Sexy Beats Musings

 

It’s noonish on a Saturday and I’m chilling on the couch listening to some sexy beats music I found on some of Destin Gerek’s Spotify playlists.  It’s a yummy vibe, vibrating in my chest and solar plexus.  Using deep, slow, measured breathing.  How long has it been since I really connected with my breathing?  Or my body?  Or presence?  Or felt the desire to just sit and be and write whatever thoughts and feelings come up?

Years.  It feels like years.

Years of having to focus on doing things for others – for my kids growing up, for my wife adjusting to living in a new country, for my financial security.  And recovery.

My adventurous heart still beats.  I bought a house in Pensacola, Florida and for the past year and a half I’ve been living a Jimmy Buffett escape lifestyle for a week to ten days every month.  It’s been expensive, taken a lot of time and energy, and life-changing, soul-opening. 

And it’s led to other things.  What else new and “out there” can I try, for me?  And what else?  Who is this guy who has been under wraps for so long, doing what needs to be done, taking care of things and living a confined life?

I rediscovered my love for fishing during the pandemic.  Then I massively expanded that love into a new adventure in Florida, living my best fishing/beach life ever.  I got to third degree black belt Taekwondo and then thought “what am I doing this for?” and took a huge step back.  Doing things just to do them or “because it’s good for me” doesn’t fit anymore.  Something’s changed in me and the routine doesn’t work.  Doing nothing feels better.

Doing nothing ain’t bad if you do it right.  Bring a little intention into it and that nothing becomes something.  Bring a little more of myself into that conscious nothing and suddenly I have a cool, chill lifestyle. 

And that brings me here.  Sitting on the couch, listening to some cool, sexy beats and just writing whatever shit comes out.  I’m not bored, just chill.  Not thinking about other things or what I should be doing, just chilling and letting it out, not thinking about what it means or trying to make it into something.

In fact I’m going deep into the not giving a shit about any of that.  Fuck trying to build anything or so something meaningful, I’m just sitting here chilling and writing about nothing and loving it.  I’m done complaining about California like I have no control over the situation.  I made my decision, the rest of the world can do whatever the fuck it wants, I don’t have to give a shit.  And right now, for once, I don’t, and it feels awesome.

I want to go deeper into this chill “not giving a shit,” let go of the angry, reactive anti-energy and just let go of giving a shit about anything, for me.  Let all that bullshit crumble and fall into the sea.  And we’ll see where this goes.

I feel a spiritual connection and a desire to further my practice, but embodied and natural, not the forced, formulaic shit.

Why is it I’m so much more deeply expressive on this blog, but the other one is mostly a picture blog?  It’s not bad, it’s just not a place where I express much in writing.  Do I still need this duality of expression?  Does that serve me?

Maybe I unconsciously feel like the “fish stories” are beneath the level of expression here?  But the Pensacola house experience and the “fish stories” have been life-altering and a spiritual awakening.  Maybe I need to stop being small in my expression and bring it all back home here, that the little Wordpress blog with little audience no longer really serves me?

I want to get really funky.  There are things out there that I was either afraid to try or which didn’t feel like me and now I see and feel myself enjoying that reality.  I want to get “out there,” get a little lost and maybe find a new home, find more of myself.

Cutting the Cord With Coaching and the Evolutionary Community

My energy has really opened up over the past month and now I’m making big changes in important areas of my life.

Some people aren’t going to like this post.  Some people I consider friends aren’t going to like this post, and I hope they can learn to understand this isn’t a personal attack on them, this is a truth I have learned on my journey.  It may not be good for their business, but that’s not my business.

One of the things I realize about myself is stillness is a constant practice.  But it’s also the most important characteristic of massive, positive change.  A constant level of doing-ness will not produce change, only create the illusion of change through unnecessary and counterproductive movement.  Over time this doing-ness will lead to fatigue and you’ll be left with the unsettling feeling that much was done and little was accomplished.

Most things do not need to be done.  Most thoughts do not need any attention.  Most of the time the proper response to everything is nothing – stillness. 

It is only looking back that I realize the period of doing nothing and going inward was my most productive period of time.  Instead of wasting time and effort doing things to no effect, I brought my attention inward to the source of the desire to “do something” or engage in thought patterns.  While nothing was going on at the surface, much healing and change was taking place inside.

People would ask what I’m up to and I’d say “not much.”  I’d find myself getting annoyed with the questions – Do I need to waste my time so I can give you an interesting story?  Why am I feeling bad about saying I’m not doing anything?  Why does it feel good and right when the world tells me it’s unhealthy?  Why am I feeling lazy, lonely and bored?  And these are good questions.  They lead to the sources of my patterns.

It’s both difficult and a relief to arrive at the realization that much of my life has been a waste of a lot of time, money (which is time) and energy to little effect.  But when I look at my life and say I have managed it poorly, this is actually optimistic. It means I have to potential to live a much better life as I learn to manage it more effectively. 

