Thank You, 2016!

This “going inward” has been difficult but incredibly rewarding. 

This week’s lesson has been embracing gratitude and forgiveness. 

Gratitude.  Man, how long have I been preaching that word and never really putting it to work for myself?  But yes, gratitude.  Gratitude and forgiveness, these are the tools to eliminate stress and find happiness. 

Forgiveness allows our minds to stop wandering back.  We forgive others for the wrongs they’ve done.  We forgive ourselves for things that leave us feeling guilty or ashamed.  Then we can focus on the present.  Until our minds drag us into the future, because things are never good enough in the here and now.

Then at some point I decide, fuck it.  I’m going to enjoy my life, just the way it is, right now.  I’m going to be happy with who I am and what I have now. 

So at this point in my journey inward I tried on gratitude, really tried it on.  And felt how, yes, I have a really good life.  And I do.  I have a lot of really wonderful things in my life, and I put them there.  And I sunk into really enjoying those good things I have.  It felt so good!

And then something clicked, I really have everything I need to be happy.  All these thoughts of “sacrifice” or “going without” are really just looking at things from the wrong perspective.  The questions I need to be asking are “how can I fully enjoy this life, just as it is?” and “how can I get the most enjoyment out of this life without spending any money?”  It’s not hard when I start thinking this way.

The greatest obstacles to my full expression of my power are not external.  It’s not really even a matter of studying, though that’s some of it.  It’s mostly resolving these lifelong internal conflicts, clearing my energy pathways to allow the energy to flow.

Gratitude. Really being with the good things I have in my life.

Gratitude lets go of future-thinking, forgiveness lets go of past-thinking, and then there is just here and now.  Which is great.

Who says 2016 sucked? It sure hasn’t for me.  This year has been my best yet.  Personally, things are really great with my little family at home and my life is good now.  There were some choppy parts earlier in the year, but really even that wasn’t too bad, it was mostly me worrying too much. Things have been good.

The earth is experiencing a massive spiritual awakening, creating all kinds of turmoil but also opening up all kinds of amazing possibilities.  I’m grateful for the awakening energy and the changes it’s bringing about.  Things are getting better and humanity will experience awakening like never before. 

Yes, those who refuse to accept or who are resistant will experience suffering. But if you look, you’ll see in most cases these people were creating massive suffering and energetic oppression in the world.  Now they have to deal with their own energetic attitude adjustment – that’s a good thing.

I’m grateful for my own awakening powers. 2016 was the year my gifts came into my awareness and I set forth on my alchemy path.  Which brought me here.

So thank you 2016.  This is the best year so far, with many more amazing years to follow.

Observations as I Slow Down and Look Inward

I haven’t been posting.  The message I keep getting is to slow down and disengage from the unhealthy habits.  To keep slowing down and centering and allowing my energy to transform – that the work is being done for me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m failing at this seemingly simple task.  But that actually goes to show that, first, it’s not a simple task at all; second, bringing awareness to how I’m not slowing down and centering is bringing me closer to my goal; and third, this is where I’m supposed to be.

It doesn’t seem like an exciting way to transform, but this is actually a very intense transformation process, precisely because it’s not about “doing something.”  I’m weaning myself off the social media, internet news and similar energy leaks.  And it’s hard.  And my “not doing” is making this challenge more acute.  Which is the whole point.  The phone and computer is a distraction that keeps me disconnected from my higher self. 

And I am making progress, head-on.  It’s challenging because I’m not giving myself another out – my slowing down means more time and energy going inside and really being with myself.  Which makes the urge to distract myself that much stronger.  And at the same time I’m accessing my phone and internet less and less.  Which means more energy connecting inside.

And connecting inside brings up a lot of anxiety.  I haven’t been sleeping well and it’s interrupted. Shouldn’t I be feeling more centered instead of less? Because I’m actually being with myself and finally being with these anxieties.  So it feels like it’s getting worse, but it’s actually getting better – it’s just that I wasn’t letting myself face all of my internal stress.

Other distractions come up – fear of missing out (FOMO), illusions around my “not doing enough,” worries about my lack of writing and lack of production with Destin, worries about work, worries about money.  But this is all what’s meant to be.  When I’m not distracting myself, this is what comes up.  I have anxieties and values conflicts that need to be faced and released.  And that takes time and a commitment to returning to center, again and again. 

And through this process, things are coming up.  Here are some realizations I’m experiencing through this process:

1.       Loneliness and disconnection are what happen when I value expectations and beliefs above what’s true in my heart. This time of quiet and alone has helped me understand my past behavior and what was going on.  I was never alone or rejected – I was choosing disconnected association for ego over genuine connection, which was always in front of me.  The reason I wasn’t in with the “cool kids” was because I just didn’t feel connected to them – my energy didn’t resonate and I didn’t find those associations fulfilling.  But I listened to that anxious voice telling me I needed to be cool, and be with the cool kids, instead of listening to my heart and being with people I enjoyed hanging out with.  Later in life I valued meaningless connections that I thought served ego need, instead of just enjoying connections. 

2.       It is even more difficult to find center when outside things go the way I want than when they don’t.  When big events turn out the way I want, it’s difficult to let go of those feel-good emotions and triggers.  I want more.  When things don’t go the way I want, I feel bad for a little while, but then quickly move on – who wants to feel bad?  But the external feel-good is actually a ruse.  It’s keeping me from moving through my internal stuff and raise my real energy, which is the real feel-good.

