I'm Open For Business

During 2019 I made a grand total of ten posts.  I was clearly “not doing anything” with this blog.  And yet, a couple of the posts are actually really profound and important. 

This post on The Basic Foundations of Alchemy is critical.  And the thing is, I don’t see critical foundational material out there.  Almost nobody is teaching Alchemy. 

The world needs about 600,000 active practitioners of Royal Alchemy.  And they’re going to need teachers.  I figure at a minimum the world needs 2,500 incarnated Orion/ Lemurian souls actively teaching Royal Alchemy is some meaningful way. 

And right now I count about ten.  Let’s round up to a dozen.  That’s in my known universe.  There are more than that working with Etienne who are teaching at some level, but not all the way there.  Then there are others around the world who are aligned with truth and teaching in some capacity.  It’s a lot more than Etienne’s circle, but it’s not many.

Of the Orion/ Lemurian incarnates who are actively (and I use that in the loosest of terms) teaching Royal Alchemy, I test there are 258, if I include myself.  And I can see I’ve really not been sharing my gifts in any meaningful way.  I’ve barely posted once every six weeks.

Meanwhile, 2019 has seen a major up-level of my energy and abilities.  I finally had my day-long workshop with Etienne and activated my Philosopher’s Stone.  Then shortly after that I acquired and activated three sets of Orion crystals and a set of Royal Alchemy rings, including a ruby centerpiece.

Basically all those “look at my highly attuned crystals” pictures… those are just decoration now.  What I’m working with is so much more powerful it makes those “ridiculously highly attuned crystals” pebbles on the beach.  And without the major foundational work, I wouldn’t be able to receive, activate and utilize these gifts.

I’ve also massively improved my martial arts, Alchemy meditation, relationship with money, become more clear on my life path, and become a very powerful distant energy healer.

Yes, I’ve been regularly healing people’s energy and guiding people through major energetic transformation, from thousands of miles away.  I’ve healed sick people.  I’ve cleared out decades of emotional and energetic garbage.  I’ve gone from being a student and “reporting on my journey” to being a real healer and someone who can impart this to others.

And I’m realizing now, I really NEED to take that step.

My resistance is that it seems like everyone is a “life coach,” or an “evolutionary coach,” or some “energy healer,” and for the most part they’re all a joke.  Sorry, but it’s true.  They’re not connected to truth, they’re teaching garbage, most of them are more fucked up than their clients and they look like idiots trying to hock their garbage to a bunch of other spiritually, emotionally and financially broke people.

I don’t want to be “like them.”

But I’m not “like them.”  My foundation is in higher truth.  I’ve spent a lot of time honing my craft and learning from the best.  And more than just someone who has some foundational work and then runs out and brags about how he’s a teacher, I nurtured my energy.  I’ve let it develop and season.

And meanwhile, I have a rich, abundant, happy life.  I’m not “broke” at any level.  That’s not to say I’m perfect, but I come from a place of life experience as well as spiritual wisdom.

My problem isn’t that I’m running around trying to show off – “Look at me!  I’m an Alchemist!  I’m a spiritual teacher!  I’m an energy healer!”  Quite the opposite, I’ve been shutting myself off and denying my gifts.  I’ve been afraid that I’m not ready, that I’m not good enough. 

And I’ve seen others who really don’t know what they’re doing (as in, they really aren’t good enough but they’re doing it anyway) leading people in really bad directions, basically to feed their own ego and avoid facing some painful truths in their lives. 

And at one point, I WAS that guy.  I did the whole “Look at me, I’m the star student for an evolved master, and now I’m a GURU!” thing.  And it was a disaster.  A good life experience, but also a major setback.

The difference now is, then I knew a lot of stuff but now I’m living in a different place, and where I am is due in large part to the lessons I’ve integrated, some of which are very advanced Alchemy practices that really only a handful of people on Earth even know about. 

And every now and then, I produce something that scratches the surface of what I have to offer and it actually blows me away when I go back and look at it.  (Like that little article I mentioned earlier.)  And I’ve come SOOOOOOO far since that point.

Point is, I MUST come out of the shadows.  The world needs every one of us who can to be out there imparting, healing and actively working.  Yes, it seems like I’m “joining the crowd” of coaches and healers, but it’s precisely because 99% of that crowd is 100% WRONG in what they’re doing (and actually making things a lot worse) that I NEED to step up.

And so I’m going to be opening up for business. 

I am an Alchemist.  Use my gifts.

Let me heal you.  Let me guide you, so you can enjoy the riches of life that I’ve learned to enjoy (and there’s SOOOOOOO much here).  Let me teach you, so that you can join me in making this world a better place.

We can’t leave this up to the crappy “healing” and “spiritual” communities currently out there.  We can’t leave it to the people claiming to be “evolved” who are actually behind the curve of humanity, much less at the edge of possibility and beyond.

I’ve spent a long time feeling like I was different, feeling like there was something I should be doing, but couldn’t figure out quite what it was.  I spent years being attracted to things that sounded right but weren’t quite there.  I could see a better world, but it looked nothing like the “visionaries” talked about.  I could see *some* of the “how,” but none of the direction to truth.

Lately, it’s coming together.  More and more I see the truth ahead of us.  I can put together all the lessons I’ve learned from various places and integrate them with my own unique spiritual gifts and life experiences to make the world a better place.

So here I am.  The Alchemist.  The Healer.  The Coach.

I’m open for business. 

Join me.

Another Train Wreck: Gee, If Only Someone Was Warning People!

Why Didn't Anyone Warn Us??

Turns out “creepy protégé,” whom I alluded to in earlier posts, has train-wrecked as spectacularly as sensed he would, based on my energy reading.

That doesn’t make me some savant for getting that one right.  Yes, I do feel people would do well to listen when I talk about these things, especially when it comes to assessing energies.  I often surprise even myself and there are clearly some gifts there – underdeveloped and sometimes distorted or ignored, but there.

I’m not here to bang my own drum, but I feel the need to restate some of my prior warnings, with this new information serving as additional evidence that, yes, I know what I’m talking about and it’s coming from a place of higher truth.

Beware the “personal coaches.”  All of them. All these people who claim to want to help you with your love life, your dating life, your sex life, your financial life, your “higher purpose,” “spiritual gurus,” “evolutionary coaches,” all that crap – it’s crap.  I could cite mountains of hard evidence, or download insight from one of the Archangels telling you it’s crap.  Will it be enough for you to finally listen and change?

Do I have to cite my own past mistakes in using "coaches?"  Again??

I’m not sure what I have to do at this point to get the message to people so they will finally listen.  It’s frustrating. It feels like it’s my current lot in life to speak the truth and be ignored.

I think it was over two years ago (I’ll have to check when I started this blog, it was around that time) I gave a straight no-nonsense reading to “creepy protégé,” except he wasn’t a creepy protégé yet.  He ignored everything I saw and ended up on the path of disaster I saw ahead for him.  I warned Destin, too.  I warned Rion.  Nobody listens.

It’s like they’re insistent on following their destiny to their destruction (or at least to bad places), to prove me right. 

