I Am NOT a Coach

I haven’t posted in a long time, I’m not exactly sure why not.  But it’s time to clear up some things about my intention and purpose.

I am NOT a coach.  Repeat – NOT. A. COACH.

Yes, I have gifts that need to be shared, and yes I have a larger purpose that I need to follow.  But it is NOT. COACHING.

Today was the hilarious punctuation mark on “NO, I AM NOT A COACH.”  My social media today has been full of “special people” who call themselves various forms of “life coach,” all of whom embody the adage “Those who can’t do, teach.”  Especially when it comes to “life.”  None of these clowns has a real job, they’re not making any real money from their “coaching,” their lives are barely an existence, they’re broke, they have family trouble, their Facebook pages scream “rapist and child molester.”

And guess what they all have down for their profession?  Yep, “Life Coach.”  Or some iteration of this. 

When you see enough of the same pattern, it’s the reality.  And as I’m seeing one after the other of this hilarious parade of stupid, I realize MY OWN Facebook STILL had some BS “life coach” line, among the list of my actual jobs that pay or paid real money.  In fact it’s still on this blog.

Well, it’s gone now.  That was never who I was and it’s NOT who I am.  I actually have a real job that is crafted from a professional career that spans many years. I’m educated, trained, productive, successful, and pulling in money to support myself and my family.  I am a burden to nobody.  I have NEVER gone on Facebook hocking or begging to friends for my existence.  And I’ll be damned if I’m going to be associated with the deadweight of society that hilariously calls itself “Life Coaches” when they suck at life.  Loudly.

I have gifts and insight to share.  Yes, I have things I can impart that help others, and I do.  I may even charge for these services from time to time as the opportunity arises.  But that’s not my identity nor my profession.  The whole “New Age Life Coaching” movement is a corrupt cesspool, and it is NOT ME.  My higher calling is in a different vein.  It’s writing, it’s sharing insights, it’s basically updating on what happens in my life for the benefit of others.

If someone else wants to integrate these life lessons into a coaching program, go nuts.  It’s open source, feel free to take what you want and use as you see fit.  If there’s demand, I’ll come back to certain subjects and add more.  But the Life Coaching industry has become so polluted and such a spectacular failure that to even mention myself as such corrupts my energy. 

So I’m burning the title, which I never owned and never liked.  I’m disavowing the New Age Coaching profession in all its forms – again, never resonated for me and it’s clear now why.  Good riddance to all of it. 

What about guys like Rion, Etienne and Radoslav?  They’re still worthwhile if you’re called forth toward what they stand for.  But they’re unique in that they actually have clarity around what they stand for.  The profession doesn’t stand for a damn thing except playing on wounds to take money.

A few people stand for a higher vision and call forth others to follow them.  The Life Coaches make people feel insecure (“You’re not getting laid, you’re broke, you’re unhappy, give me money to take your mind off the problems you didn’t have until I convinced you that you had a problem!”) and then waste their time and money with distractions and never accomplish anything, leaving the person worse off.  Nobody needs that, and nobody who values themselves would want to be associated with that toxic garbage.  And I don’t.

So enjoy my insights, use them as you see fit.  Don’t call me coach.

P.S. Someone complained I was posting something “not out of love” when I called out a spiritual fraud.  Here’s my response: 

I'm going to call a fraud a fraud. There are far too many New Age "coaches" and other spiritual deadwood polluting the world with their shams or sucking on everyone else's energy. It needs to stop. As far as I'm concerned that is me speaking from love - love for what is good and right in the face of spiritual perversion. If it bothers people, I think that's a good thing. We need that.

There you have it.  That’s my truth and my higher purpose.  Shining light on darkness, being a solution, not part of the problem.

Don't Hire a Life Coach, Part 2

A few months back I made a decision to walk away from a long-time coaching modality.  I just ended everything with the coach and group.  I also unfriended or muted a bunch of people.  Looking back now I feel that was one of the best moves I’ve ever made and only wish I had done it sooner. 

All that negative energy and annoyance is gone.  I don’t have to own anything they’re doing, I don’t have to know what’s going on, and they don’t need to know what I’m up to, either.  It feels really good, and every day it feels better.

