Energetic Heart Opening and the Veil Has Been Pierced

The veil of spiritual denial that has been thwarting awakening energy, especially in my geographic area, was THICK, but veil has been tunneled and now everyone is being impacted by the ascension.  (I strongly encourage you to check out these links to Etienne’s blog that talk about recent spiritual developments.)  Most people are not going to do well in this period – many will fall down before they can rise up. 

In my case, it’s been a very beautiful opening.  The past two weeks have been major stress and stuck energy, as I reported earlier, and a refocusing on meditation and slowing down.

But starting yesterday, it’s like someone pulled the drain plug and all the spiritual crap is flowing down the drain.  It’s a truly beautiful opening.

And as al the psychic and spiritual garbage and stuck energy flows out, things are healing.  The walls are coming down hard, emotions coming up – very intense.  And I’m healing inside, preparing to receive more energy and ascend.

So much of my past has been years of loneliness, sadness, confusion, fear and deep shame.  I’ve never felt like I fit in and I never understood why, I just knew I wasn’t right and I felt terrible shame.

I’ve kept up lots of blocks, lots of walls – all this anxiety and fear and shame – and behind it so much sadness and loneliness and a deep yearning just to be free from the pain and fear and shame and just live my life.

Sometimes things are happening on the inside, weakening the walls, changing my thoughts, and I don’t feel any change.  Then something shifts my thinking and the walls fall like sand castles.  That’s what’s happening.  My system wants to heal, to let go of the pain of the past that I didn’t understand.  But the energy was so stuck I couldn’t do much.  I ended up reacting a lot, hiding from my pain and shame, acting out of anger or trying to lie to myself.

Now it’s okay, I can love myself now. I don’t have to hide, I don’t have to be ashamed.  I don’t have to pretend I’m perfect or worry about what haters think of me.  I can stand up right where I am and be me.  I can stand in my truth and love myself as I am and not have to worry about anything.

I can start letting those emotions process.  I can feel hurt, I can feel lonely and sad.  I can accept myself and others now.  I don’t have to fight, I don’t have to prove anything.  And boy, have I ever. 

I finally was able to heal a recurring pain from childhood that followed me into my patterns as an adult.  I’ve been able to face my tendency to withdraw into fantasy or avoidance, to face head-on my anxieties and feelings of low self-worth.  And the anger and unprocessed rage from repressing these feelings.

All that sadness, confusion, helplessness, loneliness, fear, shame – melting away very quickly, all coming up at once.  And behind that determination, compassion, love and understanding.  And peace.  I’m no longer ashamed of these things from my past, or those experiences and feelings.  And I don’t have to identify with the feelings and patterns, either.  I can understand.  I can love – myself and others.  And I can tap into that vast reservoir of determination to live a better life. 

Because really, things were never that bad, I just needed space to feel what I was too ashamed to feel and then find that resolve and keep going.  Sometimes I need to rest, take care of my body, but my resolve always comes back once I give myself space to heal and clear my energy.

And now energy is flowing in.  I have more resources freed up to deflect attacks, instead of absorbing or reacting.  More powers are coming online.  I’m sleeping better and finding more centeredness and peace.  And I know I’m on my path.  I’m compassionate and understanding about my past, and toward others who suffer the same way (and this is very good), while at the same time not identifying with it or against it.  It’s okay now.  I’m grateful for the understanding and how it can make me a more compassionate person.

I’ve also found some new supplements that seem to really be helping me – maca, an immune system herbal tea, B-complex, a prostate-supporting supplement, fish oil and cutting way back on coffee.  It’s really helping to calm my system and I slept like a log last night.  (Exercising earlier in the day helps a lot, too.)

I see big movements happening this weekend.  There’s a good chance of significant earthquakes in my area, especially with the veil being pierced.  There will be other movements as well, and possibly a surge of creative force from me as my energy comes back online.   

Lessons From A Period of Change

The past month has been a period of transition for me – it’s been very interesting.  Periods of being busy, tired, stressed, that “not getting what I want” anxiety, other worries.  And also a period of silence and meditation and introspection that I haven’t enjoyed in a long time. 

And as stressful as this time was – and it was stressful in a lot of ways – I have been committed to using this time to grow, to challenge my old patterns, to create a new way.