Yet here I am, still talking.  I’m that crazy dude on the street saying bad things are happening.  Except, unlike crazy dude on the street, bad things really do happen. And still I’m ignored.

So… what is my purpose?  What is my contribution?  Is anybody learning and listening from any of this? Or am I the seer everyone ignores because “oh, that guy can’t possibly be a seer, not that guy.  No, we should listen to Shamans and people who conduct Wiccan rituals, this guy here is too normal and boring and “lame dad” to be awakened and have any psychic or energetic gifts.  The guy’s never even been to Burning Man, he’s got to be full of it.”

I guess I should quit my job, abandon my family responsibilities, move to Costa Rica and start a sex cult.  If I do that, dress up in stupid robes, arrange my bedroom into a creepy pentagram and conduct quasi-Satanic rituals and call them “magick,” claim to talk to the dead and keep all kinds of really creepy and possibly (or very) illegal souvenirs around to prove I’m legit, then maybe people will take me seriously.

Or I could spend decades studying mystic Buddhism, Kabballah, mystic Islam, Taoism, and get some BS degree from the Integral Institute.  Then I can post a bunch of arrogant tripe telling everyone how much more evolved and right I am than everyone else.  Never mind that everything I say is 100% wrong and my predictions are completely off, I STUDIED REALLY HARD, so I’M BETTER THAN YOU.

I could change my last name to “Ma” or my “Playa Name,” or some weird name from India or Native American lore that sounds mystic when I’m high on pot, adopt some hybrid pagan pseudo-religion loosely based on misinterpretations of Native American, Roman, Greek, Egyptian and Druid pagan worship practices.  Maybe I can throw in some African tribal medicine BS I learned from six months in the Peace Corps that the natives shared as an inside joke (or got off the Internet).

Of course, if I do any of those things, I’m a complete fraud and I’ll be as phony and lost as all the other “spiritual” people doing the same stupid things that I warn against.  But at least then people will listen.  I won’t have anything of value to impart, but I’ll have an audience. 

Apparently the key to gaining an audience as a seer is to, first, not be able to see and, second, shamelessly flaunt your insecurities and ignorance and claim them as “mystic” or “ritual.” Because if you happen to be someone on the “normal person” spectrum who can actually SEE THINGS – everyone will either ignore you, claim you’re projecting, or think you’re full of it.

So I do the work.  I meditate.  I work with the archetypes.  I keep clearing and listening.  And I after all that I share what I find.  And it gets tossed aside.  And the message I get is to keep going.

But why?  What’s the point in sharing this if I’m just going to keep being ignored and ridiculed, and later proven right (which again, nobody cares)?

Fine.  I’ll keep going. 

So again, pretty much everything about the current “spirituality” movement is hogwash.  It’s a waste.  The “evolutionary coaching,” the personal coaching, it’s garbage.  A lot of this should be obvious, but it isn’t, so here I am again, saying the same thing. 

Nobody whose getting coached is really getting better.  Nobody in the spiritual movement is evolving.  Nobody is making money except the people at the top, because it’s a pyramid scheme. 

Most of what passes for “spirituality” is self-serving BS.  It’s people fleeing from their truth in spectacular fashion.  It’s Halloween dress-up.  It’s an excuse for sex.  It’s a diversion from the hard truth that someone can’t find a real job, or a healthy relationship, or fulfill their obligations as a parent, or they feel lonely or bored or just want attention. 

People who change their name to draw attention to how “spiritual” or “evolved” they are – they’re running away.  They’re afraid.  They’re lonely and scared.  They’re not spiritual.  People who are making a name for themselves aren’t changing their names, they change how the world sees them by how they’re being and what they’re contributing. 

All these pagan rituals, this Shaman nonsense, Tantra as it’s taught in California-based practices, these BS “spirituality” cults – this isn’t spiritual development, it’s toxic crap.  All of it.  You shouldn’t follow these people, those people need help.

A lot of these cults engage in real rape and violation.  Some are even worse and engage in forms blood ritual. Really messed-up stuff.  They’re pretty much all engaged in forms of black magic.   This is bad stuff.

The “coaching” stuff is either worthless or follows the cult pattern.  There are ways one can improve oneself, and utilize outside help, but most of this current reliance on coaching is misguided and unhelpful, often dangerous. 

There are a lot of lost, lonely, frightened people who wasting a lot of money and not getting better.  And for some it’s even worse than that.  Happiness will not be found here.  You will not develop your gifts by engaging in self-perpetuating loneliness, disempowerment and fear.  Acting out your issues through sexual dysfunction will not lead to anywhere but disaster.  No, it’s not spiritual – none of that is anywhere close to spiritual.  Stop telling yourself that your psychological issues are “spiritual,” dammit!

Stop it! 

Because I’m really getting tired of saying I’m right after your train wrecks. They're not pretty.

For Men: Life Coaching Sucks. All of It (Yes, Including "Natural Grounding")

I haven’t written much lately because I’m coming to a point of realization and it’s causing me to challenge many of my beliefs that I’ve been espousing here. 

If you’ve followed this blog, you’ll see where I started pumping up certain coaches and modalities and then letting them go as I realized what I thought they were doing wasn’t matching reality.

So let me tell you where I’m at now in my process.  In general, coaching is a crutch and an escape route for people.  Coaches can help you learn and get better, absolutely.  I’m learning martial arts and would be nowhere without a competent master.  I learned to ski from coaches.  Coaches are essential for learning to play music, can be very helpful in learning languages, many things.

They’re good for specific things.  You want to do this, find someone good at that who can teach you.

For general living and personal well-being, they’re beyond worthless.  If you don’t like your life and want to continue living in a world of self-delusion going nowhere, a life coach is great for that. 

I have been around Destin Gerek’s Embodied Man’s Program since its inception and watched a lot of guys go through.  I haven’t really seen anyone do much apart from feel-good with it.  A couple guys have reported better dating lives.  A few others started doing basically the same shit Destin is doing – leading seminars and worthless “coaching” endeavors.  I can’t even bring myself to pretend to be happy for them, because I’m not.  To me it seems like a pathetic escape from reality. 

So all this energy and effort and time and money is basically going into a self-feeding energy loop.  Except for a couple guys who managed to get a few more dates from the bargain.  That’s a whole lot of effort for very little gain.  Objectively, it just isn’t working. 

That’s what had me say “no more” to the coaching side.  But that isn’t what had me walk away from all of it.  A group of guys who want to get better and who really aren’t making much tangible progress isn’t that unusual and has some value.  It’s when the group went into to “elevating the conversation” for feminist bullshit crap that I not only don’t care about but in many cases openly oppose, that’s when I left.  That and when Destin started bringing women into the men’s group.

Yah, that last part pisses me off more than I’ve realized.  I invested a lot into helping Destin with this thing.  I’m fine with coaching that doesn’t really work for most guys – at some point people need to find their own way and maybe it’ll be a catalyst for introspection and real change (that was the case for me) so it’s not a total loss.  But turning the men’s group fucking CO-ED?  FUCK YOU!!  Yah, I feel wronged.  I wasted a lot of time in my life on this shit and I want that time back, that’s how I feel about the whole co-ed bullshit.