And it started with realizing I am not lazy, I am not tired, I am not low-energy, these are symptoms of something else. And that something else is what has been driving the misuse of my energy and leading to wasteful patterns.  So it isn’t about being more disciplined or bringing more energy into the patterns that are slowly destroying me, but in destroying those patterns.

I’ve written about some of my epiphanies along the way, and I’ve made changes.  Mostly I’ve stopped doing or thinking or engaging.  There’s no point in action when I’m filling my life with things that suck energy – until I solve the underlying issue and begin generating nourishing behaviors, the only appropriate action is no action and the only appropriate thought is no thought.

When enough things clear, then the course of action becomes easy to see.  Big changes can happen seemingly at the flick of a wrist.  The most difficult part about creating real, lasting, beneficial change is clearing out what isn’t serving and allowing my true desires to reveal themselves.

I’ve come to this realization, and this is a big a-ha that flies in the face of almost all the “personal coaching” modalities out there:  It is far better to know that you don’t know what you want than to think you so.  The man who knows and accepts that he does not know his path is far closer to his goal than the man who actively dedicates himself to an illusory path so he can say “I have a purpose.”

The first step to personal growth is not to “find your purpose,” it’s to realize you have no idea what your purpose is and to find peace in this.  Far too much attention is placed on this notion of a “man’s purpose in life.”  Certainly a guiding purpose is essential to a fulfilled life, but pretty much everyone is so clouded in their thinking (myself included) that a man has no chance of finding that purpose in his disoriented condition.  First a man needs to stop the spinning and let things settle.  Then he needs to find north.  Then he can look at the map and will likely find his path jumps out at him (and is either far away from his current location or the very path he is on).

So a man who knows he has no idea what his path is can easily learn to find peace, while a man who stubbornly insists on following his purpose first will circle the globe several times and never come close to his path (and likely delude himself into thinking his aimless circling is a pathway, when he’s just wasting his time).

Most men don’t need a life coach.  They need stillness.  They need to stop what they’re doing, stop looking around and start seeing clearly.

So I sat at home, found stillness and felt bored and lonely.  The personal coach will say, well, you’re bored and lonely because you’re not doing anything and your alone.  So go do something and be around people. 

Then some time goes by and I’d be right back in this place, just a little older and more tired.  Because this is where I was supposed to be and I wasn’t listening.

Clearly the “problem” isn’t what I’m doing, it’s what’s driving my thoughts, which drive my actions.  I wasn’t “bored” or “lonely,” these aren’t even real concepts.  They don’t exist, it’s all imaginary bullshit.  There’s no such thing as boredom or loneliness, they’re constructs to create the illusion of separation.  A clear and honest perspective shows, no, I wasn’t lonely.  There were, are, and always have been plenty of people in my life.  Loneliness is about misperception, misdirection and misapplication of energy.  So when I’d go out into the world holding this pattern, what happens?  I’d attract other “lonely” people who confirm my illusion. 

It turns out, when you operate under the delusion of boredom and loneliness, the whole world is full of bored, lonely people who reinforce each others’ illusions of disconnection.  The solution isn’t action, it’s an attitude adjustment.

And the irony for me was that I had to go towards the feeling.  I had to let go of all the ways I artificially stayed connected and go deeper into the source of illusion.  I’m bored? Stop doing things.  I’m lonely? Get off social media and stop wasting time with fake friends.  Embrace it. Embrace it so much it becomes a friend instead of a problem. 

Then you find peace.  Then you find stillness.  And then the path of action becomes clear and simple.  You walk toward the hologram until you can touch it and know it’s not real.  Then it goes away.  Then you can make real choice. 

Coaches won’t teach this because there is no glory in this process.  It’s “boring.”  It doesn’t yield itself to “instant success stories” and cool “before and after” pictures.  But then again, a real life coach would be focused on a person’s life from the source, not the BS external stuff.  Nobody I’ve met is a true life coach (well, maybe a couple, but they go by much different titles and would NEVER refer to themselves as being in that category), and very, very few people need the services the purported “life coaches” are selling. 

And by “life coaches” I mean all of the variants – evolutionary coach, spiritual coach, PUA coach.  It all falls under that “solving general fucked-up-ness” category.

Coaches and teachers are great – if you know what you want and are looking to gain specific skills.  Focus on that one thing, learn it, master it, move on.  Hiring experts is great for that.  Living your life…? No.  Actually a coach is counterproductive in this situation.  Even the most well-meaning of coaches can’t help but inject a subtle (or not so subtle) agenda into the process.  He or she will have a certain way they want to see the world become and expect you to fit into that.  He or she will also be impatient for quick results – coaches don’t play a long game. Quick, visible results are good for the coach – but are they good for you?  After years of going down this path, I can say with certainty it wasn’t good for me.

