Viewing the Machine that Controls Us

 

This morning I had conscious awareness of the various chemical and genetic programming going on that were driving my system and behavior and before written off as “magic.”  It’s not magic.  It’s a very precise and manipulative science.  Everything – the visual stimulation, the way my genetics would interact with my stories, my imagination, the chemicals and my body’s reaction – it’s all a very carefully-aligned programming.  And in those moments I had awareness of all of it, and just *that much* distance from them that I could see the control board and begin to consciously operate some of the switches.

This is my “red pill” moment.  I can now actually see how this programming has been running everything in my life to some extent.  The false scarcity mentality is a genetic bypass to compel me to reproduce and to bring forth a legacy.  The false survival instinct programming is designed to avoid risk and stick to the known programming.  Even the artificial self-image concepts were all to force certain behaviors, even if they weren’t consciously serving me or making me happy.  This programming doesn’t give a shit about my happiness or best interest, it serves something else entirely.

And once I saw it, once I saw that I can have even the slightest actual control over that programming, that changes everything. 

I feel nothing but empathy for my prior selves.  They acted as they were compelled to act.  I was programmed to believe in magic.  Now I know the truth, I don’t hate my old self, I feel so much more love and understanding for that old, badly manipulated self.

I don’t even hate the machine.  It was just doing its job, automatically.  Now I’m being given choice.

All the fears and worries about my job, finances, and all this other petty stuff feels so silly now, but only because I now have the key.  They can’t touch me now.  I have choice, even over my fears.  Which is good, because some fear is good and important, and that can get overwritten too, which can be deadly.  But most fear is just manipulative BS.

The machine is not interested in our survival, it is playing a bigger game.  We are each expendable.

Even my spiritual practice changes.  A lot was really chemical reactions. Not bad, some actually healthy.  But now conscious.  That accidental (was it accidental?) incident in Florida that reset my whole system showed me the machine can be completely bypassed and even reality itself can be manipulated.

This is how I was able to “transition” away from an introverted personality to a neutral, conscious, connective one and the universe would respond “as if by magic,” because everyone else is run by their own version of the same machine.

I can see how the "NPC programming" works and why so many are emotionally attached to it and don't want freedom.  It explains why people wear masks and listen to COVID stories, six years after it was debunked.  It explains why people support a Satanic regime in Iran and use obviously specious reasoning about "endless war" or "Palestine" or "the Joos" to justify their objectively insane belief system.  (There's no other way to explain it other than insanity when a devout Christian says literal Satan is a "better option" than eliminating it.  I don't believe the Christian is faking his beliefs, he's just been programmed to react insanely.)

It helps me see how other good people are being badly manipulated.  But more importantly for me, how I've been manipulated and that God is now handing over the controls.

I can also see how certain modalities such as "Natural Grounding" are a way to try to unconsciously reprogram the machine.  They can work - sort of - but it takes a long time and dedicated practice.  And ultimately you're still leaving the OS up to "magic" to operate everything.  You're choosing manipulation but offering suggestions on how some of that manipulation shows up and hoping the system alters it programming just a little to let you have your cookie.  Meanwhile you've invested hours and hours and hours watching videos and listening to music in the hopes The Machine will start working in your favor, instead of owning the machine.

And that person was me.  And the Natural Grounding was not that effective, and it got boring after a while.  Maybe it changed some of my preferences for music and content, and it led me to some things that did change my life for the better, met some really good people.  I look back on that version of myself with empathy. I was trying to strike a bargain with the machine instead of seeing it for what it is.  

There is a downside to this.  Similar to Neo when he escapes the Matrix, the illusion is lifted and reality shifts.  A lot of the "feel-good" patterns go away for good.  But you also realize how fake it all was.  It was brain chemistry and genetic patterns handed down by generation.  It worked, but it was always limited.  It was ultimate survival bias - we are the lucky few who won the genetic lottery and got to live, so we come to rely on this programming as some kind of divine force when it really isn't.  

We are who we are because are ancestors were who they were.  All the way through the existence of life up to us.  But adaptation is not wisdom.  Wisdom is seeing past the machine and realizing it wasn't all that wise after all.  In fact, in a lot of ways, it's a mess and needs major improvement.  

We can do better.  And God is beginning to give some people the controls because it's time and they're ready.  That is the evolution.

Breakthroughs and Challenges from An Amazing Asia Trip

I've been back for a couple weeks now and I'm just beginning to put together the thoughts I want to share about my experience.  It was truly a spiritual journey, in every way.  It was easily the most challenging trip to Asia I've ever experienced, as well as the most frustrating, expensive and spiritually rewarding.  It was a breakthrough, but it took a lot out of me.

The problems began from the moment I planned the trip.  I had to abandon the original trip due to unexpected conflicts, at great cost.  The second trip I set up after I had to eat the first one had numerous issues with flights, layovers and airport problems.

The cat had a mysterious wound that required surgery right before the trip.  All these weird setbacks and expenses right before the trip.

And on top of that I experienced energetic attacks the likes of which I've never experienced before.  Something clearly didn't want me to go, and it fought me the entire time.  I became instantly sick - REALLY sick - at arriving at the airport to embark on the trip.  I almost had to bail out, but my efforts to counteract the attack were answered and I instantly recovered, enough to take the trip.

I was exhausted the entire flight over, and still sick in Thailand, though I was able to begin some powerful energy work right away.  I cleared a lot of negative energies in Thailand and Bangkok and established a strong energetic bridge between Thailand and my home in Los Angeles.  I began downloading amazing gifts and insights, while still suffering attacks - physical and psychic attacks that were draining.