A co-ed men’s group, what a joke.  He must have got that awesome idea from his dickless friend from OneTaste (a group whose sole purpose is to finger clits- I kid you not, and it’s even more creepy and lame than the description would suggest) who runs that idiotic “New Masculine” forum on Facebook.  Great. You can both go fuck off.

So yah, I’m a little pissed off.  Not because the coaching turned out to be mostly a waste of time (that’s a learning experience), but that he wasted my time supporting something I never would have helped him with had I known where he was going with it.  That’s the part it’s hard for me to get over.  I feel wronged.

That brings me to “Natural Grounding” and the whole “natural dating” thing. Let me tell you right now – this is coming from personal experience and watching hundreds of other guys try and fail with this shit – these “Natural Game” coaching programs DON’T WORK for about 99% of men.  And let’s just average up and say it’s not going to work for you, either.

No, watching videos, meditating to videos, connecting to the energy of videos won’t do jack shit to elevate your sorry dating life.  If your dating life is already good and you want to clean up your energy to get to the next level, THEN it can MAYBE have SOME positive effect.  But in general, the stuff Rion and Brent Smith and these other guys are teaching isn’t what they did to become successful at dating (because they’re leaving out all the many, many, many other things they did that got them to a high level BEFORE they started doing what they’re currently teaching) and it’s sure as hell not going to work for you.

Bottom line, if you’re not already naturally successful with dating and women – as in, if women aren’t already approaching you and you’re naturally comfortable around women and being sexual – these “natural game” programs WILL. NOT. DO. A. DAMN. THING. FOR. YOU.  EXCEPT. WASTE. YOUR. TIME.

If you aren’t naturally attractive to women and have a pretty rich dating life, you need to focus on THAT.  And that means DOING SOMETHING.  Get out and talk to women, that’s the alpha and omega of improving your dating life.  Duh.  Do that until it doesn’t feel uncomfortable.  Throw in going to the gym, eating right and getting in shape.  If you are broke, get a fucking job, pay your fucking bills and start living a life that isn’t a fucking embarrassment. 

DO THAT.  DO NOT WATCH PALMY VIDEOS.  Not only will they not help you, they will keep you from facing the things you don’t like about yourself and actually improving your life.  They’re a fucking NARCOTIC, and that’s the last thing you need if you want to better yourself.

Let’s examine the various places men go to try and improve.  There is the Pick Up Community (PUA).  The success rate of men who sign up for boot camps is about 20%.  Not great, but better than the placebo effect.  As far as I can tell, the success rate of things like Embodied Man’s Program is somewhere around 5% - basically the placebo effect.  And since that community tends to engage in a lot of magical thinking about supplements, astrology, economics and conspiracy theories, I think most of them are okay with a placebo.  I’m not.  I hope you’re not.  Because a placebo won’t fix what’s ailing you.

The success rate of “Natural Game” and Natural Grounding videos is about 1% - LESS than the placebo effect.  That’s BAD, as in you have to TRY to be this ineffective.  Guys are trying and just not getting anywhere.  But they keep coming back because meditating to videos makes you FEEL GOOD.  Yes,  they do.  I guess technically that “feel good” is “elevating your energy,” but it’s basically a worthless opioid.  I mean, if you are just fooling around on your downtime it’s better than mindless Internet surfing, or porn.  So there’s that.  But as far as actually resolving the problem you came in to get fixed, it won’t do shit.  You’d be better off learning pantomime or how to play the moonshine jug.  Watching Korean girl group videos in the hopes of improving your dating life is on par with dirt collecting and knitting Christmas socks from the dust bunnies under you bed and posting your hobby updates on YouTube in the hopes of somehow landing a hot girlfriend.  Paying someone to teach you how to “properly” watch said Korean videos is, by definition, a waste of time and money.  (And wasting time and money, contrary to popular belief, does NOT make you more attractive to women.)

And the guys who get somewhere were already getting somewhere or did something else.  Bottom line, the stuff doesn’t work. 

Guys need to be wary of success stories for any of these coaching modalities.  First, listen to see if the men are getting actual tangible results or if it’s feel-good BS.  And if they’re getting results, is it because they actually changed or simply because they were forced to get off their ass and, you know, TALK to WOMEN?  Again, if paying big bucks to force yourself to do something uncomfortable is what it takes, fine, but know that’s what is going on – the coaching is pretty meaningless in the end, it’s the magic feather.

And are these guys just coming off a seminar high or is this long-term success?  Then you get to the real truth of it.  Real success is what you do every day.  You want to change, you change what you do.  Period.  Coaching won’t help.  And watching Korean girl videos damn well won’t help.

What about “Inner Game?”  Things that help eliminate limiting beliefs and make you feel better about yourself do help, but only if you’re actually doing something.  They’re like the pain killer after a tough workout, but without the side effects.  They work IF you do the WORK.  Just like drinking protein if you don’t work out won’t build muscle, it’ll just make you fat.  Inner Game is the SUPPLEMENT, but it’s still up to you to do the REAL WORK.

The huge majority of men don’t need a pick-up coach, or an “Embodied Man’s Program,” and they sure as hell don’t need to be watching videos and talking about watching videos and listening to affirmation meditations.  The huge majority of men just need to fucking do the things they’re afraid to do.  Talk to women.  Get in shape.  Get their career and finances in order.

Getting “eye contact” and “signs of interest” from women is not a measurement of success.  TALKING TO WOMEN and ACTUALLY HAVING CONNECTIONS is a measurement of success.  So fucking STOP watching videos that entrain you to sit on your ass and imagine that eye contact fucking means something and actually FUCKING COMMUNICATE WITH OTHER HUMAN BEINGS!!

Am I saying body language and non-verbal communication doesn’t matter?  Of course not.  It’s possible to date in foreign countries with very little spoken language ability.  It’s also not rocket science, you already know how to do this.  And watching K-Pop videos WILL. NOT. HELP.  It will give you a false sense that you’re “doing something” when you’re DOING NOTHING.  Which is the worst thing you can do if you’re trying to get better in life.

Natural Grounding and Natural Game is a waste of time.  There, I said it.  Does that mean there’s no value in anything Rion is doing?  No.  I personally get a lot from energy work, crystal meditation and some of the other things he does.  But I also realize that crystal/ energy/ meditation “work” is a HOBBY.  I enjoy doing it because I enjoy doing it, not because I expect that by doing it I’m going to find some magical pot of gold on the other side of the rainbow.  Because it’s NOT THERE. A rainbow is an illusion – the path you are looking for is here on Earth, right under your feet, not in the sky or on some screen.

That’s right.  Buy all the crystals you want, do all the energy work you want, meditate until the cows come home.  You will have cleaner energy.  You will (assuming you enjoy what you’re doing) feel better.  You’ll be more present and relaxed.  All good things.  And if you think any of that is going to get you something else that’s not in front of you, YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. It’ll help you feel better about yourself and where you are at, which is not a small thing, but that’s probably not why you showed up in the first place.  Be mindful of your intentions and progress and it’ll be easy to see what is and isn’t working.