3.       Facebook actually feeds disconnection.  Real friendships don’t exist on Facebook.  It’s good for keeping in contact with people spread out through space and time, but it also replaces real connection.  It fools me into thinking I’m keeping up with my friends when I’m further away.  It reinforces the anxiety-driven value of staying vaguely connected with many people I don’t really care about over a few real friendships. 

4.       When I fully embraced being alone, I found my real friends.  I didn’t want to, but I listened to my higher self and pulled away from the BS “friendships.”  I went all the way alone and still.  And I learned to live with that feeling of loneliness that would come up, and all the ego-driven emotions that come up along with that. Then I found myself organically connecting with my real friends.  I even found better friendships with my real Facebook “friends,” because I was actually connection.  I wasn’t trying to do anything, I just wasn’t afraid of being alone and then my truth emerged.

5.       My critics and attackers are shadow.  Yes, even those physically in front of my face.  I’ve defined myself lately by my enemies.  And yes, there are people who stand opposed to me, or at least make it clear they don’t like me.  And they’re real, they’re people.  But the attacks, and my reactions, are pure imagination.  It’s shadow. This is a liberating realization, my enemies are shadow.

6.       Not every negative reaction is shadow.  This flies in the face of New-Age spiritual teaching that says any negative reaction is bad – it’s judgment, it’s anger, it’s my issues coming up.  Sometimes that’s true.  And other times it’s something deeper, that reaction is a manifestation of my truth.  There are a lot of people with a lot of followers who are completely full of shit.  There are a lot of people who are toxic.  There are practices that are fraught with spiritual issues.  The difference is I’m learning I don’t have to react – I can pull back and observe, just wait for the Karmic wheel to turn.  And sure enough, the people and things I’ve strongly disliked turned out to be bad.  Almost always that feeling of revulsion or extreme irritation is completely justified.  Now I just wait and see.

7.       There’s a little voice inside me, saying “I should be doing that.  What am I not doing that?”  And that little voice is always wrong, 100% of the time.  Usually this comes up when #6 comes up.  I get a strong negative feeling toward someone or something.  Then I think “oh, that must be my shadow,” and “oh look, this person is doing this and that, and I think I want to do those things, too.  Then the circle completes itself and I realize my initial negative reaction was actually the right one all along.  As I move more into stillness, my ability to separate ego reactions from energetic reactions becomes better and will eliminate these conflicts.

8.       The voice of my heart’s desire is quiet and its express is very simple.  My heart doesn’t want much.  This bothers my ego, but that’s a cue to go deeper into stillness, not to ignore my heart because I feel I need to “do something.”

9.       My powers get stronger the less I “doing.” I’m actually accomplishing much more by “doing” less. 

10.   I’ve needed to pay better attention to my body.  Things like gut yeast and issues related to years of accumulated stress hadn’t been addressed as I was distracted by “doing things.”  Cleaning out the gut yeast and cortisol and moving toward a more balanced internal system has been good and long overdue. 

Owning My Spiritual Gifts

One of My New Bracelets - Tigers Eye and Labradorite

 

I have been away for a while, as my desire to be silent has been stronger than my desire to keep posting new stuff.  During this time, I have had some success at kicking my caffeine addiction and getting my adrenal system in balance, and apart from that bringing my energy in, learning to listen and not react.

I even found some new jewelry that I’ve been making myself.  By fortunate accident, my jade bracelet exploded from an energy burst and I had to replace the elastic string.  As I bought the string, I also bought some other beads and began fashioning some bracelets that are pretty powerful (and look good, too).  All this while being quiet and generally being off the grid.

Then something very interesting came up.  A friend who is very spiritually gifted (but not spiritually grounded) was recounting how she recently discovered her once-beloved ashram was in fact a cult – and how she’s separating and healing from both this realization and the trauma she endured while living there.  When I read her account, I wasn’t at all surprised.  It was my energy reading of the “ashram” from the beginning. 

But the thing is I knew this place was dark and full of entanglements from the very first time I became aware of it.  I’d get invitations to go and that vision would come up.  But then I’d push those visions away – oh, people like Destin and Rion who went there are so spiritually advanced, surely they must know more than me.  If they see it as good, my vision must be a distortion.  Maybe it’s jealousy or something in me. 

But the visions kept coming.  My wife, who is unaware of her own energetic gifts but whose energy is totally clean and grounded, couldn’t be at the same table as my friend.  (I got a similar bad vibe, but I’m more used to being around people with powerful energy that is off, so it doesn’t usually trigger me.)  She sensed the entanglements distorting my friend’s strong energy and wanted nothing to do with that mess.  And again, I pushed these energetic warning signs down, I didn’t say anything (I wanted to SOOOOO many times after that day, but doubted myself too much).  Again I assumed, Destin is good, he is advanced, it must be okay.

Now I see things in a different light that makes sense.  It’s not that I’m right and Destin is wrong, it’s that we’re both right, but my interpretation was distorted.  This is the biggest problem with my gifts – I can see and sense things, but my interpretations become distorted because I don’t believe enough in myself to bring out my gifts and speak them clearly.  Too much fear and doubt.

