Dissolving Ego

Wow.  It’s been a while since I blogged last.  Interesting how I go through these cycles when it comes to my expression.

The past few weeks have been a period of internal challenge.  As my higher self rises up, parts of me question what I’m doing, what I’m thinking.  I made a list of all the things I’d wish for if I had unlimited wishes.  

Then I started questioning all of them.

Then I got to the final question: “Supposed you were granted every one of those wishes.  Who would you be and what would you do?”  And I realized I would still be yearning.

Buddha is right.  Desire has no limit.  If all my wishes were granted, I’d start coming up with new wishes.  And the initial “hit” from each wish granted would be less and less until it was all just… “meh.”

I’ve been feeling a lot of “meh” lately in my time alone.  So I started diving in, being grateful for that feeling, being thankful to be at a place where I could finally experience the truth, that following the ego will lead to an empty, unhappy life.  I could be wealthy, have all the success in every area I could desire, but if the ego is in charge, my life would still be an empty building with nothing inside, surrounded by an empty landscape as far as the eye can see.

That’s the ego.

In an egoless existence, life has meaning.  Happiness in everywhere.  The house may be small, but it’s full of rich joy and fulfillment.  An egoless existence doesn’t want and never lacks.  An egoic existence never ceases to desire and is in perpetual lack.  Everything I manifest just turns to ash.

And my higher self began challenging me, because I have been “trying” to live an egoless life, but all my practices of grounding and meditating always had a deeper egoic ulterior motive – I as sabotaging myself.

By spending time alone going inside, I came face to face with the ultimate emptiness of my external pursuit.

A simple, minimalist life free from ego is far more full than a busy, abundant life lived through ego.  An ego free life doesn’t require a genie in a bottle granting wish after wish.  Just me.  Through the ego, higher purpose is just a to-do list; without the ego, higher purpose is embodied, one can feel his place in the movement of the universe, his infinite value.

None of this realization would have been possible had I not taken a large step back and allow myself to come to this place. Evolution is not supposed to be simple, easy and fun.  It involves challenge and suffering. And it requires to courage to face that discomfort.  The ego doesn’t go down without a fight.

I Am NOT a Coach

I haven’t posted in a long time, I’m not exactly sure why not.  But it’s time to clear up some things about my intention and purpose.

I am NOT a coach.  Repeat – NOT. A. COACH.

Yes, I have gifts that need to be shared, and yes I have a larger purpose that I need to follow.  But it is NOT. COACHING.

Today was the hilarious punctuation mark on “NO, I AM NOT A COACH.”  My social media today has been full of “special people” who call themselves various forms of “life coach,” all of whom embody the adage “Those who can’t do, teach.”  Especially when it comes to “life.”  None of these clowns has a real job, they’re not making any real money from their “coaching,” their lives are barely an existence, they’re broke, they have family trouble, their Facebook pages scream “rapist and child molester.”

And guess what they all have down for their profession?  Yep, “Life Coach.”  Or some iteration of this. 

When you see enough of the same pattern, it’s the reality.  And as I’m seeing one after the other of this hilarious parade of stupid, I realize MY OWN Facebook STILL had some BS “life coach” line, among the list of my actual jobs that pay or paid real money.  In fact it’s still on this blog.

Well, it’s gone now.  That was never who I was and it’s NOT who I am.  I actually have a real job that is crafted from a professional career that spans many years. I’m educated, trained, productive, successful, and pulling in money to support myself and my family.  I am a burden to nobody.  I have NEVER gone on Facebook hocking or begging to friends for my existence.  And I’ll be damned if I’m going to be associated with the deadweight of society that hilariously calls itself “Life Coaches” when they suck at life.  Loudly.

I have gifts and insight to share.  Yes, I have things I can impart that help others, and I do.  I may even charge for these services from time to time as the opportunity arises.  But that’s not my identity nor my profession.  The whole “New Age Life Coaching” movement is a corrupt cesspool, and it is NOT ME.  My higher calling is in a different vein.  It’s writing, it’s sharing insights, it’s basically updating on what happens in my life for the benefit of others.

If someone else wants to integrate these life lessons into a coaching program, go nuts.  It’s open source, feel free to take what you want and use as you see fit.  If there’s demand, I’ll come back to certain subjects and add more.  But the Life Coaching industry has become so polluted and such a spectacular failure that to even mention myself as such corrupts my energy. 

So I’m burning the title, which I never owned and never liked.  I’m disavowing the New Age Coaching profession in all its forms – again, never resonated for me and it’s clear now why.  Good riddance to all of it. 

What about guys like Rion, Etienne and Radoslav?  They’re still worthwhile if you’re called forth toward what they stand for.  But they’re unique in that they actually have clarity around what they stand for.  The profession doesn’t stand for a damn thing except playing on wounds to take money.

A few people stand for a higher vision and call forth others to follow them.  The Life Coaches make people feel insecure (“You’re not getting laid, you’re broke, you’re unhappy, give me money to take your mind off the problems you didn’t have until I convinced you that you had a problem!”) and then waste their time and money with distractions and never accomplish anything, leaving the person worse off.  Nobody needs that, and nobody who values themselves would want to be associated with that toxic garbage.  And I don’t.

So enjoy my insights, use them as you see fit.  Don’t call me coach.

P.S. Someone complained I was posting something “not out of love” when I called out a spiritual fraud.  Here’s my response: 

I'm going to call a fraud a fraud. There are far too many New Age "coaches" and other spiritual deadwood polluting the world with their shams or sucking on everyone else's energy. It needs to stop. As far as I'm concerned that is me speaking from love - love for what is good and right in the face of spiritual perversion. If it bothers people, I think that's a good thing. We need that.

There you have it.  That’s my truth and my higher purpose.  Shining light on darkness, being a solution, not part of the problem.

Don't Hire a Life Coach, Part 2

A few months back I made a decision to walk away from a long-time coaching modality.  I just ended everything with the coach and group.  I also unfriended or muted a bunch of people.  Looking back now I feel that was one of the best moves I’ve ever made and only wish I had done it sooner. 

All that negative energy and annoyance is gone.  I don’t have to own anything they’re doing, I don’t have to know what’s going on, and they don’t need to know what I’m up to, either.  It feels really good, and every day it feels better.

Now I’m far enough away that I can reengage on

 my terms.  The other day I had an interview with one of the members and was able to offer up some insight on my past experiences and take on the role of an outside consultant, instead of an insider.  It feels much better interacting from a place where I’m standing in my own place and living my own life.  I don’t need nor want attention or recognition.  I can simply offer my experience as “someone whose gone through some interesting life experiences.”  Nobody has to know it’s me or wonder if I’m speaking as an offering or out of loyalty, I can just share my experience and people can take what they want.

I’m very very happy here.  At the time I wrote about how students should seek to outgrow their teachers and eventually leave them behind.  I feel that more strongly now than ever.

Let’s face it, I never wanted to be like my coach.  I wanted to learn some things from him that he was very good at – and very good at teaching others about as well.  But after a point there was little more he was willing to share that I wanted to master.  He liked to keep a lot of things for himself and not share, which he said was because he didn’t trust the men to handle the information, but I think it was more based on insecurity.

So at this point the feeling is that I waited too long to make that decision.  And that was my insecurity.  But doing so really has opened up my life for other things, as well has helping me to better understand who I really am and what I want to do in this world – which has very little in common with what he’s coaching these days.