Now I’m far enough away that I can reengage on

 my terms.  The other day I had an interview with one of the members and was able to offer up some insight on my past experiences and take on the role of an outside consultant, instead of an insider.  It feels much better interacting from a place where I’m standing in my own place and living my own life.  I don’t need nor want attention or recognition.  I can simply offer my experience as “someone whose gone through some interesting life experiences.”  Nobody has to know it’s me or wonder if I’m speaking as an offering or out of loyalty, I can just share my experience and people can take what they want.

I’m very very happy here.  At the time I wrote about how students should seek to outgrow their teachers and eventually leave them behind.  I feel that more strongly now than ever.

Let’s face it, I never wanted to be like my coach.  I wanted to learn some things from him that he was very good at – and very good at teaching others about as well.  But after a point there was little more he was willing to share that I wanted to master.  He liked to keep a lot of things for himself and not share, which he said was because he didn’t trust the men to handle the information, but I think it was more based on insecurity.

So at this point the feeling is that I waited too long to make that decision.  And that was my insecurity.  But doing so really has opened up my life for other things, as well has helping me to better understand who I really am and what I want to do in this world – which has very little in common with what he’s coaching these days.

So the lesson in all this is “Hire a coach with the goal of firing your coach down the road.”  Don’t get too attached to your coach – he or she is there to help you learn the things you need to learn, and that’s it. 

I’m very wary of coaches that try to be “holistic” and want to coach you on how to live your life.  That’s YOUR job, not theirs.  Coaches are for learning specific skills you need as you go through life.  But going through life – you need to learn that skill yourself and not rely on someone else to point the way.  Life coaches inevitably will point you to the life path THEY want for you, not what YOU really should be doing.  It doesn’t take long for an astute person to pick up on the flavor of a coach.  You can look at his or her students and you’ll see similarities in “life path” which reveals where the coach’s subtle (or not to subtle) agenda.  Eventually you’ll wise up and need to un-learn all this programming from your “life coach,” and it ends up being a waste of time and money.

The best results are when you identify things you really need to get further down your path, certain skills and insights that only someone much more experienced can provide.  That’s where a mentor or coach comes in.  You do the drills, you learn the skills, you thank your coach and you move on.

It took me a long time to finally arrive at this place.  In some respects its coming full-circle from where I was when I began this journey.  In other respects, it’s another coil in the growth spiral.  I had a lot of problems I’ve worked through along the way, most of which had zero to do with the “life coaching” nonsense. But there are tools I’ve picked up, in terms of presence and self-reflection, in energy work and spirituality, that have served me very well through my growth path.  Each of those skills I sought out as I walked my path and my natural curiosity, or need to overcome an obstacle in my way, brought me to those skills. 

This is the organic process of discovery and learning, and of growing as a person.  Like I said, it feels really good to be here.  

Energetic Update - The Deluge and Sticky Energy

Things have been heating up for several months and now we’ve transitioned into a monsoonal energy flow. In other words, we’re getting flooded with water energy.  Whole energetic systems are getting swept away, physically and energetically.  This is the next phase of the planetary awakening. We’re seeing hurricanes, floods, heavy rains, typhoons, real and energetic rivers spilling their banks all over the world.  There are still fires underneath and energies are still very hot, but it’s cooling them off just a bit and basically making everything a wet, hot, sticky mess.

Energies are also very “thick,” like a syrup or magma. Things are happening all over, but it’s very difficult to move around in this energy and many people are either succumbing to lethargy or getting stuck in the goo.

I’ve noticed this dynamic in my own energy as well and I’ve been working to keep my own energetic gears from grinding to a standstill. It’s stuck all over and where it’s not stuck it’s flooded and that water isn’t moving.  My own efforts are enough to create a little more fluidity, but it’s not something I can alter significantly.  We’re just going to have to sit tight and wait until the rains soften this up enough and things get flowing at a quicker pace.

What created this dynamic?  The heat and flooding caused some long-dormant energies to shift, which merged with the already-flowing energies and basically created a sticky mess.  Most of the water energy is sitting on top of this goo and not penetrating, it’s just going to take time for enough water to penetrate and get things flowing.  The bad news it that could take a while and there’s going to be a lot more flooding before things can settle. The good news is some ancient energies are slowly opening up, which means the awakening is going apace, even if that pace is a bit slow at the moment.