Idealism and time constraints are the enemies of real growth.  Idealism is just a nice word for “false expectations.”  Many people have these pie-in-the-sky opinions of how society and they should be, and they pursue these “dreams” (fantasies) without ever questioning the basis for their idealism. Inevitably, if they took the time to reflect instead of assuming their opinions are truth because they are connected with strong emotions (as are all limiting beliefs), they’d soon realize these “ideals” are nothing but mind programming.  You’re not saving the world – you’re full of shit and being a pain in the ass for the rest of us in the process.

Almost every coach I’ve met is an idealist at some level, and none of them have gone through this internal reflection process.  Inevitably, their students generally tend to follow the same ideological path as their teacher (there’s that agenda kicking in, as well as confirmation bias).  The fundamental issue here is pretty much everyone who has chosen “personal coach” as a vocation (or hobby, since few make a living at it) is living out their unconscious ideological fantasies (while many call themselves “conscious” as they do so, because irony is fun).

The universe hasn’t asked all these people to coach.  It’s a form of groupthink – and how is a person who is hypnotized by group delusion going to help you let go of your illusions and find your inner truth?  They won’t.  They’ll tell you what you want to hear – or they’ll tell you what they want to hear until you accept it as your own opinion (or fire your coach).

Take away the expectations and time constraints and instead focus attention on what is behind those expectations and time constraints.  What’s driving this?  Go into that.  Feel more of it.  Get really curious about who you really are, behind all that. Turn off the news and social media.  Go for a walk.  Meditate.  Do something you enjoy just because you enjoy it, whatever it is.  Find those access points to your deeper self.  You’re in there.  It might feel like a tangled ball of thread, or a hodgepodge, or a giant to-do list, but somewhere under all that is you. 

You strip everything away and there is a core and in that stillness with only your essential self, this is where you find your true north.  A coach isn’t any good until you’ve done this much, and after you do that the huge majority of, if not all of, the coaches will be irrelevant to you.  Most people just need awareness and a reset.

Most people are basically happy and suffer under the delusion they’re unhappy. Even people I’ve known who had pretty awful childhoods have been able to find peace and happiness later in life.  The unhappiness comes from running away from those things inside instead of facing them – face those demons and discover they’re holograms and everything changes. A lot of pretty intense emotional patterns can grow from pretty basic core illusions and many people who seem “hopelessly damaged” are actually one step away from total health, if they’d just turn around and face their shit.

There are some people who need more help, professional help, not a coach.  It’s a far smaller number than those seeking such help.  There are a few who cannot be helped.  These are the exceptions. 

I was wrong about coaching and I was wrong about myself.  There are certain things I’ve learned and experienced through the benefit of coaches/ teachers which are immensely valuable.  But a coach can’t teach life.  A coach can’t teach purpose.  You can’t teach happiness.  Coaches can’t help you find your core, clear out illusion or make you appreciate your true worth.

Looking back I would reflect on my experience with coaching  overall with a great deal of regret for the time and money wasted.  It’s not that I didn’t learn and grow, it’s that coaching at some level is inherently disempowering for the student, and over time it actually retards growth.  For me, I feel coaching was a distraction from actually facing my stuff and understanding my true self.  The times when coaching has worked has been when I was on my path and wanted specific things – alchemy (the most recent work with Etienne) would be an example, as would my very earliest work with Destin Gerek, which was issue-specific. 

Looking back I knew who I was and coaching actually did more to feed my underlying doubt than to go through it.  There were times when I knew what I needed was simply a different choice – in jobs, in partners, in where I lived, in friends, in lifestyle.  A few simple things that make an immense difference in life.  I needed to just believe in myself and make the change.  In a way I’ve spent my entire life growing and evolving, I just needed to trust what my higher self already knew.

Coaching did not assist in this natural growth path, it was an impediment.  “Life coaching” actually held me back.  It directed my attention to a process that was more feel-good distraction (which through time and repetition became boring and annoying distraction) instead of really getting right with who I am and what I really wanted to do.

A simple meditation practice, along with a few lifestyle changes, was really all I needed to overcome my anxiety attacks and take the action my heart desired.  Instead I dragged out this “evolution” process for years.  Same with all my other so-called “problems.”  The truth is, for the most part, I needed more than anything to simply learn to accept who I am, what I like, and how I enjoy living my life. The other stuff was not a good use of my time and money – there’s a reason why those aspects became annoying over time.

Am I bitter?  No.  Am I ungrateful?  That depends on your point of view.  I feel I provided more than fair value for what I received and wasn’t a pain in the ass student.  I’ve expressed gratitude for the services I’ve received and now I believe – no, maybe that isn’t the truth.  I want to make people feel good and support people, but maybe in my effort to be supportive and kind I haven’t really been listening to myself. Especially with regards to coaching.