And it’s been enlightening.  I see a clear path out of my current debt situation.  I see a stronger and more disciplined meditation practice, as well as a conscious practice of reflection and challenging of my beliefs and habits that it already yielding big results. 

Things are changing, because they had to change.  I had to change inside, to create the space to go to the next level.  And some of that is stressful, and I’ve had to put that aside and commit to the change process.  I couldn’t continue to simply absorb the energetic awakenings while operating under the same personal and psychic system – I’d be fried.

So I’m welcoming this change and trying to find ways to get my sleep and exercise (this has been the hardest part).  And to take the time to address the issues as they come up, without taking any of this personally, as I had done in the past. 

I now have some time alone, and I’m realizing how poor my meditation practice has been.  It’s not easy to build up a meditation practice, but I’m doing it.  I’m realizing how much energy there is when my financial energy is freed up and I can pay down my debt – it’s a HUGE energetic improvement. 

But every movement in this direction is yielding big results.  This week it feels like the pressure is off and I can breathe again.  I meditate and fall asleep easily.  I find that center.

Meanwhile energies around are going crazy.  The veil of spiritual denial is being lifted, though it’s taking a lot longer and a lot more energy than expected.  There’s a whole lot of energetic change and also the same challenges in a lot of other people that I’m going through now. 

So what insights are coming up these last few weeks?  What are the lessons I can bring forward?

First, slow down.  Then slow down more.  And don’t expect this to be easy, it’s a process.

Second, the resistances, the anxieties, the things I hate – these are the places of growth.  All the triggers and negative feelings are the pathway for releasing the old paradigm and opening up space for what’s to come.

Third, everything has to change, and I am not naturally inclined to embrace change.  Even when change is necessary and unavoidable, it’s something my system resists strongly and I have to work through with that knowing in mind.

Fourth, before I can “do what I’m meant to do” I need to fully embrace the process of “not doing,” to fully cease all the many thoughts and actions that are out of alignment.  It is impossible to create right thought and action while holding onto wrong thoughts and actions – one must first open one’s hand and let go of the bad object in order to free that hand for something better. 

Fifth, the process of releasing and letting go is not relaxing and enjoyable – often there is psychic and spiritual stiffness from holding onto the thing that isn’t serving me.  This means releasing is going to be painful and difficult.

Sixth, fantasy, self-pity, anger, blame, fear, worry – these are all patterns of poverty and scarcity.  And I can directly communicate with and challenge these patterns and create significant change in a short amount of time.

Seventh, the more I slow down, the more I focus on releasing, the more I clear and un-stick my energy, the more the positive changes “just show up” without my having to do anything in particular.  So the process of change is mostly a process of getting rid of the junk.

Eighth, none of the outside stuff matters.  Any reaction to stuff outside is only an opportunity to go inside. Football games, politics, stuff on social media – none of it means squat, apart from what I choose to take from it.  So what am I choosing to take?

Going Deeper Into Meditation and Inner Awkening

I spent a lot of time this weekend just resting.  I meditated for quite a long time both days – something I really haven’t been doing up to now.  Normally it’s been small meditations, at most 15 minutes.  But there’s something different about meditating for an hour.  The mind goes through cycles and I came out very relaxed.

And so I spent a good part of both days – meditation, take a break, meditate more, sleep if it called me, meditate.  I really needed that.  In fact I need a whole lot more. 

I have a magnetic ball that’s been installed under me, connected to three people at the moment.  And wow, I’ve never felt so grounded.  It’s powerful. 

This journey inward is pretty intense – there’s a lot of resistance, a lot of story coming up.  Fear of missing out – FOMO.  It was a weekend of letting go of the need to do something, the feeling of boredom and distraction, and relaxing in.  I’m craving a transformation, and my archetype kept saying the transformation has happened, just let go of the old habits and be with it.

I felt sad, I felt lonely, I felt a lot of things come up from my past.  And my archetype kept saying, connect with what is.  This is your time to let the old go.  Everything else – every feeling of disconnect or fear – is a matter of shifting state, not changing anything inside.  I already have the resources, just need to learn to better manage the energy levels. 

I felt openings – love, acceptance.  And relaxation.  And also sleepiness, which was nice.  My body could finally relax and accept nourishment. 

