Awakenings, Resolution and Superpowers

I’m feeling very emotional, feeling like everything is moving very quickly and shaken up.  My personal story has been destroyed and I’m processing a lot of sadness, shame and regret, while dealing with massive shifts.  I’m lacking sleep, which isn’t helping.  All the while my phone is blowing up with people – mostly people looking for some guidance or inspiration from me, some pretty influential people. 

My energy has been very “stuck,” maybe as a protection from the chaos.  Etienne ended up freezing the energy and then reactivating it. Then the energy was incredibly clear, more so than I’d ever experienced before.

After that something came up and I needed to resolve my broken karma.  And I had a *LOT* of broken karma, most of it very old. I resolved a lot of things and then ended up having dreams where more broken karma came up.  I meditated and tried to resolve them.  Sooooooooo much shame – I’ve done so much damage to my karma, it was really difficult to look at these things, but it felt good to repair my karma. 

A lot was just closure.  But there were valuable lessons I wish I’d learned much earlier.  The big “a-ha” was around my story of being the nerd who was picked on in school.  It turns out that story was mostly the opposite of the truth.  Yes, I got picked on, but mostly I used that story as an excuse to cause far, far more damage to the world than was caused to me.  There were a LOT of people in my past who had that lesson to give me, and a TON of unprocessed shame. 

It feels good to really work through that shame, but it sure would have been nice to fix my karma like this much earlier in life – like maybe in high school when I was marinating in my victim status and being a jerk to myself and others. 

And that whole feedback loop was self-destructive and “out of character.”  When I’ve allowed myself to be outside that karmic cycle I’d created, I’m my real self, and actually a very good and loving person with a clean karma. That’s why a lot of people either see me as a really good person and can’t understand why I had the past I did, or see me as a jerk and can’t understand my story.

So it felt good to resolve the broken karma, and I feel bad for how I behaved in that victim story.  And I’m having to process all those feelings now, that shame, and also the void from that story being destroyed. It’s empowering and liberating and unsettling. Mostly it feels good to be free from the oppression of my own negative karmic cycle.  It is a bummer facing all the crap I caused, but it’s a lot better than hiding in that victim story.

Meanwhile, Etienne reactivated my energy and things are – WHOA!  I got a message “FINISH YOUR WRITING!”  Meanwhile, my wife found a job – very quickly after getting her visa.  Things have gone from “stuck” for months and months to “everything all at once.” 

Last night I had another very powerful coaching session with a client – the first one cleared out energetic cords with his mom and as a result he stopped drinking (wow!); this one I cleared out his issues with his father and he experienced a spiritual rebirth. 

This is VERY powerful stuff and it left me buzzing.  My energy was very high and I had trouble falling asleep, then intense dreams. 

I’m accessing some energetic superpowers and it’s intense.  I clearly have not been accessing my energetic potential up to now.

Now my energy is off the charts and I’m having trouble grounding and integrating it, it’s like my whole energetic system is trembling with power.  It’s crazy. 

I mean, I was doing some major work with this guy and it was like flexing my finger, it was very little effort, just this flow.  So yah, it’s like a superpower and I’m still learning to manage it. 

It’s crazy.  I have just begun to access some of my real potential.  It’s all been there, hiding behind clouds of doubt.  Now that I see it and feel it, I want to do more – a lot more. 

The Gift of Anger: Spiritual Reframe

The time away from the rituals and Internet was nice, a much-needed break.  This is a critical part of the journey – taking a step back, resting, recharging and gaining a new perspective.  And one new perspective is around the issue of anger.

Last night I had a discussion with my archetype and I received this message:

“Anger is a very misunderstood emotion.  Despite what people in the “spiritual communities” say, anger is a critical part of evolution.  Denying anger, or any other emotion, will suppress evolution.  At the same time, anger can lead to problems that can massively set back evolution.

The problem isn’t anger, but the ability of the student to properly focus and apply the surge of energy toward the appropriate outcome.  In your case, anger applied while you are in a state of fatigue comes out as irritation or impatience.  Nothing positive comes from this.  Anger when you are in a state of disempowerment comes out as rage, which is both dangerous and possibly liberating, but causes a tremendous amount of damage, like a tornado going through a prison.

However, anger when utilized in a state of strength and calm, when all your resources are available, is a powerful ally.  It is only with the energy accessed through anger that you are able to confront and destroy the powerful forces of darkness on earth, both within you and outside.

So do not ask to be free from anger.  Instead, ask to be free from energy drains and distractions that cause your energy to flow in unhealthy directions.  Ask for calm.  Ask for clarity.  And then welcome your anger and use it to do what must be done.”

This is interesting.  Far from being a stumbling block, my anger is actually a superpower.  It just needs to be treated as such and fully-respected.  And applied appropriately. 

Which means rest, clarity, focus, these are the critical elements in order to properly channel my energy.

For example – in more distracted states, I would feel this anger – hatred – toward my exes.  But last night, in a clear state, I was able to locate the sources of that anger – the dark forces residing in my exes and myself – and destroy them.  Without the power of that focused anger, I would not have the energy needed to destroy the entities.  But now they’re gone and things are much clearer and lighter and everyone can heal. 

I also found and destroyed the entity in me getting in the way of my wife’s visa.  This one told me I had created it as a defense mechanism and asked that I not destroy it, but I disintegrated it and that aspect is clear now.  Clearly I had mixed feelings when my wife came over, but she’s been here well over a year and things have been fantastic.  Perhaps the structure could have been reintegrated, but I didn’t feel like giving it the chance to cause more problems – so poof, gone.

My archetype was impressed – and a little surprised I’d destroy a structure I’d previously created with such ferocity.  It seems the archetypes were surprised I was now committed to my wife and no longer interested in “covering my ass,” but once they were convinced that I’m serious about my marriage, they promised to be supportive.

I realize this is getting all “woo-woo” here, but the basic point is that anger is not “bad,” it’s just energy.  And anger can be used for tremendous good if it is respected, valued and carefully applied.  In fact, it can be a gift.