Within 24 hours of landing I found some amazing crystals at JJ Market.  It's like Lumerian soul crystals were coming out of the woodwork to find me.  On my journey I attracted six such objects, including an amazingly powerful and ancient Buddha pendant and a ring.  The other stones are incredibly powerful and I used these throughout the time in Asia to do some really powerful work.

Even the Thai silk is from the trip (a gift).  My crystals have a whole new energy now.

The trip was frustrating.  Every travel seemed delayed and there was a lot of driving around and things not working out.  But things did work out. We ended up in the mountains, which was a truly spiritual experience.  I sat outside among the clouds and did all kinds of amazing energy work.  Here is where I cleared up most of the energetic blockages in Thailand and opened up the ancient energies that had been blocked.  The energies are back to the way they were before the attacks and blocks.

There is amazing ancient energy in Thailand, very close to Source and free from Western and Cabal corruption.  Now that it's flowing again in Thailand and through the energetic bridge, my work has become considerably more powerful and effective.  Thailand and I took a quantum leap in evolution, but it's taking a while to integrate things and bring the message to the world.

The last leg of the journey was China.  This was not an energy I was able to fully clear.  I did some work and was able to connect somewhat to the ancient energies of my prior lives, but it's going to take a lot of work and a lot of time to clear things up.  Lots of energetic blocks, but it's better.

I returned home frustrated, dizzy, confused and tired.  I've just begun to come out of that state and start taking meaningful steps with the new powers and realizations. 

One of the new realities I'm dealing with is getting used to living without certain fantasy illusions that I've been holding onto, about myself, about others, about the work I'm doing, really everything. It feels liberating and chaotic.  Also frustrating and tiring.  I'd say I'm not myself, but the truth is I'm more fully myself than ever, it's the false structures and self-images that are not there.  Those were never me.  They're gone, yet I'm still here.

So where do I go from here?  I have a lot of work to do, and I'm doing it.  A lot of the stuff I thought I was here to do was the false structure.  I've been sitting back and criticizing people and things that are false or out of alignment.  That's a weak standpoint.  I've built an energetic home in Thailand and Los Angeles, and a bridge. 

My energetic work helped get the kids rescued during my time in Thailand (it all happened while I was there or preparing for the trip.)  That's... kind of a big deal. 

I know, sounds nuts when I say this - even here where people understand what I'm doing and some people can confirm things.  Look, I came into all this thinking it was all BS.  Part of the reason I'm having these conflicts and attacks is because I'm still dealing with my own egoic disbelief.  What happens is I get my ass kicked so hard I have no energy or capacity left to argue and then things HAPPEN.  Like, really incredible things.  Because I'm doing energy work when I'm too punch-drink and sick to question what I'm doing. 

I've muscle tested and pendulum tested until my fingers are sore.  This is happening for real.  And the message I'm receiving is this is just the tip of the iceberg.

A while back (I posted here earlier in the summer) I went to the beach and had a major transformation and it's like nothing's been the same since.  I mean, I go about my life the same - I do my job and the things I need to do, but on a spiritual level everything is different, a whole new universe has opened up and my purpose looks much, much bigger.

The message I got was "king," then Etienne used the term "Lords of Light."  That also resonates.  It's a big role, but it looks nothing like what I see other light workers doing.  But that's been my problem, I've been devaluing my own powers and gifts and purpose by comparing myself to others and then pointing out how others are wrong.  That's weak. 

One of the messages I received is something that applies universally, so I'll share it: 

"Release attachment to fantasies of a better self and better life.  Focus on gratitude and appreciation of your true self, here and now.  The journey of fantasy will lead only to scarcity and disappointment.  The journey of gratitude and self-discovery will lead to riches beyond any fantasy you could possibly imagine.  True wealth and power is only found here and now."

You need to spend some time on that, it's a powerful truth.  And the process of shedding fantasy and truly diving into the here and now, of self-discovery and self-awakening is a difficult process and the essence of why I am here.

"Buddha Walk" - Notes From My Awakening Weekend

I experienced a very powerful awakening meditation at the beach Saturday.  I’m still thinking about how to share about that experience, but I’m playing a much, much bigger game now. I won’t go into details of what happened during that meditation except to share the sunset after.

That’s some powerful awakening energy. And that came about purely from the meditation.  Here’s the “before” sunset picture. 

Something clearly happened here, and that something was directly related to my personal awakening meditation and the awakening after.  The energy "before" was pretty good, but you can see how much it opened up after - it's not even close.

Today (Sunday, when I wrote this) I felt a lot of things.  Buzzing, awakening conscious energy.  A desire to relax and integrate. Sleepy.  I coaxed myself out of my sleep, went to the gym (really needed that), and came home to the message to go on a “Buddha Walk” at the beach.

I had no idea what a “Buddha Walk” is.  Sounds Zen and spiritual and what not, so off I go.  And I get to the beach and start walking.

The first thing I notice is I’m walking TOWARD people.  Now, I tend to be pretty introverted and see myself as a bit socially awkward (not horrible, but, not great), kind of tense around people, etc.  Crowds “aren’t my thing.”  But here I was, attracted to people and crowds. 

The second thing I notice is I have zero self-consciousness.  My consciousness is so far above that physical or interpersonal level it’s like I’m watching myself.  And then above that watching, I’m giving healing energy.  My attention is on giving healing energy and understanding the energies of the people around me.

The third thing I notice is this is energizing me and feeding my spiritual power. Some very high power in me needs to understand people’s energy, to understand all the people in the world.  And the more I give healing energy to those who will receive, the more energized I become.

Now, nothing’s changed yet on a physical level.  I’m still me – still have tension in my body, still have quirks, but zero fear, zero anxiety, just love and a much, much higher consciousness energy that’s buzzing inside me.  But I don’t care.  I can observe me being… me.  I can notice things I’d like to change, but there’s no charge.  It’s just me.  I know these things will evolve as I am ready to embody my power more effectively, there’s no worry or rush here.