But I was 100% right.  The “ashram” was a cult, the energy was dark and full of spiritual entanglements.  Yes, they’re powerful, but badly misusing their power and engaging in mind control and abuse.  These are NOT good people.  And the spiritual entanglements had infected my friend very deeply, to the point that her energy field was actually a bit dangerous.

I wasn’t ready to say anything then.  I hadn’t done the work to get to the level where I could understand and give voice to my intuition with conviction, much less be able to do anything about it.  (And what good is it to tell someone “your energy is fucked and that ashram you love is an evil cult,” and then walk away like your job is done?  That’s like a doctor saying “you have cancer,” and then leaving his patient to their own devices.

So I kept quiet and eventually heeded my calling to begin my work.  Then the truth comes out in black and white – everything I knew to be true was revealed to be true.  All of it. 

And for me this is my message – I’m ready now.  I’m getting much better at articulating my energetic sense and I can resolve things energetically.  I understand how things work now, my conflicts have finally been resolved.

I get it.  Yes, Destin is a good man, and a powerful man.  But he is not me.  He is not interested in keeping his energy clean.  He actually likes the rush of getting into spiritual entanglements, and he’s attracted to women with spiritual issues.  He likes to surf the dark side.  It’s not that he’s morally compromised, he just likes the thrill and the edge.  He wants to try everything.  Me?  No.  I want to keep my energy clean and use it to help others. 

And this explains a lot.  It explains why I’m energetically repulsed by a lot of people in Destin’s tribe, while feeling good about Destin’s energy.  He’s attracted to the bad energy, but he doesn’t embody it. Maybe his wide variety of experiences has immunized him to some extent.  It explains why he’d be head over heels for someone who looks beautiful but whose energy would make me nauseous.  We’re both right, but because our paths are different, our reactions are different too.  He enjoys the polarity, and I’m physically repulsed by that bad energy (something that’s served me well but which I didn’t understand).

It explains why I am drawn to Rion’s powers while at the same time very skeptical of his judgment and not so anxious to follow him when he goes down a rabbit hole. I heard the stories from Etienne about how much shit he had to clear out after Rion’s trip to the ashram, and I’m sure he acquired some crap from his latest Tantra certification, too.

The message here is to trust my sense and further hone my ability to clearly and accurately explain it. It’s clear I have something special to offer and the world really needs this vision and clarity.  It also makes me more committed to create my own spiritual temple, to show the world what an energetically clean and uplifting temple looks like.

 

Pyramids and Trump: Truth Is Activated

During the past three weeks we have experienced major energetic changes.  There was the world energetic shift that brought about the election of Donald Trump as US President, and the ensuing collapse of the US media cabal; On November 16 the Pyramids of Egypt were reactivated; Etienne’s book “The History of the Universe” was unveiled on Amazon and can be purchased here. 

It’s a lot of energy, a lot of activity, and I haven’t been available to help readers wade through everything.  But let me start by saying the change has happened, but many will either not be aware of it or are actively in denial and now fully living in a false world of their own illusion rather than surrender to what is (they took the blue pill, for those familiar with the Matrix movies). 

The reason many will not know everything has changed is because those we thought were in charge have been discredited and are now living in denial.  The media was exposed by Wikileaks as a fraud for months and then fully discredited on Election Day in the US.  This isn’t the first time the media has been exposed, but this time the energetic structures holding them in place died.  What we now see as the media is people living in illusion, the media as we know it has been disintegrated.  The Cabal, as represented by Hillary Clinton and many others, is gone.  The energetic structure died over a year ago, but now the edifice is gone too.  Those in the Cabal are either in denial (witness the freakout in the US over a rather uneventful election result) or have woken up (Mitt Romney seems to have woken up, others are, too).

Others are living in denial as well.  While the Dali Lama is surrendering to what is, he is almost alone among the leadership of the spiritual community.  Pope Francis is heavily in denial (though he was never truly a spiritual leader, he was brought in to politicize the Catholic religion).  The so-called “spiritual leaders” are showing their true colors – attachment to outcome, attachment to being right, judgment and hysteria over a normal US election.

Pretty much everyone holding themselves out as a spiritual/ thought leader has been exposed as a fraud.  The Integral Community has shown itself to be nothing but San Francisco political groupthink with some fancy terminology and NLP hocus-pocus.  I saw through them when they were saying the election of Obama and the Iran nuclear deal were proof the world was evolving.  I had to laugh at the obvious delusion and logical disconnect of these people.  Now they’re deep in attachment to outcome, pridefulness, arrogance and just plain silliness as they march in delusional lock-step with the rest of the extreme American left.

This isn’t about left-right politics.  It’s about attachment-nonattachment, ego-surrender.  And right now the people who claim themselves on the side of nonattachment and surrender are being exposed as the most passionately attached, prideful and clinging to their own belief systems.  I’ve seen this coming for years, and especially this year as energies have come to a head, but the election has pulled off whatever patina there was that covered the “spiritual community.”

There is good news in all this.  If you’ve been following me and listening, you have heard this message before.  Nothing should surprise you.  Trump was either going to win outright or the transformation brought forth by his catalyst energy would transform everything.  Now it’s come to pass. Those who claimed to be spiritual leaders are now fully exposed, they’re done.  This will allow the true spiritual leadership to emerge, the last will be first and the first will be last.

