Nearing the Top of the Hill

My life has felt like I’ve been pushing the ball uphill for a very long time.  But now I’m sensing I’m at (or at least very near) the top of that hill.  Things are starting to make sense and come together in new ways.

For a few months now I’ve been consciously going in, slowing down my life, meditating a lot more, and doing much less. I didn’t know why I was being asked by my higher self to do this, but I did.  It didn’t make sense, I felt a lot of resistance, but I kept going in, kept slowing down.

Eventually I found myself “re-discovering” things I’d forgotten for a long time.  Things like Natural Grounding and Quigong.  And then more things started shifting and making sense.  It seems that in my effort to change parts of myself that needed to grow, I’d also abandoned other parts of me that are important to my core being.  And in the quiet and reflection, I found them again.

Maybe I thought these core principles were holding me back, or the cause of my unhappiness.  But without them, I was incomplete and just “not myself.”  And maybe I had to lose myself to find myself, maybe I had to throw away those things and go through this journey in order to appreciate them.

And it’s not like everything in my life during this journey of about the last about twenty years (around the time I first went off-track and “lost myself”) has been for nothing.  I’ve brought a lot of amazing things into my life.  Yes, a lot of mistakes and a lot of what seemed like wasted effort, but also good things.  When I slowed down, the things that are really important to me seem to come to me, I don’t have to try. 

Granted, I can look back at the mistakes and shake my head.  There were plenty.  And others weren’t really mistakes so much as me trying on different outfits.  But looking back now, those were not good looks for me.  Still, the me before all that wasn’t all that hot, either.  Somehow I’ve grown and kept going and become better.

And yes, that personal journey influences who I am as a healer and alchemist.  It shapes who I am as a coach.  I’ve found I’m getting very good at cutting to the heart of the matter with other people’s problems and offering valuable insight.  My energetic work is more aligned and effective now.  I’ve made peace with places in my own life where I’d been badly out of integrity, and somehow I’ve found my way home again, overall better off for the experience.

And at this point I’m realizing that taking a long time to just be quiet and still, to meditate and reflect, can be the best way to transform a life for the better.  Sometimes all that “doing” just leads us in circles, while if we remain still, the path opens up easily for us.