The thing is, I like these coaches as people.  That’s the problem.  I liked them so much I handed over my precious time and money and really wanted them to succeed with coaching me.   The truth is, I still like them, but I would have been better served not getting the coaching.  I really like who I am and where I’m going in life, but those years of wandering through the woods – didn’t help.  To be honest, a couple good one-on-one PUA classes about 15 years ago to smooth over my anxiety and rough edges, and maybe one other specific course I could have and did find online, and I would have found my way here much faster and with less painful and annoying side journeys. I would have found what I needed and have more to show for it.

That doesn’t make me bitter or ungrateful.  It makes me (finally) honest.  I didn’t need a coach, just a little attitude adjustment and some social skills.  And later, when I was ready, some energetic teaching.

I’m disappointed by what I see going on, especially in a lot of my coaching/ evolution circles.  Apart from the boring repetition and buzzwords and complaining, the larger patterns are actually kind of troubling.  The percentage of students who “discover” their life path is the same as their coach is something like two thirds – a ridiculous percentage.  The “conscious” community seems to have two career paths – personal coach or artist. (Wait, four paths – I forgot “author” and “gardener.”) These aren’t career paths, these are escapist hobbies.

And I’m as guilty as anyone of this.  I love to fish and write books.  But “fisherman” and “author” are not my purposes here on this planet.  I have a good job that supports my family, and that family is a purpose.  There’s a larger purpose that encompasses this, but this is where my time, energy and spiritual energy is going. Writing is a creative outlet.  Fishing is a hobby.  Planting a garden is a nice hobby for some people.  Farming – real farming – is a business that requires study, research, effort, capital (land, equipment, labor) and return on investment.  It’s a full-time job that leaves little time for writing arrogant ebooks about how you think men should fuck (as if anybody fucking cares about your opinion on this subject) or spending two weeks in the desert being Chief Thundercock of the Idiot Nation.

And fucking around without paying your bills is NOT a life purpose.  It’s escapism and it’s fucking inconsiderate to the rest of the world that’s working its ass off so you can be an arrogant, worthless dickhead living off the fat of Western economics, telling everyone how awesome you are in bed and how terrible every other guy is, while railing against the very capitalism that ALLOWS you to live your party lifestyle while providing ZERO REAL VALUE to the world.  Nobody in Venezuela is paying for your bullshit “art” or “services,” you communist hypocrite moron.

And after hearing enough of THAT pattern of bullshit, and getting more and more irritated with the collective patterns of stupidity and self-destruction cloaked as “evolution,” I’ve had enough.  It’s bullshit.  All of it.  The whole community is bullshit, and so is the coaching.  Stupid people behaving stupidly get on my nerves very quickly, no matter how much I love them.

And I’m done.  I’m sorry I ever did it.

And it’s hard because, even though I’m obviously annoyed and deeply regret the time and money wasted, I really do like these people.  They probably won’t like me anymore, because I’m goring their ox, but it’s true – I like these people.  They have good hearts and souls, just badly underdeveloped brains.  And that’s probably why I lingered longer than I should have – my core self had walked away years ago, but my emotional attachment kept me lingering and getting more and more angry.

As Etienne said, I was stuck because I was holding onto attachment to people who won’t follow.  My core self is miles away on a different path and the cord of attachment just gets longer and more tense by the minute.

So… it has to be cut.  I can’t keep torturing myself because I’m fond of people.

In the Midlst of a Major Energetic Storm

From Saturday the 18^th:

Last night I spent some time binge listening to Destin Gerek’s podcasts.  He’s got a pretty good body of work now and it’s well worth a listen.  Not all of it will be relevant or valuable to you, and I’d have recommendations for Destin on how he conducts his podcasts (he’s generally putting too much attention on the guest and not enough input from him – probably needs a monologue or something so his knowledge and message is coming out more directly), but he’s brought in some pretty solid guests for an inaugural podcast.  It’s on iTunes – just search “Destin Gerek” and you’ll find it. 

As for me, I’m settling into my not-so-new lifestyle and starting to really enjoy it.  When I started this journey inward, I think there was a lot of resistance, and so there was a lot of subconscious sabotage – distraction, wasting my valuable downtime, etc.  But lately I’ve found a good place energetically.  I’m in a place where some pretty big waves that hit late last year and early this year have passed and I can celebrate a bit.  Things aren’t the way I’d like them to be for the long term, but for now things are good and getting better.

I’m embracing my journey inward with a lot more enthusiasm and curiosity, and also more honesty.  The whole point of this is to clear out the BS and get clear on who I am and my larger purpose.  And I’m finally at a point where I can look at myself more clearly.

And it’s interesting.  I realize I’ve changed in a lot of ways I didn’t even realize, that some big things that had been bothering me and driving how and what I’ve been pursuing are gone, they’ve cleared up.

After I clear out all the layers of anxiety and BS, I’ve been surprised to find I’m actually very happy with this quiet, simpler life.  I really love my wife, I love my son and enjoy spending lots of quality time with him, I really like my job how things are developing career-wise, and I really enjoy these moments of quiet meditation and reflection, just enjoying the slow pace with little or nothing to do. 

