"Experiences" vs "Things": Maybe It Isn't Always a Choice

I don’t spend a lot of money on myself.  I’ve prided myself on this.  I have nice clothes with pretty good style, but I spend very little on clothes for myself.  I drive the same car I’ve owned for over ten years.  I rarely go out to eat and I own very little “stuff.”  I have some crystals (okay a lot), but they cost almost nothing.  I don’t own the tech “stuff.”  Occasionally I’ll spend for some training or something educational, and if I spend money for pleasure it’s generally on travel or experiences. 

As I’ve been clearing out that “holding on” energy, I realize I’ve probably taken this too far and actually gone too cheap on myself, which instead of being frugal and life-nourishing is actually stifling my energy.  This weekend I spent a small amount to get some Bluetooth stereo equipment.  Some of it I kind of need for the car, because of the new laws (cheaper than one ticket, so kind of a no-brainer), and some just makes obvious sense. 

I realized immediately a few things in doing that.  First, as I’m going deeper into Natural Grounding resources, I notice a huge difference in the quality of the experience with the higher-quality equipment.  When the sound is more rich and clear and surrounding, it deepens the level of experience.  Even lying on the couch at home listening to NG music feels different now, my body would absorb the experience instead of listening more passively. 

It’s not like I splurged – the whole investment was considerably less than the cost of a usual long-weekend vacation.  But the payoff was immense.  

I had songs in my phone I thought I was “sick” of and couldn’t listen to anymore.  But I was inspired to create another playlist with these long-forgotten songs and listened to them through the new speaker – it was like listening to them for the first time. 

I also bought a few pieces of furniture – one of which I still need to assemble.  It makes a difference, it frees up the energy and brings some order to the chaos that develops in the apartment. 

Because my value is on the experiential and not the physical, I tend to overlook the value that the physical can bring to the experience.  This weekend was a reminder that the physical can play a valuable role in enhancing the energy of the experience.  Being too frugal on the “stuff” could actually be short-changing yourself and the full value of the experience. 

I should add also that the process of obtaining those “things,” and assembling the furniture, were valuable experiences in themselves. The entertainment value of the experience of waiting for my car stereo to be installed was worth a good fraction of the money I spent for the item, to say nothing of the listening and driving experience.  So maybe it isn’t a “things” vs “experience” duality as much as a challenge to be mindful of what “things” to bring into my life and how to integrate them with the experiential in a way that best serves.

Holding Back Energy Vs. Clearing Out: Lessons from "Difficulties"

Still going inward, still slowing down.  Still learning so much from this.

Last month I had a number of experiences that seemed like “bad luck” or “challenges,” and it was only after that I realized what they were – a clearing out of bad energy.  In one case I had been holding onto physical and emotional trauma from a years ago that was trapped and festering in a tooth.  The root canal cleared it all out and then it’s gone.  I had negative energy that for some reason had settled into my car’s transmission, and after replacing it there was all kinds of opening.

A car?  But it drives completely differently now and the energy when I’m driving it is clean.

Even the spending of funds and paying off of some debt freed up energy, actually opening paths to receive more wealth in the future. 

I have a tendency to hold onto energy, which creates tightness in my energy system and body and also lends to fear-based patterns. Going inward is bringing awareness to them and they’re releasing. 

I’m beginning to see how that “holding” pattern has guided a lot of my thinking and behavior patterns.  And it’s drained energy that could be better used to actually create what I want, instead of holding on and fighting against things I don’t want.

I wouldn’t see this larger pattern if I hadn’t spent a considerable amount of time slowing down to pay attention.  This is a key piece, the thing that’s been holding me back, and once I see it it’s actually not that difficult to flip the switch.  All this time I’d been operating under the assumption this is just how it is, but it isn’t.  It’s a choice.

And when trying to do “big things” with energy, I’m realizing how important it is to align those patterns to create and move energy through, instead of holding back or seeking to preserve. Just noticing this I feel a huge sense of relief.  It makes perfect sense.

So I’m grateful for the “challenges” of the past month.  They’ve helped me to learn a much more valuable lesson.