The watchword is patience.  Trying to do too much or “make things happen” in this dynamic is going to lead to an overextension of energies and fatigue.  And if you’re tired, you’re at risk of getting stuck.  A lot of the so-called “spiritual leaders” and pretty much the entire Burning Man community is either hopelessly stuck or will be.  That energy will be recycled into the flow, where hopefully it can do some good (it’s not doing any good right now in the hands of these people, so better to return to power to the Earth and let it flow through than have it in the wrong hands).

The other concern is, with so much energy stuck, this is an opportune time for rogues to cause a lot of disruption – demons, viruses, energetic parasites will be out in force going after anyone they can find – imagine mosquitoes hatching during the rainy season.  This is a good time to be mindful of energetic contacts and protection.  And those who are careless in this time are at risk of getting stuck, being attacked, or being drowned in the deluge. 

Again, this is the order of things, but get used to it.  We’re stuck with these conditions for a while.

An Inquiry on Infinite Love

Love is all around us.  Yet so many feel “unloved.”  How can that be?

It’s often said that the world needs more love, but when love is there, do we notice?  How attached are we to our ideal of what love “should” look like?  How much attention are we bringing to the many expressions of love all around us, as opposed to looking for ways things fit or don’t fit our predetermined concept of the expression of love?  How can you truly receive love if you are focused on placing conditions and requirements on it before you are willing to receive?

How much of your concept of what love is comes from a cultural-based ideal, and how much is based on experiential receiving?  Can you tell the difference?  Are you able to notice how other cultures can be just as loving as yours, while expressing their love in many different ways?  And in doing so, are you able to see how you are in fact giving and receiving love (or neglecting your expression or receiving) in different ways yourself?

Some people believe physical affection (hugs, kisses) and verbal expression (“I love you”) are higher expressions of love.  But are they? Is deep eye contact the only “real” way to express love, or is love something that transcends eye contact?  What about hugs?  Some cultures really don’t hug, does that mean they don’t care about each other? 

Are Asian cultures less loving because they don’t hug as much, or they don’t say “I love you” a lot?  But those cultures express love in other ways and their families tend to stay much closer than Western families who hug a lot. 

Maybe one person’s way of saying “I love you” is by giving thoughtful advice.  Or by fixing up the house.  Or by sacrificing and making sure their children get a good education.

 

Some people feel they “need” to have love expressed to them in a certain way, but is that so?  Why would you “need” to be hugged, but billions of Asians feel loved without that constant embracing?  How much are we willing to examine our “needs,” to find out what is actually a need and what is preference?

Is it possible there is lots of love all around us and the perception of lack is actually an internal distortion?  Is it possible what we interpret as being shunned by others is really our own inability to acknowledge and receive the abundance of love being given to us all the time?  What if, instead of trying to get everyone to change their expression to accommodate our preferences, we placed our attention on gaining a greater understanding of the many ways love is expressed, and how we can better appreciate and receive that love as it is?

What if we take that a step further and examine self-love?  What if the things we are doing that we interpret as a denial of self-love are in fact distortions and misunderstandings?  What if we could learn to better appreciate the ways in which we love ourselves (and the ways we unconsciously overlook or reject that love) and place our attention on receiving, instead of judging or evaluation?

What if we could accept and embrace our inherent lovingness and lovability without judgment or shame?  What if we could explore and expand our ability to express and receive love from a place of non-judgment, understanding that love is infinite and we are each beautiful, loving and loved as we are, even as we strive to learn other facets for giving and receiving love?

What if we could see other people in the same way – as inherently loving and beautiful people, and accept their love in its own way?  Can we learn to differentiate culture, customs, traditions and habits from the inherent expression and receiving of love – and even how those cultures, customs, traditions and habits are based in love themselves?

If the universe is infinitely loving and the expressions of love infinite as well, can we understand that love is always all around us, and the only reason we are feeling “unloved” is because we are simply unable in that moment to comprehend the myriad expressions around us?  If we have to learn that giving food is an expression of love, or offering sound advice, wouldn’t it stand to reason that our ability to give and receive universal love is limited only by our lack of understanding? 

What if we didn’t need to understand, that it was good enough to know this to be true and simply loved, and received love, without filter, conditions or prejudice?  Is that truly possible?  Can we humble ourselves enough to love in such a way (and wouldn’t that humility itself be a loving expression)?

