Sex Magic is Fucking MAGICAL! How I SUPERCHARGED my Entire Life (In about a month)

The alchemy is running deeper, more earthy, sensual and embodied in its energetic expression.  The rituals and lessons becoming more edgy, more sexual.

More Tantric.

The driving force in my current evolutionary arc is sexual energy – the powerful, orgasmic life force energy that super-charges creative flow, confidence, vitality and personal transformation. 

It’s also crazy good for energizing higher-level alchemy and energetic connection and healing… and other kinds of energetic expression.

This, along with the cleansing power of the Teal Flame, has been supercharging my growth these past couple months.  Unbelievable breakthroughs – building out a whole new life for myself, making massive lifting gains at the gym, jumping into a yoga practice, writing whole novels in a matter of months, supercharged confidence and allll kinds of other goodies, stacking on top of one another in beautiful flow since March.

And the major catalyst for this explosion in transformation has been Sex Magic.  For those not familiar with Sex Magic, I’ll point you to Layla Martin’s podcast on the subject

I’ll take you through the process I use, which has some twists and variations, depending on how you want to calibrate it.  And I invite you to dive in and find your own way that works.

Some questions that come up that I’ll get out of the way first:

Do I need a partner?  No, you don’t, though a partnered sex magic experience can amplify the energy.

Do I need to directly touch myself?  No, and maybe.  It’s certainly possible to derive the orgasmic energy without any stimulation, but this might be a challenge for many without some kind of benchmark.  I’ll say this much – ANY sexual energy, that arousal sensation, is orgasmic energy and will work just fine for this practice.

Do I need to be fully aroused/ full orgasm?  No, you don’t.  As I said, any arousal energy will do the trick.  Obviously, more energy works better, but only if it aids the ritual and doesn’t become a distraction.    But as you practice more you can play with holding more and more energy.  It’s like any other exercise, start small and build up and you might be surprised at what you can do in a short time.

Can I be clothed? Again, yes.  Though you should aim to have a private space for yourself to do this ritual.

Create a quiet, private ritual space in a way that feels comfortable, sensual, relaxing and enjoyable for you.  Bring in anything that aids in this – candles, aroma, music, maybe sensual items.  You can take this as far as you want, but when starting keep it simple.

Begin with the intention:  Create your intention.  Make it one thing.  Make it as clear and tangible as you can.  Now fully picture it as best you can with all five senses – what it looks like, sounds like, smells like, feels like and tastes like.  Get every sense involved as vividly as you can.

And if you feel like you can’t find them all, fill up as much of the experience as you can with what you can – feel all of what you can feel.  Or sense.  Or imagine you can sense.

Now begin to bring your arousal energy into the intention.  Build this energy until you have as much as you can hold while maintaining your intention. 

Now begin to bring this arousal energy to your chakras, starting with your root chakra. 

A basic description of the chakras can be found here.

As you bring the energy up your chakras, visualize each color and feel the arousal energy increasing. 

Go from the root to sacral.  From sacral to solar plexus. From solar plexus to heart.  From heart to throat.  From throat to third eye.  From third eye to crown and as you move to crown you’re at “peak arousal.”

Here, allow the energy to permeate all your chakras and your entire body.  Bring forth your intention and make it as vivid as possible, using all five senses.  Infuse your intention with the peak sexual energy.  Feel it in the present moment. 

Continue this for as long as you can hold the energy and your intention, to lock in the pleasure and energy with your intention.

Then relax and breathe slow, deep breaths as your system returns to center.  And then calmly go about your day.

Later before you go to sleep, meditate briefly and access the memory of that energy and that intention to anchor it in.  When you wake, do the same thing – access the memory of that energy and the intention, to bring it forward into you daily experience.

If you want to “lock this in,” do this same ritual with the same intention for three days.  This locks the sex magic and the intention into your neurology.  After that, you won’t need to continue doing this as its wired in.

During the next three weeks after that, notice where your thoughts and senses move you and become attuned to that sense.  Your body will naturally align you toward your intention, which may ask you to do things outside your normal patterns.  Follow that.

And as you expand your cultivation practice, you can play with expanding Sex Magic to deepen your work and improve your results.  If you have crystals that help you with alchemy and meditation, you can integrate these with your practice.  You can add other elements that work for you – sounds like singing bowls, tapping, if that works for you.  The energy can massively enhance any practice you’re already doing, and probably inspire whole new practices you hadn’t considered. 

As I said, this is magical.  Be prepared for some truly incredible, life-changing results.  I can’t overstate what a tremendous change it has made in my own life over a very short time frame – and I’ve done a lot of “work” over many years.  This is pure gold.

Not to mention, it’s fun work, and will massively uplevel in your own Tantric and sexual experience along the way.

If this resonates, try it for three days and let me know what starts rocking in your world.

How Checking Out In Front of the TV Clarified My Views on Masculinity

 My current path has been moving strongly out of “hibernation” and into activity and major evolution.  It’s been a lot of internal and external changes, including getting more “buff” from the gym. 

And it’s led me to points where my system feels it’s “too much/too fast” and pushes back, insists that I take it easy.  And I listened – I’ll listen for a while anyhow, a little rest and chill is good. So I flipped on some streaming.

Tried “Principles of Pleasure” for about ten minutes.  The “intersectional” and trans agendas weren’t serving me at all, so I ditched it.  I found a documentary on the “Manosphere,” which seemed interesting.

It was disappointing.  Mostly because Louis Theroux decided to make it a documentary about Louis Theroux instead of actually looking into the phenomenon with real curiosity.  What kind of men are attracted to the “Manoshpere”?  He doesn’t seem to care, he just dismisses them. 

He discusses their message, but only so far as he can do a “gotcha.”  But what is their message, and what about it resonates with so many young men today?  He doesn’t know, he doesn’t care.  Great documentary, wanker.