I really enjoy my meditations, energy clearings and alchemy.  I enjoy not having a lot on my plate and feeling my life slow down.  This is home for me.  For a while I’d feel bored, and I still do from time to time, but the more I embrace slowing down, the less bored I feel.  I just relax and time seems to fly by without having to fill it with “doing stuff.”

For a while I was pretty attached to the Internet and social media, but I’m cutting that cord, too.  It feels good.  It reminds me of those times last year when we’d take short vacations to places “off the grid,” or where Internet was spotty at best.  And it was sooooo nice!  Just relaxing with my family and slowing down to the pace of the sun and moon and letting all the BS of city life go. 

 

Since the 18^th It’s been a steady week of major energetic attacks, so it appears that period was a brief lull in the storm.

It appears now that I’m in the middle of a very large energetic storm.  I still continue to receive the message to slow down and go inward, and it’s beginning to have some positive effects, but it’s clear the energetic storm is far from over and there is much to learn.

I’ve been in this “going inward” state since around November.  At first I felt a lot of resistance, but now my mind is slowing down and things opening up.  But that’s not the end of it. It’s just a marker.  The attacks are getting stronger and affecting things around me.  Possessions breaking, things like that.  Also money issues and work stress for me and my wife.

This is the problem with energetic attacks – I can shield myself and my family, but I can’t shield everything.  So major repairs, expenses and work stresses come in, and there’s little I can do except try to minimize the damage. 

But it hasn’t been just things breaking, it’s affecting me as well.  Many nights of difficult sleep and just general stress. The reason I’m being asked to focus inward and heal is because this is a difficult time energetically and it’s going to take a lot of resources to keep the energy clear and moving on the right path. 

But despite the external attacks and their affect on my energy and things around me, my internal state is getting better. I’ve been using Natural Grounding more regularly.  And it works.  In fact, I’m finding blocks from the last time I stopped doing NG and it’s clearing out my energy more and more. 

So I keep going.  Internally it’s getting better, externally some major stuff is going on.

Etienne has talked about some of the recent energetic events, and I sense there’s a lot more happening.  So it’s just a big energetic storm and it’s going to have to run its course.  It seems to be affecting everyone, and many in not good ways.  I’m watching the reaction to Trump with wonder – millions of people going crazy from the energy flows. 

Keep going.  More to follow.

Owning My Spiritual Gifts

One of My New Bracelets - Tigers Eye and Labradorite

 

I have been away for a while, as my desire to be silent has been stronger than my desire to keep posting new stuff.  During this time, I have had some success at kicking my caffeine addiction and getting my adrenal system in balance, and apart from that bringing my energy in, learning to listen and not react.

I even found some new jewelry that I’ve been making myself.  By fortunate accident, my jade bracelet exploded from an energy burst and I had to replace the elastic string.  As I bought the string, I also bought some other beads and began fashioning some bracelets that are pretty powerful (and look good, too).  All this while being quiet and generally being off the grid.

Then something very interesting came up.  A friend who is very spiritually gifted (but not spiritually grounded) was recounting how she recently discovered her once-beloved ashram was in fact a cult – and how she’s separating and healing from both this realization and the trauma she endured while living there.  When I read her account, I wasn’t at all surprised.  It was my energy reading of the “ashram” from the beginning. 

But the thing is I knew this place was dark and full of entanglements from the very first time I became aware of it.  I’d get invitations to go and that vision would come up.  But then I’d push those visions away – oh, people like Destin and Rion who went there are so spiritually advanced, surely they must know more than me.  If they see it as good, my vision must be a distortion.  Maybe it’s jealousy or something in me. 

But the visions kept coming.  My wife, who is unaware of her own energetic gifts but whose energy is totally clean and grounded, couldn’t be at the same table as my friend.  (I got a similar bad vibe, but I’m more used to being around people with powerful energy that is off, so it doesn’t usually trigger me.)  She sensed the entanglements distorting my friend’s strong energy and wanted nothing to do with that mess.  And again, I pushed these energetic warning signs down, I didn’t say anything (I wanted to SOOOOO many times after that day, but doubted myself too much).  Again I assumed, Destin is good, he is advanced, it must be okay.

Now I see things in a different light that makes sense.  It’s not that I’m right and Destin is wrong, it’s that we’re both right, but my interpretation was distorted.  This is the biggest problem with my gifts – I can see and sense things, but my interpretations become distorted because I don’t believe enough in myself to bring out my gifts and speak them clearly.  Too much fear and doubt.

But I was 100% right.  The “ashram” was a cult, the energy was dark and full of spiritual entanglements.  Yes, they’re powerful, but badly misusing their power and engaging in mind control and abuse.  These are NOT good people.  And the spiritual entanglements had infected my friend very deeply, to the point that her energy field was actually a bit dangerous.