So the lesson in all this is “Hire a coach with the goal of firing your coach down the road.”  Don’t get too attached to your coach – he or she is there to help you learn the things you need to learn, and that’s it. 

I’m very wary of coaches that try to be “holistic” and want to coach you on how to live your life.  That’s YOUR job, not theirs.  Coaches are for learning specific skills you need as you go through life.  But going through life – you need to learn that skill yourself and not rely on someone else to point the way.  Life coaches inevitably will point you to the life path THEY want for you, not what YOU really should be doing.  It doesn’t take long for an astute person to pick up on the flavor of a coach.  You can look at his or her students and you’ll see similarities in “life path” which reveals where the coach’s subtle (or not to subtle) agenda.  Eventually you’ll wise up and need to un-learn all this programming from your “life coach,” and it ends up being a waste of time and money.

The best results are when you identify things you really need to get further down your path, certain skills and insights that only someone much more experienced can provide.  That’s where a mentor or coach comes in.  You do the drills, you learn the skills, you thank your coach and you move on.

It took me a long time to finally arrive at this place.  In some respects its coming full-circle from where I was when I began this journey.  In other respects, it’s another coil in the growth spiral.  I had a lot of problems I’ve worked through along the way, most of which had zero to do with the “life coaching” nonsense. But there are tools I’ve picked up, in terms of presence and self-reflection, in energy work and spirituality, that have served me very well through my growth path.  Each of those skills I sought out as I walked my path and my natural curiosity, or need to overcome an obstacle in my way, brought me to those skills. 

This is the organic process of discovery and learning, and of growing as a person.  Like I said, it feels really good to be here.  

Energetic Update - The Deluge and Sticky Energy

Things have been heating up for several months and now we’ve transitioned into a monsoonal energy flow. In other words, we’re getting flooded with water energy.  Whole energetic systems are getting swept away, physically and energetically.  This is the next phase of the planetary awakening. We’re seeing hurricanes, floods, heavy rains, typhoons, real and energetic rivers spilling their banks all over the world.  There are still fires underneath and energies are still very hot, but it’s cooling them off just a bit and basically making everything a wet, hot, sticky mess.

Energies are also very “thick,” like a syrup or magma. Things are happening all over, but it’s very difficult to move around in this energy and many people are either succumbing to lethargy or getting stuck in the goo.

I’ve noticed this dynamic in my own energy as well and I’ve been working to keep my own energetic gears from grinding to a standstill. It’s stuck all over and where it’s not stuck it’s flooded and that water isn’t moving.  My own efforts are enough to create a little more fluidity, but it’s not something I can alter significantly.  We’re just going to have to sit tight and wait until the rains soften this up enough and things get flowing at a quicker pace.

What created this dynamic?  The heat and flooding caused some long-dormant energies to shift, which merged with the already-flowing energies and basically created a sticky mess.  Most of the water energy is sitting on top of this goo and not penetrating, it’s just going to take time for enough water to penetrate and get things flowing.  The bad news it that could take a while and there’s going to be a lot more flooding before things can settle. The good news is some ancient energies are slowly opening up, which means the awakening is going apace, even if that pace is a bit slow at the moment.

The watchword is patience.  Trying to do too much or “make things happen” in this dynamic is going to lead to an overextension of energies and fatigue.  And if you’re tired, you’re at risk of getting stuck.  A lot of the so-called “spiritual leaders” and pretty much the entire Burning Man community is either hopelessly stuck or will be.  That energy will be recycled into the flow, where hopefully it can do some good (it’s not doing any good right now in the hands of these people, so better to return to power to the Earth and let it flow through than have it in the wrong hands).

The other concern is, with so much energy stuck, this is an opportune time for rogues to cause a lot of disruption – demons, viruses, energetic parasites will be out in force going after anyone they can find – imagine mosquitoes hatching during the rainy season.  This is a good time to be mindful of energetic contacts and protection.  And those who are careless in this time are at risk of getting stuck, being attacked, or being drowned in the deluge. 

Again, this is the order of things, but get used to it.  We’re stuck with these conditions for a while.

An Inquiry on Infinite Love

Love is all around us.  Yet so many feel “unloved.”  How can that be?

It’s often said that the world needs more love, but when love is there, do we notice?  How attached are we to our ideal of what love “should” look like?  How much attention are we bringing to the many expressions of love all around us, as opposed to looking for ways things fit or don’t fit our predetermined concept of the expression of love?  How can you truly receive love if you are focused on placing conditions and requirements on it before you are willing to receive?

How much of your concept of what love is comes from a cultural-based ideal, and how much is based on experiential receiving?  Can you tell the difference?  Are you able to notice how other cultures can be just as loving as yours, while expressing their love in many different ways?  And in doing so, are you able to see how you are in fact giving and receiving love (or neglecting your expression or receiving) in different ways yourself?

Some people believe physical affection (hugs, kisses) and verbal expression (“I love you”) are higher expressions of love.  But are they? Is deep eye contact the only “real” way to express love, or is love something that transcends eye contact?  What about hugs?  Some cultures really don’t hug, does that mean they don’t care about each other? 

Are Asian cultures less loving because they don’t hug as much, or they don’t say “I love you” a lot?  But those cultures express love in other ways and their families tend to stay much closer than Western families who hug a lot. 

Maybe one person’s way of saying “I love you” is by giving thoughtful advice.  Or by fixing up the house.  Or by sacrificing and making sure their children get a good education.

 

Some people feel they “need” to have love expressed to them in a certain way, but is that so?  Why would you “need” to be hugged, but billions of Asians feel loved without that constant embracing?  How much are we willing to examine our “needs,” to find out what is actually a need and what is preference?

Is it possible there is lots of love all around us and the perception of lack is actually an internal distortion?  Is it possible what we interpret as being shunned by others is really our own inability to acknowledge and receive the abundance of love being given to us all the time?  What if, instead of trying to get everyone to change their expression to accommodate our preferences, we placed our attention on gaining a greater understanding of the many ways love is expressed, and how we can better appreciate and receive that love as it is?

What if we take that a step further and examine self-love?  What if the things we are doing that we interpret as a denial of self-love are in fact distortions and misunderstandings?  What if we could learn to better appreciate the ways in which we love ourselves (and the ways we unconsciously overlook or reject that love) and place our attention on receiving, instead of judging or evaluation?

What if we could accept and embrace our inherent lovingness and lovability without judgment or shame?  What if we could explore and expand our ability to express and receive love from a place of non-judgment, understanding that love is infinite and we are each beautiful, loving and loved as we are, even as we strive to learn other facets for giving and receiving love?

What if we could see other people in the same way – as inherently loving and beautiful people, and accept their love in its own way?  Can we learn to differentiate culture, customs, traditions and habits from the inherent expression and receiving of love – and even how those cultures, customs, traditions and habits are based in love themselves?

If the universe is infinitely loving and the expressions of love infinite as well, can we understand that love is always all around us, and the only reason we are feeling “unloved” is because we are simply unable in that moment to comprehend the myriad expressions around us?  If we have to learn that giving food is an expression of love, or offering sound advice, wouldn’t it stand to reason that our ability to give and receive universal love is limited only by our lack of understanding? 

What if we didn’t need to understand, that it was good enough to know this to be true and simply loved, and received love, without filter, conditions or prejudice?  Is that truly possible?  Can we humble ourselves enough to love in such a way (and wouldn’t that humility itself be a loving expression)?

Do I need to keep inquiring, and do you need to keep reading, or are we ready to let our hearts go now?