Do I need to keep inquiring, and do you need to keep reading, or are we ready to let our hearts go now?

A Clear Mind: Relating to News, Politics and Social Media

If one is going to find real happiness and not just survive, but thrive, during this period of energetic upheaval, a clear mind needs to be the foundation.  It is the lifeblood of presence, mindfulness and the good that flows from that place.

One must be careful about information consumption in order to attain and maintain a clear mind.  Yes, meditation is important, but it won’t work if one then turns around and absorbs all the toxic garbage floating around.  This toxic information will create confusion, distortion and toxicity, as well as creating implants that are very difficult to clear. 

Let me talk about two of the most troublesome sources of toxic information – social media and news media.  Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and all the major news sources in all their forms, are extremely toxic. It’s gotten to the point where the media is basically theater.  Etienne Charland has a good article on the theater of Charlottesville here.

Connecting with people is all fine and good.  And staying informed about what’s going on in the world is important.  But neither of those things require daily access to social media or the news, much less the obsession and addiction we’re seeing in many people these days.

I’ll admit I’ve been as bad as anyone about overuse of news media and obsession with political theater.  At one point in my life it was my identity.  I’ve learned that current events are mostly distortions of reality – the media focuses on small things an exaggerates to create effect.  But it’s not actually what’s going on.  To properly view current events, one needs to be able to view them from a distance and see how the events fit or don’t fit into the larger scheme. This isn’t possible from daily (or hourly, or worse) following of headlines.

I would advise looking at the news no more than once a week, maybe even once a month.  Very little going on daily is of much long-term consequence, it’s better to view the information from a detached perspective.  Avoid headline-skimming and actually dedicate yourself to reading and gaining insight. One quality national weekly/ monthly and one quality international monthly is sufficient to stay informed without being sucked into the toxic morass.  And you’ll know more than 90% of the headline-skimmers about what’s actually going on.

In politics, focus on your truth and avoid the horse-race.  Most of what passes for political news doesn’t look much different than gambling write-ups.  (In fact you’re likely to learn more useful things from the gambling mags.)  Turn it all off.  Instead, focus on your truth and work on advocating for truth, instead of getting sucked into pointless team sport.

Politics has changed society, often not for the better. In the US, government has become considerably more oppressive, restrictive and corrupt.  The ways in which government has restricted our freedom have multiplied exponentially while the benefits of said government have decreased and costs have increased.  Society continues to be increasingly penned in and watered-down in the name of “safety” and “not hurting feelings,” quality of service continues to deteriorate and tax burdens continue to become more oppressive.  In California, it is impossible for an “average family” to maintain a sustainable “average standard of living” on an average salary.  If you’re not wealthy, you’re poor, and we have the government to thank for this. (And California government services are horrible – their solution, of course, more taxes.)

We pay taxes, both visible and invisible, to pay for invisible problems like “solving global warming” while cities like Los Angeles and San Francisco live in festering garbage and raw sewage.  Really.  They live in poop.  Cleaning up actual garbage has been replaced with solving an “environmental problem” that can’t be solved and isn’t actually a problem, at least not in the sense it’s being presented.  We could clean up real garbage that lying all over the place, but instead we tax people into effective poverty to clean up absolutely nothing in the name of an imaginary problem and call it “progressive.”  We have solar panels on our houses and feces in our streets – this is not sane behavior.

The pattern is easy to see.  It’s real, and it’s a problem.  It’s a political problem.  But won’t be seen, or resolved, but staring at stupid headlines about what Donald Trump tweeted.  But it needs to be addressed.  The solution is to ignore all the spectator sport aspect of politics and focus on reality – getting with other people, pointing out the problem and advocating a solution.  None of that requires a lot of time reading the news or watching TV. 

As far as social media, the disconnect between the intended and actual result is even larger. Here we have a situation where every attempt to connect to people (which is why people are on social media) actually creates more disconnection than if you did nothing.  Going 100% off social media will actually create more social connection.  But we’re so afraid to let go of the illusion we will hold onto social media and convince ourselves that cinderblock is a life raft. 

At this point I don’t know if there is a way to utilize social media that actually creates connection.  Except pulling the plug.  When I went to Thailand and couldn’t access Facebook, I found social connection.  While news has some value, I’m not sure I can say that for social media

.