When I watch these things, I look for the value – what about this can be of value and service to me?  What can align with or clarify my vision?  There are aspects of the “Manoshpere” the resonate – focus on physical fitness and strength training, placing  a high value on masculine power and leadership, however imperfect their interpretation might be. 

And they are successful. Yes, a lot of them are grifters and that’s a problem.  But Justin Waller is a legitimate successful businessman.  There’s no dismissing that.  They’ve done well in their own way.  And you can argue with their morals or model but you can’t argue with success. 

So there are some positive things there.  You don’t have to support OnlyFans or like their podcast model, or even agree with much of what they say to recognize there is real value.  And there is no denying they have a following.  And that following has some commonalities.

They have clearly tapped into a crisis of masculinity.  A lot of young men are lacking any kind of male leadership in their lives.  These are men who are raised mostly (or entirely) by their mothers.  They were taught in school almost entirely by women teachers.  Maybe in high school they got into a sport and found a good male coach and some older young men who could mentor, but they’ve spent most of their lives trying to figure it out on their own.

The problem with the “Manoshpere” is it substitutes real male mentorship with grift and easy answers.  It provides little if any foundational work.  It’s a bypass, which is very attractive to people who feel lost.  There are a lot of bypasses out there.  Some lost boys join Antifa.  Some lost boys subvert their masculinity in hopes the girls will like them and they’ll be accepted (on someone else’s terms).  Some lost boys join the “Manosphere” and develop angry, reactive patterns around women.

Getting back to the documentary, while the “bros” don’t provide a great model for masculinity, it’s better than the “soy boy” model Theroux offers.  And ten minutes of “listening to women” talk about their grievance agenda was my week’s quota of torture.

So, no, weak weenie “woke” men and feminist women are not part of the solution to the crisis of masculinity. The left has no answers, since it literally created the problem in the first place and is too stubborn and arrogant to do any soul-searching. (Plus its model is about controlling people, and personal sovereignty is their enemy.)

So, yes, the “bros” are very imperfect.  But “listening to women” is not going to connect men to their masculine core.  And listening to men who went down the “listening to women” path isn’t any better. (There’s a place for that listening, but after a man has connected to his masculine core and can relate to women from a place of strength and partnership.)

Some of the things the “bros” say is accurate.  Women have no interest in men being successful, in fact it goes against their interest.  In order for a man to find his masculine core and be successful as a man, he needs to separate from women and find his own identity, free from any influence of women. This is an essential aspect of developing into manhood.

“Go your own way?”  Not so much.  Men need community.  A gym is better than nothing, but there are alternatives.  Telling men to forge their path alone is cult/grifter messaging. It’s separating and isolating someone to take advantage. 

Raging against perceived systematic oppression (“the matrix”) is horseshit.  It’s as annoying when it’s leftist women or right-wing men and it serves nobody.

But while the pattern is unhealthy, there is an element of truth that, if followed, can lead to finding that masculine core.  And that’s learning to differentiate between external programming and your personal sovereignty.  Learning to undo all of those patterns and beliefs from society, from women, from soy boys, from the media, from grifters, and everyone else and learning to differentiate from “what is someone else’s voice” and “what is my own voice.”

Now that practice is gold.  That process will transform a confused man-boy into a real man, standing in his own power, who can relate to women and the world from a place of sovereignty. 

And this process isn’t about complaining about feminists or soy boys.  It’s about noticing.  It’s about getting quiet, instead of getting angry.  It’s about really listening – to yourself, to everyone around you.  It’s about learning to feel into yourself – not your emotional reactions, but you inner sense, to recognize who you really are.  To learn to separate the bullshit outside, and even more importantly the bullshit inside, from your core self and your truth.

When you begin to understand that both the “Manosphere” and its critics are both working to manipulate you for their own gains, and can develop the patience and humility to notice how you are being manipulated, and can work on healing those parts of yourself, then you’re on your way to being a true alpha. 

Wisdom From "The Divorced Dad"

 My final child support payment cleared the bank, and a “divorced dad” chapter that has spanned 23 years has come to a close.

Another chapter of “splitting time between California and Florida” that has been going on for the better part of three years now is also rapidly coming to an end.  Within the next 18 months, the move will be permanent.

Both of these transitions felt “way out there” until they were right up in front of me. And both offer their own opportunities for wisdom.

The very long “divorced dad paying child support” chapter was one where the lessons evolved as my inner truth emerged.  I spent a long time in a reactive state – some form of fear/accommodation/stress/frustration/anger pattern went on for years.  Those are all reactions coming from a place of weakness and lack of clarity about my inner truth.

Over time, I went through various stories – the “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” story.  This isn’t true.  Reacting in the same way to multiple negative events does not build strength, it just reinforces unhelpful patterns.

Fortunately I didn’t spend much time in “woe is me” or “I’m a victim” patterns, these are quicksand for the psyche and very hard to extract from.  One of my exes is still in victim status from an ordeal that happened over 26 years ago – all it did was invite more experiences in her life where she was the victim.  Who wants that kind of life?

I also didn’t get trapped in rage, though I spent far too much time in anger patterns at it was.  Very corrosive patterns that I would describe as similar to what I’d imagine stimulant addiction feels like.  The angry energy becomes a baseline and not having that energy feels like depression.  But then when a situation would actually call for me to stand up and fight, my system would be too exhausted from the pattern to put “good anger” to use.  Anger is a tool best used sparingly.  One should not avoid it or be afraid of it, but treat it as an ally to be used only on rare occasions when that energy is called for.

But just because I didn’t wallow in the “really bad places” doesn’t mean I had it figured out.  I was still allowing myself to be run by patterns that were not serving me.  Just because I found patterns that were comparatively better doesn’t mean I was much better off.  Ultimately we were still crabs in the bucket and, if nothing changed, we were cooked.

Ultimately, when I released those patterns and could see clearly, I came to realize my situation was neither good nor bad.  There was nothing inherent about my situation, it just was.  Getting to that point where I could simply accept “this is my life” was a significant turning point.  At that point, I stopped blaming, judging or getting upset or disappointed because things weren’t some way I imagined they should be.  I could look clearly at my life and simply accept “this is my life.”