I wasn’t ready to say anything then.  I hadn’t done the work to get to the level where I could understand and give voice to my intuition with conviction, much less be able to do anything about it.  (And what good is it to tell someone “your energy is fucked and that ashram you love is an evil cult,” and then walk away like your job is done?  That’s like a doctor saying “you have cancer,” and then leaving his patient to their own devices.

So I kept quiet and eventually heeded my calling to begin my work.  Then the truth comes out in black and white – everything I knew to be true was revealed to be true.  All of it. 

And for me this is my message – I’m ready now.  I’m getting much better at articulating my energetic sense and I can resolve things energetically.  I understand how things work now, my conflicts have finally been resolved.

I get it.  Yes, Destin is a good man, and a powerful man.  But he is not me.  He is not interested in keeping his energy clean.  He actually likes the rush of getting into spiritual entanglements, and he’s attracted to women with spiritual issues.  He likes to surf the dark side.  It’s not that he’s morally compromised, he just likes the thrill and the edge.  He wants to try everything.  Me?  No.  I want to keep my energy clean and use it to help others. 

And this explains a lot.  It explains why I’m energetically repulsed by a lot of people in Destin’s tribe, while feeling good about Destin’s energy.  He’s attracted to the bad energy, but he doesn’t embody it. Maybe his wide variety of experiences has immunized him to some extent.  It explains why he’d be head over heels for someone who looks beautiful but whose energy would make me nauseous.  We’re both right, but because our paths are different, our reactions are different too.  He enjoys the polarity, and I’m physically repulsed by that bad energy (something that’s served me well but which I didn’t understand).

It explains why I am drawn to Rion’s powers while at the same time very skeptical of his judgment and not so anxious to follow him when he goes down a rabbit hole. I heard the stories from Etienne about how much shit he had to clear out after Rion’s trip to the ashram, and I’m sure he acquired some crap from his latest Tantra certification, too.

The message here is to trust my sense and further hone my ability to clearly and accurately explain it. It’s clear I have something special to offer and the world really needs this vision and clarity.  It also makes me more committed to create my own spiritual temple, to show the world what an energetically clean and uplifting temple looks like.

 

It's Come Together - Musings on Destin Gerek and My Path

I made a conscious effort this past weekend to resolve some energetic blocks and imbalances and some pretty big things definitely shifted.  Something’s very different about my energy and I’ve been able to finally let go of some pretty major patterns.  I feel a lot more peaceful and more clear on my purpose. 

I’ve been producing a lot of content for Destin’s book lately, it’s like I finally see how my purpose and his purpose intersect.  I struggled for a long time, going through many, many self-help, pick-up and other programs.  I knew things weren’t right, but I struggled to find a better way.

I started working with Destin as a client about seven years ago.  My relationship with him as a coach ended years ago, but I’ve continued working with him on many things, helping him with copy, assisting with his business development and now this writing project which has been gestating for years.  I’d go through periods where I’d wonder what I was doing – why was I still drawn to invest so much in this?

And the questions, logically, seemed valid.  I’ve found my path and my voice, and it’s not the same as his.  I understand him and his work very well (that’s why I’m a compatible writer for him), but I think I always knew from the beginning that Destin’s work is a resource for me, and a valuable one, but that my path would take me on a much different route.

For one, as much as I have spoken on and on about sex in my writings in the recent past, I’m not Destin.  I might utilize Tantra and a few other things, and I’m certainly grateful for the many ways my working with Destin has opened up my world and improved my life.  But in the end, this is just one aspect of my life.  It’s not the foundation, like it is for him and a lot of the men he likes to work with. 

On the one hand, it’s good to see different ways of living.  It’s been like exploring other cultures, seeing the Tantra and daka/ dakini stuff.  And it’s been good for expanding my boundaries, instead of just saying “that’s not me” and rejecting everything out of hand.  It’s also nice to find my happiness and my truth and honor that truth. 

Which means I can let a lot of that “Erotic Rockstar” stuff go.  That was never why I joined up with Destin in the first place.  It was never about dedicating my life to being a sex guru, it was about healing my pain, finding my own happiness and purpose, and then moving in my own direction. 

And as it became clear that he and I are on different paths, I began to wonder if my working with him was serving either of us, or if it was just a partnership of convenience.  And now I can see much more clearly that yes, we do have common goals, and I can be of tremendous help to the world by working with him.

As I mentioned earlier, I suffered for a long time in the “self-help wilderness.”  There’s a lot of crap out there.  I actually read one of Dr. Phil’s books (the dude’s a total fraud – don’t waste your time on that guy – only a complete idiot would listen to Dr. Phil on anything) a long time ago.  I’ve tried a lot of things – some helped, but it was all really lacking.  I really wish there had been a book like Destin’s out there when I was much younger – to have that foundation and give myself permission to explore more things earlier in my life.  I believe this book can help a lot of men avoid some of the pitfalls and suffering that I went through when everything felt “out of place” in my life but I couldn’t figure my way out of the mess.