In the Midlst of a Major Energetic Storm

From Saturday the 18^th:

Last night I spent some time binge listening to Destin Gerek’s podcasts.  He’s got a pretty good body of work now and it’s well worth a listen.  Not all of it will be relevant or valuable to you, and I’d have recommendations for Destin on how he conducts his podcasts (he’s generally putting too much attention on the guest and not enough input from him – probably needs a monologue or something so his knowledge and message is coming out more directly), but he’s brought in some pretty solid guests for an inaugural podcast.  It’s on iTunes – just search “Destin Gerek” and you’ll find it. 

As for me, I’m settling into my not-so-new lifestyle and starting to really enjoy it.  When I started this journey inward, I think there was a lot of resistance, and so there was a lot of subconscious sabotage – distraction, wasting my valuable downtime, etc.  But lately I’ve found a good place energetically.  I’m in a place where some pretty big waves that hit late last year and early this year have passed and I can celebrate a bit.  Things aren’t the way I’d like them to be for the long term, but for now things are good and getting better.

I’m embracing my journey inward with a lot more enthusiasm and curiosity, and also more honesty.  The whole point of this is to clear out the BS and get clear on who I am and my larger purpose.  And I’m finally at a point where I can look at myself more clearly.

And it’s interesting.  I realize I’ve changed in a lot of ways I didn’t even realize, that some big things that had been bothering me and driving how and what I’ve been pursuing are gone, they’ve cleared up.

After I clear out all the layers of anxiety and BS, I’ve been surprised to find I’m actually very happy with this quiet, simpler life.  I really love my wife, I love my son and enjoy spending lots of quality time with him, I really like my job how things are developing career-wise, and I really enjoy these moments of quiet meditation and reflection, just enjoying the slow pace with little or nothing to do. 

I really enjoy my meditations, energy clearings and alchemy.  I enjoy not having a lot on my plate and feeling my life slow down.  This is home for me.  For a while I’d feel bored, and I still do from time to time, but the more I embrace slowing down, the less bored I feel.  I just relax and time seems to fly by without having to fill it with “doing stuff.”

For a while I was pretty attached to the Internet and social media, but I’m cutting that cord, too.  It feels good.  It reminds me of those times last year when we’d take short vacations to places “off the grid,” or where Internet was spotty at best.  And it was sooooo nice!  Just relaxing with my family and slowing down to the pace of the sun and moon and letting all the BS of city life go. 

 

Since the 18^th It’s been a steady week of major energetic attacks, so it appears that period was a brief lull in the storm.

It appears now that I’m in the middle of a very large energetic storm.  I still continue to receive the message to slow down and go inward, and it’s beginning to have some positive effects, but it’s clear the energetic storm is far from over and there is much to learn.

I’ve been in this “going inward” state since around November.  At first I felt a lot of resistance, but now my mind is slowing down and things opening up.  But that’s not the end of it. It’s just a marker.  The attacks are getting stronger and affecting things around me.  Possessions breaking, things like that.  Also money issues and work stress for me and my wife.

This is the problem with energetic attacks – I can shield myself and my family, but I can’t shield everything.  So major repairs, expenses and work stresses come in, and there’s little I can do except try to minimize the damage. 

But it hasn’t been just things breaking, it’s affecting me as well.  Many nights of difficult sleep and just general stress. The reason I’m being asked to focus inward and heal is because this is a difficult time energetically and it’s going to take a lot of resources to keep the energy clear and moving on the right path. 

But despite the external attacks and their affect on my energy and things around me, my internal state is getting better. I’ve been using Natural Grounding more regularly.  And it works.  In fact, I’m finding blocks from the last time I stopped doing NG and it’s clearing out my energy more and more. 

So I keep going.  Internally it’s getting better, externally some major stuff is going on.

Etienne has talked about some of the recent energetic events, and I sense there’s a lot more happening.  So it’s just a big energetic storm and it’s going to have to run its course.  It seems to be affecting everyone, and many in not good ways.  I’m watching the reaction to Trump with wonder – millions of people going crazy from the energy flows. 

Keep going.  More to follow.