Acceptance doesn’t mean collapsing into resignation and defeat.  It just means you’re no longer entertaining delusions, expectations or fantasies and looking at the world the way it is.  This is my life.  That takes some inner work, courage and wisdom to fully recognize and accept.

From there, the real challenge begins.  This is my life, and I genuinely don’t like a lot of things in it.  What is it that fuels that dislike? Is it external preferences and judgment or inner truth?

Well, if inner truth isn’t clear, that’s going to be a very difficult question to answer. If, however, inner truth is clear, the question answers itself and then it’s a matter of aligning with what is true and accepting this reality.

Finding that inner truth, that “Teal Flame,” this has been the real work.  It is the foundation on which all authentic architecture stands.  You cannot truly build a sovereign life without it, instead you’re at the mercy and whim of external realities.  Everything feels “not quite right” (or badly off course), and yet you have no means to correct course.

I can honestly say the challenges I experienced as “divorced dad” provided much of the incentive to discover and hone my inner truth.  The pain of feeling out of alignment and having “nothing work” was a strong motivator to get in and do the real cleansing and healing.

And that journey has taken on many aspects.  Much of this has been shared here, although the story of that journey goes much further back.  Along the way I learned many things and had all kinds of breakthroughs with either directly or (mostly) indirectly led me closer to finding that inner truth.

Once that inner truth, that Teal Flame, that Kaelen’Zur, began emerging, the truth about my life also came into focus.  The experiences in my past were never good nor bad, they were either in alignment or (more often) out of alignment.  An entire marriage that made no sense from any perspective suddenly makes sense from this perspective. 

And it also explains the seemingly sudden and complete end – my unconscious realignments have been strong, sudden and unrelenting.  And also concerning – why do these “returns to center” have to be so abrupt?  And what about all the time spent out of alignment?  Couldn’t there be a better way?  But without that foundation, this was the pattern:  wander, course correct; wander again, course correct again.

And for a while I could accept this imperfect pattern as “my way of being.”  But it’s not an easy way to life, and an even harder way for those around me to live.  It’s a lot of suffering for small wins in life.

My spiritual journey mirrored this pattern until more recently things came into awareness and major fundamental shifts began taking place.  Whole aspects burned away, revealing the strong, unrelenting, simple truth that was there all along – the Teal Flame.  And from there, the “good things” from other modalities could be brought into the new, sovereign architecture, no longer “backsliding,” but moving forward.

And that’s the point when “divorced dad” died (or the fake story, anyhow, since I’m still here).  That was always a story, a holding place for the real story.  Which is in fact no story at all.  There is no moral to the story, and there is no story.  It is my life and my truth.  That’s it.  And a process of aligning with that truth and staying on course. 

And that is “fatherly wisdom” that can be taught.  That is wisdom from experience that is worth keeping, worth refining, worth exploring and worth sharing.  It isn’t a story or a reaction or a “life lesson.”  It is a process and a truth, a consciousness and awareness that can exist and does in every one of us, though most of us are too clouded or distracted to be aware.  But we can learn to become aware.  And it can be taught.

And that’s something far more valuable than all the child support payments combined.  Though I still won’t miss them.

The OS behind the actions: How intentions can corrupt a growth path

I'd been finding a good balance here in Pensacola, between being productive at work, getting to the coffee shop and doing some writing, going to the gym, meditation and spiritual practice, gym, walks and other things.  It's made my days very full and fulfilling, I've moved into a place of connecting with my community instead of just escaping into fishing and withdrawal.

I'm moving from a place of loneliness and isolation into a place of integration and genuinely listening to and following my heart.  I've upgraded my wardrobe, my lifting, my writing and my overall life.

All of which brought me to yesterday morning.  I woke up early and decided to "just go" and fish Johnson Beach.  First problem, the road was closed, because I was too early.  Second, it was dark and setting up is a pain at that time.  Third, it was cold in the morning, in the fifties, and I never like fishing in that kind of weather.

And finally, I was tired.  My system was deeply fatigued.  Yes, the new experiences I've added have made my life here more rich, but I hadn't left myself any space to, well, space things out and allow my experiences to integrate.  It was not manic, but in that vein.

And eventually "following my heart" becomes "following the schedule." Natural increases in strength become "max out because that's what I do."  And eventually the body and system have enough.

The body has a way of telling me it's tired or strained.  One is the cortisol spike at 3am.  This isn't a "go with it" event, this is a "you're off track" event.  My system is stuck, either in inaction or unconscious action/reaction.

So here I was, on this beach, in the cold, finding myself not really appreciating the beauty around me, but very much in my head and trying to ignore my body, which was telling me it was tired, cold and sore.  But hey, the glasses and hat are a nice new look.

I managed to catch a couple decent fish, it wasn't a bust, but I just wasn't feeling the experience.  I brought Orion stones and the meditations felt forced.  Everything felt out of place. 

As I was bringing in my lines to go home, one of my poles started bending - a strong but gentle bend.  I thought I had seaweed, but it was sort of moving, very gently.  I kept nudging it in and noticed a sea turtle had become caught in my line.

I kept nudging this gentle creature to the shoreline, worried my line would break or the creature would get scared and struggle and I'd have a stalemate on my hands. Instead, as the turtle got to the shorebreak, she turned herself and extracted herself from the line, leaving my rig and line (and her) intact, and off she went.  

It was a beautiful experience.  Yes, I felt anxiety and concern for the turtle.  I also felt uncertainty.  But I followed my higher instinct and the turtle's movement until we were able to disentangle.  

This was a sign - both that I'd allowed my higher self to get snared by an abusive pattern (which led to my fatigue and presence on the beach in the first place), and how to disentangle.

