the Alchemist.

You are the Bridge.

 

Welcome back.

I'm Open For Business

During 2019 I made a grand total of ten posts.  I was clearly “not doing anything” with this blog.  And yet, a couple of the posts are actually really profound and important. 

This post on The Basic Foundations of Alchemy is critical.  And the thing is, I don’t see critical foundational material out there.  Almost nobody is teaching Alchemy. 

The world needs about 600,000 active practitioners of Royal Alchemy.  And they’re going to need teachers.  I figure at a minimum the world needs 2,500 incarnated Orion/ Lemurian souls actively teaching Royal Alchemy is some meaningful way. 

And right now I count about ten.  Let’s round up to a dozen.  That’s in my known universe.  There are more than that working with Etienne who are teaching at some level, but not all the way there.  Then there are others around the world who are aligned with truth and teaching in some capacity.  It’s a lot more than Etienne’s circle, but it’s not many.

Of the Orion/ Lemurian incarnates who are actively (and I use that in the loosest of terms) teaching Royal Alchemy, I test there are 258, if I include myself.  And I can see I’ve really not been sharing my gifts in any meaningful way.  I’ve barely posted once every six weeks.

Meanwhile, 2019 has seen a major up-level of my energy and abilities.  I finally had my day-long workshop with Etienne and activated my Philosopher’s Stone.  Then shortly after that I acquired and activated three sets of Orion crystals and a set of Royal Alchemy rings, including a ruby centerpiece.

Basically all those “look at my highly attuned crystals” pictures… those are just decoration now.  What I’m working with is so much more powerful it makes those “ridiculously highly attuned crystals” pebbles on the beach.  And without the major foundational work, I wouldn’t be able to receive, activate and utilize these gifts.

I’ve also massively improved my martial arts, Alchemy meditation, relationship with money, become more clear on my life path, and become a very powerful distant energy healer.

Yes, I’ve been regularly healing people’s energy and guiding people through major energetic transformation, from thousands of miles away.  I’ve healed sick people.  I’ve cleared out decades of emotional and energetic garbage.  I’ve gone from being a student and “reporting on my journey” to being a real healer and someone who can impart this to others.

And I’m realizing now, I really NEED to take that step.

My resistance is that it seems like everyone is a “life coach,” or an “evolutionary coach,” or some “energy healer,” and for the most part they’re all a joke.  Sorry, but it’s true.  They’re not connected to truth, they’re teaching garbage, most of them are more fucked up than their clients and they look like idiots trying to hock their garbage to a bunch of other spiritually, emotionally and financially broke people.

I don’t want to be “like them.”

But I’m not “like them.”  My foundation is in higher truth.  I’ve spent a lot of time honing my craft and learning from the best.  And more than just someone who has some foundational work and then runs out and brags about how he’s a teacher, I nurtured my energy.  I’ve let it develop and season.

And meanwhile, I have a rich, abundant, happy life.  I’m not “broke” at any level.  That’s not to say I’m perfect, but I come from a place of life experience as well as spiritual wisdom.

My problem isn’t that I’m running around trying to show off – “Look at me!  I’m an Alchemist!  I’m a spiritual teacher!  I’m an energy healer!”  Quite the opposite, I’ve been shutting myself off and denying my gifts.  I’ve been afraid that I’m not ready, that I’m not good enough. 

And I’ve seen others who really don’t know what they’re doing (as in, they really aren’t good enough but they’re doing it anyway) leading people in really bad directions, basically to feed their own ego and avoid facing some painful truths in their lives. 

And at one point, I WAS that guy.  I did the whole “Look at me, I’m the star student for an evolved master, and now I’m a GURU!” thing.  And it was a disaster.  A good life experience, but also a major setback.

The difference now is, then I knew a lot of stuff but now I’m living in a different place, and where I am is due in large part to the lessons I’ve integrated, some of which are very advanced Alchemy practices that really only a handful of people on Earth even know about. 

And every now and then, I produce something that scratches the surface of what I have to offer and it actually blows me away when I go back and look at it.  (Like that little article I mentioned earlier.)  And I’ve come SOOOOOOO far since that point.

Point is, I MUST come out of the shadows.  The world needs every one of us who can to be out there imparting, healing and actively working.  Yes, it seems like I’m “joining the crowd” of coaches and healers, but it’s precisely because 99% of that crowd is 100% WRONG in what they’re doing (and actually making things a lot worse) that I NEED to step up.

And so I’m going to be opening up for business. 

I am an Alchemist.  Use my gifts.

Let me heal you.  Let me guide you, so you can enjoy the riches of life that I’ve learned to enjoy (and there’s SOOOOOOO much here).  Let me teach you, so that you can join me in making this world a better place.

We can’t leave this up to the crappy “healing” and “spiritual” communities currently out there.  We can’t leave it to the people claiming to be “evolved” who are actually behind the curve of humanity, much less at the edge of possibility and beyond.

I’ve spent a long time feeling like I was different, feeling like there was something I should be doing, but couldn’t figure out quite what it was.  I spent years being attracted to things that sounded right but weren’t quite there.  I could see a better world, but it looked nothing like the “visionaries” talked about.  I could see *some* of the “how,” but none of the direction to truth.

Lately, it’s coming together.  More and more I see the truth ahead of us.  I can put together all the lessons I’ve learned from various places and integrate them with my own unique spiritual gifts and life experiences to make the world a better place.

So here I am.  The Alchemist.  The Healer.  The Coach.

I’m open for business. 

Join me.