You want to date more women?  Don’t talk to rocks, TALK TO WOMEN.  You want to get in better shape?  Exercise and eat better.  Meditation can help.  So will regular sleep.  Watching blue screens of Palmy and SNSD will NOT HELP – in fact all scientific evidence says those screens will dramatically REDUCE your health.  So if you’re spending less time on the smartphone and more time looking at rocks, you’re ahead of the game.  But you could substitute a million other hobbies that are about as effective. **Except women are interested in crystals, so showing off your “high-energy crystal collection” will probably be a lot more effective than asking her to check out your stamp collection. (And if she DOES come home to look at your stamp collection, take that as the obvious buy-in signal that it is and for God’s sake don’t ACTUALLY pull out your stamp collection.)

I guess where I’m going with all this is, after seeing myself and so many other men flail around with these worthless coaching modalities, I’ve come to the conclusion that most men use these things to either avoid doing things that would cause them to face their fears, to brag about the success they were already having (almost all the guys “having success” with these things fall into that category), or to distract themselves from some pretty acute pain in their regular lives.  (That last one isn’t such a bad thing, really – if wasting time watching videos and talking to other guys about that, or listening to puff phrases about “walking your path” helps you to distance yourself from the pain in your life that isn’t as bad as it seems, that’s actually a really good thing.)

They’re illusions.  If you look at the founders, those men found their success in other ways than what they’re teaching.  And “success” for them probably looks a whole lot different than success for you.  Fantasy isn’t helping you and changing the fantasy channel won’t work any better.  Only real-world experience will change things.  That’s hard.  It’s scary.  And you’ll screw up a lot before it gets better.  Watching videos and doing guided meditations helps you feel better, and maybe it’s good as a break after a hard day of trying to change your life, but only real work in the real world will ever change anything.  You only have 24 hours in a day, don’t waste them on coaches.

I’ll write another article about what actually works for men to better their lives. 

I Am NOT a Coach

I haven’t posted in a long time, I’m not exactly sure why not.  But it’s time to clear up some things about my intention and purpose.

I am NOT a coach.  Repeat – NOT. A. COACH.

Yes, I have gifts that need to be shared, and yes I have a larger purpose that I need to follow.  But it is NOT. COACHING.

Today was the hilarious punctuation mark on “NO, I AM NOT A COACH.”  My social media today has been full of “special people” who call themselves various forms of “life coach,” all of whom embody the adage “Those who can’t do, teach.”  Especially when it comes to “life.”  None of these clowns has a real job, they’re not making any real money from their “coaching,” their lives are barely an existence, they’re broke, they have family trouble, their Facebook pages scream “rapist and child molester.”

And guess what they all have down for their profession?  Yep, “Life Coach.”  Or some iteration of this. 

When you see enough of the same pattern, it’s the reality.  And as I’m seeing one after the other of this hilarious parade of stupid, I realize MY OWN Facebook STILL had some BS “life coach” line, among the list of my actual jobs that pay or paid real money.  In fact it’s still on this blog.

Well, it’s gone now.  That was never who I was and it’s NOT who I am.  I actually have a real job that is crafted from a professional career that spans many years. I’m educated, trained, productive, successful, and pulling in money to support myself and my family.  I am a burden to nobody.  I have NEVER gone on Facebook hocking or begging to friends for my existence.  And I’ll be damned if I’m going to be associated with the deadweight of society that hilariously calls itself “Life Coaches” when they suck at life.  Loudly.

I have gifts and insight to share.  Yes, I have things I can impart that help others, and I do.  I may even charge for these services from time to time as the opportunity arises.  But that’s not my identity nor my profession.  The whole “New Age Life Coaching” movement is a corrupt cesspool, and it is NOT ME.  My higher calling is in a different vein.  It’s writing, it’s sharing insights, it’s basically updating on what happens in my life for the benefit of others.

If someone else wants to integrate these life lessons into a coaching program, go nuts.  It’s open source, feel free to take what you want and use as you see fit.  If there’s demand, I’ll come back to certain subjects and add more.  But the Life Coaching industry has become so polluted and such a spectacular failure that to even mention myself as such corrupts my energy. 

So I’m burning the title, which I never owned and never liked.  I’m disavowing the New Age Coaching profession in all its forms – again, never resonated for me and it’s clear now why.  Good riddance to all of it. 

What about guys like Rion, Etienne and Radoslav?  They’re still worthwhile if you’re called forth toward what they stand for.  But they’re unique in that they actually have clarity around what they stand for.  The profession doesn’t stand for a damn thing except playing on wounds to take money.

A few people stand for a higher vision and call forth others to follow them.  The Life Coaches make people feel insecure (“You’re not getting laid, you’re broke, you’re unhappy, give me money to take your mind off the problems you didn’t have until I convinced you that you had a problem!”) and then waste their time and money with distractions and never accomplish anything, leaving the person worse off.  Nobody needs that, and nobody who values themselves would want to be associated with that toxic garbage.  And I don’t.

So enjoy my insights, use them as you see fit.  Don’t call me coach.

P.S. Someone complained I was posting something “not out of love” when I called out a spiritual fraud.  Here’s my response: 

I'm going to call a fraud a fraud. There are far too many New Age "coaches" and other spiritual deadwood polluting the world with their shams or sucking on everyone else's energy. It needs to stop. As far as I'm concerned that is me speaking from love - love for what is good and right in the face of spiritual perversion. If it bothers people, I think that's a good thing. We need that.

There you have it.  That’s my truth and my higher purpose.  Shining light on darkness, being a solution, not part of the problem.

Don't Hire a Life Coach, Part 2

A few months back I made a decision to walk away from a long-time coaching modality.  I just ended everything with the coach and group.  I also unfriended or muted a bunch of people.  Looking back now I feel that was one of the best moves I’ve ever made and only wish I had done it sooner. 

All that negative energy and annoyance is gone.  I don’t have to own anything they’re doing, I don’t have to know what’s going on, and they don’t need to know what I’m up to, either.  It feels really good, and every day it feels better.

Now I’m far enough away that I can reengage on

 my terms.  The other day I had an interview with one of the members and was able to offer up some insight on my past experiences and take on the role of an outside consultant, instead of an insider.  It feels much better interacting from a place where I’m standing in my own place and living my own life.  I don’t need nor want attention or recognition.  I can simply offer my experience as “someone whose gone through some interesting life experiences.”  Nobody has to know it’s me or wonder if I’m speaking as an offering or out of loyalty, I can just share my experience and people can take what they want.

I’m very very happy here.  At the time I wrote about how students should seek to outgrow their teachers and eventually leave them behind.  I feel that more strongly now than ever.

Let’s face it, I never wanted to be like my coach.  I wanted to learn some things from him that he was very good at – and very good at teaching others about as well.  But after a point there was little more he was willing to share that I wanted to master.  He liked to keep a lot of things for himself and not share, which he said was because he didn’t trust the men to handle the information, but I think it was more based on insecurity.