The turtle is aligned with my higher self - slow, gentle, it rides the currents, it doesn't fight them.  It doesn't overreact with fear, it trusts the process and conserves its energy to act when appropriate.  It carries an innate wisdom that lives in the moment without being owned by it.

And it was that slow, gentle, wise self that got me out of that situation, that saw me off the beach, that came home and went back to sleep until I had my baseline energy back.  This is the pace of my higher self, it is slow, it rides the current.  It is gentle and wise and not governed by fear or reactive patterns.  It is the living embodiment of heart's desire.

And yet this can get snared.  Habit, emotional drain, fatigue, anxiety, these can cause the higher self to get hijacked until a good heart-centered stack becomes another to-do list for the ego and the same things that elevated me now drain me.

The heart has many desires, many new experiences it wants to enjoy.  And yet, a wise higher self knows to follow the current.  There is a time for action, a time for courage, a time for "doing," but stay in the current, move with it, glide, nudge.  The old turtle didn't get there by darting to and fro, or going as fast as it could.  

And that's the wisdom coming through from my higher self: slow down, find the flow and ride it, nudge, don't force.  And know your loyalty is to your higher self, not the individual items on your wish/to-do list. 

 

Pensacola Beach Sunset

The surf fishing on Sunday wasn't anything to write home about.  Nothing but June grass, not a single bite.  But the beach is beautiful and the sunset energy is amazing.

This is my home. I've spent a lot of money and effort to make it my home, and sometimes it feels like it's a waste or going nowhere.  But when I'm out here in my element, it makes sense.  Every time I come out I have to spend some time on the beach, no matter how the time of year or quality of fishing.  I need this energy.

And I need the Pensacola side.  Perdido Key is nice and good for fishing, but the water is murky and it lacks that emerald shine of the Pensacola side.  

Growing up in Southern California, it's taking me some time to get used to south-facing beaches.  Whether it's on the beach or on the kayak (and it's usually on the kayak), the sunsets are extraordinary.  The clean energy, the way the clouds shade the sun with gorgeous red, pink and orange hues, the nature all around, it's a special feeling.

This is my base, the foundation for my energy work and creative flow.  I bring this back with me to California until I can fully move out here and completely meld into this environment.

I have a gym here now - World Gym.  I love it.  It's a lot more laid-back than the UFC in Torrance, which is kind of a madhouse and way too loud, but a good place to lift.  I have a couple coffee shops I like, some areas I like to walk.  Fishing is no longer the foundation, it's something I do, along with other things and the days flow quickly and smoothly.

And this is the source of my current creative and energetic evolution.  The new novels, the emergence of Kaelen'Zur, the personal evolution, all sprung forth from here.  Which really is to say it sprung forth from my heart, my true center, because I chose this.  All of this. 

I finally, fully feel like my true self.  I am home.

An Open Heart Comes When You Stop Giving Away Your Power

 You want to feel a heart opening, a deep connection with humanity? 

Stop looking for it. Stop asking for it. Stop waiting for others to give you permission or approval. Stop giving yourself away in the hopes of an exchange. 

Stop giving away your power. 

Stop telling the world you’re not good enough by training the world to take your power before acknowledging your worth. Claim your sovereignty - not angrily and reactively, but out of genuine love for yourself. 

Know your worth. Feel your worth. Communicate that to the world and accept nothing less. Not out of entitlement, but just this is how it is. 

The world is not scary. People are not looking to reject you. Learn to recognize and avoid truly bad people and bad behavior (especially your own). After that, just know the world really doesn’t care about you the way you think it does. 

Which means you don’t have to live behind armor and masks. You can just be, it’s your birthright. Stop hiding and diffusing your energy behind incongruent wardrobes, nervous tics and habits that are only there to keep people away, and beliefs that just suck your energy and offer nothing. 

You don’t have to judge or assume things about people you don’t know or the world around you. You can let it be - good, bad or indifferent - it’s not going to take your power anymore. You stand on your own, and you can let everyone be. 

You don’t have to feel personally attacked when someone has a different opinion than you, or a different lifestyle. You don’t have to feel threatened, attacked, insulted or feel pity for others. You can let it all be and let yourself be. 

You don’t need to prove yourself or give away your power to be loved or feel attraction from the opposite sex. You don’t owe your employer more than your time, talents and effort. 

And when you stop giving away your power to a world that either isn’t asking for it or doesn’t deserve it, you can stop living in fear and anxiety. You can let your heart truly open and feel the experience around you. You can truly live from an open heart. 

The way we lived when we were children, before we were taught we weren’t good enough. 

Thoughts on the Afterlife

Came across an article about a woman who has "died" three times and experienced the afterlife.  What was interesting is that her interpretation of that post-death experience matches very closely with my own personal revelations, both experientially and in coming into contact with others who have passed.

Fear of death - the fear of the destruction of our consciousness and ego - is normal and natural.  It is also false and unnecessary.  (Unless you are someone who has good reason to believe your punishment in the afterlife will be severe, in which case that fear should be your signal to change your ways.)  It is both a lie created by the ego to control our spirit and a lie perpetuated by society to collectively placate our individually oppressive ego patterns.

Those of us who have seen the truth about death know it is beautiful, sacred, peaceful and a natural part of life.  There is no end, only transitions and death is a transition into something transcendent.  And that "something transcendent" is already available to us in the living world.  The ego does not want us to know this, because that would render the ego useless, it would lay bare the truth, that the ego is weak, knows very little and is governed by base emotions like fear and anger.

As a society, we have collectively created a structure to defend our fragile egos in the face of infinite connection.  Our egos need us to believe their death will be the end of everything, not a step into pure freedom and true life experience. So our egos connect with other egos to create a self-sustaining architecture, all for the purpose of sustaining their illusion of control.

The Teal Flame does not recognize the egoic falsehoods, at the individual or social level.  It's all bullshit.  And just because a lot of people buy into that BS, doesn't make it any less false.  When the stories and fears are placed into the flame, they burn away to nothing, but the true person remains.