Things just keep getting more crazy (for me). I feel on a physical and interpersonal level the feeling of “interconnectedness,” and I realize this is not a “high-level” energetic state.  In fact, I hear a voice from my much higher self saying:

“Interconnectedness is the first rung on the ascension ladder.”

The first rung. Think about that.  I’ve been spending all this time trying to resonate with Rion’s epiphany about interconnectedness and now I see it’s the first rung. And for me I was never going to get there by trying to evolve to it.  Which brings be to the next realization:

“One cannot evolve to the next social or interpersonal level from the level below. One must experience a full quantum shift and then from that higher place fill out the desired (now-lower) levels.”

You hear that temples are built from the ground up with a foundation on the ground?  Well, turn that on its head.  Your foundation is in the multiverse and you “build down” from there.  From here I can see all the things I’m not doing socially, yet I’m actively living my highest purpose now.  From here I can work on the other things.

From this place, I am not an introvert.  I need people. I love people.  I heal people.  Crowds draw me.  There is no anxiety or self-consciousness, because my consciousness is so far above “self” it doesn’t even matter. 

I feel “interconnected,” even as I notice I’m still tense/ awkward/ whatever.  The world responds with interconnectedness – connections and serendipitous interactions.  And that’s all operating on a much lower level.  What is supposedly an “evolved” level is actually far below the consciousness where I’m bringing in healing energy and learning about the multitude of souls around me – knowledge which informs my power and makes me more effective.

I’m walking through the world with “God consciousness,” as a leader in the ascension of the planet.  It’s beautiful.  And my physical form is there, being me but not me – my higher self is clearly in charge.  I can heal and transform my physical presence too.

I’m rambling here.  This is a hot take on my awakening, just to bookmark.

So that’s a “Buddha Walk,” it’s walking through the world with Buddha Consciousness, being in the world and transmitting my energy as a beacon.  When the time is right I’ll transmit a clearer message.

Pyramids and Trump: Truth Is Activated

During the past three weeks we have experienced major energetic changes.  There was the world energetic shift that brought about the election of Donald Trump as US President, and the ensuing collapse of the US media cabal; On November 16 the Pyramids of Egypt were reactivated; Etienne’s book “The History of the Universe” was unveiled on Amazon and can be purchased here. 

It’s a lot of energy, a lot of activity, and I haven’t been available to help readers wade through everything.  But let me start by saying the change has happened, but many will either not be aware of it or are actively in denial and now fully living in a false world of their own illusion rather than surrender to what is (they took the blue pill, for those familiar with the Matrix movies). 

The reason many will not know everything has changed is because those we thought were in charge have been discredited and are now living in denial.  The media was exposed by Wikileaks as a fraud for months and then fully discredited on Election Day in the US.  This isn’t the first time the media has been exposed, but this time the energetic structures holding them in place died.  What we now see as the media is people living in illusion, the media as we know it has been disintegrated.  The Cabal, as represented by Hillary Clinton and many others, is gone.  The energetic structure died over a year ago, but now the edifice is gone too.  Those in the Cabal are either in denial (witness the freakout in the US over a rather uneventful election result) or have woken up (Mitt Romney seems to have woken up, others are, too).

Others are living in denial as well.  While the Dali Lama is surrendering to what is, he is almost alone among the leadership of the spiritual community.  Pope Francis is heavily in denial (though he was never truly a spiritual leader, he was brought in to politicize the Catholic religion).  The so-called “spiritual leaders” are showing their true colors – attachment to outcome, attachment to being right, judgment and hysteria over a normal US election.

Pretty much everyone holding themselves out as a spiritual/ thought leader has been exposed as a fraud.  The Integral Community has shown itself to be nothing but San Francisco political groupthink with some fancy terminology and NLP hocus-pocus.  I saw through them when they were saying the election of Obama and the Iran nuclear deal were proof the world was evolving.  I had to laugh at the obvious delusion and logical disconnect of these people.  Now they’re deep in attachment to outcome, pridefulness, arrogance and just plain silliness as they march in delusional lock-step with the rest of the extreme American left.

This isn’t about left-right politics.  It’s about attachment-nonattachment, ego-surrender.  And right now the people who claim themselves on the side of nonattachment and surrender are being exposed as the most passionately attached, prideful and clinging to their own belief systems.  I’ve seen this coming for years, and especially this year as energies have come to a head, but the election has pulled off whatever patina there was that covered the “spiritual community.”

There is good news in all this.  If you’ve been following me and listening, you have heard this message before.  Nothing should surprise you.  Trump was either going to win outright or the transformation brought forth by his catalyst energy would transform everything.  Now it’s come to pass. Those who claimed to be spiritual leaders are now fully exposed, they’re done.  This will allow the true spiritual leadership to emerge, the last will be first and the first will be last.

What does this mean?  It means a few things.  First, leaders like Etienne, and others who have been speaking the truth and getting pushed aside, now have the floor.  Second, if you’ve been listening and following this, you’re not bothered by the election, things aren’t bothering you, you’re in the flow and things are going well while everything around you seems like chaos.  If you’ve been listening but suffering distortions because of the delusion of the leadership, now those distortions are lifted and you’ll gain clarity.  You’ll be okay.

If you’re still attached to the failed models of New Age spirituality, to failed ego-based models like Ken Wilber’s “Integral” model, or to ego-based quasi-spiritual “skepticism,” things will look like a disaster as the world you know is disintegrating.  The length of your suffering will be just as long as your determination to remain committed to these false paradigms.  It’s up to you. 