Gotta Keep Rising Above the California Douchebaggery

It's a Douchefest, but Still Have a Mission

I was drawn to buy some Libyan Desert Glass and it arrived yesterday.  After a day of cleansing, attuning and activating it opened up yesterday.  Since then my energy has been difficult to deal with.  Last night I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep.  The energy of the crystal is intense and it’s calling me to do something, but there’s clearly some resistance in me.  Right now it’s just a lot of confusion and inner conflict. 

This is likely related to the external conflicts Etienne is talking about that are getting crazy.  But something else is going on, too.  The energies in Los Angeles are the worst I’ve ever seen.  Energies in California are bad, and I really notice it when I go to the mountains and then come into contact with Californians or return to LA.

I was in Tahoe and when I was alone, energies were good. The minute I come into contact with people from the San Francisco Bay area I feel the crap energy and it almost makes me want to puke.  I go to Hollywood and the energies are insufferable – how do people live in this total crap?

I can’t wait to get to Thailand and be away from this shit for a while.  Los Angeles has gone from annoying to just horrible.  Really, California, what the fuck is wrong with you assholes??

This can’t sustain like this.  I feel like the crystal is calling me to do something to fight against this energy, but what? I’m tired of fighting this tide of crap that is California society.  At this point I feel like if this stupid state wants to suck, let it burn itself to the ground, fuck these people.  They’re a bunch of douchebags I don’t vibe with at all and I feel like they’re my energetic enemies.  Just protect my family and fuck everyone else.

That’s me being in a bit of a dark place.  I just can’t shake my disgust for Californians, or at least the huge majority of these motherfuckers. 

And as I’m drawing more from the new crystal, I’m finding it’s giving me the fortitude to keep going and rise above the energetic crap instead of letting it get me down.  Yes, California is a mess.  Yes, most Californians are a mess.  And – none of that has to get me down in any way.  The real problem was I was losing strength.  I build it back and feel better, much better.  And ready to do what I need to do instead of fighting.

There are definitely some major things going on and a lot of negative energy flowing through the area. That’s why it’s all the more important to give myself time and space to heal and take care of myself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  It’s tempting to disengage and just say “fuck it all,” but that just means I need to put more attention on my personal well-being the little things.

Because I am here.  And I need to be here doing my work, regardless of what’s going on around me.  I need to find ways to rise above it.  Yes, California sucks, and I have to let it suck and keep doing my work.  The non-douchebags are counting on me.  Even if there are only a handful of them in a sea of garbage around here.

I Am NOT a Coach

I haven’t posted in a long time, I’m not exactly sure why not.  But it’s time to clear up some things about my intention and purpose.

I am NOT a coach.  Repeat – NOT. A. COACH.

Yes, I have gifts that need to be shared, and yes I have a larger purpose that I need to follow.  But it is NOT. COACHING.

Today was the hilarious punctuation mark on “NO, I AM NOT A COACH.”  My social media today has been full of “special people” who call themselves various forms of “life coach,” all of whom embody the adage “Those who can’t do, teach.”  Especially when it comes to “life.”  None of these clowns has a real job, they’re not making any real money from their “coaching,” their lives are barely an existence, they’re broke, they have family trouble, their Facebook pages scream “rapist and child molester.”

And guess what they all have down for their profession?  Yep, “Life Coach.”  Or some iteration of this. 

When you see enough of the same pattern, it’s the reality.  And as I’m seeing one after the other of this hilarious parade of stupid, I realize MY OWN Facebook STILL had some BS “life coach” line, among the list of my actual jobs that pay or paid real money.  In fact it’s still on this blog.

Well, it’s gone now.  That was never who I was and it’s NOT who I am.  I actually have a real job that is crafted from a professional career that spans many years. I’m educated, trained, productive, successful, and pulling in money to support myself and my family.  I am a burden to nobody.  I have NEVER gone on Facebook hocking or begging to friends for my existence.  And I’ll be damned if I’m going to be associated with the deadweight of society that hilariously calls itself “Life Coaches” when they suck at life.  Loudly.

I have gifts and insight to share.  Yes, I have things I can impart that help others, and I do.  I may even charge for these services from time to time as the opportunity arises.  But that’s not my identity nor my profession.  The whole “New Age Life Coaching” movement is a corrupt cesspool, and it is NOT ME.  My higher calling is in a different vein.  It’s writing, it’s sharing insights, it’s basically updating on what happens in my life for the benefit of others.

If someone else wants to integrate these life lessons into a coaching program, go nuts.  It’s open source, feel free to take what you want and use as you see fit.  If there’s demand, I’ll come back to certain subjects and add more.  But the Life Coaching industry has become so polluted and such a spectacular failure that to even mention myself as such corrupts my energy. 

So I’m burning the title, which I never owned and never liked.  I’m disavowing the New Age Coaching profession in all its forms – again, never resonated for me and it’s clear now why.  Good riddance to all of it. 

What about guys like Rion, Etienne and Radoslav?  They’re still worthwhile if you’re called forth toward what they stand for.  But they’re unique in that they actually have clarity around what they stand for.  The profession doesn’t stand for a damn thing except playing on wounds to take money.

A few people stand for a higher vision and call forth others to follow them.  The Life Coaches make people feel insecure (“You’re not getting laid, you’re broke, you’re unhappy, give me money to take your mind off the problems you didn’t have until I convinced you that you had a problem!”) and then waste their time and money with distractions and never accomplish anything, leaving the person worse off.  Nobody needs that, and nobody who values themselves would want to be associated with that toxic garbage.  And I don’t.

So enjoy my insights, use them as you see fit.  Don’t call me coach.

