My Emotional Healing Meditation - Healing My Past

I went deep into healing meditation last night.  I have been holding onto lots of anger and took the time to face it and take responsibility.

I took a powerful step toward really healing my past, instead of operating unconsciously in the same self-sabotage pattern.

Using powerful crystal attunement and Hoʻoponopono, I faced the sources of my anger and accepted responsibility.  The truth is, I never really healed my first marriage.  I ran from it. I felt terribly guilty and judged myself a bad person, so I ran.

The truth is, I feel bad about what happened and what I did.  I hurt her – I gave her joy and took it away.  I may not feel that my current situation is fair, given what I did, but I have to take full responsibility.

Moreover, take responsibility for everything before that led to this. 

It felt good.  At one point I was back on the blacktop at my high school – probably in the 8^th grade (it went 7-12 grades when I was there).  I felt all the things I felt then, and then I brought my awareness to now and broke free. 

I pulled out two large entities – I killed one that said it hated me and wanted me dead because I was good.  The other was huge – much bigger than me – and I transmuted it into love and watched it burst into a giant pink prana cloud. 

My social habits no longer serve me.  I was wrong about everything and everyone.

My mind was full of prophecy dreams (which I can’t remember) and powerful energies that made for a kind of restless sleep.  The agitation is settling down a bit now.

I can finally accept responsibility for the ways I hurt people – especially women – and how that’s all been a reflection of the self-hatred in me, of my low self-worth.  I can apologize and forgive myself.  Layers of trapped guilt, shame and suffering melted away.

And I can accept my current situation without anger or hurt feelings.  And I can allow my own suffering to come forth and heal.  Now I feel free – sleepy, but free.  As I continue to elevate my energy, there’s going to be more need for these healings and I need to make this a regular part of my meditation practice.