There's Nothing to Say

I haven’t been blogging much.  I’ve been doing a lot lately, and in that active state of doing I don’t seem to have much inspiration for talking.

It’s a bit more than that, actually. 

There are major changes going on, both in the external energies and in my own energy.  It has me questioning and reevaluating what I’m doing, and also has me really bored with sitting around and thinking about any of that. Even writing this here is tiresome for me.

It’s a transition phase.

Right now I’m bored with the talking.  I see so many so-called coaches and self-proclaimed light workers filling up space with talk-talk-talk and they have nothing to say.

Social media full of people blathering about “cock worship” (blabbity blah blah… talkie talkie), some idiot whose broke as a joke selling himself as a coach to teach you to “f*ck your way to wealth” or some such nonsense.  A lot of broke blokes and chicks giving success advice… blah.. blah… blah.  

Nonsense about Winter solstice and full moons and just… taaaaaaaallllk talk talk talk talk…

Lots of lectures and pointless commentary and the usual claptrap predictions about how everything is going to change and it’s a new reality and it’s all going to be sweetness and light or some other intangible nonsense, same as every freaking year.

If I sound jaded and negative, it’s only because I’m finding all the people talking to be useless.  I’m actually doing a lot of good things, and I don’t feel like adding to what feels like an endless sea of empty words.  So I won’t.

I’m not quitting.  If I feel inspired to say something, I will. 

My advice – get off social media and go for a walk or something.  Stop wasting time reading the nonsense of people who have nothing to say.  It seems the people who know aren’t talking and the people who are talking don’t know.  Nobody has anything useful to say right now, so get off the computer.  You won’t miss anything.

California Fires and Energetic Ascension

I’m writing this as I’m sitting in the orange glow of a sky obscured by clouds. I can feel the smoke in my lungs. Mileage wise I don’t live too far away from the fires in Los Angeles, but far enough away that they won’t get anywhere close to here.

I’ve lived in Southern California my whole life. After all these years, I’ve seen the energies here devolve more and more.  I don’t think staying in one place for a lifetime is a good idea.  Especially if that place is the Los Angeles area.  I’ve kind of found myself stuck here because of family commitments and bad decisions on my part. 

Every time I go to places outside of California, outside of the LA-San Francisco energetic swamp, things are considerably better.  Yes, Thailand of course.  The energy there is awesome, even with their problems. But even Arizona, or Colorado, or Pennsylvania.  Just about anywhere the energies are better. New York City has a lot of issues, as does Washington, DC, but even those places have better energy.  Coastal California really is an energetic shithole like no other. 

It’s a shame, really.  Such beautiful geography and weather, but polluted with decades of energetic crap. 

The forces of light – the Orions, the guardians of Source consciousness, are elevating the energy of Planet Earth.  There’s a lot of talk in California “hippie communities” about Ascension, but they get it all wrong.  Ascension isn’t where the world becomes some Communist utopia and everyone runs around naked hugging trees, living in communal villages, never shaving and having indiscriminate sex.  Or some weird Start Trek fantasy, which is basically Hippie Commune with advanced technology.  Bleah. 

Would any normal person even want to be stuck in that reality, much less consider it something ideal?  The huge majority of people would rather stay in their imperfect world than be stuck in the California Hippie idea of heaven.  Or even the California progressive idea of heaven.

Ascension isn’t going to lead to those places. It’s an alignment with truth.  If you remove all the blocks, distortions and falsehoods from the world, as well as all the dark energies, you get Ascension. 

But what if there exists a large concentration of dark energies, distortions and resistance in one place? And what if the people in that place have access to a lot of “evolved energies” that give them quite a bit of power? And what if these people are so attached to their distortions, falsehoods and dark energies (the Communist agenda and its offshoots) that they’d rather die than change?

Well, that would be California.

And the worst part is this energetic cancer is spreading around the world.  Oregon, parts of Colorado and Arizona, even Florida, Britain, Australia, Costa Rica. Bali.  All majorly infected. It’s even infected places like Montana.