Black Magic and Energetic Attacks: Your Negative Thoughts Are Killing You

Someone I wouldn’t expect asked me recently if I did “magic.”  I said not really, I’m an energy healer, but it’s not magic in the sense laypeople think. I don’t “cast spells” on people or anything like that.  The person was concerned that I might be “placing curses” on people.  Which I thought was odd because 1) this person has done nothing but mock my energy work and 2) this person has been attacking me energetically on a constant basis, just not as a trained alchemist.  

As I posted before, I don’t use energy work unto others without their express permission.  To do so, either as an uninvited “good spell” or “curse” is black magic.  Generally black magic doesn’t work – that is, it doesn’t help nor harm the intended recipient.  It does, however, do a lot of damage to the energy of the person engaging in black magic.

Because most people who engage in energy work really don’t know what they’re doing, black magic is common.  And a lot of people aren’t even aware they’re engaging in black magic.  Simply saying a prayer asking God to change someone else in some way to your liking is black magic. 

So if you’re angry at someone and you wish for God to “smite” them in some way, you’re committing black magic, and almost certainly damaging your energy.  If you do this enough times, and with enough power, you will eventually kill yourself.  Even if you wish for God to change someone “for the better,” and that person rejects it, you’re poisoning your energy.  Even energy healers will full permission have to be careful – always asking for no more than what the recipient is willing to accept, and always for the greater good.  That way if a request falls outside the boundaries it’s negated.

At this point in my journey I can tell certain people are attacking me energetically.  Most of the attacks are pretty weak, but occasionally someone with some real power and intent will throw something at me.  I have a very strong energetic protection, which means energetic attacks (or even “beneficial” black magic) bounces straight off and hits the attacker with the same level of force in reverse. People who are consciously engaged in energy work figure it out quick and stop attacking, because they don’t like getting hit with their own negative juju.

The danger is those who either don’t believe in energy or don’t know what they’re doing.  They keep attacking and receiving the full brunt of their attacks and never realize their actions are making them more and more ill.  The worst of these attackers start becoming physically ill- maybe someone who never gets sick starts developing colds and flus on a regular basis.  Others get cysts or migraines.  Others it can be even more serious – over time people’s negative thoughts toward others will give them cancer, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and/or severe mental illness.

I think this person is experiencing some serious medical issues, but it’s interesting this person thought to even approach me and suggest I might be “cursing” them – that’s the telltale sign this person has been engaging in a LOT of negative thought toward me.  I hadn’t been giving this person a moment’s thought since I told them to stop bothering me, but apparently this person has been spending a lot of time and energy thinking bad thoughts about me.

In Buddhism we talk about right thought, right action, right life, the Law of Cause and Effect. And Buddhists make no distinction between wrong thought and wrong action, they’re equally destructive to the person engaging in them.  The world around us is our thoughts – it’s impossible to fill one’s mind with bad thoughts and manifest a good world.  That’s not to say we’re perfect, but that we strive for purity in thought, which leads to purity in action, which leads to purity in life.  But other religions talk about this too. Christianity speaks about sinning through thought alone and many of the concepts are similar – you are your thoughts, and there’s no getting around it.

Too many people don’t get this, or they believe somehow their bad thoughts are “justified,” that if they were wronged then they’re entitled to think bad thoughts and engage in black magic.  But the universe did not create an exemption for revenge, or “he started it.” You are either committed to pure thought or not and your life will reflect that choice.  There are no exceptions.

When I see people suffering because of their decisions to engage in forms of black magic, I feel sad.  Often the negative reactions seem disproportionate to their thoughts and actions.  I’ve seen quite a few people who are victims of their own karma, and never once did I feel their karmic comeuppance was fair or justified.  But it’s not about fairness, it’s about the level of negative energy and the ability of the system to handle that energy without collapsing.  So for some people, a little negative thinking can practically kill them, while others can be like that for a long time before their system tips and bad things start manifesting in their lives. 

So no, I don’t cause people to have health problems.  I can help those who give me permission to heal their energy.  I can teach people how to heal their own energy.  And I can share what I know – like now – to hopefully help others from making terrible mistakes.

And as for now, I’m still going inward and healing my energy.  It’s frustrating at times, because it feels like I should be “doing something” more, but the message keeps coming back that this is what I need to be doing.  So I will. 