A Clear Mind: Relating to News, Politics and Social Media

If one is going to find real happiness and not just survive, but thrive, during this period of energetic upheaval, a clear mind needs to be the foundation.  It is the lifeblood of presence, mindfulness and the good that flows from that place.

One must be careful about information consumption in order to attain and maintain a clear mind.  Yes, meditation is important, but it won’t work if one then turns around and absorbs all the toxic garbage floating around.  This toxic information will create confusion, distortion and toxicity, as well as creating implants that are very difficult to clear. 

Let me talk about two of the most troublesome sources of toxic information – social media and news media.  Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and all the major news sources in all their forms, are extremely toxic. It’s gotten to the point where the media is basically theater.  Etienne Charland has a good article on the theater of Charlottesville here.

Connecting with people is all fine and good.  And staying informed about what’s going on in the world is important.  But neither of those things require daily access to social media or the news, much less the obsession and addiction we’re seeing in many people these days.

I’ll admit I’ve been as bad as anyone about overuse of news media and obsession with political theater.  At one point in my life it was my identity.  I’ve learned that current events are mostly distortions of reality – the media focuses on small things an exaggerates to create effect.  But it’s not actually what’s going on.  To properly view current events, one needs to be able to view them from a distance and see how the events fit or don’t fit into the larger scheme. This isn’t possible from daily (or hourly, or worse) following of headlines.

I would advise looking at the news no more than once a week, maybe even once a month.  Very little going on daily is of much long-term consequence, it’s better to view the information from a detached perspective.  Avoid headline-skimming and actually dedicate yourself to reading and gaining insight. One quality national weekly/ monthly and one quality international monthly is sufficient to stay informed without being sucked into the toxic morass.  And you’ll know more than 90% of the headline-skimmers about what’s actually going on.

In politics, focus on your truth and avoid the horse-race.  Most of what passes for political news doesn’t look much different than gambling write-ups.  (In fact you’re likely to learn more useful things from the gambling mags.)  Turn it all off.  Instead, focus on your truth and work on advocating for truth, instead of getting sucked into pointless team sport.

Politics has changed society, often not for the better. In the US, government has become considerably more oppressive, restrictive and corrupt.  The ways in which government has restricted our freedom have multiplied exponentially while the benefits of said government have decreased and costs have increased.  Society continues to be increasingly penned in and watered-down in the name of “safety” and “not hurting feelings,” quality of service continues to deteriorate and tax burdens continue to become more oppressive.  In California, it is impossible for an “average family” to maintain a sustainable “average standard of living” on an average salary.  If you’re not wealthy, you’re poor, and we have the government to thank for this. (And California government services are horrible – their solution, of course, more taxes.)

We pay taxes, both visible and invisible, to pay for invisible problems like “solving global warming” while cities like Los Angeles and San Francisco live in festering garbage and raw sewage.  Really.  They live in poop.  Cleaning up actual garbage has been replaced with solving an “environmental problem” that can’t be solved and isn’t actually a problem, at least not in the sense it’s being presented.  We could clean up real garbage that lying all over the place, but instead we tax people into effective poverty to clean up absolutely nothing in the name of an imaginary problem and call it “progressive.”  We have solar panels on our houses and feces in our streets – this is not sane behavior.

The pattern is easy to see.  It’s real, and it’s a problem.  It’s a political problem.  But won’t be seen, or resolved, but staring at stupid headlines about what Donald Trump tweeted.  But it needs to be addressed.  The solution is to ignore all the spectator sport aspect of politics and focus on reality – getting with other people, pointing out the problem and advocating a solution.  None of that requires a lot of time reading the news or watching TV. 

As far as social media, the disconnect between the intended and actual result is even larger. Here we have a situation where every attempt to connect to people (which is why people are on social media) actually creates more disconnection than if you did nothing.  Going 100% off social media will actually create more social connection.  But we’re so afraid to let go of the illusion we will hold onto social media and convince ourselves that cinderblock is a life raft. 

At this point I don’t know if there is a way to utilize social media that actually creates connection.  Except pulling the plug.  When I went to Thailand and couldn’t access Facebook, I found social connection.  While news has some value, I’m not sure I can say that for social media

.

I used to think it was good for staying in contact with old friends.  But I never used it that way – I never actually contacted them. Nobody does.  It creates this illusion that people who don’t give a shit about each other are actually connected, to the point we value these “connections” over actually connecting with people who care who are all around us.  We’re so afraid of being lonely if we lose these fake friendships we create artificial loneliness.

But if you don’t engage with social media, nothing bad happens.  You’re bored for a few minutes, then you quickly find something else to do and forget it.  Until you think “oh, I should post this on Facebook or Instagram.”  All I see on social media are people desperate for attention and others trying to sell stuff to desperate people (who themselves are usually pretty desperate).  I can’t think of a good reason to use social media if one is trying to maintain a clear mind and have a social life, since it has the opposite effect on both outcomes.

The summary of this lesson would is the following:

·         *Avoid daily browsing of the news.  Avoid emotional, habitual and “click-baity” consumption.  Focus instead on weekly or monthly deep and rational understanding of the news;

·        * Avoid all social media. Actually connect with real people instead;

·        * Avoid the emotional, competitive aspect of politics.  Focus change energy on actually creating change – create and refine your own philosophy, listen to your heart, and work to effect meaningful changes through actual action and engagement.

Doing these things will free up space and clarity in the mind throughout the day.  Clarity isn’t something one practices only through sitting quietly for a long time, but through the cultivation and execution of a lifestyle that makes such clarity and presence a value held above others. 

Post-Thailand Epiphanies

Spending time in Thailand gives me a new perspective, both on a micro and macro level.  Being in a completely different part of the world that generally doesn’t care about the pointless BS that dominates American media (not that Thai media lacks in any way for pointless BS, just that it’s their BS, and I can’t understand what they’re talking about anyhow).  Staying in a pretty remote part of Thailand made any contact with media difficult if not impossible.

Apparently I picked a good week to be off the grid and not able to pay attention to what was going on in the US.  I missed one of the most annoying and energy-draining media weeks ever.  Too bad I had to return before the eclipse, it would have been nice to miss the hippies going on and on about that, too.

On a micro level, I was separated from the day-to-day stuff at work, the TV, the annoying scheduling issues, money issues, things that don’t matter one bit. I was also separated from technology to a large extent.  I didn’t miss any of that.

I know you can’t hide from your problems, but you can create some distance, even if temporary, and gain a different perspective.  When I’m in the middle of everything, it’s hard to differentiate between what’s truly important and what isn’t, and I end up wasting energy on unimportant things.  I come back and have a much better sense of what I need to do and what I can let go. 

I know I tend to worry too much.  I’ve always known that.  But this time I had some experiences, one in particular, that shifted my attitude.  Things just aren’t going to bother me anymore the way they used to.  Everything is different.

I’ve said that a few times - everything is different.  And each time, things were different, but certain patterns stayed the same.  This time those patterns were challenged hard and they didn’t survive the challenge.  Everything is much more clear.

So what’s the big takeaway?  None of this shit matters.  Both at the micro and macro level, none of this shit matters and isn’t worth worrying about.  The news media is so distorted it’s basically fiction.  All those stories about how the world is coming to an end?  Not happening.  All the worrying about my job and money and stupid personality issues – none of that matters for shit either.

It’s possible – and even pretty easy – to go off the grid and have a happy and fulfilling life.  Yes, even an intellectually fulfilling life. You think that news media is keeping your brain challenged?  No, it’s making your brain atrophy while fooling you into thinking you’re using brain cells. 