P.S. Someone complained I was posting something “not out of love” when I called out a spiritual fraud.  Here’s my response: 

I'm going to call a fraud a fraud. There are far too many New Age "coaches" and other spiritual deadwood polluting the world with their shams or sucking on everyone else's energy. It needs to stop. As far as I'm concerned that is me speaking from love - love for what is good and right in the face of spiritual perversion. If it bothers people, I think that's a good thing. We need that.

There you have it.  That’s my truth and my higher purpose.  Shining light on darkness, being a solution, not part of the problem.

Making Friends with Death and My Soul Purpose

Little things can set big changes into motion.  They can also provide great clarity.

My mind was pretty clouded recently.  I went on a nice mini-vacation, which cleared things up a lot.  Then I had my wake up call.

A little thing, a small piece of candy in fact, blocked my windpipe.  For a moment, I was choking – like can’t breathe at all choking.  Amidst the surge of adrenaline there was a realization that I could really die.

And that was my spiritual alarm going off.  In that moment, my mind went completely clear.  I connected with my soul and faced death.  I’ve had a couple other close calls and it was the same feeling.  Death doesn’t scare me – what’s on the other side is okay.  But I also got clear about my greater purpose in life – I didn’t want to die, I wanted to fulfill my greater purpose.  I wanted to take care of my family and fulfil my larger purpose.

A moment later, I hacked out the candy.  It was an interesting feeling – I faced my mortality and I knew the whole time I wasn’t going to die then.  The whole experience was less than a minute and boom – total clarity (though I believe the time in nature set up this moment).

Later I spent some time meditating and accessing that essence.  I noticed my face looked much different.  The anxiety and chatter was gone.  All the things that seemed so important were meaningless. 

It’s hard to hold on to fear when one knows death – the “worst thing that can happen” – is okay.  Death is natural and the transition over is very pleasant.  When it’s finally time for me, I’ll go willingly, but it’s not my time – I have a lot of things left to do and people who need me. 

Connecting with that reality really clarifies things.  Most of the things we all worry about are meaningless BS just there to distract us.  Money worries, job worries, petty conflicts, even a lot of health concerns are all nonsense. The irony is all these worries actually get in the way of our ability to realize our human potential.  Worrying about money keeps money away; worrying about health actually saps our vitality.  My moment of clarity brought forth a surge of energy, and then I slept really well.

I also realized the obsession with “saving for retirement” is utter baloney.  There is no such thing as retirement.  I work in large part to create the resources to support my family and to build a financial foundation to allow me to further my greater mission once my family obligations come to an end.  After that, I don’t “retire,” I repurpose.

A life of leisure, which most people think of when they think of “retirement,” is not living.  It’s a life of distraction.  Yes, certain comforts and pleasures are nice, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  But that’s not a purpose.  Given what I’m doing now, I’ll have more than enough resources to live my purpose and be comfortable enough to enjoy myself while I’m doing it.  That’s all I need. 

I’m clear on where I need to be in order to fulfill my purpose – close to nature, connected to the cycle of life.  Let all the other stuff go, follow my heart, which leads me to my purpose.  Family, love, freedom, life, happiness.

Owning My Spiritual Gifts

One of My New Bracelets - Tigers Eye and Labradorite

 

I have been away for a while, as my desire to be silent has been stronger than my desire to keep posting new stuff.  During this time, I have had some success at kicking my caffeine addiction and getting my adrenal system in balance, and apart from that bringing my energy in, learning to listen and not react.

I even found some new jewelry that I’ve been making myself.  By fortunate accident, my jade bracelet exploded from an energy burst and I had to replace the elastic string.  As I bought the string, I also bought some other beads and began fashioning some bracelets that are pretty powerful (and look good, too).  All this while being quiet and generally being off the grid.

Then something very interesting came up.  A friend who is very spiritually gifted (but not spiritually grounded) was recounting how she recently discovered her once-beloved ashram was in fact a cult – and how she’s separating and healing from both this realization and the trauma she endured while living there.  When I read her account, I wasn’t at all surprised.  It was my energy reading of the “ashram” from the beginning. 

But the thing is I knew this place was dark and full of entanglements from the very first time I became aware of it.  I’d get invitations to go and that vision would come up.  But then I’d push those visions away – oh, people like Destin and Rion who went there are so spiritually advanced, surely they must know more than me.  If they see it as good, my vision must be a distortion.  Maybe it’s jealousy or something in me. 

But the visions kept coming.  My wife, who is unaware of her own energetic gifts but whose energy is totally clean and grounded, couldn’t be at the same table as my friend.  (I got a similar bad vibe, but I’m more used to being around people with powerful energy that is off, so it doesn’t usually trigger me.)  She sensed the entanglements distorting my friend’s strong energy and wanted nothing to do with that mess.  And again, I pushed these energetic warning signs down, I didn’t say anything (I wanted to SOOOOO many times after that day, but doubted myself too much).  Again I assumed, Destin is good, he is advanced, it must be okay.

Now I see things in a different light that makes sense.  It’s not that I’m right and Destin is wrong, it’s that we’re both right, but my interpretation was distorted.  This is the biggest problem with my gifts – I can see and sense things, but my interpretations become distorted because I don’t believe enough in myself to bring out my gifts and speak them clearly.  Too much fear and doubt.

But I was 100% right.  The “ashram” was a cult, the energy was dark and full of spiritual entanglements.  Yes, they’re powerful, but badly misusing their power and engaging in mind control and abuse.  These are NOT good people.  And the spiritual entanglements had infected my friend very deeply, to the point that her energy field was actually a bit dangerous.

