Post-Thailand Epiphanies

Spending time in Thailand gives me a new perspective, both on a micro and macro level.  Being in a completely different part of the world that generally doesn’t care about the pointless BS that dominates American media (not that Thai media lacks in any way for pointless BS, just that it’s their BS, and I can’t understand what they’re talking about anyhow).  Staying in a pretty remote part of Thailand made any contact with media difficult if not impossible.

Apparently I picked a good week to be off the grid and not able to pay attention to what was going on in the US.  I missed one of the most annoying and energy-draining media weeks ever.  Too bad I had to return before the eclipse, it would have been nice to miss the hippies going on and on about that, too.

On a micro level, I was separated from the day-to-day stuff at work, the TV, the annoying scheduling issues, money issues, things that don’t matter one bit. I was also separated from technology to a large extent.  I didn’t miss any of that.

I know you can’t hide from your problems, but you can create some distance, even if temporary, and gain a different perspective.  When I’m in the middle of everything, it’s hard to differentiate between what’s truly important and what isn’t, and I end up wasting energy on unimportant things.  I come back and have a much better sense of what I need to do and what I can let go. 

I know I tend to worry too much.  I’ve always known that.  But this time I had some experiences, one in particular, that shifted my attitude.  Things just aren’t going to bother me anymore the way they used to.  Everything is different.

I’ve said that a few times - everything is different.  And each time, things were different, but certain patterns stayed the same.  This time those patterns were challenged hard and they didn’t survive the challenge.  Everything is much more clear.

So what’s the big takeaway?  None of this shit matters.  Both at the micro and macro level, none of this shit matters and isn’t worth worrying about.  The news media is so distorted it’s basically fiction.  All those stories about how the world is coming to an end?  Not happening.  All the worrying about my job and money and stupid personality issues – none of that matters for shit either.

It’s possible – and even pretty easy – to go off the grid and have a happy and fulfilling life.  Yes, even an intellectually fulfilling life. You think that news media is keeping your brain challenged?  No, it’s making your brain atrophy while fooling you into thinking you’re using brain cells. 

It is not difficult to live a happy life.  There are tons of people who have a far more difficult life than us first-worlders and they have happy and fulfilling lives.  We worry about all kinds of crap that is either never going to happen or it won’t matter if it does.  We do stupid things like obsess over health insurance when what we really need to do is turn off the TV, get off the internet and go for a walk and hang out with friends.

Before this last trip I’d been worrying about retirement.  It’s so stupid.  We spend all this energy stressing over trying to keep our comforts and we never enjoy anything.  Then one day we have outlived our ability to enjoy those comforts and in the end they didn’t matter anyhow.

We really don’t need much in this life.  And the additional things we add become exponentially more expensive to obtain and bring increasingly diminishing levels of happiness.  My rich friends work 90+ hour weeks and for what?  I used to curse my “low energy” and lack of desire to work and work to make a fortune.  Now I consider that personality “flaw” to be a gift.  The huge majority of wealthy people I know are unhappy, and the few I know who are would be just as happy in the middle class.  I see a lot of pursuing of wealth and status and very little actual being in happiness.

And I’ve been as caught up in that crap as anyone.  I can cite my backstory, but service to a lame backstory is just lame. I am not my backstory.  And it’s easy to change a backstory – every new action quickly becomes a new backstory, and they add up.

I just cleared out my “sent” folder in one of my email accounts.  I hadn’t touched it in a very long time – late 2008, in fact.  So almost ten years of junk in there.  Most of those years were pretty unhappy, but it’s clear now most of that pain was self-inflicted, or at least self-perpetuated. 

So how do I know these old patterns have changed, or destroyed (if new patterns have yet to emerge)? For one thing, I’m noticing how differently I go about my day, in many ways.  Even my bedtime and sleep patterns are different. I look at people differently, and I feel different when I’m doing that.  I communicate differently.  It’s like a part of my brain that was acting out of fear or something like that was zapped and I see things differently. 

I look back at some of the old stuff, like nine years of emails, and I really don’t know why some things seemed so important then.  And it’s one thing to feel different because I’m in a better place and another to just not care about those things.  My “bad places” were almost entirely due to my psychic self-torture or worrying about things that weren’t relevant.

 

None of it matters.  That doesn’t mean fall into despair and do nothing.  It means follow your heart, it will be okay.  Stop holding onto things that make you unhappy because you’re afraid.  Say what’s on your mind, communicate openly, take care of the things that really matter, then let it go. Mistakes are okay, dwelling on them is counterproductive.  Self-torture is a poor teaching modality.  Being wrong or making a mistake is not a sin that requires repentance. 

Don’t measure yourself against others.  Don’t try live someone else’s life – chances are they’re not living their own life either.  If you can’t find happiness within, you won’t be able to see it in others – so if you’re unhappy, you’re just going to be comparing yourself to other unhappy people.  And if you’re happy, you won’t be comparing yourself to anyone.  So even if you’re unhappy, just don’t compare yourself to others and it’ll be one less thing making you unhappy.  

A clear mind is the foundation of a happy life. Social media, news media, politics, gossip, drama – these things blur and distort the mind without offering any value or nourishment.  Better to be bored than occupied with things that distort a clear mind.