The media has been lying to us.  In Britain and the US, people woke up and saw through the lies. Wikileaks shined a light on the ruse, but most people had already stopped listening to the media.  Unfortunately, the majority of the “spiritual community” didn’t wake up.  They have still been deeply enmeshed in the media delusion, which is all about distracting people to fit a predetermined narrative.  It’s propaganda, and it’s become so desperate and tortured that it became obvious to anyone not willfully committed to conscious delusion.

This “distortion to fit a narrative” media manipulation, and the willful gullibility of the spiritual movement, has been an annoying struggle this year.  Otherwise smart and skeptical people would buy into the inventions and I’d have to remind them not to swallow the hook.  Now they’re dumbstruck, wondering how they ended up in such echo chambers, lamely trying to “start a dialogue” with people they’ve treated with utter disdain their entire careers, if not their lives. 

Yes, I’m venting a bit.  I’m happy the veil has been lifted, and I’m gratified that things I’ve pointed out were lies when it wasn’t popular have come to pass.  I’m glad that my “bullshit detector” is working well.  I’m not upset that people wouldn’t listen to me – I expect that.  I’m glad the people who wouldn’t listen to me are finally understanding the truth.  And I’m glad people like you were listening and helping to create the foundation of the true spiritual revolution that is now upon us.

Massive Awakening and General Update

This is a period of intense energetic transformation for me.  And through all the intensity and chaos, the message I keep getting is to surrender.  Slow down, meditate, let it go, follow my truth, and allow the changes to happen.

A few days ago during meditation I received a message that my energetic self was being taken to another dimension for training, then later that the training was going well.  And then a surprise thunderstorm showed up which followed me for two days (it was very localized and unusual).  My Lemurian wand activated, so clearly my energetic self had returned with some extra powers.

Then I received the hard copy of Etienne’s book “The History of the Universe” and shortly after he activated my nucleus.  So yah, lots of stuff energetically.  I’m not always aware of what’s going on energetically because I’ve still got a lot of physical patterns and lower-level blocks interfering with that connection, but it’s a WHOLE lot, and it’s affecting my system pretty intensely.

And even through this, the message is surrender.  Surrender to what is, surrender to God. Look past the old paradigm to see the truth.  The whole concept of success needs to be thrown out and start from scratch.  The message seems to come down to – follow my true path, clear out my energy, let all the other stuff go, and then I’ve got this. 

There is a power in the physical copy of Etienne’s book that is night-and-day different than the digital copy I read near the beginning of this latest phase of my awakening.  It has an energetic glow.  It can transform energies around it – it can attune and charge crystals and objects.  The reading experience is different – maybe because there is no interference from the computer monitor.  I’m blown away by the experience, even though I read the digital copy several times (though not the additional stories included in the physical book).

Hardly anyone is even aware of this book, much less be ready to receive the information with an open mind.  It’s far ahead of its time.  But the changes are happening whether or not people are ready, and this book provides the history of what brought us to this point (far more than meets the eye, that’s for sure) and where we are headed.

The act of reading the book itself is an awakening experience unto itself.  Integrating the energy and truth of the book, that’s an entirely different level of a journey.  I recommend you order and read the book, and I recommend you take that journey.

Order here

I’m aware now of the hooks that are keeping me attached to the false paradigm – there are certain things that on one level cause my suffering and on a more primal level provide me pleasure, or are late least very habit-forming.  But I’m aware they are hooks and not real, which reframes the brain chemical payoff – it’s not real. 

Most of what passes for Spirituality and Self-Improvement is dealing with things that are fundamentally not real.  And for people who know my past, I’ve been deeply in that “attached to the false paradigm” for a long, long time.  I’m on the other side now, but even here the old patterns and attachments are still slowing and distorting my growth.  It’s not that I’m at risk of backsliding so much as sometimes it feels like a slog.  But at least now I’m not wasting my spiritual resources on trying to “win” in the false paradigm. 

I’ll just leave this here, more of an in-process stream-of-consciousness writing. It’ll make more sense later.

Assange, Snowden, Collective Denial and The Path Forward

Julian Assange and Edward Snowden are trying to tell America something, but nobody wants to listen.  Even Donald Trump, in his own way, is seeing the writing on the wall and trying to warn us.  But people would rather blame Russia, attack the messengers, and fret over Twitter wars than wake up and see what’s going on.

The American government, the American news media, and both major parties are corrupt to the core.  The American government, which is charged with protecting the rights, safety and well-being of its citizens, is instead spending its time spying on its own citizens, engaging in outright corruption and subversion of the democratic process, and squashing any actual expression. The American news media, charged with providing people with the truth, is instead engaged in willful lying to and manipulation of the American public.  Both political parties are subverting the will of their own voters (though Republican voters, to their credit, saw what was going on and voted for the one person their party couldn’t control – whose turned out to be a nut, but there may be hope the revolution within the GOP will continue).

Black Lives Matter and the War on Women are both pure invention – total bullshit made up by political operatives, wealthy people like George Soros, and the media to distract people from what’s really going on.  Yes there are more VIDEOS of black people being shot by police, but the actual NUMBER of shootings had been steadily declining for quite some time.  We have had cell phone video for years, but JUST NOW it’s become an issue.  Because Soros wanted to manipulate American society.

War on Women, same thing.  There is no war on women.  Women have it better in American society than ever, by every measure.  It was pure bullshit concocted by political hacks and the sycophants on the Internet.

Syria, Iraq and ISIS – more of the same.  The data is out, thanks to hackers.  This whole “war” was created by the US, with some help from Iran.  We’ve been funding and supporting both sides.  Why?  Hey, that’s a really good question.  One that nobody can answer.  And yet President Obama thinks going to war with Russia over this fake war in Syria is a great idea. 