I wasn’t ready to say anything then.  I hadn’t done the work to get to the level where I could understand and give voice to my intuition with conviction, much less be able to do anything about it.  (And what good is it to tell someone “your energy is fucked and that ashram you love is an evil cult,” and then walk away like your job is done?  That’s like a doctor saying “you have cancer,” and then leaving his patient to their own devices.

So I kept quiet and eventually heeded my calling to begin my work.  Then the truth comes out in black and white – everything I knew to be true was revealed to be true.  All of it. 

And for me this is my message – I’m ready now.  I’m getting much better at articulating my energetic sense and I can resolve things energetically.  I understand how things work now, my conflicts have finally been resolved.

I get it.  Yes, Destin is a good man, and a powerful man.  But he is not me.  He is not interested in keeping his energy clean.  He actually likes the rush of getting into spiritual entanglements, and he’s attracted to women with spiritual issues.  He likes to surf the dark side.  It’s not that he’s morally compromised, he just likes the thrill and the edge.  He wants to try everything.  Me?  No.  I want to keep my energy clean and use it to help others. 

And this explains a lot.  It explains why I’m energetically repulsed by a lot of people in Destin’s tribe, while feeling good about Destin’s energy.  He’s attracted to the bad energy, but he doesn’t embody it. Maybe his wide variety of experiences has immunized him to some extent.  It explains why he’d be head over heels for someone who looks beautiful but whose energy would make me nauseous.  We’re both right, but because our paths are different, our reactions are different too.  He enjoys the polarity, and I’m physically repulsed by that bad energy (something that’s served me well but which I didn’t understand).

It explains why I am drawn to Rion’s powers while at the same time very skeptical of his judgment and not so anxious to follow him when he goes down a rabbit hole. I heard the stories from Etienne about how much shit he had to clear out after Rion’s trip to the ashram, and I’m sure he acquired some crap from his latest Tantra certification, too.

The message here is to trust my sense and further hone my ability to clearly and accurately explain it. It’s clear I have something special to offer and the world really needs this vision and clarity.  It also makes me more committed to create my own spiritual temple, to show the world what an energetically clean and uplifting temple looks like.

 

I Am Responsible For All My Suffering

I’m using this weekend as an opportunity for meditation, observation and reflection.  I need to clear out my energy and get clear about things, and then chart a new course. 

Last night, after a good workout at the gym, I came home and meditated.  But it was different, I felt a different connection with my crystals, and particularly my crystal ball.  I haven’t used my obsidian crystal ball in a long time, but last night I held it and was communicating with the archetypes.  They were helping me to gain clarity and understand my purpose.

One of the first realizations that came up was that my home is in Thailand, and it feels like it’ll be a very long time before I can even go back just to visit.  The archetypes explained that Thailand is an important part of my destiny and that I’ve lost connection. This made me feel very sad, because it’s true, I’ve lost a lot of connection – and I do feel like I’m away from my heart’s home.  But at the same time, I love my family life here in the US and really love my son, who is still young, and the time we spend together.  (Of course I love both my sons, but my older son is pretty much on his own now.)  And of course I’m going to be here for a long time, working and taking care of my son. Does this mean I have to put my purpose on hold for years and years?

The archetypes agreed this wasn’t a good solution and something needed to be done.  They also explained that it is because my “heart” is anchored in Thailand that my money has been flowing to Thailand instead of staying here, which has caused me tremendous stress.  Yes, a lot of that problem has been resolved with my wife working, but this only created other problems and stress and feeling things are not right.

The archetypes agreed this isn’t a good arrangement and agreed to re-anchor my heart and root energy so it’s with me now and not elsewhere.  Then they began explaining my purpose in life, why it’s been my destiny to go through suffering and stress.  Through most of my life I’ve been conflicted – my ego has been in strong opposition to my heart and true life path.  This has led to so many problems which I’m still struggling with.  My ego is constantly worrying because it fears and resists everything my heart is trying to do. 

I felt really sad hearing this.  It’s like I’ve been dragged kicking and screaming to this place.  Am I going to have to keep suffering?  Why does everything have to be a struggle?  Do I have to be exhausted and have so many root issues?  Why can’t I have some peace and relax?  What do I have to do to get out of my way?

The answer – no, you don’t have to suffer.  You have to release your fears, surrender and follow your heart.  But how do I know I’m following my heart?  I’ve done so many foolish things when I thought I was following my heart and it turned out I was full of shit.  Answer – some of those things were things that had to be as part of your destiny and we are sorry it had to be so painful for you.  Those things weren’t mistakes, you just couldn’t understand and weren’t ready to surrender.  Other things had to happen so you would be ready to dissolve your ego and fears and surrender.  And other things, yes, were foolish mistakes on your part, but those things ended up having little consequence apart from the pain caused by your own ego.

“You see,” they said, “your pain has been entirely of your own choice.  It is because your ego has been defiant and stubborn in its fear, and you have chosen to value that fear above your own heart’s desire, that you have suffered.  Your fate was never to simply live a stable, comfortable life.  You look at the uncertainty and different nature of your life and compare it to the many comfortable, stable and happy people you know and you feel sad.  You feel disconnected.  But you feel disconnected from what your ego imagines you should have, not what your heart knows is your truth.  The pain is your ego’s interpretation of your unique path as failure because it looks so different than everyone else’s.”

So how do I finally release this ego, this fear, and allow myself to surrender?  “You just do.  All you need to do is clear out your energy and surrender to your true path.  It is your ego that is the source of your suffering.  Release the ego and everything will follow.”

At this point I felt very sad but I also felt a sense of peace.  My ego is very negative, full of shame and judgment.  I’ve believed it got me through all the rough times, but looking at it now I believe it was what was responsible for my getting into those situations in the first place. 