It is not difficult to live a happy life.  There are tons of people who have a far more difficult life than us first-worlders and they have happy and fulfilling lives.  We worry about all kinds of crap that is either never going to happen or it won’t matter if it does.  We do stupid things like obsess over health insurance when what we really need to do is turn off the TV, get off the internet and go for a walk and hang out with friends.

Before this last trip I’d been worrying about retirement.  It’s so stupid.  We spend all this energy stressing over trying to keep our comforts and we never enjoy anything.  Then one day we have outlived our ability to enjoy those comforts and in the end they didn’t matter anyhow.

We really don’t need much in this life.  And the additional things we add become exponentially more expensive to obtain and bring increasingly diminishing levels of happiness.  My rich friends work 90+ hour weeks and for what?  I used to curse my “low energy” and lack of desire to work and work to make a fortune.  Now I consider that personality “flaw” to be a gift.  The huge majority of wealthy people I know are unhappy, and the few I know who are would be just as happy in the middle class.  I see a lot of pursuing of wealth and status and very little actual being in happiness.

And I’ve been as caught up in that crap as anyone.  I can cite my backstory, but service to a lame backstory is just lame. I am not my backstory.  And it’s easy to change a backstory – every new action quickly becomes a new backstory, and they add up.

I just cleared out my “sent” folder in one of my email accounts.  I hadn’t touched it in a very long time – late 2008, in fact.  So almost ten years of junk in there.  Most of those years were pretty unhappy, but it’s clear now most of that pain was self-inflicted, or at least self-perpetuated. 

So how do I know these old patterns have changed, or destroyed (if new patterns have yet to emerge)? For one thing, I’m noticing how differently I go about my day, in many ways.  Even my bedtime and sleep patterns are different. I look at people differently, and I feel different when I’m doing that.  I communicate differently.  It’s like a part of my brain that was acting out of fear or something like that was zapped and I see things differently. 

I look back at some of the old stuff, like nine years of emails, and I really don’t know why some things seemed so important then.  And it’s one thing to feel different because I’m in a better place and another to just not care about those things.  My “bad places” were almost entirely due to my psychic self-torture or worrying about things that weren’t relevant.

 

None of it matters.  That doesn’t mean fall into despair and do nothing.  It means follow your heart, it will be okay.  Stop holding onto things that make you unhappy because you’re afraid.  Say what’s on your mind, communicate openly, take care of the things that really matter, then let it go. Mistakes are okay, dwelling on them is counterproductive.  Self-torture is a poor teaching modality.  Being wrong or making a mistake is not a sin that requires repentance. 

Don’t measure yourself against others.  Don’t try live someone else’s life – chances are they’re not living their own life either.  If you can’t find happiness within, you won’t be able to see it in others – so if you’re unhappy, you’re just going to be comparing yourself to other unhappy people.  And if you’re happy, you won’t be comparing yourself to anyone.  So even if you’re unhappy, just don’t compare yourself to others and it’ll be one less thing making you unhappy.  

A clear mind is the foundation of a happy life. Social media, news media, politics, gossip, drama – these things blur and distort the mind without offering any value or nourishment.  Better to be bored than occupied with things that distort a clear mind.

Being Happy, Not Looking for Happiness

It’s dawned on me lately that I’m really happy.  Not just that I feel a lot of periods of joy (which is a neurochemical process and not to be confused with real happiness), or that I sometimes feel happy, or becoming happi-er (which is a nice way of saying “less unhappy”), but actually and truly happy.  This is my natural state.

In this place of happiness, I can feel sorrow, grief, frustration, anxiety, joy, and all the other emotions.  But they’re now all housed in a place called “happiness” that is my home.  So when I say I’m happy, I mean I actually… happy.

And I also realize I haven’t been here in a long time.  Maybe not since college, where I had a brief stint of happiness for four years before going into the abyss.  I’d written before that I finally feel like myself after decades of feeling various degrees of lost, wandering, struggling, searching and “seeking.”  I’m home and I’m happy – with myself and my life.

Readers will note that some of my recent posts don’t seem all that happy.  (Or maybe you can notice the underlying state, but it’s hard for most to perceive.)  It’s difficult to explain the concept to people who attribute joy to happiness.  Joy is that euphoric feeling, but it’s neurochemical and as such very temporal.  It usually is followed by an emotional trough, a neurochemical hangover.  Joy is great, but the pursuit of joy and the up-down cycle is really unhealthy – it’s like binge drinking. Happy people don’t seek joy, they let it come to them and they enjoy it in the moment.  Unhappy people pursue joy in the hopes of finding happiness and usually find neither, or joy comes at a very high price.

So what about my critical posts?  Well, the great thing about being happy is I don’t need attachment.  I can look at my life and relationships clearly and evaluate whether things/ people currently in my life are contributing or taking away from my happiness.  One can’t evaluate those things from a place of unhappiness. 

So when I “came home,” I unpacked all the stuff I brought with me and started going through it.  It turns out I have a lot of great treasures, and I also have been carrying a lot of crap.  Normally I’d just toss the garbage without much thought, but a lot of this stuff are things I’d made an integral part of my identity during my “seeking happiness” stage.  I think it’s valuable to acknowledge that things I publicly held out as “this is me” are in fact not contributing to my happiness.  And doubly so when those things are advertised as ways for people to “find happiness.”

I realize I may be overreacting in some of my criticism, but I feel a lot of regret, and a certain amount of resentment, for wasting my time and money on things that were sold as “growth” which actually served to hold me back.  And I feel compelled to warn others to avoid the mistakes I made.  Because as I look at these things now, I don’t see any students of these modalities “graduating” to happiness.  They’re mostly all unhappy people pursuing joy and validation and basically doing what I did – spinning their wheels wasting time and money on magic beans.

Yes, in the process of returning to happiness, I discovered some practices and beliefs that greatly aided in my healing and finally finding my way home.  But these few very good, very valuable things were in the midst of much larger and more powerful toxic patterns that were a real disservice.

I’ve been very hard on a lot of the “growth” and “spiritual” gurus I’ve come across, because I really want them to stop and take a hard look at themselves and what they’re doing.  People who pursue joy are not happy – by definition.  It’s taken me a long time to really get this.  People who “receive” a lot of joy are only on the more short-term-successful end of the unhappiness/ happiness spectrum.  The “coaches” are for the most part no happier than their students.  In many cases, they’re actually much less happy.

The metrics of happiness most coaches use, which are basically flashpoints of temporal joy-receiving, perpetuate unhappiness.  I was stuck in this negative-feedback loop for a long time.  Longer than I needed to be.  Ultimately what got me out was an extended period of literally doing nothing other than the things I had to do keep my life going and take care of the people who needed and loved me. I disconnected from all of it, sat with that voice saying I was missing out or bored or lonely and did nothing until my mind and spirit healed itself and I felt myself again.

And it shouldn’t have to be like this.  I think it’s bullshit that wounded people who haven’t dealt with their own crap, but who have “Facebook success” are running around selling their crap advice to other wounded people.  I don’t think people do this on purpose, or that these people are bad people, but process and results are still toxic – it doesn’t matter if the intentions are good or not, you’re still producing toxic crap.

So yes, from this place, I’ve been venting.  And posting warnings.  It’s what my higher self says to do.  And I believe it’s the initial stages of formulating something that actually works for people, that actually helps people come home to their happiness.