We toppled Quadaffi… why?? Americans weren’t calling for his head.  In fact, he was working with us to comply with international treaties.  So… take him out and let the crazies take over and call it a win??

The reason none of this makes sense is because it’s all bullshit.  It’s all invention to keep people distracted.  And this isn’t conspiracy theory – the evidence has been released into the public domain.  It’s hard, irrefutable fact.

And yet, despite the facts, people would rather attack the messengers – claim that Assange and Snowden are Russian agents and attack Putin – than deal with this sham that is our government and news media.  Even with the hard truth sitting in front of us, people would rather be sheep, controlled by the government, deprived of any meaningful freedom, sitting in their coffee shops arguing about bathrooms and tilting at windmills about weather patterns.

And so it’s come to this – American society has devolved into two main classes – foppish, frivolous, arrogant city people who spend their time thinking up new ways to waste time and money on utterly frivolous things (fashion trends, social justice warriors, celebrity worship, dumb and impractical ‘solutions’ to global warming); and the know-nothings, who pride themselves on their ignorance (though, given what the city people take as “information,” they’re both know-nothings, just one side is more openly honest about it than the other), don’t venture past their small communities, and resist anyone and anything that’s “different.”

The two factions each has a facet of spiritual practice – one is Christianity and the other is New Age Spirituality.  Both of these facets have some value, but they have both become so corrupted as to be worthless and end up serving the powers of oppression and mass ignorance.  Interestingly, each faction can easily identify the corruption in the spirituality of the other (because it’s obvious to anyone not in the corrupt structure), and yet cannot see it in their own community and practice. 

And now we’ve gotten to the point where true spiritual connection is godless, politically incorrect, subversive, and must be squashed, or at least ridiculed and pushed to the fringes, while fake spirituality is celebrated.

Take every evangelical Christian leader – all spiritual frauds.  Pope Francis is a complete spiritual fraud – does he even still pretend to follow Christ?  And of course he’s celebrated among the progressive sheeple, because he’s a voice for their brand of oppression and group ignorance.

Moses Ma is nothing but a con artist, yet he’s celebrated.  All he does is leverage an email list, the guy is a complete joke.  Dali Lama – sorry, he’s a false prophet, too.  Underneath his facade is a desire to bring the people of Tibet back under dictatorship.  Under China, Tibetan people actually have more personal and spiritual freedom than they would under Dali Lama.  Deepak Chopra is nothing but feel-good bullshit and mind control.  The Law of Attraction as it’s taught is mind control.

So here we are, at the point where the world is experiencing the full force of awakening energy, and the wealthiest and most powerful country in the world is sticking its head further and further in the sand.

Change is going to happen.  The truth will prevail.  The veil of collective ignorance, the Social Justice Warrior movement, the false religions, the economic and political structure, will fall.  The question is how violently will it fall?

 

If Hillary Clinton is elected President, as seems likely now, it will be a World War III kind of awakening – massive violence and destruction with millions suffering.  The areas I saw as having potential for a more peaceful transition – the spiritual communities – are hopelessly attached to their spiritual denial and will not be ready to lead any kind of meaningful movement.  In fact, as it stands now, they’re in a worse place than “average American,” despite their arrogant assumptions of being “awakened” and “enlightened.”

Yah, we’re in big, big trouble.

It’s not like people haven’t been warning us, it’s that the huge majority people just don’t care.  But not caring or willful denial isn’t going to exempt one from the inevitable changes.  It’s just going to make it that much more painful for that person to change.

So where does this leave me in my journey?  The message I keep getting is to focus on clearing my energy and strengthening my practice.  But this also requires a clear mission.  And I have to consider how my efforts with individuals and communities that are deep in spiritual denial are serving my true purpose. 

I feel such a disconnect with the spiritual community, and yet an attraction to it as well.  I resonate with people who are wanting more in their life, who want to do something about their suffering.  Yet the arrogance, mind control, newspeak and deceit that goes on is so problematic.  It’s really difficult to be connected at all with a group that can be so thoroughly corrupt and delusional, however noble their intentions.

So this is where I’m at – trying to see how to be more clear in my mission while being engaged and not withdrawing from people and groups just because of imperfections.  And while holding fast to my truth.  All the while knowing everything’s going to fall apart here in a big way.  In the end, in comes down to siding with love and freedom over comfortable oppression.  Follow my heart, let everything else go.

Energetic Heart Opening and the Veil Has Been Pierced

The veil of spiritual denial that has been thwarting awakening energy, especially in my geographic area, was THICK, but veil has been tunneled and now everyone is being impacted by the ascension.  (I strongly encourage you to check out these links to Etienne’s blog that talk about recent spiritual developments.)  Most people are not going to do well in this period – many will fall down before they can rise up. 

In my case, it’s been a very beautiful opening.  The past two weeks have been major stress and stuck energy, as I reported earlier, and a refocusing on meditation and slowing down.

But starting yesterday, it’s like someone pulled the drain plug and all the spiritual crap is flowing down the drain.  It’s a truly beautiful opening.

And as al the psychic and spiritual garbage and stuck energy flows out, things are healing.  The walls are coming down hard, emotions coming up – very intense.  And I’m healing inside, preparing to receive more energy and ascend.

So much of my past has been years of loneliness, sadness, confusion, fear and deep shame.  I’ve never felt like I fit in and I never understood why, I just knew I wasn’t right and I felt terrible shame.

I’ve kept up lots of blocks, lots of walls – all this anxiety and fear and shame – and behind it so much sadness and loneliness and a deep yearning just to be free from the pain and fear and shame and just live my life.