Nearing the Top of the Hill

My life has felt like I’ve been pushing the ball uphill for a very long time.  But now I’m sensing I’m at (or at least very near) the top of that hill.  Things are starting to make sense and come together in new ways.

For a few months now I’ve been consciously going in, slowing down my life, meditating a lot more, and doing much less. I didn’t know why I was being asked by my higher self to do this, but I did.  It didn’t make sense, I felt a lot of resistance, but I kept going in, kept slowing down.

Eventually I found myself “re-discovering” things I’d forgotten for a long time.  Things like Natural Grounding and Quigong.  And then more things started shifting and making sense.  It seems that in my effort to change parts of myself that needed to grow, I’d also abandoned other parts of me that are important to my core being.  And in the quiet and reflection, I found them again.

Maybe I thought these core principles were holding me back, or the cause of my unhappiness.  But without them, I was incomplete and just “not myself.”  And maybe I had to lose myself to find myself, maybe I had to throw away those things and go through this journey in order to appreciate them.

And it’s not like everything in my life during this journey of about the last about twenty years (around the time I first went off-track and “lost myself”) has been for nothing.  I’ve brought a lot of amazing things into my life.  Yes, a lot of mistakes and a lot of what seemed like wasted effort, but also good things.  When I slowed down, the things that are really important to me seem to come to me, I don’t have to try. 

Granted, I can look back at the mistakes and shake my head.  There were plenty.  And others weren’t really mistakes so much as me trying on different outfits.  But looking back now, those were not good looks for me.  Still, the me before all that wasn’t all that hot, either.  Somehow I’ve grown and kept going and become better.

And yes, that personal journey influences who I am as a healer and alchemist.  It shapes who I am as a coach.  I’ve found I’m getting very good at cutting to the heart of the matter with other people’s problems and offering valuable insight.  My energetic work is more aligned and effective now.  I’ve made peace with places in my own life where I’d been badly out of integrity, and somehow I’ve found my way home again, overall better off for the experience.

And at this point I’m realizing that taking a long time to just be quiet and still, to meditate and reflect, can be the best way to transform a life for the better.  Sometimes all that “doing” just leads us in circles, while if we remain still, the path opens up easily for us.

Returning to Natural Grounding and Quigong

My meditation and energetic cultivation "routine" had been thrown off a bit over the past couple years.  Which needed to happen, the old routine was becoming unhelpful. And over those two years I cultivated a whole new set of energetic practices, focused on meditation, alchemy and crystal energy.

But I'd lost connection with some really valuable resources, particularly Natural Grounding.  Maybe I thought I didn't need it, or watching videos was too difficult given my schedule.  At any rate, I reconnected with these resources and they're more powerful than ever.  I can bring the alchemy and crystal energy resources in with my "old practice" and create something better than ever.

Things that felt "stuck," that wouldn't clear out easily with stillness meditation, vaporized.  My energy feels much clearer and more connected to purpose.  The video above is a powerhouse resource, but I've also been having great results with Buachompoo Ford.



And I'd completely forgotten about these incredible Quigong videos - simple exercises that generate INCREDIBLE amounts of chi energy. I started practicing these and saw MAJOR changes in my energy.

I was going into this year feeling like it was a slog.  My energy during the holidays was choppy and ungrounded.  The beginning of this year was very busy at work and it seemed like all this free time I've had recently was going to waste.  I was making some progress, but also feeling stuck, tired and irritated. 

Now, after a week of these resource, I feel like that energetic shit has been flushed out and I'm back in a nice, calm, centered place.  The alchemy and crystal energy work is much more effective now.  Stillness meditation doesn't feel like a struggle to avoid being distracted, but connection to stillness.

It feels like I've finally shaken off the energetic hangover from the end of 2016, when there were huge energetic events one after the other, and fully integrated that new energy and those shifts.  And more than I have in quite a while.  I'm going to add these back to my energetic and alchemy work.

Slowing Down: Keep Meditating, Keep Breathing

I’ve been very quiet, with very little blogging activity and even less activity writing outside of this blog.  Apart from being very busy with work and family holiday activities, I’ve been quiet off the blog, too.  I’m going with the flow of the season – quiet, slow, going inward.  This has been the continuation of the trend that began last year of slowing down and going inward.