What does this mean?  It means a few things.  First, leaders like Etienne, and others who have been speaking the truth and getting pushed aside, now have the floor.  Second, if you’ve been listening and following this, you’re not bothered by the election, things aren’t bothering you, you’re in the flow and things are going well while everything around you seems like chaos.  If you’ve been listening but suffering distortions because of the delusion of the leadership, now those distortions are lifted and you’ll gain clarity.  You’ll be okay.

If you’re still attached to the failed models of New Age spirituality, to failed ego-based models like Ken Wilber’s “Integral” model, or to ego-based quasi-spiritual “skepticism,” things will look like a disaster as the world you know is disintegrating.  The length of your suffering will be just as long as your determination to remain committed to these false paradigms.  It’s up to you. 

The media has been lying to us.  In Britain and the US, people woke up and saw through the lies. Wikileaks shined a light on the ruse, but most people had already stopped listening to the media.  Unfortunately, the majority of the “spiritual community” didn’t wake up.  They have still been deeply enmeshed in the media delusion, which is all about distracting people to fit a predetermined narrative.  It’s propaganda, and it’s become so desperate and tortured that it became obvious to anyone not willfully committed to conscious delusion.

This “distortion to fit a narrative” media manipulation, and the willful gullibility of the spiritual movement, has been an annoying struggle this year.  Otherwise smart and skeptical people would buy into the inventions and I’d have to remind them not to swallow the hook.  Now they’re dumbstruck, wondering how they ended up in such echo chambers, lamely trying to “start a dialogue” with people they’ve treated with utter disdain their entire careers, if not their lives. 

Yes, I’m venting a bit.  I’m happy the veil has been lifted, and I’m gratified that things I’ve pointed out were lies when it wasn’t popular have come to pass.  I’m glad that my “bullshit detector” is working well.  I’m not upset that people wouldn’t listen to me – I expect that.  I’m glad the people who wouldn’t listen to me are finally understanding the truth.  And I’m glad people like you were listening and helping to create the foundation of the true spiritual revolution that is now upon us.

I Am Responsible For All My Suffering

I’m using this weekend as an opportunity for meditation, observation and reflection.  I need to clear out my energy and get clear about things, and then chart a new course. 

Last night, after a good workout at the gym, I came home and meditated.  But it was different, I felt a different connection with my crystals, and particularly my crystal ball.  I haven’t used my obsidian crystal ball in a long time, but last night I held it and was communicating with the archetypes.  They were helping me to gain clarity and understand my purpose.

One of the first realizations that came up was that my home is in Thailand, and it feels like it’ll be a very long time before I can even go back just to visit.  The archetypes explained that Thailand is an important part of my destiny and that I’ve lost connection. This made me feel very sad, because it’s true, I’ve lost a lot of connection – and I do feel like I’m away from my heart’s home.  But at the same time, I love my family life here in the US and really love my son, who is still young, and the time we spend together.  (Of course I love both my sons, but my older son is pretty much on his own now.)  And of course I’m going to be here for a long time, working and taking care of my son. Does this mean I have to put my purpose on hold for years and years?

The archetypes agreed this wasn’t a good solution and something needed to be done.  They also explained that it is because my “heart” is anchored in Thailand that my money has been flowing to Thailand instead of staying here, which has caused me tremendous stress.  Yes, a lot of that problem has been resolved with my wife working, but this only created other problems and stress and feeling things are not right.

The archetypes agreed this isn’t a good arrangement and agreed to re-anchor my heart and root energy so it’s with me now and not elsewhere.  Then they began explaining my purpose in life, why it’s been my destiny to go through suffering and stress.  Through most of my life I’ve been conflicted – my ego has been in strong opposition to my heart and true life path.  This has led to so many problems which I’m still struggling with.  My ego is constantly worrying because it fears and resists everything my heart is trying to do. 

I felt really sad hearing this.  It’s like I’ve been dragged kicking and screaming to this place.  Am I going to have to keep suffering?  Why does everything have to be a struggle?  Do I have to be exhausted and have so many root issues?  Why can’t I have some peace and relax?  What do I have to do to get out of my way?

The answer – no, you don’t have to suffer.  You have to release your fears, surrender and follow your heart.  But how do I know I’m following my heart?  I’ve done so many foolish things when I thought I was following my heart and it turned out I was full of shit.  Answer – some of those things were things that had to be as part of your destiny and we are sorry it had to be so painful for you.  Those things weren’t mistakes, you just couldn’t understand and weren’t ready to surrender.  Other things had to happen so you would be ready to dissolve your ego and fears and surrender.  And other things, yes, were foolish mistakes on your part, but those things ended up having little consequence apart from the pain caused by your own ego.

“You see,” they said, “your pain has been entirely of your own choice.  It is because your ego has been defiant and stubborn in its fear, and you have chosen to value that fear above your own heart’s desire, that you have suffered.  Your fate was never to simply live a stable, comfortable life.  You look at the uncertainty and different nature of your life and compare it to the many comfortable, stable and happy people you know and you feel sad.  You feel disconnected.  But you feel disconnected from what your ego imagines you should have, not what your heart knows is your truth.  The pain is your ego’s interpretation of your unique path as failure because it looks so different than everyone else’s.”

