Owning My Spiritual Gifts

One of My New Bracelets - Tigers Eye and Labradorite

 

I have been away for a while, as my desire to be silent has been stronger than my desire to keep posting new stuff.  During this time, I have had some success at kicking my caffeine addiction and getting my adrenal system in balance, and apart from that bringing my energy in, learning to listen and not react.

I even found some new jewelry that I’ve been making myself.  By fortunate accident, my jade bracelet exploded from an energy burst and I had to replace the elastic string.  As I bought the string, I also bought some other beads and began fashioning some bracelets that are pretty powerful (and look good, too).  All this while being quiet and generally being off the grid.

Then something very interesting came up.  A friend who is very spiritually gifted (but not spiritually grounded) was recounting how she recently discovered her once-beloved ashram was in fact a cult – and how she’s separating and healing from both this realization and the trauma she endured while living there.  When I read her account, I wasn’t at all surprised.  It was my energy reading of the “ashram” from the beginning. 

But the thing is I knew this place was dark and full of entanglements from the very first time I became aware of it.  I’d get invitations to go and that vision would come up.  But then I’d push those visions away – oh, people like Destin and Rion who went there are so spiritually advanced, surely they must know more than me.  If they see it as good, my vision must be a distortion.  Maybe it’s jealousy or something in me. 

But the visions kept coming.  My wife, who is unaware of her own energetic gifts but whose energy is totally clean and grounded, couldn’t be at the same table as my friend.  (I got a similar bad vibe, but I’m more used to being around people with powerful energy that is off, so it doesn’t usually trigger me.)  She sensed the entanglements distorting my friend’s strong energy and wanted nothing to do with that mess.  And again, I pushed these energetic warning signs down, I didn’t say anything (I wanted to SOOOOO many times after that day, but doubted myself too much).  Again I assumed, Destin is good, he is advanced, it must be okay.

Now I see things in a different light that makes sense.  It’s not that I’m right and Destin is wrong, it’s that we’re both right, but my interpretation was distorted.  This is the biggest problem with my gifts – I can see and sense things, but my interpretations become distorted because I don’t believe enough in myself to bring out my gifts and speak them clearly.  Too much fear and doubt.

But I was 100% right.  The “ashram” was a cult, the energy was dark and full of spiritual entanglements.  Yes, they’re powerful, but badly misusing their power and engaging in mind control and abuse.  These are NOT good people.  And the spiritual entanglements had infected my friend very deeply, to the point that her energy field was actually a bit dangerous.

I wasn’t ready to say anything then.  I hadn’t done the work to get to the level where I could understand and give voice to my intuition with conviction, much less be able to do anything about it.  (And what good is it to tell someone “your energy is fucked and that ashram you love is an evil cult,” and then walk away like your job is done?  That’s like a doctor saying “you have cancer,” and then leaving his patient to their own devices.

So I kept quiet and eventually heeded my calling to begin my work.  Then the truth comes out in black and white – everything I knew to be true was revealed to be true.  All of it. 

And for me this is my message – I’m ready now.  I’m getting much better at articulating my energetic sense and I can resolve things energetically.  I understand how things work now, my conflicts have finally been resolved.

I get it.  Yes, Destin is a good man, and a powerful man.  But he is not me.  He is not interested in keeping his energy clean.  He actually likes the rush of getting into spiritual entanglements, and he’s attracted to women with spiritual issues.  He likes to surf the dark side.  It’s not that he’s morally compromised, he just likes the thrill and the edge.  He wants to try everything.  Me?  No.  I want to keep my energy clean and use it to help others. 

And this explains a lot.  It explains why I’m energetically repulsed by a lot of people in Destin’s tribe, while feeling good about Destin’s energy.  He’s attracted to the bad energy, but he doesn’t embody it. Maybe his wide variety of experiences has immunized him to some extent.  It explains why he’d be head over heels for someone who looks beautiful but whose energy would make me nauseous.  We’re both right, but because our paths are different, our reactions are different too.  He enjoys the polarity, and I’m physically repulsed by that bad energy (something that’s served me well but which I didn’t understand).

It explains why I am drawn to Rion’s powers while at the same time very skeptical of his judgment and not so anxious to follow him when he goes down a rabbit hole. I heard the stories from Etienne about how much shit he had to clear out after Rion’s trip to the ashram, and I’m sure he acquired some crap from his latest Tantra certification, too.

The message here is to trust my sense and further hone my ability to clearly and accurately explain it. It’s clear I have something special to offer and the world really needs this vision and clarity.  It also makes me more committed to create my own spiritual temple, to show the world what an energetically clean and uplifting temple looks like.