I used to think it was good for staying in contact with old friends.  But I never used it that way – I never actually contacted them. Nobody does.  It creates this illusion that people who don’t give a shit about each other are actually connected, to the point we value these “connections” over actually connecting with people who care who are all around us.  We’re so afraid of being lonely if we lose these fake friendships we create artificial loneliness.

But if you don’t engage with social media, nothing bad happens.  You’re bored for a few minutes, then you quickly find something else to do and forget it.  Until you think “oh, I should post this on Facebook or Instagram.”  All I see on social media are people desperate for attention and others trying to sell stuff to desperate people (who themselves are usually pretty desperate).  I can’t think of a good reason to use social media if one is trying to maintain a clear mind and have a social life, since it has the opposite effect on both outcomes.

The summary of this lesson would is the following:

·         *Avoid daily browsing of the news.  Avoid emotional, habitual and “click-baity” consumption.  Focus instead on weekly or monthly deep and rational understanding of the news;

·        * Avoid all social media. Actually connect with real people instead;

·        * Avoid the emotional, competitive aspect of politics.  Focus change energy on actually creating change – create and refine your own philosophy, listen to your heart, and work to effect meaningful changes through actual action and engagement.

Doing these things will free up space and clarity in the mind throughout the day.  Clarity isn’t something one practices only through sitting quietly for a long time, but through the cultivation and execution of a lifestyle that makes such clarity and presence a value held above others. 

Post-Thailand Epiphanies

Spending time in Thailand gives me a new perspective, both on a micro and macro level.  Being in a completely different part of the world that generally doesn’t care about the pointless BS that dominates American media (not that Thai media lacks in any way for pointless BS, just that it’s their BS, and I can’t understand what they’re talking about anyhow).  Staying in a pretty remote part of Thailand made any contact with media difficult if not impossible.

Apparently I picked a good week to be off the grid and not able to pay attention to what was going on in the US.  I missed one of the most annoying and energy-draining media weeks ever.  Too bad I had to return before the eclipse, it would have been nice to miss the hippies going on and on about that, too.

On a micro level, I was separated from the day-to-day stuff at work, the TV, the annoying scheduling issues, money issues, things that don’t matter one bit. I was also separated from technology to a large extent.  I didn’t miss any of that.

I know you can’t hide from your problems, but you can create some distance, even if temporary, and gain a different perspective.  When I’m in the middle of everything, it’s hard to differentiate between what’s truly important and what isn’t, and I end up wasting energy on unimportant things.  I come back and have a much better sense of what I need to do and what I can let go. 

I know I tend to worry too much.  I’ve always known that.  But this time I had some experiences, one in particular, that shifted my attitude.  Things just aren’t going to bother me anymore the way they used to.  Everything is different.

I’ve said that a few times - everything is different.  And each time, things were different, but certain patterns stayed the same.  This time those patterns were challenged hard and they didn’t survive the challenge.  Everything is much more clear.

So what’s the big takeaway?  None of this shit matters.  Both at the micro and macro level, none of this shit matters and isn’t worth worrying about.  The news media is so distorted it’s basically fiction.  All those stories about how the world is coming to an end?  Not happening.  All the worrying about my job and money and stupid personality issues – none of that matters for shit either.

It’s possible – and even pretty easy – to go off the grid and have a happy and fulfilling life.  Yes, even an intellectually fulfilling life. You think that news media is keeping your brain challenged?  No, it’s making your brain atrophy while fooling you into thinking you’re using brain cells. 

It is not difficult to live a happy life.  There are tons of people who have a far more difficult life than us first-worlders and they have happy and fulfilling lives.  We worry about all kinds of crap that is either never going to happen or it won’t matter if it does.  We do stupid things like obsess over health insurance when what we really need to do is turn off the TV, get off the internet and go for a walk and hang out with friends.

Before this last trip I’d been worrying about retirement.  It’s so stupid.  We spend all this energy stressing over trying to keep our comforts and we never enjoy anything.  Then one day we have outlived our ability to enjoy those comforts and in the end they didn’t matter anyhow.