So at this point the feeling is that I waited too long to make that decision.  And that was my insecurity.  But doing so really has opened up my life for other things, as well has helping me to better understand who I really am and what I want to do in this world – which has very little in common with what he’s coaching these days.

So the lesson in all this is “Hire a coach with the goal of firing your coach down the road.”  Don’t get too attached to your coach – he or she is there to help you learn the things you need to learn, and that’s it. 

I’m very wary of coaches that try to be “holistic” and want to coach you on how to live your life.  That’s YOUR job, not theirs.  Coaches are for learning specific skills you need as you go through life.  But going through life – you need to learn that skill yourself and not rely on someone else to point the way.  Life coaches inevitably will point you to the life path THEY want for you, not what YOU really should be doing.  It doesn’t take long for an astute person to pick up on the flavor of a coach.  You can look at his or her students and you’ll see similarities in “life path” which reveals where the coach’s subtle (or not to subtle) agenda.  Eventually you’ll wise up and need to un-learn all this programming from your “life coach,” and it ends up being a waste of time and money.

The best results are when you identify things you really need to get further down your path, certain skills and insights that only someone much more experienced can provide.  That’s where a mentor or coach comes in.  You do the drills, you learn the skills, you thank your coach and you move on.

It took me a long time to finally arrive at this place.  In some respects its coming full-circle from where I was when I began this journey.  In other respects, it’s another coil in the growth spiral.  I had a lot of problems I’ve worked through along the way, most of which had zero to do with the “life coaching” nonsense. But there are tools I’ve picked up, in terms of presence and self-reflection, in energy work and spirituality, that have served me very well through my growth path.  Each of those skills I sought out as I walked my path and my natural curiosity, or need to overcome an obstacle in my way, brought me to those skills. 

This is the organic process of discovery and learning, and of growing as a person.  Like I said, it feels really good to be here.  

Being Happy, Not Looking for Happiness

It’s dawned on me lately that I’m really happy.  Not just that I feel a lot of periods of joy (which is a neurochemical process and not to be confused with real happiness), or that I sometimes feel happy, or becoming happi-er (which is a nice way of saying “less unhappy”), but actually and truly happy.  This is my natural state.

In this place of happiness, I can feel sorrow, grief, frustration, anxiety, joy, and all the other emotions.  But they’re now all housed in a place called “happiness” that is my home.  So when I say I’m happy, I mean I actually… happy.

And I also realize I haven’t been here in a long time.  Maybe not since college, where I had a brief stint of happiness for four years before going into the abyss.  I’d written before that I finally feel like myself after decades of feeling various degrees of lost, wandering, struggling, searching and “seeking.”  I’m home and I’m happy – with myself and my life.

Readers will note that some of my recent posts don’t seem all that happy.  (Or maybe you can notice the underlying state, but it’s hard for most to perceive.)  It’s difficult to explain the concept to people who attribute joy to happiness.  Joy is that euphoric feeling, but it’s neurochemical and as such very temporal.  It usually is followed by an emotional trough, a neurochemical hangover.  Joy is great, but the pursuit of joy and the up-down cycle is really unhealthy – it’s like binge drinking. Happy people don’t seek joy, they let it come to them and they enjoy it in the moment.  Unhappy people pursue joy in the hopes of finding happiness and usually find neither, or joy comes at a very high price.

So what about my critical posts?  Well, the great thing about being happy is I don’t need attachment.  I can look at my life and relationships clearly and evaluate whether things/ people currently in my life are contributing or taking away from my happiness.  One can’t evaluate those things from a place of unhappiness. 

So when I “came home,” I unpacked all the stuff I brought with me and started going through it.  It turns out I have a lot of great treasures, and I also have been carrying a lot of crap.  Normally I’d just toss the garbage without much thought, but a lot of this stuff are things I’d made an integral part of my identity during my “seeking happiness” stage.  I think it’s valuable to acknowledge that things I publicly held out as “this is me” are in fact not contributing to my happiness.  And doubly so when those things are advertised as ways for people to “find happiness.”

I realize I may be overreacting in some of my criticism, but I feel a lot of regret, and a certain amount of resentment, for wasting my time and money on things that were sold as “growth” which actually served to hold me back.  And I feel compelled to warn others to avoid the mistakes I made.  Because as I look at these things now, I don’t see any students of these modalities “graduating” to happiness.  They’re mostly all unhappy people pursuing joy and validation and basically doing what I did – spinning their wheels wasting time and money on magic beans.

Yes, in the process of returning to happiness, I discovered some practices and beliefs that greatly aided in my healing and finally finding my way home.  But these few very good, very valuable things were in the midst of much larger and more powerful toxic patterns that were a real disservice.

I’ve been very hard on a lot of the “growth” and “spiritual” gurus I’ve come across, because I really want them to stop and take a hard look at themselves and what they’re doing.  People who pursue joy are not happy – by definition.  It’s taken me a long time to really get this.  People who “receive” a lot of joy are only on the more short-term-successful end of the unhappiness/ happiness spectrum.  The “coaches” are for the most part no happier than their students.  In many cases, they’re actually much less happy.

The metrics of happiness most coaches use, which are basically flashpoints of temporal joy-receiving, perpetuate unhappiness.  I was stuck in this negative-feedback loop for a long time.  Longer than I needed to be.  Ultimately what got me out was an extended period of literally doing nothing other than the things I had to do keep my life going and take care of the people who needed and loved me. I disconnected from all of it, sat with that voice saying I was missing out or bored or lonely and did nothing until my mind and spirit healed itself and I felt myself again.

And it shouldn’t have to be like this.  I think it’s bullshit that wounded people who haven’t dealt with their own crap, but who have “Facebook success” are running around selling their crap advice to other wounded people.  I don’t think people do this on purpose, or that these people are bad people, but process and results are still toxic – it doesn’t matter if the intentions are good or not, you’re still producing toxic crap.

So yes, from this place, I’ve been venting.  And posting warnings.  It’s what my higher self says to do.  And I believe it’s the initial stages of formulating something that actually works for people, that actually helps people come home to their happiness.

And frankly, I feel ashamed for a lot of my journey.  Ashamed for buying into the BS, ashamed for not listening and respecting my higher self that repeatedly warned me I was off-track, ashamed for the hurt I caused others, and mostly myself. I lost good years of my life and thousands of dollars chasing rainbows and unicorns and I’m here to warn you so you don’t do the same.

You want to really evolve?  Stop eating bullshit.  It’s good for plants, but toxic for people.  Just stop.  And just because some people are finding a lot of joy from eating bullshit doesn’t make it any less toxic.  Take a careful look at their lives.  Bragging about joy on social media is usually a good indication of deep unhappiness.  Image-crafting is a sure-fire sign of unhappiness.  These “successful” people have periods of joy, maybe many, and yet when you get close you can feel the unhappiness, the festering wounds, the “I’ll-do-anything-to-not-be-me” obsession.  They’re slowly dying from poisoning from a steady diet of BS, and they sell it as ice cream.  And your money doesn’t make them any happier, either. 