I’m pouring forth this effort for those men, and for the women who will be impacted by the changes in the lives of those men.  It’s not about my writing career, though I’m sure it’ll help with that, too.  It’s not about my coaching – though it’s helping me gain more clarity of purpose around that too.  It’s about helping a lot of people bypass the suffering that I went through (and which I ended up dragging a lot of other people through as well). 

I looked in the mirror last night and I thought “Yah, that’s it.  It’s come together.”  I’m solid in my core, I have a sense of purpose, I feel happy, I’ve let go of some worry patterns and reconciled some things (some of which are big ones that only resolved over the past week or so after the veil lifted).  I’m me now.  It feels good. 

I think a lot of people saw the “journey” as me being something I’m not – whose this guy pretending he’s like Destin?  And yah, I never was.  I wasn’t trying to be, I just wanted to expand and look at things from a different perspective, to grow.  And I did.  It was pretty costly in some ways, but I’m grateful.  On the way, I also discovered some new things that “stuck” and are now a part of me.  And many things I can now let go that never felt genuine.

But that’s part of the growth process.  I found it very offensive when people would ridicule me for trying something different – I have zero respect for people who try to keep others “in their place.”  But doing things just to show the haters that I can live my own life isn’t really growing, either. At some point, I found my own way, found my own peace, and the voices of the haters just became traffic noise.

I’m not a traditionalist.  I’m not a Tantrika. I’m not a PUA. I’m not an Erotic Rockstar.  I’m not a Jedi Master.  I’m not any of those things, and I’m a little of all those things and more. That’s the beauty of a path of growth, it can transcend and encompass many labels, because it’s not in one place. And that’s why I can’t wait to see Destin’s book in the marketplace – I want to see more men walking their path.  I want thousands of men to look in the mirror a few years from now and feel like I do now, that it’s come together.  We all deserve that.

Does Energetic Activation and Attunement Help Your Dating and Sex Life?

People ask – especially people who have followed me over the many years – if the “woo-woo” energetic awakening stuff works for dating and sex. 

Short answer:  Yes, it works better than anything out there, because it resolves issues at the source and elevates your energy, which improves your life on all levels.  Which means you become an overall more attractive person with better energy.  And a lot of the methods used to elevate energy directly involve things that improve sexual performance, so there’s that too. 

I could add that many of the resources I have come from my years working with and studying Destin Gerek and Rion Kati, two men who are world leaders in sexuality and dating.  And I’ve picked up TONS of resources from my long personal journey around “inner game,” “outer game” and personal empowerment – tons of stuff that will get you MASSIVE results from wherever you are at.

But the real power of my work, the stuff I focus on here, is not about fixing a problem like dating or creating a better sex life, but finding and living a much higher spiritual purpose on earth.  And here the longer answer comes in.  My true answer follows:

To truly live a happy and fulfilled life, you need to discover your higher self, clear out your junk energy, find your purpose and bring forth the most powerful resources you can find to live that purpose.  Looking to resolve small problems such as “dating” by looking for small answers is a slow, tedious process, a waste of time, and if you haven’t resolved the larger issues, will only give you more power to fuck up your life in bigger ways. 

I know, I spent years on the small path.  I thought I wanted a better dating and sex life, and spent a lot of time at that level.  First, I found myself bored – my higher self clearly wanted something more.  Second, I ended up using my higher sexual energy to cause bigger problems, because I hadn’t resolved the larger issues.

If you start with a big purpose, and bring the energy and resources to bear on that purpose, then the things like dating and sexuality resolve themselves much more easily and completely.  They have to.  Plus the power that’s being brought to align with something big is massive, it changes everything.  If you’re only looking at “getting more dates” you miss out on access to almost all of that

If all you really want out of life is to resolve your performance anxiety and feel more confident and sexy with the opposite sex, I can certainly help you, but it’s kind of a waste of both our time.  With some hypnosis, some NLP, some life coaching, some meditation and anchoring, and just a little energy work,  you’ll have everything you need to be a master pick-up artist.  And I can coach you through that.

Then you’ll come back in a couple years with a surprise kid or two, relationship, job and friendship issues, and all the self-esteem issues you thought getting laid would resolve, and say “yah, I think I’m ready to do some real work on myself now.”

Or you can get to work on everything now and in a few months find your higher self, discover your purpose, live a powerful life the way you want, have your issues resolved once and for all – oh, and by the way your dating and sex life is also beyond incredible.

Recent example – I’ve spent YEARS dealing with my inner anxieties around sexual performance, all kinds of issues with “premature ejaculation” and other stuff.  Through the years I learned to become multi-orgasmic and have an amazing sex life, but the anxieties were still there.

Then yesterday Etienne cleared out all my “baggage” in all levels of my energetic existence – cleared it all out.  Suddenly I just don’t feel that anxiety around women or sex.  I had sex and I could feel – oh, that crap is gone.  This is what it’s like for normal guys to have sex – wow, this is easy!  I could use my other resources to enhance the experience, but it just wasn’t an issue anymore.