And frankly, I feel ashamed for a lot of my journey.  Ashamed for buying into the BS, ashamed for not listening and respecting my higher self that repeatedly warned me I was off-track, ashamed for the hurt I caused others, and mostly myself. I lost good years of my life and thousands of dollars chasing rainbows and unicorns and I’m here to warn you so you don’t do the same.

You want to really evolve?  Stop eating bullshit.  It’s good for plants, but toxic for people.  Just stop.  And just because some people are finding a lot of joy from eating bullshit doesn’t make it any less toxic.  Take a careful look at their lives.  Bragging about joy on social media is usually a good indication of deep unhappiness.  Image-crafting is a sure-fire sign of unhappiness.  These “successful” people have periods of joy, maybe many, and yet when you get close you can feel the unhappiness, the festering wounds, the “I’ll-do-anything-to-not-be-me” obsession.  They’re slowly dying from poisoning from a steady diet of BS, and they sell it as ice cream.  And your money doesn’t make them any happier, either. 

And you’ll try it and find some joy and then be more unhappy than ever.  Just like trying drugs.  Because they’re just pushers.  (Some of them push drugs AND coaching, and the overlap isn’t a coincidence.)

So yes I want to warn people.  I’m not better off for spending years fucking over my life and wasting money under the guise of “evolution.”  I learned some things – some valuable things for which I’m grateful. But the experience sucked.  That part of me that feels this way is solidly grounded in my truth.  And it puts me at odds with people and modalities that I’ve identified with and endorsed for a long time.

Part of me hurts for that – I don’t like doing things that hurt people I care about.  But I spent decades hurting the person I should have been caring about the most, but was treating like absolute shit – myself.  These things I did really hurt that man -and all of it was unnecessary. 

So if I can keep you from getting sucked into that cycle and find your way to a truly happy life, I’ll do it.  Because I am happy now.  And it’s a lot easier than you might think to get here.

On the Google Controversy: I Am Spiritual, Not a Feminist

I’m not a feminist.  And at this point I can’t bring my efforts to today’s “feminists” in any way or form.  Feminism as it is today is toxic garbage that places temporal emotions over principles and truth.  There’s no longer any place for constructive discussion, much less action, under this tent, and I’m out.

You call yourself a feminist – fuck you, I’m not working with you.  That includes people I’ve been working with for many years up to now.  You’re full of shit, and whatever good you think you’re doing under that umbrella, it’s not good.

I’ve been seeing the toxic effects of today’s feminism, particularly in men who imagine themselves “woke” because they’ve swallowed the garbage pill.  It’s toxic.  It creates authoritarianism, it separates thought from truth and emotions outside of alignment.  It empowers the most wounded and dysfunctional women, who go on to give horrible – HORRIBLE – advice to men.

And every single “feminist leader of men” inevitably drinks the Kool Aid and starts inviting women into the leadership.  And then their coaching practice goes to hell.  Every time, without fail.  “Woke men” are blind and stupid men and make REALLY. BAD. COACHES.  Period.

I’ve been following with curiosity the controversy around an internal Google memo that criticized Google’s HR practices and in doing so proved itself right with the condemnation from Google and the employee’s firing. 

I encourage you to read the memo.  It’s spot on factually. Don’t take my word for it, read what the experts say. 

I don’t feel bad for the employee, he’s got his ticket punched for basically writing a decent psychology term paper.  It’s basically a typical liberal analysis and solution to a non-problem problem.  His analysis is okay, his suggestions and focus slants very left-of-center and he gives far too much attention to a problem that isn’t really there.  Obviously part of his focus is due to his employer’s obsession with modern feminist dogma, but I think it’s also his worldview.  I have no doubt this writer voted for Clinton with both hands in 2016 (which makes his current lionization by conservatives hilariously ironic and sad, but whatever floats your boat, commentators).

The reaction among modern feminists is exactly why I won’t have anything to do with feminists.  They attack him as “sexist,” cheer his dismissal from Google, praise Google thought police, and somehow think they won something because the power of their blind feelings got someone they don’t like fired from a job. 

How is that a blow for “equality” (which I believe is a stupid goal to begin with, but it’s their stated objective, not mine)?  Well, it isn’t.  It’s basically a successful temper tantrum – you got to keep your binkie, which mean ol’ Dad took away but Mommy intervened.  That’s your win.

To me this whole thing isn’t a revelation of the idiocy and toxicity of modern feminism as much as confirmation of what I knew to be true.  Because I’ve seen it.  I’ve seen wounded, immature women using modern feminism as an excuse to act wounded and immature.  I’ve seen “woke men” who consider themselves leaders of “evolved masculine” (whatever the fuck that means), holding these really awful examples of femininity as “goddess energy” and encouraging men to listen to and worship this insanity.

There’s a Facebook group that claims to be promoting the “new masculine,” basically this “woke man” modern feminist nonsense.  Most of the posts are selfish, stupid women talking about things nobody would care about if it was on their personal Facebook page, much less this supposedly enlightened coaching space, or it's people selling their junk services.  It’s a creepy, self-righteous Craigslist with idiot posts from wounded women.  And the owners of this steaming pile of social media junk think they’re waking men up with this crap. And I'm done wasting my time with those kind of men.  They're doing more harm than good in the world.

The only time anything interesting happens on that page is when someone dares to bring a shred of truth to the forum – then you’ll see everyone on the page gang up in righteous indignation, call the person a bigot, sexist, etc.  (like anyone whose not a lunatic would be hurt by such ridiculous labels).  Then you see what “progressive” and “feminism” and “being woke” is all about – irrational emotional catharsis, authoritarianism, group think, and a complete lack of any common sense or rational thought.

So these men holding themselves out as “spiritual leaders,” who think they’re here to “awaken men” or help them “evolve,” imagine the solution involves destroying the rational part of one’s brain, acting childish and emotional, worshiping the wounded, and shutting down anyone who disagrees with this insanity?

Yes, that could be an accurate description of modern feminism.  Or a 70s cult.  At this point, it’s hard to tell the difference, so fuck all y’all, I’m outta here.  I happen to like my brain, thanks.

There is absolutely a place for spiritual awakening and valuing healthy male-female relationships.  I just don’t see how we do ourselves any service by using the polluted labels such as “feminism.”  (I’m even starting to wonder if we should ditch the word “evolution,” since it’s also become so polluted, but that’s another discussion for another time.)  Real spiritual leaders need to disavow the term.  We can value the feminine without endorsing the toxic.

I think it’s time for those who are truly on the cutting edge or spiritual awakening energy to divorce from feminism and from those who have taken the label as part of their practice. We’re either bleeding energy or empowering the forces working against us – forces of oppression, authoritarianism, falsehood and irrationality.  We really need to take a firm stand in our own place and our own truth, free from the poison of political correctness.

Food Police and Doubts About Our Evolution

I’m being told by the Archangels that the forces of freedom and energetic elevation are gaining strength.  Everything I sense and energy test confirms this.

But I have my doubts.  Obviously, this is the intent of the news media, but it goes beyond news media to people I know (or thought I knew).   The forces of oppression and spiritual death seem stronger than ever. 

It finally got to the point I had to cull my social media and remove everyone and everything associated with the forces of oppression and spiritual death (and others who were simply deadwood).  It was quite a lot of people and groups.  My social media is better and I feel more open but part of me wonders if I’m not just sticking my head in the sand.