And you’ll try it and find some joy and then be more unhappy than ever.  Just like trying drugs.  Because they’re just pushers.  (Some of them push drugs AND coaching, and the overlap isn’t a coincidence.)

So yes I want to warn people.  I’m not better off for spending years fucking over my life and wasting money under the guise of “evolution.”  I learned some things – some valuable things for which I’m grateful. But the experience sucked.  That part of me that feels this way is solidly grounded in my truth.  And it puts me at odds with people and modalities that I’ve identified with and endorsed for a long time.

Part of me hurts for that – I don’t like doing things that hurt people I care about.  But I spent decades hurting the person I should have been caring about the most, but was treating like absolute shit – myself.  These things I did really hurt that man -and all of it was unnecessary. 

So if I can keep you from getting sucked into that cycle and find your way to a truly happy life, I’ll do it.  Because I am happy now.  And it’s a lot easier than you might think to get here.

Creepy PUAs, Spiritual Coaches, and Finding Freedom and Happiness

"Those PUAs are So Creepy!  Join us."

For those who have followed me for a while, you know I’ve had an interesting relationship with communities like pick-up (PUA) and its cousins, the “We’re different than PUA but really not that different” groups (let’s call it “Spiritual Inner Game Seduction” SIGS for short).  I’ve been both deeply involved and deeply skeptical, and tend toward the belief that, while they can be somewhat helpful for some in the short-term, for the most part they’re a waste of money and long-term exposure is toxic.

I’ve been apart from them for a while now, and in this place of looking at them from the outside, I’m even more convinced they are dangerous and overall do more harm than good.  Some of this is an adjustment in my own perspective (I can see where I was manipulated and ended up spending even more time off-track than if I hadn’t been involved with them), and some is shifts that have taken place in these communities themselves.

While it is possible to learn and practices certain social skills in the PUA community, it’s become so corrupted by greed, arrogance and deceit that it’s extremely difficult to navigate the swamp, find and utilize a good resource, effectively learn the skills, and move on with one’s life without becoming corrupted psychically and energetically. 

If you’re a man who feels he is lacking connection with women and wants to better himself, I recommend Rion Kati’s Natural Grounding and his dating resources (look up Natural Grounding and ping him about other resources).  He’s not the only clean resource, but he can point you in the right direction and it’ll keep you out of the boneyard.

My greatest concerns, however, are with the SIGS.  Most of these are a mashup of Tony Robbins and NLP, PUA and California Spirituality. As such they are inherently problematic.  Now with California spirituality and the yoga/ Tantra community completely aligned with dark forces and lost, they’ve become full-fledged cults with dangerous spiritual entanglements. I used to say “these can be good if you know how to keep your head above water,” but I can’t say that anymore.  Even with all my spiritual training and activation, I’m being told “STAY AWAY!”  If the archangels are telling me to just stay away, I can guarantee you have no business being anywhere near this stuff.

One of the problems with SIGS is the prevalence of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or NLP.  While this can be useful to help people overcome negative programming, its primary function is to CREATE negative mind programming (such as advertising), not free people from it.  And while these groups purport to free people from negative societal programming, in truth they are about creating artificial addictions to their supposed healing modalities.

The mind and spirit, like the body, are naturally self-healing.  What keeps people “hung-up” on past wounds is when something short-circuits that healing process and creates a loop where the wound is basically put on auto-replay – or even programmed to replicate itself.  This is pretty much what SIGS do – they create addiction on the psychic and spiritual level by perpetuating these infections and in advanced cases turning them into self-replicating viruses that can be spread throughout the group.

This is made worse by SIGS obsession with indiscriminate sexual contact. This group is maniacal in its obsession with sex – connecting with more and more people, demonstrating prowess, creating sexual addictions and obsessions in partners.  It has twisted the Tantric concepts of exploration and acceptance into a religious worshipping of sexual wounds, which then get spread far and wide in the communities through indiscriminate sexual contact. 

The practitioners in these communities are clearly damaged souls.  Ken Wilber, Moses Ma, virtually all the Yoga and Tantra leaders, the “spiritual female PUAs,” so so many – really damaged people. Their spiritual energy fields are black with all the veils and entanglements polluting their fields.  But lately it’s taken an even more dangerous turn – they’ve fully identified with the spiritual pollution and now worship their morass of veils and entanglements – they’ve decided black is white, pollution is clarity, slavery is freedom, and anyone actually fighting on the side of freedom is now an enemy to be destroyed. 

There was a time when forces of light could operate within the spiritual communities and the “open-mindedness” dogma would force the polluted majority to at least pretend to tolerate the true light workers.  But that window closed after November of 2016.  That catalyst event forced the polluted majority to take a stand, and they have – they’re fully committed to their wounds and spiritual pollution and are no longer even willing to consider alternatives.

At this point, the archangels have no choice but to accept this decision and barricade the practitioners of pollution.  Before I was getting messages “be very careful,” and now the message is “STAY AWAY!”  There’s nothing for us to do but work together with those who are outside the barricade, keep the forces of light out, help each other clean and heal (many of us are an energetic mess from “trying to help”), and keep building what we’re doing.  This means for many a loss of many friends, but also a massive freeing and cleansing of energies.  It’ll be okay, you’re never alone.  Don’t waste your time mourning for people who have chosen spiritual pollution and slavery over freedom and light.  Yes, it’s sad, but that’ll just put you at risk of getting sucked into destruction along with them.

So what do you do if you’re someone who wants romantic connection?  I mentioned Rion, I’d highly recommend that path, it parallels the spiritual development path as well.  What if you want to improve your “inner game,” and live a happier and more fulfilling life? Pretty much stay entirely away from the “inner game” practitioners.  Even guys like Tony Robbins are hopelessly corrupted, and many have made deals with dark forces and are now operating just to destroy as many souls as they can get their hands on – they’re unapologetic cults.

So what can you do?  First, disconnect completely from the SIGS – all of them.  Find a good coach whose on a spiritual path (I know some), or start connecting with clean material.  This blog, Etienne’s blog, Natural Grounding, a clean meditation practice, all good places to start.

I’ll work on creating some very simple but clean material on how to heal and rediscover your happiness (which is also your life purpose, and which will improve all the aspects of your life you think aren’t working).  In the meantime, sit down, close your eyes, breathe slowly and deeply, and let everything go.  Keep listening.  Keep clearing.  Keep coming back here and I’ll keep shining the light.  And stay out of the shadows.

From experience, I’ll tell you most of your “problems” will heal themselves once you learn to clear your energy and relax your mind and body.  The few “skills” you need to learn will usually find you through inspiration or coincidence.  (Unless you’re being called to something really big, but you’ll know.)  Most people don’t need a coach, they just need to get out of their own way, drop the BS and follow their heart.

Cutting the Cord With Coaching and the Evolutionary Community

My energy has really opened up over the past month and now I’m making big changes in important areas of my life.

Some people aren’t going to like this post.  Some people I consider friends aren’t going to like this post, and I hope they can learn to understand this isn’t a personal attack on them, this is a truth I have learned on my journey.  It may not be good for their business, but that’s not my business.