Anxieties around women in any sexual environment, whether social or intimate – just like they were never there.  I don’t have to “deal with them,” because they’re just gone.  And I discovered I now have the tools to help others release their “baggage” as well.

But this energy work was done for a much higher purpose.  The sexual “payoff” is more like a bonus.  In fact I viewed it as confirmation I’m moving forward on my bigger path, not some end unto itself.

Sometimes I look at my life now, especially compared to the unhappy, energetically-constrained life I had when I first met Destin Gerek seven years ago, and I’m amazed.  It’s truly mind-blowing.  And also a big, wonderful part of something much bigger – a life of happiness and movement into a much higher purpose. 

That’s the real breakthrough – finding a bigger life.  But I wouldn’t have answered that call seven years ago.  Now I’m in that bigger place. 

So I understand people are where they are at, and I’ve been at all those levels, I really had to work from the bottom-up.  I can help you get to the next level, and the one beyond that, much faster than you might imagine.

And… energy crystals are fun and sexy.  Really.  Chicks dig on the “woo-woo” stuff, so learning about healing crystals, creating an altar space, and healing people’s energy with crystals has the added benefit of making you and your place that much more sexy and fun.  And if that gets you started, cool.  We’ll work from there. 

My Personal Learning Challenges

After I finished reading “The Secret of the Golden Flower” I read Etienne Charland’s “The History of the Universe,” my third reading.  Most of the reading I was overcome with sleepiness and still feel very sleepy.  This is my edge.

I’ve noticed this about my learning and integration style – I’ll often embrace something new the first time, even putting it to full use on the first try.  Then the subsequent times I’ll encounter resistance to continuing my integration of the work. My mind likes to “get” things, but then the self-doubt and self-sabotage comes in.

Destin has a great program about erotic techniques and it’s the same thing – I’ll jump right in and have success with something, then find excuses to walk away instead of fully integrating it.

I can’t tell you how many times this has happened – getting things right out of the box but never deepening.  Or I’ll start off super inspired and then run completely out of steam and can’t seem to get the energy to reengage.

I used to chalk it up to general laziness, but that’s not it.  I’m not lazy.  It’s something deeper, some implant that’s likely affecting many aspects of my life.  Something I am committed to removing so I can be rid of this habit.  Maybe there’s a boredom aspect, that I’m attracted to learning and embodying new things, but not super interested in deepening.

There are many things in my life where I have found deep integration, but there is still that rapid start – slow second gear.  Maybe it’s nothing to worry about, just the cycle of learning.  I’ve learned the more I’ve let go of attachment to outcomes and just keep putting one foot forward, the easier the learning process becomes. 

So… couple things that just came up. 

After reading, I went on a “spell-casting walk” (using the nummite and Labradorite stones) focused on supercharging my energy and confidence.  Muscle-test, the spell is complete and will be fully activated and integrated in three weeks, with some effects showing up immediately and others evolving as my system integrates.

Then after that I began watching Destin’s videos in this meditative trance state, attuning to the energy.  WOW.  Feel really GOOD!  Just attuning to the energy and letting the lessons sink in on a deep level without rational interference.  I’ll be interested to see the long-term results; short-term I’ve got a wonderful trance-buzz going.  I’ll take it!

Welcome

This is really quick to get something up here.  I intend to add some resources (which I'll link at the top or somewhere visible) for getting started on this journey. 

Many of you will recall there were previous versions of my expression.  While they all offered value, they also had issues (mostly related to my point in the process) that limited their value (and my ability to communicate broadly and without hesitation.  This will be clear of those issues.  While I don't use my real name here, I have zero problem with anything here being attributed to me - I just want some separation between my private and public lives.

I will be posting regularly, either micro-posts or full-blown posts, and I invite you to check back regularly, subscribe, and invite others who might benefit.

My areas of expression will include energetic awareness (chakra readings/ energetic healings), crystal energy, chi, sex magic, alchemy, personal empowerment and evolution, releasing negative programming, NLP, spiritual awakening, Natural Grounding (Rion Kati), and the journey - my personal journey and the journey in general - toward personal evolution.  And whatever else pops into my head.

I've been at this for years - probably seven years now of solid evolutionary practice.

For those of you affiliated with Destin Gerek, some of this will align with his coaching program, and it is my intent to utilize this resource as part of my coaching work with Destin.  However, a good part of this is work with other masters or my own creation.  If you are referred here from another coach, use this as an enhancement of your coaching modality, not a replacement.  I don't pretend to be Destin, or anyone else, nor do I speak for him or other coaches (though I do write copy and ghost write for coaches, which I also offer and you can inquire via email:  herotransformation@yahoo.com )

I welcome and appreciate comments, questions and suggestions.  My intent is to speak my truth in a way that offers maximum benefit to you and I am always looking for ways to increase my effectiveness. 

Enjoy!