This is why I needed this reflection.  Everything related to ego needs to go.  So no, I don’t need to chart a new course, because that would just be another ego adventure, and that needs to go.

Today I worked out.  A lot.  And then I went to beach and walked and sat and contemplated and walked some more. I saw police having a confrontation with someone and then saw paramedics come in and actually diffuse the situation.  There’s ego and heart playing out in real life in front of me.  Ego – the cops and the suspect, neither one backing down.  Heart – the Fire Department paramedic breaking through. 

This is the lesson, this is what is meant by “follow your heart, let everything else go.”

All the problems in my life now, or in my past, are a manifestation of my ego resisting – either clinging to something I should let go or fighting something I should surrender and accept.  All the fear and anxiety – just ego. 

Time to Wake Up

I finished proofing Etienne’s “The History of the Universe,” which took longer than I thought it would.  It’s not easy proofing, and it’s much more difficult when I’m having to also integrate the energy from the book – it seems like every time I read it there’s a new breakthrough.

I’ve reached the point where my life simply cannot continue on the path it’s been going.  I’ve been locked into a path of habit and comfort and my heart is yearning for something different, something my mind still wants to look away from.

This week I received another wake-up call that I cannot expect life to simply coast along.  Things are changing and my reality is changing with them.  I cannot hold onto things, even things I love.  And I cannot hold onto things I dislike or cause me stress, either.  Everything changes and all energy must be allowed to flow. 

When I violate that rule, the tension builds up until there’s a crisis and then I have no choice but to change.  And that’s what’s been happening, I’ve been feeling more stuck, more tired, more stressed, and then something happens and I realize whatever I’ve been holding onto tightly I must let go.

I look at other people around me – their lives don’t change much.  They get to enjoy things and their lives seem pretty comfortable and prosperous.  And while wealth is something that will be available to me as I move forward the comfortable life of ease is not my destiny. Change is a part of my life, and now I’m placing my attention on using that energy to consciously create a future I want.

Things had become comfortable in many ways, but also have gone off-track.   Even when I found comfort, it seems I’d have to fight to keep other people and things from trying to take it away.  But really that’s because I’m not meant to sit still.

While my energy has been expanding, my life has become complacent.  And now, once again, that illusion of complacency is being exposed – nothing stays the same.  I need to be in front of this instead of reacting to external forces. I need to learn this lesson from the past and guide the ship. 

And so I’m spending time in meditation and contemplation, surrendering to the universe and finding my map.  The fatigue and frustration was the sign, the events this week are the wake-up call.

Whenever I find myself fantasizing about doing things differently in my past, that’s my higher self pointing me in the direction of my true path.  My true self is trying to lay the foundation in my timeline to manifest the changes that I need to make to align with my true purpose.  I need to listen to these thoughts and feelings and live my life carrying those lessons forward.

Because I can’t sit still.  The universe is kicking me in the butt and I need to change. 

Assange, Snowden, Collective Denial and The Path Forward

Julian Assange and Edward Snowden are trying to tell America something, but nobody wants to listen.  Even Donald Trump, in his own way, is seeing the writing on the wall and trying to warn us.  But people would rather blame Russia, attack the messengers, and fret over Twitter wars than wake up and see what’s going on.

The American government, the American news media, and both major parties are corrupt to the core.  The American government, which is charged with protecting the rights, safety and well-being of its citizens, is instead spending its time spying on its own citizens, engaging in outright corruption and subversion of the democratic process, and squashing any actual expression. The American news media, charged with providing people with the truth, is instead engaged in willful lying to and manipulation of the American public.  Both political parties are subverting the will of their own voters (though Republican voters, to their credit, saw what was going on and voted for the one person their party couldn’t control – whose turned out to be a nut, but there may be hope the revolution within the GOP will continue).

Black Lives Matter and the War on Women are both pure invention – total bullshit made up by political operatives, wealthy people like George Soros, and the media to distract people from what’s really going on.  Yes there are more VIDEOS of black people being shot by police, but the actual NUMBER of shootings had been steadily declining for quite some time.  We have had cell phone video for years, but JUST NOW it’s become an issue.  Because Soros wanted to manipulate American society.

War on Women, same thing.  There is no war on women.  Women have it better in American society than ever, by every measure.  It was pure bullshit concocted by political hacks and the sycophants on the Internet.

Syria, Iraq and ISIS – more of the same.  The data is out, thanks to hackers.  This whole “war” was created by the US, with some help from Iran.  We’ve been funding and supporting both sides.  Why?  Hey, that’s a really good question.  One that nobody can answer.  And yet President Obama thinks going to war with Russia over this fake war in Syria is a great idea. 

We toppled Quadaffi… why?? Americans weren’t calling for his head.  In fact, he was working with us to comply with international treaties.  So… take him out and let the crazies take over and call it a win??

The reason none of this makes sense is because it’s all bullshit.  It’s all invention to keep people distracted.  And this isn’t conspiracy theory – the evidence has been released into the public domain.  It’s hard, irrefutable fact.

And yet, despite the facts, people would rather attack the messengers – claim that Assange and Snowden are Russian agents and attack Putin – than deal with this sham that is our government and news media.  Even with the hard truth sitting in front of us, people would rather be sheep, controlled by the government, deprived of any meaningful freedom, sitting in their coffee shops arguing about bathrooms and tilting at windmills about weather patterns.