It’s not like I resolved anything, but I found a better way and began the process of unloading all this accumulated stress and energetic oppression I’ve been carrying.  I feel much more open and relaxed in my chest and breathing.  I feel more centered and grounded.

Things are coming up in my dreams, too.  Lots of resistance coming up.  Representations of old patterns that don’t work anymore – they show up as “losers” squatting in my space.  And they fight back – but it’s interesting, I’m willing to call them out for the losers that they are and challenge their violence toward me.  So things are shifting.

And now it’s time to go very deep into this grounding and centering.  I need to clear a LOT more out.  I’ve been a ball of stress, and under that is someone who is very tired.  I need to clear out everything, and it’s going to take some time.  And I need to heal and restore.  I’ve been holding it together and distracting myself for a very long time.  That’s over now. 

All of the distractions, FOMO, the need to “do something,” these have all been coping mechanisms for me to keep going as I have been.  But then I wonder why it takes so little to set me off – it’s because I haven’t actually been releasing and resolving things. 

Ever since I began this journey I’ve only gone deep enough into meditation to feel open enough.  Now don’t get me wrong, it’s a lot, and I’ve been able to do some amazing things with that level of grounding and centering.  But I haven’t fully cleared out and healed.  Boredom and distraction are still powerful resistances that I haven’t fully resolved.

Also I believe my energy was not at a level where deep meditation would resolve things.  Things are different now.  I wasn’t sure how I would go about integrating the new changes, but deepening my meditation practice makes perfect sense.  I have made (or made the decisions that led to) many changes energetically.  And yes, this makes meditation more accessible and more transformative.

I keep getting the message there isn’t anything to do, it’s a matter of slowing down and getting to know what is.  The more I let go of the stories and illusions, the better everything is and the more real change can happen.  I really need to relax and trust the process. 

Part of me – the story – keeps thinking of all the things I have to do, it worries and thinks I’m not doing enough.  The other part of me – the inner part I find in meditation – doesn’t care about doing, it moves slowly and takes long pauses.  And it seems to get more done more effectively.  Less really is more.  But it’s not enough to experience this in one place, I need to experience this everywhere in my being – to do less, rest more, meditate more, go inside and then take action from that power.  Do a few things well instead of many things poorly.

Time For The Next Phase of My Transformation

The month of September is one of incredible energetic shift, everything is changing on a massive scale.

I’ve been feeling very tired.  It’s part of the energetic shift, I’m going through another phase of evolution.  The energetic shift going on in September is going on in me.

At first I thought all this was just fatigue from the lifestyle transformation - my wife landed a job, which is a very good thing but it’s an adjustment.  She seems fine, so I don’t really have to worry about her, but it’s been an adjustment. My son is back in school and I’ve shifted my work schedule to support both of them.

But that’s more a manifestation of what’s going on inside me than the reason for how I’m feeling.  These changes have given me something I haven’t had in a very long time – time to myself. I can finally have proper meditation and alchemy sessions, which I’ve started to do.  And these sessions have been powerful, and I really needed this change in my life to help transition to the next level.

Deep inside I’m craving more connection – more meditation, more alchemy, more conscious creation of my life.  I have a deep desire to use this opportunity to integrate these breakthroughs and consciously recreate myself, which is going on.  And this process is an energetically exhausting process – THIS is what is keeping me up at night, THIS is what has me feeling unfocused, and THIS is what is having me feel tired.

Things are really opening up – my writing is flowing, my meditation and alchemy practice is expanding, my energy is changing the world around me.  There are many walls in my life that are coming down, many without my even placing conscious awareness.  But there is more – much more – that I want to do.

My attitude has changed about certain things that have bothered me for a long time.  Total reframe.  And with the time to meditate and integrate, this transformation is accelerating.  And I want more – more deep work, more transformation, more alchemy, more production.

There are many things about my being that I’ve carried over – habits, patterns, identities, relationships – that don’t serve me and never did.  But they sat under the surface, unexplored.  Now I’m ready to take that next step, to embody the alchemist and create new habits and identities that serve me in this way. 

This is the next phase of my spiritual transformation, to really explore and embody this new me.  I’m ready for it, but it’s going to be a lot of work.  And it’s time.