Those who are in charge of elevating the energy here on Earth have patiently tried to shepherd Californians to realign.  Every time Californians have not only not changed, they dug in their heels stronger.  Now the situation is worse than ever.  California is aligned even more with 1960s hippie delusions, Burning Man, polluted sexual connections, misaligned ideology, spiritual self-delusion, all of it. 

Neither earthquakes nor fires nor every warning under the sun will change people’s minds, and the Archangels have seen enough. These fires are intense, focused and unstoppable.  The forces of light aren’t messing around anymore, and those resisting will be burned like chaff.

It’s harsh,  It’s tragic.  It’s sad.  And it’s inevitable.

So what’s my advice for people still listening to me? First, listen.  Not follow me, but attune your own psychic hearing and listen for the truth.  If you’re listening to me, you’re not deluded by the California false spiritual zeitgeist.  If you think I’m full of it, it won’t matter what I say, so I’ll wish you goodbye now.

My other advice,  focus on your own evolution. Don’t worry about the people resisting you or who won’t listen to you, despite your best efforts. If this is your circle, you need to find a new circle or go your own way.  Let the other people go – you can’t save them and it doesn’t look like anyone is changing.

I’m noticing things about these fires. They seem to be focused on destroying property, particularly in Malibu and Hollywood, but also in Northern California.  The timing is almost immediately after the election.  The response is “this is the new normal,” a sort of angry fatalism. 

The energies of these fires is unbelievable and having an immediate positive effect.  The people in the spiritual swamp are either in denial or a fatalistic death watch.  But the “normal people” (however few of them are left) who are just doing their thing are having a major energetic upleveling.  The handful of people that “get” what’s going on are quietly celebrating (because it looks bad to celebrate in the middle of a tragedy), because the surrounding energy is amazing and the dark forces are burning away.

So my last bit of advice is to soak up the energy, grow, evolve and don’t let the “bad news” get in the way of your own ascension.  It might seem unfair that you’re growing and evolving while people around you are suffering.  I understand that.  (Though I won’t lie, I’m happy to see Hollywood people taking it on the chin after all the messes they’ve caused.)  But don’t mute or diminish yourself at this time.  If your energy is rising, go with it, it’s what you’re called to do.   

Re. Feminism and Masculinity, the "Red Pill" Dudes Have Actually Swallowed the Same Blue Pill

"What if I told you both pills are blue?"

Whining About Feminism is Just as Toxic as Feminism.

Guys, if you want to get out from under the BS of Western media, the first thing you need to do is STOP BUYING INTO IT.

Let it all go.

It’s all bullshit.

You want to be a real, naturally grounded man?  Stop buying into the lies.  Notice I didn’t say “do the opposite of the lie,” I said get out entirely. 

You see, the “Red Pill” dudes, the “Men Going Their Own Way,” the angry anti-feminists, they’re all just as weak and pathetic as the guys who think they’re “woke” by handing their balls over to angry feminists. Because the problem isn’t that you’re on the wrong team, it’s that the ENTIRE GAME – the stadium, the crowds, the teams – DOESN’T EXIST in real life.

Real masculine grounded energy has NOTHING to do with artificial constructs like “patriarchy” or “feminism.”  It doesn’t care what some psycho wrote in Cosmo.  It couldn’t care less what you or anyone else thinks about Donald Trump.  It doesn’t run around trying to figure out “what women like,” or arguing with people about their opinions, or feeling angry or threatened because some socially maladjusted twit posted some screed from her computer.

I’ve seen a lot of guys who are “feminists” and “anti-feminists,” and basically they’re both different flavors of the same food:  pathetic sandwich.

If you aspire to being a man who stands in his own truth, who is grounded to his natural core, the first step is to STOP FOLLOWING THE ILLUSIONS OF OTHERS.  And “feminism” is an illusion.

Here’s a practice as an example.  Close your eyes, access stillness, and feel “feminism.”  Without thinking, without arguing, without reacting with anger or anything else, feel “feminism.”  What does it feel like?  Hot?  Cold?  Soft? Hard?

Yes, it’s a trick.  Because it DOESN’T ACTUALLY EXIST.  You can’t hold it or measure it.  It isn’t a song, it doesn’t sit in the breeze or float out in the distant universe.  You can’t call upon past or future lives to bring it to you.  IT ISN’T REAL – anywhere in the universe at any point in time.  Why?  BECAUSE IT IS AN EGO CONCEPT.