So how do I finally release this ego, this fear, and allow myself to surrender?  “You just do.  All you need to do is clear out your energy and surrender to your true path.  It is your ego that is the source of your suffering.  Release the ego and everything will follow.”

At this point I felt very sad but I also felt a sense of peace.  My ego is very negative, full of shame and judgment.  I’ve believed it got me through all the rough times, but looking at it now I believe it was what was responsible for my getting into those situations in the first place. 

This is why I needed this reflection.  Everything related to ego needs to go.  So no, I don’t need to chart a new course, because that would just be another ego adventure, and that needs to go.

Today I worked out.  A lot.  And then I went to beach and walked and sat and contemplated and walked some more. I saw police having a confrontation with someone and then saw paramedics come in and actually diffuse the situation.  There’s ego and heart playing out in real life in front of me.  Ego – the cops and the suspect, neither one backing down.  Heart – the Fire Department paramedic breaking through. 

This is the lesson, this is what is meant by “follow your heart, let everything else go.”

All the problems in my life now, or in my past, are a manifestation of my ego resisting – either clinging to something I should let go or fighting something I should surrender and accept.  All the fear and anxiety – just ego. 

Time to Wake Up

I finished proofing Etienne’s “The History of the Universe,” which took longer than I thought it would.  It’s not easy proofing, and it’s much more difficult when I’m having to also integrate the energy from the book – it seems like every time I read it there’s a new breakthrough.

I’ve reached the point where my life simply cannot continue on the path it’s been going.  I’ve been locked into a path of habit and comfort and my heart is yearning for something different, something my mind still wants to look away from.

This week I received another wake-up call that I cannot expect life to simply coast along.  Things are changing and my reality is changing with them.  I cannot hold onto things, even things I love.  And I cannot hold onto things I dislike or cause me stress, either.  Everything changes and all energy must be allowed to flow. 

When I violate that rule, the tension builds up until there’s a crisis and then I have no choice but to change.  And that’s what’s been happening, I’ve been feeling more stuck, more tired, more stressed, and then something happens and I realize whatever I’ve been holding onto tightly I must let go.

I look at other people around me – their lives don’t change much.  They get to enjoy things and their lives seem pretty comfortable and prosperous.  And while wealth is something that will be available to me as I move forward the comfortable life of ease is not my destiny. Change is a part of my life, and now I’m placing my attention on using that energy to consciously create a future I want.

Things had become comfortable in many ways, but also have gone off-track.   Even when I found comfort, it seems I’d have to fight to keep other people and things from trying to take it away.  But really that’s because I’m not meant to sit still.

While my energy has been expanding, my life has become complacent.  And now, once again, that illusion of complacency is being exposed – nothing stays the same.  I need to be in front of this instead of reacting to external forces. I need to learn this lesson from the past and guide the ship. 

And so I’m spending time in meditation and contemplation, surrendering to the universe and finding my map.  The fatigue and frustration was the sign, the events this week are the wake-up call.

Whenever I find myself fantasizing about doing things differently in my past, that’s my higher self pointing me in the direction of my true path.  My true self is trying to lay the foundation in my timeline to manifest the changes that I need to make to align with my true purpose.  I need to listen to these thoughts and feelings and live my life carrying those lessons forward.

Because I can’t sit still.  The universe is kicking me in the butt and I need to change. 

Massive Awakening and General Update

This is a period of intense energetic transformation for me.  And through all the intensity and chaos, the message I keep getting is to surrender.  Slow down, meditate, let it go, follow my truth, and allow the changes to happen.

A few days ago during meditation I received a message that my energetic self was being taken to another dimension for training, then later that the training was going well.  And then a surprise thunderstorm showed up which followed me for two days (it was very localized and unusual).  My Lemurian wand activated, so clearly my energetic self had returned with some extra powers.

Then I received the hard copy of Etienne’s book “The History of the Universe” and shortly after he activated my nucleus.  So yah, lots of stuff energetically.  I’m not always aware of what’s going on energetically because I’ve still got a lot of physical patterns and lower-level blocks interfering with that connection, but it’s a WHOLE lot, and it’s affecting my system pretty intensely.

And even through this, the message is surrender.  Surrender to what is, surrender to God. Look past the old paradigm to see the truth.  The whole concept of success needs to be thrown out and start from scratch.  The message seems to come down to – follow my true path, clear out my energy, let all the other stuff go, and then I’ve got this. 

There is a power in the physical copy of Etienne’s book that is night-and-day different than the digital copy I read near the beginning of this latest phase of my awakening.  It has an energetic glow.  It can transform energies around it – it can attune and charge crystals and objects.  The reading experience is different – maybe because there is no interference from the computer monitor.  I’m blown away by the experience, even though I read the digital copy several times (though not the additional stories included in the physical book).

Hardly anyone is even aware of this book, much less be ready to receive the information with an open mind.  It’s far ahead of its time.  But the changes are happening whether or not people are ready, and this book provides the history of what brought us to this point (far more than meets the eye, that’s for sure) and where we are headed.

The act of reading the book itself is an awakening experience unto itself.  Integrating the energy and truth of the book, that’s an entirely different level of a journey.  I recommend you order and read the book, and I recommend you take that journey.