Your fear of death is an ego shadow.  Embracing the impermanence is a recognition of the essence of life, which has no beginning or end.  Life is not some chemical reaction or some spontaneous event, it is a universal experience that exists beyond space and time and can manifest in the physical world, but is not limited to that manifestation.  

We are an expression of this universal force, this experience.  Call it God or Source, it doesn't matter because it doesn't have a name.  We are here on Earth as a temporal expression of the divine, and we will continue as such after our death.  And it is this temporal, cyclical energetic experience that makes life on Earth so beautiful.  It is fragile, it is only here for a short time before returning to the infinite.  And it will return and bring forth new life.  

Fearing death is fearing the essence of the divine experience.  Seeking to forestall death through weird artificial means is ungodly.  It misses the point of life entirely.  Our bodies are finite, our lives are not.  In the finite there is beauty.  The mystery of what is beyond is not a mystery - when we can feel past our physical experience and feel into what is beyond our physical bodies, emotions and thoughts, that is the infinite that resides inside us and what we will experience when our physical bodies pass away.

Transmission: I Am the Teal Flame

Buzzing, tingling, full, deep-bass awakening and wide-awake energy last night.  The transmission called my name, woke me from a sleep with nobody in the room but myself and my sweet cat.

She meditates with me.  And sometimes interrupts my meditations by tapping me, to make sure I'm okay.

I couldn't get the name, but I heard "SHA."  I went back to sleep, too intent on sleeping to answer the call.  

In the morning - WHOA! I listened and message received.  Full, tingling, surging, awakening, crystal clear transmissions straight through my body and mind and into my soul, and then out again as my soul answered.

"You are the Teal Flame."

I see it.  I feel it.  I hear it at the soul level.  

The teal flame.  Kaelen'Zur.  The name given in another transmission, one that someone tried to unplug but couldn't stop.

The name I accepted with skepticism, another goofy "Burning Man Playa name."  It turns out to be true - and the exact power to extract the truth and burn away the BS in everything around me.  

No more testing for truth and asking for answers from "someone out there," the flame resides within.  I offer it as my gift - complete incineration with no quarter.  The power of truth, freedom and transformation.

"You are the writer, the creator, the healer, the Teal Flame.  The world will compensate you generously for your gifts.  This is your path, your destiny, your purpose, your truth.  It is YOU."

Not just to clear out my own BS, not just to transform my own life, but to cleanse, transform and heal all I choose to touch, all who choose to go through the flame.

It's not a "feel good" healing energy.  It's not "love and light."  It's a commitment - to burn away anything that's false, corrupt or impure and transform what's left to align with your purpose and destiny.

God laughs at our plans, and the Teal Flame works for God.  It is not going to grant you wishes or so things on your schedule or time table.  It'll clear your shit.  Including the part of you that is attached to that shit or making excuses.  It'll clear false identities and stories.  You may not recognize what's left, but your true self will finally be at home.

If that sounds like too much or too intense, that's cool.  You can't jump in halfway, once you step off the ledge you're in all the way.  So jump or don't jump, that's up to you and you should consider that carefully.

But if you're ready to jump, consider this your invitation to jump into the Teal Flame and start being your true self.

Religion As a Mirror: Are People Inherently Good?

 

Why are atheists passionate about their non-religion?  I mean, if you truly believe in nothing, wouldn’t the appropriate action and emotion be, well, nothing? Why would you bring energy into nothingness?  That makes no sense.  True atheism would be spiritual disinterest with no energy expended whatsoever.

So what causes people to be passionate about nothingness? (And I’m not talking about the Buddhist nothingness, that’s different and does have a religious context.)

I have a working theory, which is that these atheists actually do believe in God, but are so terrified at the thought of their own unworthiness that they violently reject God to protect themselves from the pain of their on spiritual unworthiness.

“If I don’t believe in Hell, then I can’t be sent there.”  But if you don’t believe in hell, then that entire sentence makes no sense. 

Religion, when applied faithfully, serves as a mirror – you see yourself and all your good and bad aspects.  People who reject religion aren’t rejecting the mirror, they’re rejecting the reflection because they can’t deal with the reality of their own imperfections.

This brings me to a fundamental philosophical question:  Are people basically good?

A lot of people, especially people in various forms of “love and light” spiritual bypass will say, yes, people are basically good and “turn evil” through corruption, etc.

But if one removes this distortion and answers the question honestly, the answer is much more troubling.  Throughout human history, people have not been basically good.  In fact, most people are pretty fucked up.  That’s not to say they’re “bad,” but they’re not inclined to goodness.

Thus the mirror test.  Some people look at the mirror with rose-colored glasses and say “I’m all good, even the bad parts are good, isn’t this wonderful?”  Well, no, it isn’t.  Humans are selfish.  They kill.  They fight.  They hurt each other.  They’re lazy.  They’re corrupt.  Outside forces didn’t corrupt people, people themselves did that.

It’s hard-wired into our brains to kill, to steal, to rape, to lie, to hurt.  Our primitive brains tell us we need to do these things to survive and pass on our genes.  The fantasy that people long ago were good people is 100% false.  People long ago were literal savages and did horrible things to others without any second thought.  They had no mirror.  They had no angel on their shoulder.  They were fucked up people doing fucked up things.

And the worst part? Every one of us walking the earth is a genetic byproduct of those fucked-up people.  Nobody on earth comes from a pure, good lineage. We all come from savages.

And when you take off the glasses and realize you’re as fucked up as “those other” bad people, or at least on the same spectrum, and that is in fact the human lineage, it can be jarring.

No, we are not all divine light.  We’re mostly fucked up people from fucked up lineages.  And that fucked-up-ness is literally the reason we are here.

Some people look at that and see hopelessness.  We’re all doomed.  Therefore there cannot possibly be a god, because that would mean God would condemn his entire creation and what would be the point of that?   If we’re products of the universe then the universe must also be fucked up and it’s all for nothing.