We do this with a lot of things.  The Ego tries to convince us it is real.  The Ego is actually a batch of neural pathways (so technically there is “something”) that sit in the brain and conceptualize our existence.  And along with this, we conceptualize a lot of other stuff that isn’t really there.

You think dolphins conceptualize patriarchy?  They may be aware that they exist and can die.  But no, dolphins don’t spend their time creating bullshit social constructs.  They also don’t hire coaches to teach them how to mate.  (And it appears dolphins actually do have sex for pleasure, like humans.  They just don’t have our BS hang-ups about it.)

Men in the West are trained to be afraid of women, afraid of the feminine.  It’s one thing to celebrate your masculinity, to be proud to be a man and what that means, and quite another to be afraid of women or of the feminine.  It’s not like this in every culture, but here in the West men are trained to be afraid of women. 

Men are afraid women think badly of them.  Afraid of women getting angry.  Afraid of feelings and emotions that might be considered “feminine.”  Afraid of Mom, afraid of their wives and girlfriends.  Afraid of everything woman.

And when you’re afraid of something, it owns you.  Why are so many Western men petrified little bitches when it comes to even talking to women they’re attracted to?  It’s that ingrained FEAR.  It shows up as passive fear, aggression, anger.  Even the whole “Red Pill” movement is based on fear.  As is the wimpy, supplicating “woke men” male feminist nonsense. It’s all fear – a society of wimpy men who don’t know how to deal with women, with the feminine.

I’m convinced that feminism was brought about because of Western men’s fear of women. It’s a mental disorder that manifested because the male fear of women started causing women to go crazy in response, and from that collective neurosis feminism was born.

I’m also convinced that 99% of our sexual disorders (including the really dysfunctional “normal Western sex life”) stem from this fear.  Men fear women, women respond and become neurotic.  Women become detached from their natural sexual response and expression.  Then we end up with this toxic non-orgasmic porn culture where women’s deep-seeded neurosis has led to their inability to naturally express and enjoy sex (which has in turn been defined as “normal”) while sexually objectifying themselves in ways that just make things worse and worse.

The sexual hang-ups men have also stem from fear of the feminine.  Homophobia comes from this, too (which only adds to the other problems above).

Again – other cultures where men aren’t afraid of women, women are much more connected to their orgasm.  Things that Western men are told “don’t work for women” work just fine.  Women are both more sexual, orgasmic and expressive and at the same time more modest, more careful about choosing partners, and not willing to debase themselves to satisfy some fear-based male fantasy.

In other words, men and our unnatural fear of women has fucked everything up and created all the monsters that are tormenting our lives.  Now we have feminism, distrust between the sexes, and really bad sex.  All these “issues” women have are a reflection of men’s inability to deal with this irrational fear of the feminine. 

Women aren’t born fucked up, but women are extremely adaptable and responsive, especially to men.  So if men (especially fathers) are carrying issues around women, she’ll catch those mental disorders like a virus and it fucks up her feminine expression.

This is why men like David Shade will advise men to “choose wisely,” citing “relationship to her father” as the #1 determinant of a woman’s sexual responsiveness. In other words, the less a woman is poisoned by the hang-ups of Western men, the easier it is for her to be extremely orgasmic.  He doesn’t say that last part, I connected those dots, and I’m not the first to do so.

To continue on that path a little longer, Western men are obsessed with the rational, logical mind, the ego. It’s good for some things, but when it comes to sex it sucks ass.  Western men have been given a lot of advice about “do this/ do that/ push here/ push there,” most of which focuses on the clit.  When a woman withdraws sexually, her body becomes less sensitive. This desensitization continues until only the clit (or even just a small part of the clit) is responsive, and then only with a lot of “work.”  But she wasn’t born this way, and it’s not “natural.”  Fucked up ego-driven society took away her naturally awakened feminine essence and replaced it with  rusty robot.  Then the same fucked up ego-driven world called that robot “normal” and “human.”