Certain flashpoints are particularly disturbing.  The food police is a big one – people who seem obsessed with telling everyone else what to eat and not eat.  Why would anyone care if someone else was eating sugar, or meat?  How can it be so important for you to be validated by other people when it comes to your eating?  And what the hell gives you the right to try to force people to choose your diet?  We’re talking about the most basic personal decision and the forces for oppression seem to be stronger than ever.

Diet is a personal decision.  Sure, if you have good information and resources, share the information.  But after that, people need to be free to make their own choices. That you don’t like other people eating meat, or sugar, or whatever, just shows you lack proper boundaries and have an inability to mind to your own business.  That’s a character flaw, not a noble cause.  It’s odd this has to be explained to so many people these days.  Eat what makes your body, mind and conscience feel best.  Seek and share information.  That’s all good.  Why can’t people just stop there?  Agree to disagree – why is this so damn hard for so many people?

We’ve got people who now want to regulate pets on the weird argument that owning pets contributes to global warming.  Really.  Whatever benefit you think you’re providing to the world by trying to control other people’s basic behaviors, that really shouldn’t be bothering you, is more than offset by the toxic energy you’re putting forth in trying to control your fellow human beings.

And it should be obvious trying to control people who aren’t hurting anyone is toxic.  People hate it, and they hate you for trying to impose on them.  As they should – oppressing others is wrong.  Duh.  The world would be better off if the people trying to control the basic behaviors of others simply killed themselves than tried to impose their will.  (Assuming they can’t, you know, just mind their own business like normal human beings.)  It’s one thing to stop people from murdering or stealing, it’s quite another to stop people from eating a hamburger or owning a dog.

I could possibly write off this sort of tendency to oppress as a mental disorder, but it’s too prevalent.  It’s more like a supervirus that’s infecting people at an alarming and ever-increasing rate.  It used to be people just knew you didn’t run around trying to take food off people’s plate or take away their dog. And the people who couldn’t mind their business were rightly seen as weirdos – disturbed people nobody took seriously. That kind of oppressive behavior was rightly considered sick.  Now it’s becoming the norm, not even considered extreme.  But it’s just as much of a sick illness as it ever was.  The only thing that’s changed is the percentage of people infected.

And it’s not just people in the news.  That can be explained by the distortions of the news media.  For example, the media created a false narrative that “police are killing black people in record numbers.”  We saw an explosion of videos of black people being shot by cops.  But the real data shows such police killings are at a record LOW.  The difference is explained (obviously) by the record number of people who own and operate video recording devices and easy access to sharing of videos.  So I can easily understand the disconnect between the media narrative (“Police War on Black People”) and the reality (lower crime, more professional policing).

But the control-freak illness is infecting people I know.  Real people. In ever larger numbers.  It’s not some nebulous “thing out there,” or some media distortion where people in Thailand think my house is on fire every time Southern California has a brushfire (I’m nowhere near fire country).  It’s real people I know who have become subjected to this madness.

It’s interesting.  As I write this, Etienne is writing about the challenges of “agreeing to disagree,” which is what this issue with food policing is all about.  You be vegan, I be omnivore.  I respect your lifestyle, you respect mine and we agree to disagree.  Easy peasy, right?  If I invite you to dinner, I’ll make sure it’s vegan and you don’t bother me about what’s in my fridge.  This is such a basic, basic aspect of “getting along with other people” it seems silly to even have to discuss this subject with anyone over the age of five.

Yet here we are, grown-ass people, getting in each others’ business because some people have a weird compulsion to rid the world of sugar and meat (which ain’t gonna happen) and apparently housepets.

Messing with someone’s dog used to be a really good way to get yourself shot.  And most juries would consider it justifiable.  Now it’s a political movement?  How fucked is that??

About as fucked as my having to drop friends because they value their personal opinions (on things they know little or nothing about) over connection and spiritual truth.  The even more fucked up thing is most of them consider themselves “spiritually evolved,” which apparently means “the cool kind of bigoted, oppressive asshole.”

And again, it’s not our differences of opinion that make them assholes, not at all.  I’m used to people disagreeing with me -it’s called a discussion, and it’s enjoyable.  But most normal people at the end of the day value their friendship over their need to have everyone validate their opinion every moment of the day.

Then Trump came along, and now for some people “having everyone agree with everything I believe” is THE most important thing in the world.  WTF?? People, your opinions don’t mean jack.  Neither do mine.  How you vote, whose president, this stuff matters little in the larger picture of things.  But if you’re someone holding yourself out as a spiritual practitioner and you’ve taken a hard stance for ego over greater connection, you’ve committed spiritual suicide.  That’s not Trump’s fault, that’s YOUR  decision.

But that’s exactly what so many people have done.  They’ve valued validation of temporal beliefs over the infinite. And at some point, I have no choice but to accept that “live and let live” has become a one-sided agreement and I need to let these people go.

And that brings me right back to my original thought – are we getting better?  How are we getting better?  How is Earth’s vibration rising when so many are falling in front of my eyes?  When supposedly conscious people are at the forefront of oppression and ego valuation, where is the evidence that confirms the planet is evolving and not devolving?

And the message I get back is “you’re too close to the problem to see the bigger picture.”  In other words “you can’t see it, you’re going to have to trust us and listen to your heart on this.”

So that’s where we’re at.  Earth is rapidly evolving, but apparently the forefront of that evolution isn’t in the West, and it certainly isn’t in California.  In fact things here will likely continue to rapidly devolve before they get better.

Until then, I’ll keep unfriending the food and pet police.

Jared Goff's Energy Revisited

I’m going to take a break from the challenging posts I’ve been putting up lately.  In my effort to speak my truth, I’m being too harsh and causing some unnecessary pain.  It’s because this isn’t an easy divorce for me, leaving the communities I once called home.  My general approach to such things when I realize it’s time is to “rip the Band-Aid off,” but that’s a pretty traumatic process for anyone watching.

So I’m going to venture into more benign territory and talk about football.  I’m going to revisit my energetic profile of Jared Goff, now QB for the Los Angeles Rams.  About a year ago, I wrote a profile of Goff and said he had the energy of a superstar QB and team leader.  Then last season happened.  Needless to say, the energies I saw in him did not manifest on the field last season.

So was my reading incorrect?  Testing says no.  The reading was correct.  My conclusions, which were not based on energy reading or testing but my own assumptions, were way off the mark.  Go figure.  If anything, it’s a lesson in how not to value one’s “emotional logic” over intuitive imprints sitting right in front of us. 

It’s also a lesson in how football is a team sport.  The Rams began the 2016 season with a lot of problems on offense. They ended the season with a lot of problems everywhere.  In the middle of that transition from bad to worse, Goff was tapped as the starter.  Needless to say it didn’t go well.

Has Goff’s energy changed significantly since last year?  He’s a little more grounded, but otherwise about the same.  He’s also apparently put on some weight from weight lifting and training.  All indications are he’s reacting positively to the failure of 2016, a sign of strong energy.

Lots of successful players (especially at QB) spend years in the wilderness before achieving success.  It’s not unusual for truly successful people to need a long runway before liftoff.  Also, 2016 saw a number of other rookie QBs do relatively well, which of course brings up the concerns of Goff being a bust for this reason or that. 

It’s far too early for that kind of talk.  Also, those comparisons are not apples-to-apples.  A mediocre rookie can look phenomenal behind a stellar O-Line and with a full stable of good receivers.  And a very good QB can look horrible without those things.  So is Goff right now a good QB on a bad team or a bad QB on a bad team?  Hard to tell.  One thing we do know, Goff’s offense in 2016 was horrible.   The O-Line was bad, the receivers were putrid, the running game was nonexistent.  How good can a QB be when he has no blocking, no running and nobody to throw to?  No better than a bad QB.

