My Personal Learning Challenges

After I finished reading “The Secret of the Golden Flower” I read Etienne Charland’s “The History of the Universe,” my third reading.  Most of the reading I was overcome with sleepiness and still feel very sleepy.  This is my edge.

I’ve noticed this about my learning and integration style – I’ll often embrace something new the first time, even putting it to full use on the first try.  Then the subsequent times I’ll encounter resistance to continuing my integration of the work. My mind likes to “get” things, but then the self-doubt and self-sabotage comes in.

Destin has a great program about erotic techniques and it’s the same thing – I’ll jump right in and have success with something, then find excuses to walk away instead of fully integrating it.

I can’t tell you how many times this has happened – getting things right out of the box but never deepening.  Or I’ll start off super inspired and then run completely out of steam and can’t seem to get the energy to reengage.

I used to chalk it up to general laziness, but that’s not it.  I’m not lazy.  It’s something deeper, some implant that’s likely affecting many aspects of my life.  Something I am committed to removing so I can be rid of this habit.  Maybe there’s a boredom aspect, that I’m attracted to learning and embodying new things, but not super interested in deepening.

There are many things in my life where I have found deep integration, but there is still that rapid start – slow second gear.  Maybe it’s nothing to worry about, just the cycle of learning.  I’ve learned the more I’ve let go of attachment to outcomes and just keep putting one foot forward, the easier the learning process becomes. 

So… couple things that just came up. 

After reading, I went on a “spell-casting walk” (using the nummite and Labradorite stones) focused on supercharging my energy and confidence.  Muscle-test, the spell is complete and will be fully activated and integrated in three weeks, with some effects showing up immediately and others evolving as my system integrates.

Then after that I began watching Destin’s videos in this meditative trance state, attuning to the energy.  WOW.  Feel really GOOD!  Just attuning to the energy and letting the lessons sink in on a deep level without rational interference.  I’ll be interested to see the long-term results; short-term I’ve got a wonderful trance-buzz going.  I’ll take it!