We really don’t need much in this life.  And the additional things we add become exponentially more expensive to obtain and bring increasingly diminishing levels of happiness.  My rich friends work 90+ hour weeks and for what?  I used to curse my “low energy” and lack of desire to work and work to make a fortune.  Now I consider that personality “flaw” to be a gift.  The huge majority of wealthy people I know are unhappy, and the few I know who are would be just as happy in the middle class.  I see a lot of pursuing of wealth and status and very little actual being in happiness.

And I’ve been as caught up in that crap as anyone.  I can cite my backstory, but service to a lame backstory is just lame. I am not my backstory.  And it’s easy to change a backstory – every new action quickly becomes a new backstory, and they add up.

I just cleared out my “sent” folder in one of my email accounts.  I hadn’t touched it in a very long time – late 2008, in fact.  So almost ten years of junk in there.  Most of those years were pretty unhappy, but it’s clear now most of that pain was self-inflicted, or at least self-perpetuated. 

So how do I know these old patterns have changed, or destroyed (if new patterns have yet to emerge)? For one thing, I’m noticing how differently I go about my day, in many ways.  Even my bedtime and sleep patterns are different. I look at people differently, and I feel different when I’m doing that.  I communicate differently.  It’s like a part of my brain that was acting out of fear or something like that was zapped and I see things differently. 

I look back at some of the old stuff, like nine years of emails, and I really don’t know why some things seemed so important then.  And it’s one thing to feel different because I’m in a better place and another to just not care about those things.  My “bad places” were almost entirely due to my psychic self-torture or worrying about things that weren’t relevant.

 

None of it matters.  That doesn’t mean fall into despair and do nothing.  It means follow your heart, it will be okay.  Stop holding onto things that make you unhappy because you’re afraid.  Say what’s on your mind, communicate openly, take care of the things that really matter, then let it go. Mistakes are okay, dwelling on them is counterproductive.  Self-torture is a poor teaching modality.  Being wrong or making a mistake is not a sin that requires repentance. 

Don’t measure yourself against others.  Don’t try live someone else’s life – chances are they’re not living their own life either.  If you can’t find happiness within, you won’t be able to see it in others – so if you’re unhappy, you’re just going to be comparing yourself to other unhappy people.  And if you’re happy, you won’t be comparing yourself to anyone.  So even if you’re unhappy, just don’t compare yourself to others and it’ll be one less thing making you unhappy.  

A clear mind is the foundation of a happy life. Social media, news media, politics, gossip, drama – these things blur and distort the mind without offering any value or nourishment.  Better to be bored than occupied with things that distort a clear mind.

Being Happy, Not Looking for Happiness

It’s dawned on me lately that I’m really happy.  Not just that I feel a lot of periods of joy (which is a neurochemical process and not to be confused with real happiness), or that I sometimes feel happy, or becoming happi-er (which is a nice way of saying “less unhappy”), but actually and truly happy.  This is my natural state.

In this place of happiness, I can feel sorrow, grief, frustration, anxiety, joy, and all the other emotions.  But they’re now all housed in a place called “happiness” that is my home.  So when I say I’m happy, I mean I actually… happy.

And I also realize I haven’t been here in a long time.  Maybe not since college, where I had a brief stint of happiness for four years before going into the abyss.  I’d written before that I finally feel like myself after decades of feeling various degrees of lost, wandering, struggling, searching and “seeking.”  I’m home and I’m happy – with myself and my life.

Readers will note that some of my recent posts don’t seem all that happy.  (Or maybe you can notice the underlying state, but it’s hard for most to perceive.)  It’s difficult to explain the concept to people who attribute joy to happiness.  Joy is that euphoric feeling, but it’s neurochemical and as such very temporal.  It usually is followed by an emotional trough, a neurochemical hangover.  Joy is great, but the pursuit of joy and the up-down cycle is really unhealthy – it’s like binge drinking. Happy people don’t seek joy, they let it come to them and they enjoy it in the moment.  Unhappy people pursue joy in the hopes of finding happiness and usually find neither, or joy comes at a very high price.

So what about my critical posts?  Well, the great thing about being happy is I don’t need attachment.  I can look at my life and relationships clearly and evaluate whether things/ people currently in my life are contributing or taking away from my happiness.  One can’t evaluate those things from a place of unhappiness. 