In other words, we know next to nothing about Goff’s abilities as a QB.  Unless we could put him behind center on a good offense, there’s no way to tell.  It appears the Rams have upgraded their offense, but who knows?  It’s the offseason and all we have is a handful of objectively bad games to examine.

So what will Goff be like this year?  He’ll be better than last year.  Can’t get much worse.  If he has decent protection and receivers who catch the ball (how does any Rams receiver from last season still have a job?), he’ll look much better.  Those two things alone will open up the running game and then we’ll see if Goff in fact has the leadership energies I’m seeing in his profile. 

Over the long-term I see Goff being a successful franchise QB. My concern at this point is 2017 will likely be a below-mediocre year for the Rams.  Everyone talks about the Rams defense, but in the second half of the season the injuries piled up and the defense was unimpressive at best.  Guess what?  2017 season has just as many games as 2016, so however good the Rams defense is at full-strength, it won’t stay there long enough to keep the team in games at the end of the season.  So no matter what Goff does, the Rams are looking at probably an 8-win ceiling.  Goff was unfairly blamed for defensive problems at Cal, don’t expect Rams fans to be any more gracious (or intelligent).  If management gets impatient, Goff could end up being someone else’s franchise QB, maybe after spending a few seasons as a back-up somewhere, and the Rams will have squandered their #1 overall pick about as badly as a team could. I wouldn’t put that possibility past the Rams’ management.

So I’ll withhold any bold predictions for Goff this season except he’ll be noticeably better than last season.  My long-term assessment remains unchanged.

Creepy PUAs, Spiritual Coaches, and Finding Freedom and Happiness

"Those PUAs are So Creepy!  Join us."

For those who have followed me for a while, you know I’ve had an interesting relationship with communities like pick-up (PUA) and its cousins, the “We’re different than PUA but really not that different” groups (let’s call it “Spiritual Inner Game Seduction” SIGS for short).  I’ve been both deeply involved and deeply skeptical, and tend toward the belief that, while they can be somewhat helpful for some in the short-term, for the most part they’re a waste of money and long-term exposure is toxic.

I’ve been apart from them for a while now, and in this place of looking at them from the outside, I’m even more convinced they are dangerous and overall do more harm than good.  Some of this is an adjustment in my own perspective (I can see where I was manipulated and ended up spending even more time off-track than if I hadn’t been involved with them), and some is shifts that have taken place in these communities themselves.

While it is possible to learn and practices certain social skills in the PUA community, it’s become so corrupted by greed, arrogance and deceit that it’s extremely difficult to navigate the swamp, find and utilize a good resource, effectively learn the skills, and move on with one’s life without becoming corrupted psychically and energetically. 

If you’re a man who feels he is lacking connection with women and wants to better himself, I recommend Rion Kati’s Natural Grounding and his dating resources (look up Natural Grounding and ping him about other resources).  He’s not the only clean resource, but he can point you in the right direction and it’ll keep you out of the boneyard.

My greatest concerns, however, are with the SIGS.  Most of these are a mashup of Tony Robbins and NLP, PUA and California Spirituality. As such they are inherently problematic.  Now with California spirituality and the yoga/ Tantra community completely aligned with dark forces and lost, they’ve become full-fledged cults with dangerous spiritual entanglements. I used to say “these can be good if you know how to keep your head above water,” but I can’t say that anymore.  Even with all my spiritual training and activation, I’m being told “STAY AWAY!”  If the archangels are telling me to just stay away, I can guarantee you have no business being anywhere near this stuff.

One of the problems with SIGS is the prevalence of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, or NLP.  While this can be useful to help people overcome negative programming, its primary function is to CREATE negative mind programming (such as advertising), not free people from it.  And while these groups purport to free people from negative societal programming, in truth they are about creating artificial addictions to their supposed healing modalities.

The mind and spirit, like the body, are naturally self-healing.  What keeps people “hung-up” on past wounds is when something short-circuits that healing process and creates a loop where the wound is basically put on auto-replay – or even programmed to replicate itself.  This is pretty much what SIGS do – they create addiction on the psychic and spiritual level by perpetuating these infections and in advanced cases turning them into self-replicating viruses that can be spread throughout the group.

This is made worse by SIGS obsession with indiscriminate sexual contact. This group is maniacal in its obsession with sex – connecting with more and more people, demonstrating prowess, creating sexual addictions and obsessions in partners.  It has twisted the Tantric concepts of exploration and acceptance into a religious worshipping of sexual wounds, which then get spread far and wide in the communities through indiscriminate sexual contact. 

The practitioners in these communities are clearly damaged souls.  Ken Wilber, Moses Ma, virtually all the Yoga and Tantra leaders, the “spiritual female PUAs,” so so many – really damaged people. Their spiritual energy fields are black with all the veils and entanglements polluting their fields.  But lately it’s taken an even more dangerous turn – they’ve fully identified with the spiritual pollution and now worship their morass of veils and entanglements – they’ve decided black is white, pollution is clarity, slavery is freedom, and anyone actually fighting on the side of freedom is now an enemy to be destroyed. 

There was a time when forces of light could operate within the spiritual communities and the “open-mindedness” dogma would force the polluted majority to at least pretend to tolerate the true light workers.  But that window closed after November of 2016.  That catalyst event forced the polluted majority to take a stand, and they have – they’re fully committed to their wounds and spiritual pollution and are no longer even willing to consider alternatives.

At this point, the archangels have no choice but to accept this decision and barricade the practitioners of pollution.  Before I was getting messages “be very careful,” and now the message is “STAY AWAY!”  There’s nothing for us to do but work together with those who are outside the barricade, keep the forces of light out, help each other clean and heal (many of us are an energetic mess from “trying to help”), and keep building what we’re doing.  This means for many a loss of many friends, but also a massive freeing and cleansing of energies.  It’ll be okay, you’re never alone.  Don’t waste your time mourning for people who have chosen spiritual pollution and slavery over freedom and light.  Yes, it’s sad, but that’ll just put you at risk of getting sucked into destruction along with them.

So what do you do if you’re someone who wants romantic connection?  I mentioned Rion, I’d highly recommend that path, it parallels the spiritual development path as well.  What if you want to improve your “inner game,” and live a happier and more fulfilling life? Pretty much stay entirely away from the “inner game” practitioners.  Even guys like Tony Robbins are hopelessly corrupted, and many have made deals with dark forces and are now operating just to destroy as many souls as they can get their hands on – they’re unapologetic cults.

So what can you do?  First, disconnect completely from the SIGS – all of them.  Find a good coach whose on a spiritual path (I know some), or start connecting with clean material.  This blog, Etienne’s blog, Natural Grounding, a clean meditation practice, all good places to start.

I’ll work on creating some very simple but clean material on how to heal and rediscover your happiness (which is also your life purpose, and which will improve all the aspects of your life you think aren’t working).  In the meantime, sit down, close your eyes, breathe slowly and deeply, and let everything go.  Keep listening.  Keep clearing.  Keep coming back here and I’ll keep shining the light.  And stay out of the shadows.

From experience, I’ll tell you most of your “problems” will heal themselves once you learn to clear your energy and relax your mind and body.  The few “skills” you need to learn will usually find you through inspiration or coincidence.  (Unless you’re being called to something really big, but you’ll know.)  Most people don’t need a coach, they just need to get out of their own way, drop the BS and follow their heart.