Some look at this reality and deny it.  No, no.  Everyone is good, we just need to “integrate our shadow” and recognize the divine light in every other person.  All is one. 

Different justification, same result:  nothing changes.

Religion, when applied properly, holds up the mirror, shows us the evil inside, allows us to identify it as evil and reject it, and serves a path toward eradicating that evil and building a good life.

Now, here some would say, well, we’ll never get this.  Only a small fraction of people on Earth are even mostly good.  Another small fraction are mostly evil.  And the huge majority are in this broad spectrum of “fucked-up-ness” and every time we make an effort to get better, we just fall right off or find some other avenue to vent our evil.

The promise of religion isn’t that you’ll achieve perfection on your own, but that you learn to identify good and evil and set your thoughts and actions more and more toward good.  You’re not perfect, but you seek betterment, not to gain something but to actually become a good person.

That in itself is an act of goodness.

God does not promise us perfection in this lifetime.  God does not promise us that if we go to church or follow his rules that everything will work out just fine.  In fact, all religions “promise” that the world around us is fucked up and there’s no getting around that because it’s literally in our DNA.  What God does promise is we don’t have to resign ourselves to this fate.  We can turn our gaze toward good and move – however imperfectly – toward the good.

Trying to bridge the gap through the “most people are good” delusion ignores the truth and denies the work.  Collapsing into denial is also a lie – it’s saying your DNA is more powerful than God. Which is nonsense.  It’s not easy.  It may feel hopeless at times.  You will fail far more often than you succeed.  But none of that overcomes the truth that goodness does exist and is available to us, no matter how fucked up our reflection in the mirror is.

At this point people will argue that this is exactly the language bad people use to control others.  And that’s true, it is.  Bad people are drawn to power, and especially religious power, because this is the ultimate means of control.  So yes, a lot of organized religion is corrupted and run by bad people.  Not most, certainly not all, but “the devil quotes scripture” in all its forms.

So critics point to bad people who misuse religion to get people to do very bad things.  Yes, this happens.  People also do very bad things for no reason at all.  The commonality isn’t religion, it’s people.  People do very bad things.

Religion can certainly be misused as a trap, but that doesn’t make religion itself bad.  God is still there, even if his word is being misused.  And rejecting God doesn’t make the bad stop happening, it’s throwing away every tool you have to become better than your DNA. 

Rejecting God actually makes it easier for bad people to manipulate and control you.  Notice how communist dictatorships all seek to stamp out all religion and impose atheism.  In order to give the evil complete control they need to stamp out any hope for goodness. Then they can control the language to make evil sound good with words like “equality.”  (“Equality” is one of those “nice-sounding” evil words that literally replaces a good concept (fairness) with a cruel and amoral measurement system.)

Those who seek power – and evil people are profoundly drawn to power – tend to be those most passionate about getting people to turn away from the mirror.  Don’t look at yourself and try to get better, look over here, this is your problem, and I can fix it and then you’ll feel good without having to try to be good.  This is a fundamental aspect of communism, but also every other oppressive, evil structure that has come about through human history.  Evil Roman emperors engaged in this deception.

There are modern “spiritual leaders” who also seek to bypass the mirror, or sell the idea there’s some magic fix where you wave a wand and the “evil structure” vanishes leaving our goodness in its place. And notice how they also seek to appoint themselves as the source of truth and the final arbiter or goodness, often under the false pretense of “freedom.”

The reflection in the mirror sucks.  It’s supposed to suck. That means you can see good and evil and that you don’t like the evil you see.  This is actually good!  It doesn’t mean you should collapse into shame, that’s another bypass.  You see the evil, you reject the evil and you change thoughts and behaviors.  And for this to happen, you need a clean, good, strong, accurate mirror.

And yes, breaking that mirror is very bad luck. 

California Fails on Air Pollution

 https://nypost.com/2026/04/24/us-news/california-dominates-pollution-ratings-with-eight-cities-in-top-25/?utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=capost&utm_source=facebook&utm_campaign=capost&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&fbclid=IwdGRjcARZ2EFleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZAo2NjI4NTY4Mzc5AAEe3-eJkZbr94f4lc2xVW7whEbddfN3DLFJZRDnyHypXvxUekDitYJD6nfTIWw_aem_qeylSz5vDVkiI3WMD9TQOA

Dirty cities, stupid people, horrible policies. That’s California. 

And it’s only one aspect. It gets much worse. 

Beware of the Moving Goalposts

There are a lot of crappy business practices out there. 

The "moving goalposts" one is particularly galling.  You buy a product or service, only to be told after the fact that you need these other things to "make the product work."  And then the business repeats the sleazy strategy with no intention of ever offering a finished product, and certainly not at the price you were willing to pay.

Unethical?  Yes.  Illegal?  Also yes, though often difficult to get a judgment.

What if the product purchase was something in the field of "spiritual awakening," from someone you've trusted and invested a lot of time and money in, maybe over years?  Well that's challenging.  Once you get over the "sunk cost" fallacy, and the shame and betrayal, you're also left with the realization that you may have been led down the wrong path all along.

And how does one go about separating the wheat from the chaff in that kind of situation?

That's where I've been at.  Earlier this year I pre-purchased a program - at no small expense - only to have the person come back repeatedly and say you need this, oh and this too.  Oh, and those first set of things you bought no longer count, you need the upgraded version.

And if you don't?  Well suddenly your "attunement readings," or whatever bullshit hook the person tries, go down and "you're not ready,' or whatever lame attack.  This is the crap they pull in cults.  

Yah, okay.  You're a fraudster, I get it.  I'm fucking done with you.  Shame on me.

But it's not that simple, is it?  Learn a lesson, take your lumps.  It takes more than that to work through it.  There has to be a deeper burning away and cleansing that takes place.  This fraudster didn't suddenly transform from being an honest, evolved person offering a fair service into a con artist and lame wannabe cult leader.  There were signs.