And so it’s come to this – American society has devolved into two main classes – foppish, frivolous, arrogant city people who spend their time thinking up new ways to waste time and money on utterly frivolous things (fashion trends, social justice warriors, celebrity worship, dumb and impractical ‘solutions’ to global warming); and the know-nothings, who pride themselves on their ignorance (though, given what the city people take as “information,” they’re both know-nothings, just one side is more openly honest about it than the other), don’t venture past their small communities, and resist anyone and anything that’s “different.”

The two factions each has a facet of spiritual practice – one is Christianity and the other is New Age Spirituality.  Both of these facets have some value, but they have both become so corrupted as to be worthless and end up serving the powers of oppression and mass ignorance.  Interestingly, each faction can easily identify the corruption in the spirituality of the other (because it’s obvious to anyone not in the corrupt structure), and yet cannot see it in their own community and practice. 

And now we’ve gotten to the point where true spiritual connection is godless, politically incorrect, subversive, and must be squashed, or at least ridiculed and pushed to the fringes, while fake spirituality is celebrated.

Take every evangelical Christian leader – all spiritual frauds.  Pope Francis is a complete spiritual fraud – does he even still pretend to follow Christ?  And of course he’s celebrated among the progressive sheeple, because he’s a voice for their brand of oppression and group ignorance.

Moses Ma is nothing but a con artist, yet he’s celebrated.  All he does is leverage an email list, the guy is a complete joke.  Dali Lama – sorry, he’s a false prophet, too.  Underneath his facade is a desire to bring the people of Tibet back under dictatorship.  Under China, Tibetan people actually have more personal and spiritual freedom than they would under Dali Lama.  Deepak Chopra is nothing but feel-good bullshit and mind control.  The Law of Attraction as it’s taught is mind control.

So here we are, at the point where the world is experiencing the full force of awakening energy, and the wealthiest and most powerful country in the world is sticking its head further and further in the sand.

Change is going to happen.  The truth will prevail.  The veil of collective ignorance, the Social Justice Warrior movement, the false religions, the economic and political structure, will fall.  The question is how violently will it fall?

 

If Hillary Clinton is elected President, as seems likely now, it will be a World War III kind of awakening – massive violence and destruction with millions suffering.  The areas I saw as having potential for a more peaceful transition – the spiritual communities – are hopelessly attached to their spiritual denial and will not be ready to lead any kind of meaningful movement.  In fact, as it stands now, they’re in a worse place than “average American,” despite their arrogant assumptions of being “awakened” and “enlightened.”

Yah, we’re in big, big trouble.

It’s not like people haven’t been warning us, it’s that the huge majority people just don’t care.  But not caring or willful denial isn’t going to exempt one from the inevitable changes.  It’s just going to make it that much more painful for that person to change.

So where does this leave me in my journey?  The message I keep getting is to focus on clearing my energy and strengthening my practice.  But this also requires a clear mission.  And I have to consider how my efforts with individuals and communities that are deep in spiritual denial are serving my true purpose. 

I feel such a disconnect with the spiritual community, and yet an attraction to it as well.  I resonate with people who are wanting more in their life, who want to do something about their suffering.  Yet the arrogance, mind control, newspeak and deceit that goes on is so problematic.  It’s really difficult to be connected at all with a group that can be so thoroughly corrupt and delusional, however noble their intentions.

So this is where I’m at – trying to see how to be more clear in my mission while being engaged and not withdrawing from people and groups just because of imperfections.  And while holding fast to my truth.  All the while knowing everything’s going to fall apart here in a big way.  In the end, in comes down to siding with love and freedom over comfortable oppression.  Follow my heart, let everything else go.

Nonviolent Communication is a Farce, and Other Spiritual Lessons

"I play with puppets and wear a Mr. Rodgers sweater.  Why yes I watch public television, why do you ask?  And I'm a spiritual bullshit artist."

I mentioned earlier how my ability to accurately read energies is distorted by my tendency to assign an emotional reaction to the reading.  I tend to react with anger toward the energetic disconnect, and this is something I need to change in order to get better at this.

Here’s an example – I tend to have a pretty strong negative reaction to “Nonviolent Communication,” or NVC for short. I read the book, tried out the lessons, and at some level could sense this was utter bullshit.  But instead of simply stating “this is bullshit” and releasing, I retained a certain anger toward it and the people who adhere to it, making it more than it is.

The fact of the matter is it’s a poorly-constructed concept of feel-good spiritual BS. It is both a cause and a symptom of the spiritual denial that owns the New Age spiritual community.  It’s a problem, but one that isn’t going to be resolved by anger.  Perhaps my anger was a reflection of my sense of powerlessness in the face of this societal disconnect.  But there are things I can do, so do those things instead of anger.

I came across this excellent article, “Nonviolent Communication is an Instrument of Psychic Terror” by Morten Tolboll.  It has an accuracy reading of 94.2% I have also read the book “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall Rosenberg, and it has an accuracy reading of 17.4% and a vibration of 215 on the Hawkins Scale – not a bad energy reading for a book, but horribly inaccurate and certainly not worthy of the attention it is receiving in the outside world.  It’s basically the energetic and accuracy level of most New Age Spiritual Bullshit. 

What’s interesting is Tolboll put aside his disdain for the practice and instead focused on the facts and goes on to write a very effective critique of both NVC and the New Age Spiritual movement.

I really need to do a better job of integrating this into my own practice.  Here’s an example – Destin Gerek recently had a radio interview with a guy named Robert Kandell, who is another in a long line of people who claim to be New Age spiritual leaders who are full of BS.  This guy claims to be leading the “New Masculine,” which as far as I can tell is where weak, accommodating men get together a recite feminist jargon in the hopes of getting approval sex from women.  Oh, and he charges a bunch of money for his “coaching” to help men be as lame as he is if not more so.