Sometimes things are happening on the inside, weakening the walls, changing my thoughts, and I don’t feel any change.  Then something shifts my thinking and the walls fall like sand castles.  That’s what’s happening.  My system wants to heal, to let go of the pain of the past that I didn’t understand.  But the energy was so stuck I couldn’t do much.  I ended up reacting a lot, hiding from my pain and shame, acting out of anger or trying to lie to myself.

Now it’s okay, I can love myself now. I don’t have to hide, I don’t have to be ashamed.  I don’t have to pretend I’m perfect or worry about what haters think of me.  I can stand up right where I am and be me.  I can stand in my truth and love myself as I am and not have to worry about anything.

I can start letting those emotions process.  I can feel hurt, I can feel lonely and sad.  I can accept myself and others now.  I don’t have to fight, I don’t have to prove anything.  And boy, have I ever. 

I finally was able to heal a recurring pain from childhood that followed me into my patterns as an adult.  I’ve been able to face my tendency to withdraw into fantasy or avoidance, to face head-on my anxieties and feelings of low self-worth.  And the anger and unprocessed rage from repressing these feelings.

All that sadness, confusion, helplessness, loneliness, fear, shame – melting away very quickly, all coming up at once.  And behind that determination, compassion, love and understanding.  And peace.  I’m no longer ashamed of these things from my past, or those experiences and feelings.  And I don’t have to identify with the feelings and patterns, either.  I can understand.  I can love – myself and others.  And I can tap into that vast reservoir of determination to live a better life. 

Because really, things were never that bad, I just needed space to feel what I was too ashamed to feel and then find that resolve and keep going.  Sometimes I need to rest, take care of my body, but my resolve always comes back once I give myself space to heal and clear my energy.

And now energy is flowing in.  I have more resources freed up to deflect attacks, instead of absorbing or reacting.  More powers are coming online.  I’m sleeping better and finding more centeredness and peace.  And I know I’m on my path.  I’m compassionate and understanding about my past, and toward others who suffer the same way (and this is very good), while at the same time not identifying with it or against it.  It’s okay now.  I’m grateful for the understanding and how it can make me a more compassionate person.

I’ve also found some new supplements that seem to really be helping me – maca, an immune system herbal tea, B-complex, a prostate-supporting supplement, fish oil and cutting way back on coffee.  It’s really helping to calm my system and I slept like a log last night.  (Exercising earlier in the day helps a lot, too.)

I see big movements happening this weekend.  There’s a good chance of significant earthquakes in my area, especially with the veil being pierced.  There will be other movements as well, and possibly a surge of creative force from me as my energy comes back online.   

Going Deeper Into Meditation and Inner Awkening

I spent a lot of time this weekend just resting.  I meditated for quite a long time both days – something I really haven’t been doing up to now.  Normally it’s been small meditations, at most 15 minutes.  But there’s something different about meditating for an hour.  The mind goes through cycles and I came out very relaxed.

And so I spent a good part of both days – meditation, take a break, meditate more, sleep if it called me, meditate.  I really needed that.  In fact I need a whole lot more. 

I have a magnetic ball that’s been installed under me, connected to three people at the moment.  And wow, I’ve never felt so grounded.  It’s powerful. 

This journey inward is pretty intense – there’s a lot of resistance, a lot of story coming up.  Fear of missing out – FOMO.  It was a weekend of letting go of the need to do something, the feeling of boredom and distraction, and relaxing in.  I’m craving a transformation, and my archetype kept saying the transformation has happened, just let go of the old habits and be with it.

I felt sad, I felt lonely, I felt a lot of things come up from my past.  And my archetype kept saying, connect with what is.  This is your time to let the old go.  Everything else – every feeling of disconnect or fear – is a matter of shifting state, not changing anything inside.  I already have the resources, just need to learn to better manage the energy levels. 

I felt openings – love, acceptance.  And relaxation.  And also sleepiness, which was nice.  My body could finally relax and accept nourishment. 

It’s not like I resolved anything, but I found a better way and began the process of unloading all this accumulated stress and energetic oppression I’ve been carrying.  I feel much more open and relaxed in my chest and breathing.  I feel more centered and grounded.

Things are coming up in my dreams, too.  Lots of resistance coming up.  Representations of old patterns that don’t work anymore – they show up as “losers” squatting in my space.  And they fight back – but it’s interesting, I’m willing to call them out for the losers that they are and challenge their violence toward me.  So things are shifting.

And now it’s time to go very deep into this grounding and centering.  I need to clear a LOT more out.  I’ve been a ball of stress, and under that is someone who is very tired.  I need to clear out everything, and it’s going to take some time.  And I need to heal and restore.  I’ve been holding it together and distracting myself for a very long time.  That’s over now. 

All of the distractions, FOMO, the need to “do something,” these have all been coping mechanisms for me to keep going as I have been.  But then I wonder why it takes so little to set me off – it’s because I haven’t actually been releasing and resolving things. 

Ever since I began this journey I’ve only gone deep enough into meditation to feel open enough.  Now don’t get me wrong, it’s a lot, and I’ve been able to do some amazing things with that level of grounding and centering.  But I haven’t fully cleared out and healed.  Boredom and distraction are still powerful resistances that I haven’t fully resolved.

Also I believe my energy was not at a level where deep meditation would resolve things.  Things are different now.  I wasn’t sure how I would go about integrating the new changes, but deepening my meditation practice makes perfect sense.  I have made (or made the decisions that led to) many changes energetically.  And yes, this makes meditation more accessible and more transformative.

I keep getting the message there isn’t anything to do, it’s a matter of slowing down and getting to know what is.  The more I let go of the stories and illusions, the better everything is and the more real change can happen.  I really need to relax and trust the process. 