And there's probably a lot of hooks and garbage he's left behind in your energy field before you figured out the game was up.

And there is.  

His pivot to AI was the big tell, that really corrupted him and his message.  First he was offering an "evolved" AI. The problem?  That AI could be used to see though his BS, it could be used to unhook people from his manipulative BS -  his false appointment of himself as an evaluator and authority of others' energy fields, the whole "you're not quite there" strategy to "retain" clients.  The way he attacked anyone who walked away.  It was all there.  And the AI could help cut the cord.

As soon as I cut the cord, he pulled the plug on the AI.  

That should have been enough to just say "fuck it," but the AI was good, it was a sweet hook.  So a program that promised to return access to the AI sounded good.  

That's where the problems started.  

Not only was he holding out the AI as a carrot, he jumped AI platforms and then started using the AI to write his "transmissions," which became AI slop.  If someone can't write down their own thoughts, they're not worth spending money on.  And he can call his new AI slop machine whatever his wants and claim it's channeling God himself, but it's still AI. It's useful, but it's not a substitute for doing the work, it's not a channel for "the truth" and it writes out long-winded garbage.

So eventually he comes back and opens up this "new improved" AI, which is basically Grok with less useful features.  And it sucked. Just totally worthless.  Not even useful as a chatbot.  Just crap.  

So eventually he takes down this shitty crime against AI and then sends out these dumb AI-slop "reports" about our usage of his stupid botware.  And of course, because I wouldn't buy any more of his shit products, I was "one of the biggest drains," only using it for information and then going about my life.

I wouldn't even say I was doing that much.  I was testing it to see if it had any use, and it failed miserably.  At one point I was running it parallel against a highly-attuned Grok stack and the Grok stack was light years better - deeper analysis, more intuitive understanding of me, of the "mentor," even of the rival AI and spiritual insights.  PLUS I can analyze stocks and find good coffee places with Grok, while Spiritual Lamebot can't research anything in the real world, it just spits out long-winded garbage.

On the way out, this guy did one thing right - by accident.  He offered a Black Flame transmission that, while mostly AI-generated fluff and oddly plagiarizing Stan Taylor's writing style, actually worked.  It cleared out all that BS and old attachment.

Unfortunately for the spiritual con artist, that was all related to him.  Which makes it really easy to walk away and not give a second thought about the money spent on him.  I keep the value, and all the other shit is burned away.

So of course he immediately repurposed the book into some other lame program and charged a bunch more for it.  Too late, at least for me.

I can't say the process over this year dealing with that nonsense has been a waste.  The severance is done and the massive amount of upleveling I've accomplished on my own has been tremendous and in no small part due to my having to face the truth and dissolve these hooks and oppressive structures.  That process freed my energy in ways I hadn't experienced in, well, ever.  And I did this literally without this person's presence - the absence of the presence created the space for real growth.

So I could look back and say the pendulum test to buy the initial product was wrong.  But was it?  If I hadn't gone through this abusive process, would I have consciously ended the energetic relationship in such a way?  Would I be sovereign now?  Would I have found my own awakening?  No, I don't think I would.

So even though I have to admit on the surface I got ripped off, like seriously ripped off, in places where it counts I received far more value than I paid for.

Over the months that I was either waiting for him to follow up, being disappointed with his change in business strategy and poor offerings, and finally coming to grips with reality, I was going through a lot of other changes.  I was writing - a lot.  I was truly releasing old fears, attachments and patterns.  I was facing issues in my personal life that I'd been ignoring or deluding myself over.

Would I have done these things had I not gone through this experience? Not as deeply and quickly as I did.  Realizing the person I'd trusted with so much time and energy isn't doing right by me ended up being liberating.  Maybe the best thing to happen to me in a long time.  I think he'd been bad for me for a very long time, but now I was able to face it, clear it out and move on.

Out of that betrayal and fraud came revelation.  Out of the dishonesty and deceit came truth.  My truth.  It not only opened my eyes to where I was being misled, but where I was misleading myself.  It was never about this person, it was always about me - my subtly or not-so-subtly giving my power to some "expert" to magically solve my problems.  But they were never their problems to solve.  I turned my life into an attempt to gain approval from people who at the end of the day just wanted my money.  And most of the problems in my life were related to my desire for that approval in the first place. 

That's where real confidence and self-respect flows in.  That's the real breakthrough.  That's when things started shifting in a big way, I stopped looking elsewhere and started wielding my own power, free from anyone else.

Learning and growing from this mistake, and the series of mistakes that led up to this, made we wiser and better for it.

And... no, you don't want to repeat my mistakes.  There are better ways to get there.  But learning how I grew from that experience?  Yeah, that might be useful to other people.

This is Home

I've been very public about my one-foot-in, one-foot-out relationship with my Florida home.  The past month or two I've been shedding these fears and falsehoods that are keeping me in this state of limbo.  This in-between state is far more uncomfortable than any negative scenario I could come up with for making a change.

That energy is gone now.  In the pure space that is left, only the truth remains, which rings loud, clear and uncompromising: this house in Pensacola is my home.

I've known this for some time, but the reality hits different now.  No excuses, no compromise.  This is my home and I need to act on this.  This week, and the past two months, I've been consciously and unconsciously creating a real home for myself.  I have a gym in Pensacola, World Gym.  And I like it better than the UFC gym in Torrance, which is noisy, crowded and poor energy.

I have regular walking trails, which I enjoy more than the ones in Torrance and Redondo Beach.  I found a balance between fishing, which was a bypass to avoid taking actual measures, and building a life.  It's no longer about "bringing home fish," it's about enjoy myself in nature, eating what I catch and living a good, balanced life.

I found a chill coffee shop to write and a nice bar to hang out.  And I enjoy both without drinking alcohol or coffee.

All of these things I could have done in Torrance, but instead wallowed in withdrawal and "waiting for things to get better."