One of the things I realize about myself is stillness is a constant practice.  But it’s also the most important characteristic of massive, positive change.  A constant level of doing-ness will not produce change, only create the illusion of change through unnecessary and counterproductive movement.  Over time this doing-ness will lead to fatigue and you’ll be left with the unsettling feeling that much was done and little was accomplished.

Most things do not need to be done.  Most thoughts do not need any attention.  Most of the time the proper response to everything is nothing – stillness. 

It is only looking back that I realize the period of doing nothing and going inward was my most productive period of time.  Instead of wasting time and effort doing things to no effect, I brought my attention inward to the source of the desire to “do something” or engage in thought patterns.  While nothing was going on at the surface, much healing and change was taking place inside.

People would ask what I’m up to and I’d say “not much.”  I’d find myself getting annoyed with the questions – Do I need to waste my time so I can give you an interesting story?  Why am I feeling bad about saying I’m not doing anything?  Why does it feel good and right when the world tells me it’s unhealthy?  Why am I feeling lazy, lonely and bored?  And these are good questions.  They lead to the sources of my patterns.

It’s both difficult and a relief to arrive at the realization that much of my life has been a waste of a lot of time, money (which is time) and energy to little effect.  But when I look at my life and say I have managed it poorly, this is actually optimistic. It means I have to potential to live a much better life as I learn to manage it more effectively. 

And it started with realizing I am not lazy, I am not tired, I am not low-energy, these are symptoms of something else. And that something else is what has been driving the misuse of my energy and leading to wasteful patterns.  So it isn’t about being more disciplined or bringing more energy into the patterns that are slowly destroying me, but in destroying those patterns.

I’ve written about some of my epiphanies along the way, and I’ve made changes.  Mostly I’ve stopped doing or thinking or engaging.  There’s no point in action when I’m filling my life with things that suck energy – until I solve the underlying issue and begin generating nourishing behaviors, the only appropriate action is no action and the only appropriate thought is no thought.

When enough things clear, then the course of action becomes easy to see.  Big changes can happen seemingly at the flick of a wrist.  The most difficult part about creating real, lasting, beneficial change is clearing out what isn’t serving and allowing my true desires to reveal themselves.

I’ve come to this realization, and this is a big a-ha that flies in the face of almost all the “personal coaching” modalities out there:  It is far better to know that you don’t know what you want than to think you so.  The man who knows and accepts that he does not know his path is far closer to his goal than the man who actively dedicates himself to an illusory path so he can say “I have a purpose.”

The first step to personal growth is not to “find your purpose,” it’s to realize you have no idea what your purpose is and to find peace in this.  Far too much attention is placed on this notion of a “man’s purpose in life.”  Certainly a guiding purpose is essential to a fulfilled life, but pretty much everyone is so clouded in their thinking (myself included) that a man has no chance of finding that purpose in his disoriented condition.  First a man needs to stop the spinning and let things settle.  Then he needs to find north.  Then he can look at the map and will likely find his path jumps out at him (and is either far away from his current location or the very path he is on).

So a man who knows he has no idea what his path is can easily learn to find peace, while a man who stubbornly insists on following his purpose first will circle the globe several times and never come close to his path (and likely delude himself into thinking his aimless circling is a pathway, when he’s just wasting his time).

Most men don’t need a life coach.  They need stillness.  They need to stop what they’re doing, stop looking around and start seeing clearly.

So I sat at home, found stillness and felt bored and lonely.  The personal coach will say, well, you’re bored and lonely because you’re not doing anything and your alone.  So go do something and be around people. 

Then some time goes by and I’d be right back in this place, just a little older and more tired.  Because this is where I was supposed to be and I wasn’t listening.

Clearly the “problem” isn’t what I’m doing, it’s what’s driving my thoughts, which drive my actions.  I wasn’t “bored” or “lonely,” these aren’t even real concepts.  They don’t exist, it’s all imaginary bullshit.  There’s no such thing as boredom or loneliness, they’re constructs to create the illusion of separation.  A clear and honest perspective shows, no, I wasn’t lonely.  There were, are, and always have been plenty of people in my life.  Loneliness is about misperception, misdirection and misapplication of energy.  So when I’d go out into the world holding this pattern, what happens?  I’d attract other “lonely” people who confirm my illusion. 

It turns out, when you operate under the delusion of boredom and loneliness, the whole world is full of bored, lonely people who reinforce each others’ illusions of disconnection.  The solution isn’t action, it’s an attitude adjustment.

And the irony for me was that I had to go towards the feeling.  I had to let go of all the ways I artificially stayed connected and go deeper into the source of illusion.  I’m bored? Stop doing things.  I’m lonely? Get off social media and stop wasting time with fake friends.  Embrace it. Embrace it so much it becomes a friend instead of a problem. 

Then you find peace.  Then you find stillness.  And then the path of action becomes clear and simple.  You walk toward the hologram until you can touch it and know it’s not real.  Then it goes away.  Then you can make real choice. 

Coaches won’t teach this because there is no glory in this process.  It’s “boring.”  It doesn’t yield itself to “instant success stories” and cool “before and after” pictures.  But then again, a real life coach would be focused on a person’s life from the source, not the BS external stuff.  Nobody I’ve met is a true life coach (well, maybe a couple, but they go by much different titles and would NEVER refer to themselves as being in that category), and very, very few people need the services the purported “life coaches” are selling. 

And by “life coaches” I mean all of the variants – evolutionary coach, spiritual coach, PUA coach.  It all falls under that “solving general fucked-up-ness” category.

Coaches and teachers are great – if you know what you want and are looking to gain specific skills.  Focus on that one thing, learn it, master it, move on.  Hiring experts is great for that.  Living your life…? No.  Actually a coach is counterproductive in this situation.  Even the most well-meaning of coaches can’t help but inject a subtle (or not so subtle) agenda into the process.  He or she will have a certain way they want to see the world become and expect you to fit into that.  He or she will also be impatient for quick results – coaches don’t play a long game. Quick, visible results are good for the coach – but are they good for you?  After years of going down this path, I can say with certainty it wasn’t good for me.

Idealism and time constraints are the enemies of real growth.  Idealism is just a nice word for “false expectations.”  Many people have these pie-in-the-sky opinions of how society and they should be, and they pursue these “dreams” (fantasies) without ever questioning the basis for their idealism. Inevitably, if they took the time to reflect instead of assuming their opinions are truth because they are connected with strong emotions (as are all limiting beliefs), they’d soon realize these “ideals” are nothing but mind programming.  You’re not saving the world – you’re full of shit and being a pain in the ass for the rest of us in the process.

Almost every coach I’ve met is an idealist at some level, and none of them have gone through this internal reflection process.  Inevitably, their students generally tend to follow the same ideological path as their teacher (there’s that agenda kicking in, as well as confirmation bias).  The fundamental issue here is pretty much everyone who has chosen “personal coach” as a vocation (or hobby, since few make a living at it) is living out their unconscious ideological fantasies (while many call themselves “conscious” as they do so, because irony is fun).