Part of me – the story – keeps thinking of all the things I have to do, it worries and thinks I’m not doing enough.  The other part of me – the inner part I find in meditation – doesn’t care about doing, it moves slowly and takes long pauses.  And it seems to get more done more effectively.  Less really is more.  But it’s not enough to experience this in one place, I need to experience this everywhere in my being – to do less, rest more, meditate more, go inside and then take action from that power.  Do a few things well instead of many things poorly.

Awakenings, Resolution and Superpowers

I’m feeling very emotional, feeling like everything is moving very quickly and shaken up.  My personal story has been destroyed and I’m processing a lot of sadness, shame and regret, while dealing with massive shifts.  I’m lacking sleep, which isn’t helping.  All the while my phone is blowing up with people – mostly people looking for some guidance or inspiration from me, some pretty influential people. 

My energy has been very “stuck,” maybe as a protection from the chaos.  Etienne ended up freezing the energy and then reactivating it. Then the energy was incredibly clear, more so than I’d ever experienced before.

After that something came up and I needed to resolve my broken karma.  And I had a *LOT* of broken karma, most of it very old. I resolved a lot of things and then ended up having dreams where more broken karma came up.  I meditated and tried to resolve them.  Sooooooooo much shame – I’ve done so much damage to my karma, it was really difficult to look at these things, but it felt good to repair my karma. 

A lot was just closure.  But there were valuable lessons I wish I’d learned much earlier.  The big “a-ha” was around my story of being the nerd who was picked on in school.  It turns out that story was mostly the opposite of the truth.  Yes, I got picked on, but mostly I used that story as an excuse to cause far, far more damage to the world than was caused to me.  There were a LOT of people in my past who had that lesson to give me, and a TON of unprocessed shame. 

It feels good to really work through that shame, but it sure would have been nice to fix my karma like this much earlier in life – like maybe in high school when I was marinating in my victim status and being a jerk to myself and others. 

And that whole feedback loop was self-destructive and “out of character.”  When I’ve allowed myself to be outside that karmic cycle I’d created, I’m my real self, and actually a very good and loving person with a clean karma. That’s why a lot of people either see me as a really good person and can’t understand why I had the past I did, or see me as a jerk and can’t understand my story.

So it felt good to resolve the broken karma, and I feel bad for how I behaved in that victim story.  And I’m having to process all those feelings now, that shame, and also the void from that story being destroyed. It’s empowering and liberating and unsettling. Mostly it feels good to be free from the oppression of my own negative karmic cycle.  It is a bummer facing all the crap I caused, but it’s a lot better than hiding in that victim story.

Meanwhile, Etienne reactivated my energy and things are – WHOA!  I got a message “FINISH YOUR WRITING!”  Meanwhile, my wife found a job – very quickly after getting her visa.  Things have gone from “stuck” for months and months to “everything all at once.” 

Last night I had another very powerful coaching session with a client – the first one cleared out energetic cords with his mom and as a result he stopped drinking (wow!); this one I cleared out his issues with his father and he experienced a spiritual rebirth. 

This is VERY powerful stuff and it left me buzzing.  My energy was very high and I had trouble falling asleep, then intense dreams. 

I’m accessing some energetic superpowers and it’s intense.  I clearly have not been accessing my energetic potential up to now.

Now my energy is off the charts and I’m having trouble grounding and integrating it, it’s like my whole energetic system is trembling with power.  It’s crazy. 

I mean, I was doing some major work with this guy and it was like flexing my finger, it was very little effort, just this flow.  So yah, it’s like a superpower and I’m still learning to manage it. 

It’s crazy.  I have just begun to access some of my real potential.  It’s all been there, hiding behind clouds of doubt.  Now that I see it and feel it, I want to do more – a lot more. 

Updates From the Lifting of the Energetic Veil

 

The energy coming off this is so strong and clean.  I picked up this bracelet in Thai Town Saturday and attuned it over the weekend.  I wonder if the lifting of the veil is causing crystals to activate at even higher vibrations. All my crystals are vibrating very, very high. 

I’m told jade is my stone, compatible with my birthday.  The energy is definitely good now with the bracelet.  And these stones are “raining energy” – reactivated them.  It’s a lot of strong energy.

I had a very powerful coaching session with a client, guiding him through an energetic cord-cutting meditation Sunday.  It was a great session for him, and impactful for me as well – I experienced many energetic shifts from the coaching experience as the coach.

His issue was cutting the energetic cords with his mom, which is an issue for all men it seems.  It’s a challenging aspect of our work as men, so I’m glad I can do my part to help. 

This happened at the same time I was in the middle of massive creative output for Destin’s book as well as my fiction book.  A lot going on. 

Meanwhile, my energy has been calling me to “stand my ground” and assert my boundaries.  This has led me through some stressful days and feelings of anger and anxiety, but it was long overdue. I’m standing up to the big “bully’ in my life – who really isn’t a bully, but someone I’ve given away my power to again and again.  With this energy elevation, my higher self is having none of that and demanding firm boundaries and respect for my space and expression.

Going through that has felt stressful.  My system is very unaccustomed to this kind of setting and sitting in firm boundaries, as opposed to being reactive and accommodating.  But every time my habits would pull me toward compromise, my higher self would insist on asserting myself.  And in the end it felt good.  Yes, very stressful going through it, and I’m sure the conflict isn’t over, but this is right.  I feel good about myself in a way I haven’t, I’ve released a huge energetic block.  And I’ve kept the jerk in my life from dumping her baggage into my energetic space. 

I have to trust this process – my energy is elevating at a rapid rate, but it looks different than other people, because my blocks and challenges are different.  But look at the weekend – highest energetic attunement powers ever, incredible energy and coaching experience, MASSIVE creative output in a short period of time, and removing a very large and stubborn block in my energy.

That’s a REALLY good weekend!