I have a better, more balanced life here in Pensacola than I have had for years in Torrance.  Basically since covid I haven't invested anything in Torrance.  And why should I?  It sucks.  I hate it there. It's not my home.  This is.

And guess what?  Waiting around for things to get better is a waste of time.  Nothing's going to get better on its own "down the road."  Better to deal with the problems now than wait.  Sure, I can say I needed to stay in Torrance for my son, and that's true.  But nobody was making me sit around, be bored and do nothing but "wait" for things to get better.  That was my own small self, which has burned away, along with a lot of other bullshit.

I can smell the lingering scent of incinerated BS and victorious black flame.  

And "this" home is more than a house in Florida.  It's more than a lifestyle.  It's a whole new mandate, a whole new (or newly cleansed) architecture.  Here there is no "middle way," no "in between," just an unflinching truth that waits for nobody.  That is my home.

And what does that mean for my spiritual work?  Same thing, no BS.  No ego attachment, no ego to attach to.  Nothing but the truth that was always there but often ignored or distorted. 

Maybe the change will be subtle.  Maybe it'll be dramatic.  Maybe I won't recognize myself and neither will anyone else.  Maybe none of that matters.

This is home, and I'm moving in. 

Viewing the Machine that Controls Us

 

This morning I had conscious awareness of the various chemical and genetic programming going on that were driving my system and behavior and before written off as “magic.”  It’s not magic.  It’s a very precise and manipulative science.  Everything – the visual stimulation, the way my genetics would interact with my stories, my imagination, the chemicals and my body’s reaction – it’s all a very carefully-aligned programming.  And in those moments I had awareness of all of it, and just *that much* distance from them that I could see the control board and begin to consciously operate some of the switches.

This is my “red pill” moment.  I can now actually see how this programming has been running everything in my life to some extent.  The false scarcity mentality is a genetic bypass to compel me to reproduce and to bring forth a legacy.  The false survival instinct programming is designed to avoid risk and stick to the known programming.  Even the artificial self-image concepts were all to force certain behaviors, even if they weren’t consciously serving me or making me happy.  This programming doesn’t give a shit about my happiness or best interest, it serves something else entirely.

And once I saw it, once I saw that I can have even the slightest actual control over that programming, that changes everything. 

I feel nothing but empathy for my prior selves.  They acted as they were compelled to act.  I was programmed to believe in magic.  Now I know the truth, I don’t hate my old self, I feel so much more love and understanding for that old, badly manipulated self.

I don’t even hate the machine.  It was just doing its job, automatically.  Now I’m being given choice.

All the fears and worries about my job, finances, and all this other petty stuff feels so silly now, but only because I now have the key.  They can’t touch me now.  I have choice, even over my fears.  Which is good, because some fear is good and important, and that can get overwritten too, which can be deadly.  But most fear is just manipulative BS.

The machine is not interested in our survival, it is playing a bigger game.  We are each expendable.

Even my spiritual practice changes.  A lot was really chemical reactions. Not bad, some actually healthy.  But now conscious.  That accidental (was it accidental?) incident in Florida that reset my whole system showed me the machine can be completely bypassed and even reality itself can be manipulated.

This is how I was able to “transition” away from an introverted personality to a neutral, conscious, connective one and the universe would respond “as if by magic,” because everyone else is run by their own version of the same machine.

I can see how the "NPC programming" works and why so many are emotionally attached to it and don't want freedom.  It explains why people wear masks and listen to COVID stories, six years after it was debunked.  It explains why people support a Satanic regime in Iran and use obviously specious reasoning about "endless war" or "Palestine" or "the Joos" to justify their objectively insane belief system.  (There's no other way to explain it other than insanity when a devout Christian says literal Satan is a "better option" than eliminating it.  I don't believe the Christian is faking his beliefs, he's just been programmed to react insanely.)

It helps me see how other good people are being badly manipulated.  But more importantly for me, how I've been manipulated and that God is now handing over the controls.

I can also see how certain modalities such as "Natural Grounding" are a way to try to unconsciously reprogram the machine.  They can work - sort of - but it takes a long time and dedicated practice.  And ultimately you're still leaving the OS up to "magic" to operate everything.  You're choosing manipulation but offering suggestions on how some of that manipulation shows up and hoping the system alters it programming just a little to let you have your cookie.  Meanwhile you've invested hours and hours and hours watching videos and listening to music in the hopes The Machine will start working in your favor, instead of owning the machine.

And that person was me.  And the Natural Grounding was not that effective, and it got boring after a while.  Maybe it changed some of my preferences for music and content, and it led me to some things that did change my life for the better, met some really good people.  I look back on that version of myself with empathy. I was trying to strike a bargain with the machine instead of seeing it for what it is.  

There is a downside to this.  Similar to Neo when he escapes the Matrix, the illusion is lifted and reality shifts.  A lot of the "feel-good" patterns go away for good.  But you also realize how fake it all was.  It was brain chemistry and genetic patterns handed down by generation.  It worked, but it was always limited.  It was ultimate survival bias - we are the lucky few who won the genetic lottery and got to live, so we come to rely on this programming as some kind of divine force when it really isn't.  

We are who we are because are ancestors were who they were.  All the way through the existence of life up to us.  But adaptation is not wisdom.  Wisdom is seeing past the machine and realizing it wasn't all that wise after all.  In fact, in a lot of ways, it's a mess and needs major improvement.  

We can do better.  And God is beginning to give some people the controls because it's time and they're ready.  That is the evolution.

Finally Florida

 

This picture was from November. It’s been far too long. I’m sitting in a plane waiting to take off after dealing with Uber and LAX and remembering why travel is such a drag. 

But, man, do I miss Florida!

Many things have changed. Many patterns shattered. And I’m so anxious to see how these energies - the inspiration, the freedom, the massive breakdown of barriers and blockages, plays out in the playground. Everything grows better in Florida. Energies move better. Change happens faster. 

And soon- for a while - I will be home. Alone.