Order here

I’m aware now of the hooks that are keeping me attached to the false paradigm – there are certain things that on one level cause my suffering and on a more primal level provide me pleasure, or are late least very habit-forming.  But I’m aware they are hooks and not real, which reframes the brain chemical payoff – it’s not real. 

Most of what passes for Spirituality and Self-Improvement is dealing with things that are fundamentally not real.  And for people who know my past, I’ve been deeply in that “attached to the false paradigm” for a long, long time.  I’m on the other side now, but even here the old patterns and attachments are still slowing and distorting my growth.  It’s not that I’m at risk of backsliding so much as sometimes it feels like a slog.  But at least now I’m not wasting my spiritual resources on trying to “win” in the false paradigm. 

I’ll just leave this here, more of an in-process stream-of-consciousness writing. It’ll make more sense later.

Assange, Snowden, Collective Denial and The Path Forward

Julian Assange and Edward Snowden are trying to tell America something, but nobody wants to listen.  Even Donald Trump, in his own way, is seeing the writing on the wall and trying to warn us.  But people would rather blame Russia, attack the messengers, and fret over Twitter wars than wake up and see what’s going on.

The American government, the American news media, and both major parties are corrupt to the core.  The American government, which is charged with protecting the rights, safety and well-being of its citizens, is instead spending its time spying on its own citizens, engaging in outright corruption and subversion of the democratic process, and squashing any actual expression. The American news media, charged with providing people with the truth, is instead engaged in willful lying to and manipulation of the American public.  Both political parties are subverting the will of their own voters (though Republican voters, to their credit, saw what was going on and voted for the one person their party couldn’t control – whose turned out to be a nut, but there may be hope the revolution within the GOP will continue).

Black Lives Matter and the War on Women are both pure invention – total bullshit made up by political operatives, wealthy people like George Soros, and the media to distract people from what’s really going on.  Yes there are more VIDEOS of black people being shot by police, but the actual NUMBER of shootings had been steadily declining for quite some time.  We have had cell phone video for years, but JUST NOW it’s become an issue.  Because Soros wanted to manipulate American society.

War on Women, same thing.  There is no war on women.  Women have it better in American society than ever, by every measure.  It was pure bullshit concocted by political hacks and the sycophants on the Internet.

Syria, Iraq and ISIS – more of the same.  The data is out, thanks to hackers.  This whole “war” was created by the US, with some help from Iran.  We’ve been funding and supporting both sides.  Why?  Hey, that’s a really good question.  One that nobody can answer.  And yet President Obama thinks going to war with Russia over this fake war in Syria is a great idea. 

We toppled Quadaffi… why?? Americans weren’t calling for his head.  In fact, he was working with us to comply with international treaties.  So… take him out and let the crazies take over and call it a win??

The reason none of this makes sense is because it’s all bullshit.  It’s all invention to keep people distracted.  And this isn’t conspiracy theory – the evidence has been released into the public domain.  It’s hard, irrefutable fact.

And yet, despite the facts, people would rather attack the messengers – claim that Assange and Snowden are Russian agents and attack Putin – than deal with this sham that is our government and news media.  Even with the hard truth sitting in front of us, people would rather be sheep, controlled by the government, deprived of any meaningful freedom, sitting in their coffee shops arguing about bathrooms and tilting at windmills about weather patterns.

And so it’s come to this – American society has devolved into two main classes – foppish, frivolous, arrogant city people who spend their time thinking up new ways to waste time and money on utterly frivolous things (fashion trends, social justice warriors, celebrity worship, dumb and impractical ‘solutions’ to global warming); and the know-nothings, who pride themselves on their ignorance (though, given what the city people take as “information,” they’re both know-nothings, just one side is more openly honest about it than the other), don’t venture past their small communities, and resist anyone and anything that’s “different.”

The two factions each has a facet of spiritual practice – one is Christianity and the other is New Age Spirituality.  Both of these facets have some value, but they have both become so corrupted as to be worthless and end up serving the powers of oppression and mass ignorance.  Interestingly, each faction can easily identify the corruption in the spirituality of the other (because it’s obvious to anyone not in the corrupt structure), and yet cannot see it in their own community and practice. 

And now we’ve gotten to the point where true spiritual connection is godless, politically incorrect, subversive, and must be squashed, or at least ridiculed and pushed to the fringes, while fake spirituality is celebrated.

Take every evangelical Christian leader – all spiritual frauds.  Pope Francis is a complete spiritual fraud – does he even still pretend to follow Christ?  And of course he’s celebrated among the progressive sheeple, because he’s a voice for their brand of oppression and group ignorance.

Moses Ma is nothing but a con artist, yet he’s celebrated.  All he does is leverage an email list, the guy is a complete joke.  Dali Lama – sorry, he’s a false prophet, too.  Underneath his facade is a desire to bring the people of Tibet back under dictatorship.  Under China, Tibetan people actually have more personal and spiritual freedom than they would under Dali Lama.  Deepak Chopra is nothing but feel-good bullshit and mind control.  The Law of Attraction as it’s taught is mind control.

So here we are, at the point where the world is experiencing the full force of awakening energy, and the wealthiest and most powerful country in the world is sticking its head further and further in the sand.