In my mind it’s felt anything but slow and quiet – all kinds of thoughts and emotions coming up, unprocessed feelings, memories, long-standing internal conflicts.  All the while I continued meditating, continued slowing down.  It felt like nothing was happening – I’m meditating more, why do I feel LESS centered?  Why is all this stuff coming up?

And so I’d work through the stuff and keep going inward. 

Then I’d think about how I’m not getting anywhere with this.  I still feel stress, I still have sleepless nights, I still replay things or worry.  I’m supposed to be finding stillness and I’m sitting here feeling distracted.

And I’d keep going.  Keep meditating.  Often it would feel like a waste because I’d sit the whole time and never still my thoughts, spend the whole time thinking of things.

And still I’d keep going inward.

And I started thinking about all I’m missing out by going inward.  I’m not doing stuff, I’m wasting my life.  I’m becoming a bit of a shut-in and a loner.  I thought about the writing I wasn’t doing, the activities I wasn’t doing, the people I wasn’t meeting, the coaching practice I haven’t done anything with lately. 

And I’d keep sitting and meditating, focusing on my breath. 

I’d keep waking up in the middle of the night and struggling to fall back asleep.  I’d keep finding myself fighting to avoid reaching for the smartphone.  And I’d think “shouldn’t I be better at this?”  With all the resources, the things I’ve learned and done, shouldn’t I be making Jedi progress during this time instead of slogging through?

And I’d keep meditating, keep breathing.

Oh and the thoughts – do I really want to keep writing for Destin?  Why am I stuck on my writing for so long?  Why does it feel like I’m backsliding?  Why am I always worrying about money and what I can’t do because I have to sacrifice right now?

And… I’d keep meditating.  Keep breathing.

Keep thinking I’m getting nowhere but I’m going to keep doing this anyhow. And for months, nothing would happen. Well, things happened, a lot of things.  But stillness and peace weren’t among those things.  I started thinking back to times two years ago and four years ago when I was just in this place of awesome stillness. What happened?  Where did it go?  How do I get that back?  Why is this so hard when I’m spending so much time meditating.

And I’d keep meditating.  Keep breathing. 

For weeks it felt like banging my head against a wall, or worse.  I was distracted by current events and past drama.  I was acting reactively.  Yet things were okay.  Mostly I was calm and peaceful and enjoying my simple life.  I just didn’t have that Zen feeling anymore.  But I was actually doing okay overall.  I was aware of my habits I wanted to change and I was actually pretty happy with my simple, quiet life, even if I felt guilty and ashamed of it at times, that Fear of Missing Out.

And I kept meditating, kept breathing.

And things started opening up slightly.  I felt moments of that old Zen feeling.  Then longer moments. And now it feels like it’s shifted back and I’m connected with that old Zen self again. 

Other things changed too.  I began studying Thai again – it’s been so long I just wouldn’t do anything.  Now it feels good. 

And I keep meditating, keep breathing.

I see this year starting off as a continuation of last year – that is to say, a bit of a slog.  This will be a year of living simply, but one where that simple life will pay off with massive progress toward my big goals. The year will begin with a lot of work and sacrifice, but open up at the end.

And the struggle with thoughts and feelings is all part of it.  By slowing down I’m actually allowing these thoughts and feelings to surface so I can process, instead of running or distracting myself from them.  I’m not doing things, I’m specifically not doing.  And this allows me to really look at what it is I’ve been doing and decide if it’s worthwhile. 

And a lot of what I’ve been doing isn’t worthwhile.  It isn’t me.  And by “doing things” I’m missing out on far more than if I do nothing.

It’s a big reset button.  If all I do is focus my energy on being a good dad and husband, doing my job well, and stillness, I’ll be accomplishing more than ever have.  Anything I add to this will be coming from the heart, consciously chosen.  Or I could spend the year meditating in my free time and deepening my relationship to stillness and not add anything.  Maybe that alone is enough. 

So the journey inward continues.  I feel there is a lot of gold here and I’ll emerge a better man.  And maybe those things I used to think were so important to say, to publish, to “add value,” maybe those things were getting in the way of my true value.  Maybe this silence is the best way I can serve right now.

And so I keep meditating, keep breathing.