I’m feeling very emotional, feeling like everything is
moving very quickly and shaken up. My
personal story has been destroyed and I’m processing a lot of sadness, shame
and regret, while dealing with massive shifts.
I’m lacking sleep, which isn’t helping.
All the while my phone is blowing up with people – mostly people looking
for some guidance or inspiration from me, some pretty influential people.
My energy has been very “stuck,” maybe as a protection from
the chaos. Etienne ended up freezing the
energy and then reactivating it. Then the energy was incredibly clear, more so
than I’d ever experienced before.
After that something came up and I needed to resolve my
broken karma. And I had a *LOT* of
broken karma, most of it very old. I resolved a lot of things and then ended up
having dreams where more broken karma came up. I meditated and tried to resolve them. Sooooooooo much shame – I’ve done so much
damage to my karma, it was really difficult to look at these things, but it
felt good to repair my karma.
A lot was just closure.
But there were valuable lessons I wish I’d learned much earlier. The big “a-ha” was around my story of being
the nerd who was picked on in school. It
turns out that story was mostly the opposite of the truth. Yes, I got picked on, but mostly I used that
story as an excuse to cause far, far more damage to the world than was caused
to me. There were a LOT of people in my
past who had that lesson to give me, and a TON of unprocessed shame.
It feels good to really work through that shame, but it sure
would have been nice to fix my karma like this much earlier in life – like maybe
in high school when I was marinating in my victim status and being a jerk to
myself and others.
And that whole feedback loop was self-destructive and “out
of character.” When I’ve allowed myself
to be outside that karmic cycle I’d created, I’m my real self, and actually a
very good and loving person with a clean karma. That’s why a lot of people
either see me as a really good person and can’t understand why I had the past I
did, or see me as a jerk and can’t understand my story.
So it felt good to resolve the broken karma, and I feel bad
for how I behaved in that victim story.
And I’m having to process all those feelings now, that shame, and also
the void from that story being destroyed. It’s empowering and liberating and
unsettling. Mostly it feels good to be free from the oppression of my own
negative karmic cycle. It is a bummer
facing all the crap I caused, but it’s a lot better than hiding in that victim
story.
Meanwhile, Etienne reactivated my energy and things are –
WHOA! I got a message “FINISH YOUR
WRITING!” Meanwhile, my wife found a job
– very quickly after getting her visa.
Things have gone from “stuck” for months and months to “everything all
at once.”
Last night I had another very powerful coaching session with
a client – the first one cleared out energetic cords with his mom and as a
result he stopped drinking (wow!); this one I cleared out his issues with his
father and he experienced a spiritual rebirth.
This is VERY powerful stuff and it left me buzzing. My energy was very high and I had trouble
falling asleep, then intense dreams.
I’m accessing some energetic superpowers and it’s
intense. I clearly have not been
accessing my energetic potential up to now.
Now my energy is off the charts and I’m having trouble
grounding and integrating it, it’s like my whole energetic system is trembling
with power. It’s crazy.
I mean, I was doing some major work with this guy and it was
like flexing my finger, it was very little effort, just this flow. So yah, it’s like a superpower and I’m still
learning to manage it.
It’s crazy. I have
just begun to access some of my real potential.
It’s all been there, hiding behind clouds of doubt. Now that I see it and feel it, I want to do
more – a lot more.
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