Change is going to happen.  The truth will prevail.  The veil of collective ignorance, the Social Justice Warrior movement, the false religions, the economic and political structure, will fall.  The question is how violently will it fall?

 

If Hillary Clinton is elected President, as seems likely now, it will be a World War III kind of awakening – massive violence and destruction with millions suffering.  The areas I saw as having potential for a more peaceful transition – the spiritual communities – are hopelessly attached to their spiritual denial and will not be ready to lead any kind of meaningful movement.  In fact, as it stands now, they’re in a worse place than “average American,” despite their arrogant assumptions of being “awakened” and “enlightened.”

Yah, we’re in big, big trouble.

It’s not like people haven’t been warning us, it’s that the huge majority people just don’t care.  But not caring or willful denial isn’t going to exempt one from the inevitable changes.  It’s just going to make it that much more painful for that person to change.

So where does this leave me in my journey?  The message I keep getting is to focus on clearing my energy and strengthening my practice.  But this also requires a clear mission.  And I have to consider how my efforts with individuals and communities that are deep in spiritual denial are serving my true purpose. 

I feel such a disconnect with the spiritual community, and yet an attraction to it as well.  I resonate with people who are wanting more in their life, who want to do something about their suffering.  Yet the arrogance, mind control, newspeak and deceit that goes on is so problematic.  It’s really difficult to be connected at all with a group that can be so thoroughly corrupt and delusional, however noble their intentions.

So this is where I’m at – trying to see how to be more clear in my mission while being engaged and not withdrawing from people and groups just because of imperfections.  And while holding fast to my truth.  All the while knowing everything’s going to fall apart here in a big way.  In the end, in comes down to siding with love and freedom over comfortable oppression.  Follow my heart, let everything else go.

Nonviolent Communication is a Farce, and Other Spiritual Lessons

"I play with puppets and wear a Mr. Rodgers sweater.  Why yes I watch public television, why do you ask?  And I'm a spiritual bullshit artist."

I mentioned earlier how my ability to accurately read energies is distorted by my tendency to assign an emotional reaction to the reading.  I tend to react with anger toward the energetic disconnect, and this is something I need to change in order to get better at this.

Here’s an example – I tend to have a pretty strong negative reaction to “Nonviolent Communication,” or NVC for short. I read the book, tried out the lessons, and at some level could sense this was utter bullshit.  But instead of simply stating “this is bullshit” and releasing, I retained a certain anger toward it and the people who adhere to it, making it more than it is.

The fact of the matter is it’s a poorly-constructed concept of feel-good spiritual BS. It is both a cause and a symptom of the spiritual denial that owns the New Age spiritual community.  It’s a problem, but one that isn’t going to be resolved by anger.  Perhaps my anger was a reflection of my sense of powerlessness in the face of this societal disconnect.  But there are things I can do, so do those things instead of anger.

I came across this excellent article, “Nonviolent Communication is an Instrument of Psychic Terror” by Morten Tolboll.  It has an accuracy reading of 94.2% I have also read the book “Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall Rosenberg, and it has an accuracy reading of 17.4% and a vibration of 215 on the Hawkins Scale – not a bad energy reading for a book, but horribly inaccurate and certainly not worthy of the attention it is receiving in the outside world.  It’s basically the energetic and accuracy level of most New Age Spiritual Bullshit. 

What’s interesting is Tolboll put aside his disdain for the practice and instead focused on the facts and goes on to write a very effective critique of both NVC and the New Age Spiritual movement.

I really need to do a better job of integrating this into my own practice.  Here’s an example – Destin Gerek recently had a radio interview with a guy named Robert Kandell, who is another in a long line of people who claim to be New Age spiritual leaders who are full of BS.  This guy claims to be leading the “New Masculine,” which as far as I can tell is where weak, accommodating men get together a recite feminist jargon in the hopes of getting approval sex from women.  Oh, and he charges a bunch of money for his “coaching” to help men be as lame as he is if not more so.

So what, right?  The community is full of people like this.  And given Destin Gerek’s network of professional contacts, it was only a matter of time before he brought a spiritual BS artist on his show – it certainly won’t be the last, it’s almost impossible to avoid finding them.

So why did this evoke anger in me instead of amusement or just “meh?”  I could make up a million stories that aren’t true – oh, it’s because I’m writing this book about evolved masculinity and Kandell’s BS flies in the face of the real work.  But that’s not true.  If anything, that would just inspire me to work harder to beat the BS artists at their game.  It’s the energetic disconnect, that this guy’s energy is dragging people to Loserville, and that place doesn’t need any more citizens.

But the truth of the matter is, he’s not leading anyone anywhere.  He’s taking people who are already buried over their heads in spiritual delusion and denial and giving them the spiritual heroin they need to feel good as they continue walking their circular “path” in Loserville.  This guy couldn’t possibly bring anyone there because to do so he’d have to get far enough away from it himself to attract people who aren’t already stuck in spiritual denial.  One look at his Facebook group and it’s pretty obvious everyone’s heavily in spiritual denial, and nobody is a “new resident” brought in from the outside.  He’s in the middle of the circle jerk and making some money in the process.

