Making Friends with Death and My Soul Purpose

Little things can set big changes into motion.  They can also provide great clarity.

My mind was pretty clouded recently.  I went on a nice mini-vacation, which cleared things up a lot.  Then I had my wake up call.

A little thing, a small piece of candy in fact, blocked my windpipe.  For a moment, I was choking – like can’t breathe at all choking.  Amidst the surge of adrenaline there was a realization that I could really die.

And that was my spiritual alarm going off.  In that moment, my mind went completely clear.  I connected with my soul and faced death.  I’ve had a couple other close calls and it was the same feeling.  Death doesn’t scare me – what’s on the other side is okay.  But I also got clear about my greater purpose in life – I didn’t want to die, I wanted to fulfill my greater purpose.  I wanted to take care of my family and fulfil my larger purpose.

A moment later, I hacked out the candy.  It was an interesting feeling – I faced my mortality and I knew the whole time I wasn’t going to die then.  The whole experience was less than a minute and boom – total clarity (though I believe the time in nature set up this moment).

Later I spent some time meditating and accessing that essence.  I noticed my face looked much different.  The anxiety and chatter was gone.  All the things that seemed so important were meaningless. 

It’s hard to hold on to fear when one knows death – the “worst thing that can happen” – is okay.  Death is natural and the transition over is very pleasant.  When it’s finally time for me, I’ll go willingly, but it’s not my time – I have a lot of things left to do and people who need me. 

Connecting with that reality really clarifies things.  Most of the things we all worry about are meaningless BS just there to distract us.  Money worries, job worries, petty conflicts, even a lot of health concerns are all nonsense. The irony is all these worries actually get in the way of our ability to realize our human potential.  Worrying about money keeps money away; worrying about health actually saps our vitality.  My moment of clarity brought forth a surge of energy, and then I slept really well.

I also realized the obsession with “saving for retirement” is utter baloney.  There is no such thing as retirement.  I work in large part to create the resources to support my family and to build a financial foundation to allow me to further my greater mission once my family obligations come to an end.  After that, I don’t “retire,” I repurpose.

A life of leisure, which most people think of when they think of “retirement,” is not living.  It’s a life of distraction.  Yes, certain comforts and pleasures are nice, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  But that’s not a purpose.  Given what I’m doing now, I’ll have more than enough resources to live my purpose and be comfortable enough to enjoy myself while I’m doing it.  That’s all I need. 

I’m clear on where I need to be in order to fulfill my purpose – close to nature, connected to the cycle of life.  Let all the other stuff go, follow my heart, which leads me to my purpose.  Family, love, freedom, life, happiness.