So when I “came home,” I unpacked all the stuff I brought with me and started going through it.  It turns out I have a lot of great treasures, and I also have been carrying a lot of crap.  Normally I’d just toss the garbage without much thought, but a lot of this stuff are things I’d made an integral part of my identity during my “seeking happiness” stage.  I think it’s valuable to acknowledge that things I publicly held out as “this is me” are in fact not contributing to my happiness.  And doubly so when those things are advertised as ways for people to “find happiness.”

I realize I may be overreacting in some of my criticism, but I feel a lot of regret, and a certain amount of resentment, for wasting my time and money on things that were sold as “growth” which actually served to hold me back.  And I feel compelled to warn others to avoid the mistakes I made.  Because as I look at these things now, I don’t see any students of these modalities “graduating” to happiness.  They’re mostly all unhappy people pursuing joy and validation and basically doing what I did – spinning their wheels wasting time and money on magic beans.

Yes, in the process of returning to happiness, I discovered some practices and beliefs that greatly aided in my healing and finally finding my way home.  But these few very good, very valuable things were in the midst of much larger and more powerful toxic patterns that were a real disservice.

I’ve been very hard on a lot of the “growth” and “spiritual” gurus I’ve come across, because I really want them to stop and take a hard look at themselves and what they’re doing.  People who pursue joy are not happy – by definition.  It’s taken me a long time to really get this.  People who “receive” a lot of joy are only on the more short-term-successful end of the unhappiness/ happiness spectrum.  The “coaches” are for the most part no happier than their students.  In many cases, they’re actually much less happy.

The metrics of happiness most coaches use, which are basically flashpoints of temporal joy-receiving, perpetuate unhappiness.  I was stuck in this negative-feedback loop for a long time.  Longer than I needed to be.  Ultimately what got me out was an extended period of literally doing nothing other than the things I had to do keep my life going and take care of the people who needed and loved me. I disconnected from all of it, sat with that voice saying I was missing out or bored or lonely and did nothing until my mind and spirit healed itself and I felt myself again.

And it shouldn’t have to be like this.  I think it’s bullshit that wounded people who haven’t dealt with their own crap, but who have “Facebook success” are running around selling their crap advice to other wounded people.  I don’t think people do this on purpose, or that these people are bad people, but process and results are still toxic – it doesn’t matter if the intentions are good or not, you’re still producing toxic crap.

So yes, from this place, I’ve been venting.  And posting warnings.  It’s what my higher self says to do.  And I believe it’s the initial stages of formulating something that actually works for people, that actually helps people come home to their happiness.

And frankly, I feel ashamed for a lot of my journey.  Ashamed for buying into the BS, ashamed for not listening and respecting my higher self that repeatedly warned me I was off-track, ashamed for the hurt I caused others, and mostly myself. I lost good years of my life and thousands of dollars chasing rainbows and unicorns and I’m here to warn you so you don’t do the same.

You want to really evolve?  Stop eating bullshit.  It’s good for plants, but toxic for people.  Just stop.  And just because some people are finding a lot of joy from eating bullshit doesn’t make it any less toxic.  Take a careful look at their lives.  Bragging about joy on social media is usually a good indication of deep unhappiness.  Image-crafting is a sure-fire sign of unhappiness.  These “successful” people have periods of joy, maybe many, and yet when you get close you can feel the unhappiness, the festering wounds, the “I’ll-do-anything-to-not-be-me” obsession.  They’re slowly dying from poisoning from a steady diet of BS, and they sell it as ice cream.  And your money doesn’t make them any happier, either. 

And you’ll try it and find some joy and then be more unhappy than ever.  Just like trying drugs.  Because they’re just pushers.  (Some of them push drugs AND coaching, and the overlap isn’t a coincidence.)

So yes I want to warn people.  I’m not better off for spending years fucking over my life and wasting money under the guise of “evolution.”  I learned some things – some valuable things for which I’m grateful. But the experience sucked.  That part of me that feels this way is solidly grounded in my truth.  And it puts me at odds with people and modalities that I’ve identified with and endorsed for a long time.

Part of me hurts for that – I don’t like doing things that hurt people I care about.  But I spent decades hurting the person I should have been caring about the most, but was treating like absolute shit – myself.  These things I did really hurt that man -and all of it was unnecessary. 

So if I can keep you from getting sucked into that cycle and find your way to a truly happy life, I’ll do it.  Because I am happy now.  And it’s a lot easier than you might think to get here.