So why get angry?  Amused, maybe.  Annoyed, sure.  But angry? I guess if I assumed this guy was more of a leader than he really is (which I initially did, based on my introduction to him) then I’d be disappointed to find out he’s just as bad as the others (which I was, but again only because I gave him status he didn’t earn based on false information).  So then shouldn’t I be a little miffed at Destin for introducing me to this guy as an elite leader when he’s a joke?  Yep.  And I was for a while.

Then I realized this was all my lesson.  I need to read the energy myself, I need to do the work myself and in an objective and clear fashion.  The anger was derived from my being lazy and relying on others to do this work. 

Same thing with NVC.  This was originally recommended by a coach I assumed to be high-level (turned out to be a nice person, but not a good coach, as most coaches aren’t, so I was pissed I wasted the money) who told me this shit was the best.  It turned out to be shit, and a waste of time. But the only reason I was angry was because I allowed myself to turn off my own judgment and ability to evaluate things from an energetic perspective and accepted someone else’s opinion, which turned out to be false.

In each case, the overall truth is the same – follow my own heart, make my own judgments.  Do the work, don’t try and delegate my journey to others.

NVC is BS – no big deal.  Good to share this information, but not worth getting worked up over.  Lots of coaches are spiritually damaged, most on a massive scale.  Again, not worth getting worked up over, just accept it.  And walk away from the BS, walk my own path.  

Reading Distortions - Letting Go of Emotional Reactions to Energy

I’m very sensitive to energy, but I also react a lot more than I’d like to.  Certain people’s energy just pisses me off, and I really don’t like that.  Clearly there is some expectation or values judgment going on here.  I really need to be able to look at energy objectively and make clear assessments free from emotional reaction.

It’s not that my reactions are “wrong,” in almost every case my reaction is to something in that person’s energy and the reaction is my defense mechanism to keep that shit out of my energy.  And I believe the emotional component is because I haven’t been good up until recently with establishing clear energetic boundaries, I’d let pretty much anyone in unless I forcefully kept them out.

But that’s not an appropriate response now.  I have clear boundaries, that energy isn’t going to bother me.  There’s no reason for me to get angry over it.

And I’m not even sure the emotional reaction is having its intended effect, it tends to elicit a curiosity response – the more my reaction is to be pissed off, the more my desire to find out what it is that has me so angry will come up.  The better response is to let it be, observe it from as detached a position as possible, and then just ignore it.  Or if necessary, keep tabs on it but remain disengaged. 

This is a big breakthrough, the realization that I need to depersonalize my energetic readings in order to be more effective. Judgment, ego distortion and personalization distort my ability to read the energy a lot.

Drestroying Energetic Structures from Childhood (And Past Lives)

The paradigm shift is occurring inside me as more of the ego-based energetic portals and veils are destroyed.  This weekend I came face to face with a disempowering energetic structure that I seem to always notice when I visit my parents, but mistakenly attributed to my upbringing.

That’s actually the intention of the veil – to distract from the truth by hiding it and inserting a false story – the false story that “I feel bad about myself because of my upbringing.”  That’s a nice story.  It’s confirmed by psychologists in the media and it “feels real,” but an accuracy test reveals this story to be false. 

The truth is there is an energetic structure in place that was placed there intentionally to diminish and throw off my energy. It goes back several lifetimes and was put there as part of my protection and also to ensure my ego didn’t get so big that I’d forget my path and get lost in the traditional trappings of “success.”  It doesn’t serve me now, but it was still strong in the house.

I was able to disintegrate the structure and the veil and reintegrate the energy and I feel better.

To put this into practical terms – one should not base their happiness on comparison with others, as that can never lead to happiness. This seems obvious, but it’s really important to understand these sorts of energies can literally take on a life of their own.  The area where my parents’ home is sits on a wealth paradigm – success and happiness is derived from a career that generates the most wealth. (There’s more to it than that, it’s a wealth and status paradigm.) 

Obviously by those standards I’d feel pretty bad about my life, even though there are many things about my life that are pretty awesome and make me very happy.  It’s all a distraction.  In the end success is about alignment with one’s path and alignment with Source, the other standards are meaningless.  The energy of the neighborhood is very badly out of alignment even though the neighborhood is outwardly very “successful.”  So you have thousands of people who have achieved the pinnacle of success and yet are energetically complete failures.

The psychic oppression I endured growing up was overwhelming.  It’s really powerful and spirit-crushing energy.  It shaped my identity and my view of the world and it’s taken me a lot of time to see it and break free.  And it’s hard to explain, because by every objective measurement my childhood was very good.  I had great parents, family and neighborhood life was good.  But something was wrong – I just thought it was me and got very down on myself (something I carried with me into adulthood). 

Now I come back and I feel it – it feels stale, stuffy, thick, festering energy.  What I thought was “me” or “family environment” was this energy disturbance.  And I could clear it. 

And I come away with a much clearer truth about how we shape our destiny.  Yes, our thoughts and attitudes and beliefs create our reality.  And if we don’t pay attention to the energetic foundation and clear our energy, that structure will end up running our lives from the background.  Yes my problems were due entirely to my negative identity and belief, but these energetic structures were creating that environment – this is why mantras and NLP and this other stuff wouldn’t work – until something’s done about the energy, it’s going to keep throwing things out of alignment and any change work becomes a waste of time and effort.  The individual will end up consciously creating more failure.