I'm a Racist. And a Misogynist. And Whatever Other Label You Give to Good People With Self-Esteem.

Apparently, according to people I don’t know, whose opinions hold zero value to me, I am guilty of being a racist, misogynist, and whatever else labels they’ve got that they think would make people upset.

Why?  Have I done something really wrong?  Have I been mean or abusive to people?  Do I engage in behaviors to put people down and take advantage of them?  No.  And the huge majority of people in the world, many of whom are being tarnished with these labels, haven’t done these things, either.

Most people are good people just going about their lives.  They’re not hurting anyone.  In fact if anything they’d give the shirt off their back to help their neighbors in need. They’re not racist.  They’re not misogynist or any of these other labels.  They’re just people living their lives – apparently in a way that irritates other people who should be minding their own business.  That’s not mean-spirited or oppressive, it’s just different people doing different things.

But apparently that’s enough to bother a small group of people who have appointed themselves judges of what is and isn’t good behavior and who are and aren’t good people. But who cares what these people think?

Well, that’s the thing.  Grounded, well-adjusted people who value their self-worth DON’T care what self-appointed feminists or experts on “race relations” (which looks more like conflict than relating, but apparently grammar is also racist) think.  If you value yourself, you strive to be a good person and you don’t get caught up in nonsense about whether some crazy person on Twitter with a blog thinks you’re “woke” or not.”

If society was filled with mostly high-self-esteem people, the feminists and race baiters would be flat out of a job.  But it’s not.  There are a lot of good, decent people who listen to these people – not because these people are good resources on how to live a good life, but because these people remind them why they should feel unworthy.

America doesn’t have a race problem.  America doesn’t have a misogyny problem.  America has a self-esteem problem.  It’s not that there aren’t enough Americans who love women and love people regardless of the color of their skin, it’s that too few of the people who are good, decent people are willing and able to accept themselves as good people.  And so they listen to the manipulators who try to convince people that we are all bad.  And unfortunately, some of them take it to heart and become bad – not because they really are bad, but because they completely devalue themselves.

We’re not bad people.  Yes, there are a few genuinely bad people.  They’re about 1-2% of the population, and they really are just evil.  Then there are a few more who are just ignorant.  And there are some on top of that who aren’t bad but who have some “anger management issues.”  They’re at the far end of the low-self-esteem spectrum. Calling these people “bad” doesn’t really help.

And none of those people even know the social justice manipulators even exist.  Probably 90% of the “bad things” are perpetuated by a group of people that is either hopelessly evil, really ignorant (and these people are mostly harmless, though they get a lot of attention and shame), or unable to control their harmful impulses.  Railing about social justice does absolutely nothing to deter the bad behavior from this group.  You know what does help?  Policing, intervention, basic education.  In other words, the things society does already, but maybe not effectively enough.

After that we have two broad groups of people – those who know they’re good people, and those who are good but doubt their worthiness.  Both groups run the gamut of political opinions and social status. The first group isn’t going to listen to the social justice people, because who is going to take advice from someone who obviously has more personality issues than they do?  They may get annoyed/ be amused, but they’re not affected.  This covers “most people,” and pretty much all the people who go about their lives and really don’t have much to do with politics outside of casting votes every so often – you know, those “disengaged voters,” or people who don’t even vote.

Then you have the “sheep.”  These are people who are good, but for whatever reason don’t accept their worthiness as human beings on this earth.  I know far too many people who fit this category. They want to be good, they try to be good, because deep down inside, they believe they are not good. 

And as such, they are easy marks.  Every charlatan, every race baiter, every feminist hones in on these people like flies to dog business.  They’re the people who provide the money to “personal coaches,” PUA’s (pick-up artists), social activists, you name it.  Because they don’t believe they are good, they believe they have to “do something” to achieve worthiness. 

It’s no surprise that the most manipulative, dishonest and toxic feminists I’ve come across are also aligned with the PUA community.  They’re attracted to weak, wounded men.  They smell the fear like sharks smell blood.  And they attack without mercy.

If you look to social justice people – or personal coaches, or PUAs – to give you worthiness, you will be broke, unhappy, and forever unworthy.  You will be a sheep, and they’ll just keep fleecing you over and over.

Because the problem isn’t that you are a racist.  You’re not.  You’re not misogynistic, either.  And you’re not a pussy, or any of those other things.  You’re a human being, a spiritual being of infinite value who has lost connection with their inherent worth.  You’re not a bad person, or unattractive, or boring, or shy or whatever you tell yourself.  You’re a good person whose a little lost.  You’ve forgotten how to be human and how to be happy and you’re trapped in an unhappiness loop.

Yes, there are bad people in this world.  And if you’re reading this, there’s almost zero chance you’re one of them.  Yes, there are ignorant people in this world.  If you’re reading this, you’re not one of them.  And there are people who have lost their way.  And there’s a good chance you’re one of them.  And the first step to finding your way out of being lost is to stop listening to the people who stand to gain from keeping you lost and confused.

You’re not racist.  You don’t hate women or men or anyone else.  And it’s time to stand up for yourself.

Yes, the people who seek to manipulate weak people would say I’m racist and misogynistic. That’s good – they hate me because I’m a mortal threat to their existence.  I know who I am, which makes me immune to their BS.  And I empower others, which means I have the power to destroy their audience.  Because once you connect to your true self, you’ll have nothing to do with people who accuse good people of being evil.

In the Energy Flow (Finally!)

These past few months my energy has amped up dramatically.  A lot of things changed kind of all at once.  My living situation, my energy around my family both improved dramatically.  The financial oppression I’ve been living under for years has lifted. I’ve been spending years fighting against the current and the past several months treading water as the current subsided.  Now the energies are at my back and it’s making all the difference.

I’ve been swimming in the ocean – actually taking time to connect to the ocean for myself.  It’s the first time in years I’ve done this.  I finally have energy for things like this – and lately a lot more. 

Now I meditate with crystals I feel a surge of energy, particularly sacral chakra creative energy.  It’s flowing very strong with nothing blocking it.  For so long it seemed like all I did was clear stuff out and heal the energy without making any real progress.  Now I’m feeling real movement, and everyone around me is noticing the difference as well.

I stopped taking herbal supplements – all of them.  I’m not sure they were doing anything for me, and I have never felt better than I have these past few weeks herbal-free.  I did a pendulum test and determined the herbal supplements were a drain on my energy. 

I don’t know how much of this is due to the epiphany around death and life purpose that happened recently.  It seems like my energy has been non-stop since then.  This also coincides with my ceasing all herbal supplements. 

I was taking melatonin or something else herbal to help with sleep for the longest time.  I just stopped cold-turkey and my sleep is about the same.  What I’m getting back is those things do little to help me sleep and whatever sleep benefit is more than offset by the energy drain of their side effects.

The little shifts add up.  And now feeling my awakened energy is full forward flow is just… wow!  Maybe it’s a good thing I began this journey fighting the current. The energy might have been too much to handle at that point in my life, the resistance was my training wheels. 

For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me, I had no energy in any aspect of my life.  I felt like I was in a very deep rut and needed help.  It’s pretty obvious I was being crushed under the energetic oppression.  Take away the resistance and the energy comes roaring back, better than ever. 

Today I’m meditating with tiger iron.  I’m feeling this surge of deep, grounded, masculine energy.  Nice. My mind is much more clear and open, my body is more relaxed.  There’s more space and freedom, a larger container. 

Damn, I could get used to this!