So what, right?  The community is full of people like this.  And given Destin Gerek’s network of professional contacts, it was only a matter of time before he brought a spiritual BS artist on his show – it certainly won’t be the last, it’s almost impossible to avoid finding them.

So why did this evoke anger in me instead of amusement or just “meh?”  I could make up a million stories that aren’t true – oh, it’s because I’m writing this book about evolved masculinity and Kandell’s BS flies in the face of the real work.  But that’s not true.  If anything, that would just inspire me to work harder to beat the BS artists at their game.  It’s the energetic disconnect, that this guy’s energy is dragging people to Loserville, and that place doesn’t need any more citizens.

But the truth of the matter is, he’s not leading anyone anywhere.  He’s taking people who are already buried over their heads in spiritual delusion and denial and giving them the spiritual heroin they need to feel good as they continue walking their circular “path” in Loserville.  This guy couldn’t possibly bring anyone there because to do so he’d have to get far enough away from it himself to attract people who aren’t already stuck in spiritual denial.  One look at his Facebook group and it’s pretty obvious everyone’s heavily in spiritual denial, and nobody is a “new resident” brought in from the outside.  He’s in the middle of the circle jerk and making some money in the process.

So why get angry?  Amused, maybe.  Annoyed, sure.  But angry? I guess if I assumed this guy was more of a leader than he really is (which I initially did, based on my introduction to him) then I’d be disappointed to find out he’s just as bad as the others (which I was, but again only because I gave him status he didn’t earn based on false information).  So then shouldn’t I be a little miffed at Destin for introducing me to this guy as an elite leader when he’s a joke?  Yep.  And I was for a while.

Then I realized this was all my lesson.  I need to read the energy myself, I need to do the work myself and in an objective and clear fashion.  The anger was derived from my being lazy and relying on others to do this work. 

Same thing with NVC.  This was originally recommended by a coach I assumed to be high-level (turned out to be a nice person, but not a good coach, as most coaches aren’t, so I was pissed I wasted the money) who told me this shit was the best.  It turned out to be shit, and a waste of time. But the only reason I was angry was because I allowed myself to turn off my own judgment and ability to evaluate things from an energetic perspective and accepted someone else’s opinion, which turned out to be false.

In each case, the overall truth is the same – follow my own heart, make my own judgments.  Do the work, don’t try and delegate my journey to others.

NVC is BS – no big deal.  Good to share this information, but not worth getting worked up over.  Lots of coaches are spiritually damaged, most on a massive scale.  Again, not worth getting worked up over, just accept it.  And walk away from the BS, walk my own path.  

Drestroying Energetic Structures from Childhood (And Past Lives)

The paradigm shift is occurring inside me as more of the ego-based energetic portals and veils are destroyed.  This weekend I came face to face with a disempowering energetic structure that I seem to always notice when I visit my parents, but mistakenly attributed to my upbringing.

That’s actually the intention of the veil – to distract from the truth by hiding it and inserting a false story – the false story that “I feel bad about myself because of my upbringing.”  That’s a nice story.  It’s confirmed by psychologists in the media and it “feels real,” but an accuracy test reveals this story to be false. 

The truth is there is an energetic structure in place that was placed there intentionally to diminish and throw off my energy. It goes back several lifetimes and was put there as part of my protection and also to ensure my ego didn’t get so big that I’d forget my path and get lost in the traditional trappings of “success.”  It doesn’t serve me now, but it was still strong in the house.

I was able to disintegrate the structure and the veil and reintegrate the energy and I feel better.

To put this into practical terms – one should not base their happiness on comparison with others, as that can never lead to happiness. This seems obvious, but it’s really important to understand these sorts of energies can literally take on a life of their own.  The area where my parents’ home is sits on a wealth paradigm – success and happiness is derived from a career that generates the most wealth. (There’s more to it than that, it’s a wealth and status paradigm.) 

Obviously by those standards I’d feel pretty bad about my life, even though there are many things about my life that are pretty awesome and make me very happy.  It’s all a distraction.  In the end success is about alignment with one’s path and alignment with Source, the other standards are meaningless.  The energy of the neighborhood is very badly out of alignment even though the neighborhood is outwardly very “successful.”  So you have thousands of people who have achieved the pinnacle of success and yet are energetically complete failures.

The psychic oppression I endured growing up was overwhelming.  It’s really powerful and spirit-crushing energy.  It shaped my identity and my view of the world and it’s taken me a lot of time to see it and break free.  And it’s hard to explain, because by every objective measurement my childhood was very good.  I had great parents, family and neighborhood life was good.  But something was wrong – I just thought it was me and got very down on myself (something I carried with me into adulthood). 

Now I come back and I feel it – it feels stale, stuffy, thick, festering energy.  What I thought was “me” or “family environment” was this energy disturbance.  And I could clear it. 

And I come away with a much clearer truth about how we shape our destiny.  Yes, our thoughts and attitudes and beliefs create our reality.  And if we don’t pay attention to the energetic foundation and clear our energy, that structure will end up running our lives from the background.  Yes my problems were due entirely to my negative identity and belief, but these energetic structures were creating that environment – this is why mantras and NLP and this other stuff wouldn’t work – until something’s done about the energy, it’s going to keep throwing things out of alignment and any change work becomes a waste of time and effort.  The individual will end up consciously creating more failure.

Mourning the Thai King, and A Calling

Right now I’m meditating on and mourning the death of the King of Thailand.  I have a profound respect for this man and how he has conducted his extraordinary reign over the spiritual epicenter of the world.  His was a spiritual leadership and he is loved by Thai people for many good reasons.  But his impact goes deeper than what can be reported in the news, and it’s this deeper leadership I am contemplating at the moment. 