The universe hasn’t asked all these people to coach.  It’s a form of groupthink – and how is a person who is hypnotized by group delusion going to help you let go of your illusions and find your inner truth?  They won’t.  They’ll tell you what you want to hear – or they’ll tell you what they want to hear until you accept it as your own opinion (or fire your coach).

Take away the expectations and time constraints and instead focus attention on what is behind those expectations and time constraints.  What’s driving this?  Go into that.  Feel more of it.  Get really curious about who you really are, behind all that. Turn off the news and social media.  Go for a walk.  Meditate.  Do something you enjoy just because you enjoy it, whatever it is.  Find those access points to your deeper self.  You’re in there.  It might feel like a tangled ball of thread, or a hodgepodge, or a giant to-do list, but somewhere under all that is you. 

You strip everything away and there is a core and in that stillness with only your essential self, this is where you find your true north.  A coach isn’t any good until you’ve done this much, and after you do that the huge majority of, if not all of, the coaches will be irrelevant to you.  Most people just need awareness and a reset.

Most people are basically happy and suffer under the delusion they’re unhappy. Even people I’ve known who had pretty awful childhoods have been able to find peace and happiness later in life.  The unhappiness comes from running away from those things inside instead of facing them – face those demons and discover they’re holograms and everything changes. A lot of pretty intense emotional patterns can grow from pretty basic core illusions and many people who seem “hopelessly damaged” are actually one step away from total health, if they’d just turn around and face their shit.

There are some people who need more help, professional help, not a coach.  It’s a far smaller number than those seeking such help.  There are a few who cannot be helped.  These are the exceptions. 

I was wrong about coaching and I was wrong about myself.  There are certain things I’ve learned and experienced through the benefit of coaches/ teachers which are immensely valuable.  But a coach can’t teach life.  A coach can’t teach purpose.  You can’t teach happiness.  Coaches can’t help you find your core, clear out illusion or make you appreciate your true worth.

Looking back I would reflect on my experience with coaching  overall with a great deal of regret for the time and money wasted.  It’s not that I didn’t learn and grow, it’s that coaching at some level is inherently disempowering for the student, and over time it actually retards growth.  For me, I feel coaching was a distraction from actually facing my stuff and understanding my true self.  The times when coaching has worked has been when I was on my path and wanted specific things – alchemy (the most recent work with Etienne) would be an example, as would my very earliest work with Destin Gerek, which was issue-specific. 

Looking back I knew who I was and coaching actually did more to feed my underlying doubt than to go through it.  There were times when I knew what I needed was simply a different choice – in jobs, in partners, in where I lived, in friends, in lifestyle.  A few simple things that make an immense difference in life.  I needed to just believe in myself and make the change.  In a way I’ve spent my entire life growing and evolving, I just needed to trust what my higher self already knew.

Coaching did not assist in this natural growth path, it was an impediment.  “Life coaching” actually held me back.  It directed my attention to a process that was more feel-good distraction (which through time and repetition became boring and annoying distraction) instead of really getting right with who I am and what I really wanted to do.

A simple meditation practice, along with a few lifestyle changes, was really all I needed to overcome my anxiety attacks and take the action my heart desired.  Instead I dragged out this “evolution” process for years.  Same with all my other so-called “problems.”  The truth is, for the most part, I needed more than anything to simply learn to accept who I am, what I like, and how I enjoy living my life. The other stuff was not a good use of my time and money – there’s a reason why those aspects became annoying over time.

Am I bitter?  No.  Am I ungrateful?  That depends on your point of view.  I feel I provided more than fair value for what I received and wasn’t a pain in the ass student.  I’ve expressed gratitude for the services I’ve received and now I believe – no, maybe that isn’t the truth.  I want to make people feel good and support people, but maybe in my effort to be supportive and kind I haven’t really been listening to myself. Especially with regards to coaching.

The thing is, I like these coaches as people.  That’s the problem.  I liked them so much I handed over my precious time and money and really wanted them to succeed with coaching me.   The truth is, I still like them, but I would have been better served not getting the coaching.  I really like who I am and where I’m going in life, but those years of wandering through the woods – didn’t help.  To be honest, a couple good one-on-one PUA classes about 15 years ago to smooth over my anxiety and rough edges, and maybe one other specific course I could have and did find online, and I would have found my way here much faster and with less painful and annoying side journeys. I would have found what I needed and have more to show for it.

That doesn’t make me bitter or ungrateful.  It makes me (finally) honest.  I didn’t need a coach, just a little attitude adjustment and some social skills.  And later, when I was ready, some energetic teaching.

I’m disappointed by what I see going on, especially in a lot of my coaching/ evolution circles.  Apart from the boring repetition and buzzwords and complaining, the larger patterns are actually kind of troubling.  The percentage of students who “discover” their life path is the same as their coach is something like two thirds – a ridiculous percentage.  The “conscious” community seems to have two career paths – personal coach or artist. (Wait, four paths – I forgot “author” and “gardener.”) These aren’t career paths, these are escapist hobbies.

And I’m as guilty as anyone of this.  I love to fish and write books.  But “fisherman” and “author” are not my purposes here on this planet.  I have a good job that supports my family, and that family is a purpose.  There’s a larger purpose that encompasses this, but this is where my time, energy and spiritual energy is going. Writing is a creative outlet.  Fishing is a hobby.  Planting a garden is a nice hobby for some people.  Farming – real farming – is a business that requires study, research, effort, capital (land, equipment, labor) and return on investment.  It’s a full-time job that leaves little time for writing arrogant ebooks about how you think men should fuck (as if anybody fucking cares about your opinion on this subject) or spending two weeks in the desert being Chief Thundercock of the Idiot Nation.

And fucking around without paying your bills is NOT a life purpose.  It’s escapism and it’s fucking inconsiderate to the rest of the world that’s working its ass off so you can be an arrogant, worthless dickhead living off the fat of Western economics, telling everyone how awesome you are in bed and how terrible every other guy is, while railing against the very capitalism that ALLOWS you to live your party lifestyle while providing ZERO REAL VALUE to the world.  Nobody in Venezuela is paying for your bullshit “art” or “services,” you communist hypocrite moron.

And after hearing enough of THAT pattern of bullshit, and getting more and more irritated with the collective patterns of stupidity and self-destruction cloaked as “evolution,” I’ve had enough.  It’s bullshit.  All of it.  The whole community is bullshit, and so is the coaching.  Stupid people behaving stupidly get on my nerves very quickly, no matter how much I love them.

And I’m done.  I’m sorry I ever did it.

And it’s hard because, even though I’m obviously annoyed and deeply regret the time and money wasted, I really do like these people.  They probably won’t like me anymore, because I’m goring their ox, but it’s true – I like these people.  They have good hearts and souls, just badly underdeveloped brains.  And that’s probably why I lingered longer than I should have – my core self had walked away years ago, but my emotional attachment kept me lingering and getting more and more angry.

As Etienne said, I was stuck because I was holding onto attachment to people who won’t follow.  My core self is miles away on a different path and the cord of attachment just gets longer and more tense by the minute.

So… it has to be cut.  I can’t keep torturing myself because I’m fond of people.