Yes, it came with energy-induced sleep issues, some stress going against the grain of my patterns, and it didn’t “feel good.”  I’m fatigued, dizzy, unsettled in my energy.  And it’s an insanely powerful experience!  Awakening isn’t supposed to “feel good,” it’s supposed to do good.  And this is doing a whole lot of good.  I’m moving powerfully toward truth, expression and freedom and away from unhealthy patterns. 

That’s a sign that the veil is lifting.  Feeling lightness and happiness while my world stays stuck in the same patterns is not movement, it’s energetic masturbation.  It’s the escapism that plagues the New Age community. Change is tough.  Choosing freedom and full expression of truth is not easy.  That’s the whole point – if it was easy we wouldn’t need higher vibrations of energy to get there, everyone would just do it and world would be great.  Obviously we’re not there, and the faster I can move along my path the more I can do to help in the transition.

Thoughts After a Week in the Wilderness (And a Flat Tire)

Another day post-vacation and integrating everything, clearing out my work inbox, getting things set straight, now relaxing at the tire shop.

Yes, after a treacherous drive up and down the mountain I popped a tire picking up pizza three blocks from home.  That’s neither good nor bad luck, it just is.  It’s an opportunity for greater presence.

This has been an amazing integration.  I feel all the old BS stripping away.  But man, my ego was holding onto that crap tightly.  And still is.

The value of being highly opinionated, which I have clearly held, appears to be a reflection of a distortion of low self-esteem in some aspect.  Perhaps the value of opinions is a defense against being gullible.  If I hold onto preset opinions that are mine, then I can’t be fooled.  Obviously this is a losing strategy.

And really my opinions serve me little. Opinions and preferences have caused me tremendous stress as well as conflict and social disconnection.

As I integrate my powers and clear out the internal distortions, a new truth emerges that is higher than my opinions and ego.  I can move through many opinions and feel strong and solid in who I am and what I’m doing.

Ego-based “rightness,” however logically and factually sound, is still ultimately a limiting belief.  It is a need for the ego to receive recognition and validation from others. And that validation is fleeting.  Once the ego feels validated, the disconnection returns and the cycle of needing validation resumes.

This isn’t to say “don’t hold opinions and preferences,” as that’s not possible and leads to other ego-based issues (“look at me I’m so unattached to preferences, so fucking indifferent”).  It is about placing value on higher truth.  In this case, my higher truth means consciously letting go of the value I’ve placed on opinions and preferences that are not serving my higher truth. 

This may seem like a faint distinction or a half-measure.  But it’s very clear and strong when it’s embodied.  I’m returning from my vacation and looking at all the opinions that brought up emotional reaction.  Instead of acting on the opinion, this is an opportunity to inquire about the emotional reaction and engage in deeper healing.

Now, this is not a simple process.  I’m aware that my brain is addicted to the emotional chemicals.  My worrying is very disruptive but also creates chemicals my brain likes and wants more of.  Anger is addictive.  The “gambling hormones” are addictive.

But here’s the thing – a lot of my patterns are compensating.  This is the great thing about looking at everything in my life from this “new me,” I’m looking at every pattern in the moment and looking at it against my “true self.” I’ve done this throughout my journey, so for the past 6-7 years since I began in earnest.

What’s different now?  There isn’t a conflict between “what I want” and “what’s my higher truth.”  Instead there’s an awareness and an INSTANT shift.  I notice the emotional pattern, notice the disconnect with the truth, and I lose all interest in that pattern I used to hold onto with everything I had. That’s how I know I’ve changed. 

Even things like – “I popped my tire – this is bad luck.  No wait, it’s good luck.  No wait, that’s me assigning meaning to an event.  It just is.  Now what am I going to do about it?”  Poof, emotional pattern – GONE. 

I used to make meanings and then integrate them into my work – this happened, that means something about my work.  That’s gone too.  I can separate energetic events from confirmation bias.

I had written this before, but I keep coming back to it because it’s going to color the way I set up my “Thailand spiritual retreat.”  On this trip, I was doing something I love with the people I care about, free from other distractions and radiating with the energetic activation.  This formula created the complete shift. 

This is the experience I want to give people who visit my sanctuary, when I am able to bring that into the world.  I want them to have that energetic and physical experience that leaves them truly observing their ego and able to make the real changes in their lives going forward.  To activate and embrace their energetic power, releasing the ego blocks in the way. 

I want to create an experience where people are free from the lives they had before they arrived, yet enjoy a level of comfort and pleasure that makes the Thailand spiritual retreat enjoyable, instead of feeling like a painful sacrifice.

I want to bring this element into my coaching as well – find a way to strip out the life that’s going on to discover what is truly important.

There is a small circle of people that truly matter to me.  And there is a small circle of things that are truly important.  The rest is either a means to that end (making money, for example) or unnecessary distraction, attachment or distortion.

And literally everything I’m worrying about, that’s been keeping me up at night, falls into the “not important” column.  So it’s a matter of shifting my focus to what is important and moving my attention back there whenever I feel myself pulling away into worry.  And it’s often worry about what people think of me – people whom at my heart I don’t care about in the slightest.  And now I can stop worrying and let go.

Not that this will automatically happen, but the training process is in place, moving my attention to what it important and away from what isn’t.  And it comes at the time when I’ve massively expanded my energy.  And it’s at a time when I’m ready to create a new me and let go of the old unhelpful energies and thought patterns, so this is good.

And again, it comes down to the simple question – is this thing important and relevant to me?  And if not, what is that would be a better use of my attention and energy?  Which brings me back to the tire shop, and this – reflecting and integrating the lessons instead of trying to find meaning in a flat tire or getting worked up over cost, inconvenience, or the people yelling at each other on the news channel on the waiting room TV.