I have a tremendous amount of respect for the King of Thailand, and hold him in far higher regard than any US President.  Thinking about the contrast between spiritual leadership and what passes for leadership in the US only magnifies the fatal flaws in our Western system. 

But now is the moment to move past anger and disappointment with the flawed structures in government and society and connect with that deeper truth.  There is a spiritual leader in each of us, and for most of us it’s deeply repressed, maybe barely alive.  But it’s there.

My job is to awaken that spiritual leadership – starting with myself. 

The time of complaining about the false spiritual leadership in the world is over. It is time to access and shine forth my own light, regardless of what others are doing. It is time to nurture that king inside me and bring that energy forth into the world.  To shine my light, to awaken this in others.  To call forth the world I want to see.

So I’m using this moment as my personal calling – to connect with my truth, follow my heart, and awaken the spiritual leadership this world needs.

It's Come Together - Musings on Destin Gerek and My Path

I made a conscious effort this past weekend to resolve some energetic blocks and imbalances and some pretty big things definitely shifted.  Something’s very different about my energy and I’ve been able to finally let go of some pretty major patterns.  I feel a lot more peaceful and more clear on my purpose. 

I’ve been producing a lot of content for Destin’s book lately, it’s like I finally see how my purpose and his purpose intersect.  I struggled for a long time, going through many, many self-help, pick-up and other programs.  I knew things weren’t right, but I struggled to find a better way.

I started working with Destin as a client about seven years ago.  My relationship with him as a coach ended years ago, but I’ve continued working with him on many things, helping him with copy, assisting with his business development and now this writing project which has been gestating for years.  I’d go through periods where I’d wonder what I was doing – why was I still drawn to invest so much in this?

And the questions, logically, seemed valid.  I’ve found my path and my voice, and it’s not the same as his.  I understand him and his work very well (that’s why I’m a compatible writer for him), but I think I always knew from the beginning that Destin’s work is a resource for me, and a valuable one, but that my path would take me on a much different route.

For one, as much as I have spoken on and on about sex in my writings in the recent past, I’m not Destin.  I might utilize Tantra and a few other things, and I’m certainly grateful for the many ways my working with Destin has opened up my world and improved my life.  But in the end, this is just one aspect of my life.  It’s not the foundation, like it is for him and a lot of the men he likes to work with. 

On the one hand, it’s good to see different ways of living.  It’s been like exploring other cultures, seeing the Tantra and daka/ dakini stuff.  And it’s been good for expanding my boundaries, instead of just saying “that’s not me” and rejecting everything out of hand.  It’s also nice to find my happiness and my truth and honor that truth. 

Which means I can let a lot of that “Erotic Rockstar” stuff go.  That was never why I joined up with Destin in the first place.  It was never about dedicating my life to being a sex guru, it was about healing my pain, finding my own happiness and purpose, and then moving in my own direction. 

And as it became clear that he and I are on different paths, I began to wonder if my working with him was serving either of us, or if it was just a partnership of convenience.  And now I can see much more clearly that yes, we do have common goals, and I can be of tremendous help to the world by working with him.

As I mentioned earlier, I suffered for a long time in the “self-help wilderness.”  There’s a lot of crap out there.  I actually read one of Dr. Phil’s books (the dude’s a total fraud – don’t waste your time on that guy – only a complete idiot would listen to Dr. Phil on anything) a long time ago.  I’ve tried a lot of things – some helped, but it was all really lacking.  I really wish there had been a book like Destin’s out there when I was much younger – to have that foundation and give myself permission to explore more things earlier in my life.  I believe this book can help a lot of men avoid some of the pitfalls and suffering that I went through when everything felt “out of place” in my life but I couldn’t figure my way out of the mess.

I’m pouring forth this effort for those men, and for the women who will be impacted by the changes in the lives of those men.  It’s not about my writing career, though I’m sure it’ll help with that, too.  It’s not about my coaching – though it’s helping me gain more clarity of purpose around that too.  It’s about helping a lot of people bypass the suffering that I went through (and which I ended up dragging a lot of other people through as well). 

I looked in the mirror last night and I thought “Yah, that’s it.  It’s come together.”  I’m solid in my core, I have a sense of purpose, I feel happy, I’ve let go of some worry patterns and reconciled some things (some of which are big ones that only resolved over the past week or so after the veil lifted).  I’m me now.  It feels good. 

I think a lot of people saw the “journey” as me being something I’m not – whose this guy pretending he’s like Destin?  And yah, I never was.  I wasn’t trying to be, I just wanted to expand and look at things from a different perspective, to grow.  And I did.  It was pretty costly in some ways, but I’m grateful.  On the way, I also discovered some new things that “stuck” and are now a part of me.  And many things I can now let go that never felt genuine.

But that’s part of the growth process.  I found it very offensive when people would ridicule me for trying something different – I have zero respect for people who try to keep others “in their place.”  But doing things just to show the haters that I can live my own life isn’t really growing, either. At some point, I found my own way, found my own peace, and the voices of the haters just became traffic noise.

I’m not a traditionalist.  I’m not a Tantrika. I’m not a PUA. I’m not an Erotic Rockstar.  I’m not a Jedi Master.  I’m not any of those things, and I’m a little of all those things and more. That’s the beauty of a path of growth, it can transcend and encompass many labels, because it’s not in one place. And that’s why I can’t wait to see Destin’s book in the marketplace – I want to see more men walking their path.  I want thousands of men to look in the mirror a few years from now and feel like I do now, that it’s come together.  We all deserve that.