It dawned on me part of what Rion is doing with Natural Grounding is showing men what normal human feminine expression looks like.  And because it’s so rare in the West, it seems like Goddess energy or special or “awakened.”  I can tell you from personal observation backed up by that of many others that “awakened feminine” is actually “normal feminine.”  She’s made that way.  And as long as the men in her world don’t fuck it up by telling her there’s something wrong with being a woman, she’ll stay that way.  And she’ll go on to have a very happy and fully expressed sex life, regardless of whatever other problems she’ll have in her life.

If she senses at an early age that something is wrong, she’ll withdraw.  She doesn’t want to hurt men she cares about, so she’ll unconsciously hurt herself instead. 

And that fucked up ego-based fear is hurting men.  As long as you’re afraid of feminine polarity, you can’t access your full masculine polarity.  You become the walking mannequins we see all around – men controlled by their egos, unable to access their real masculine potential.  You become the wimpy, accommodating “nice guy,” or the posturing “aggro dude,” or the douchey “bro,” or the oppressive, insecure abusive man.  Or any combination of these.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.  We can un-learn all of these fears and hang-ups.  We can access a whole different plane of reality.  It’s a place where you’re a comfortable, grounded man, regardless of whatever other problems you have in life.  It’s a place where sex is easy, natural, very expressive and fun – because that’s how it naturally is and has been before we fucked it up with our egos.  You’ll have to let go of that limiting belief that it’s about you and your skillz and accept a higher truth that doesn’t serve your ego, but it’ll be a lot more enjoyable for you than some ego rush. 

Doesn’t that sound good?

The "Kavanaugh Ascension" and The Future of Masculinity

I’m still processing the energies from the Kavanaugh hearings, confirmation and after-effects.  This was a huge energetic tipping point and directly tied to the Ascension.  It’s far bigger than a political event.

I sense that’s why there was such a level of anger, fury, desperation and resistance from the corrupt progressive elements.  The Cabal is finally aware they are dying, that their power is slipping away and not coming back.  Progressive ideology in its current incarnation (the ties to Marxism, collectivism and repression of freedoms and thought expression) is on the downward side of the tipping point, and that tipping point was the Kavanaugh confirmation.

What we saw was the natural forces for freedom and truth that had been dormant wake up and fight back against the hysteria of feminists, cultural and economic Marxists, most of the news media and the forces of corruption and repression.  The largely silent and dormant forces were woken out of their slumber, both by the awakening energies and the shock of seeing the progressive agenda on full display.

What the progressives tried to do with Brett Kavanaugh is what they’ve been doing to people for a long time.  They’ve bullied social media, they’ve corrupted companies like Facebook and Google, they’ve corrupted the judicial process, they’ve corrupted universities.  They care only about power and control – they don’t care about life (thus the hysterical attachment to abortion), they hate God in any form, they despise truth and real Ascension (thus their hilarious hijacking of the term “woke,” even though they’re trying to force people to sleep), they despise concepts like due process and innocent until proven guilty.  They hate everything on the side of truth.  But people had a hard time seeing this until the full ugliness came out.

The cries and moans and insane depression at Kavanaugh’s confirmation is the progressives’ realization their ideology is in its death throes, and it’s never coming back.  Young people who initially embraced the ideology are rejecting it in droves.  They won’t be able to resurrect their agenda through judicial imposition.  They’ll fight – they might still win some elections – but deep down they know now what many of us have known for a while now :: the Cabal is energetically dead.

That’s not to say it isn’t still dangerous.  If you cut a rattlesnake in half it’ll die, but it can still strike.  

The dying forces can and will do a lot of damage on their way out.  Their actions will become more desperate, more violent and destructive until the life fully goes out.  So things are far from stable, but the trend is irreversible. 

That’s the situation as it stands.  But what specifically do I have to offer in the middle of all this?

And what comes to me is I have exactly that – the middle.

So I want to talk about a “middle way” for masculine development. 

There’s a lot of talk about the evolution of male-female dynamics.  I can’t really offer advice on the feminine side, except to say there is a “middle way” for women as well, but I’ll leave it to others to find that truth. (I have opinions and preferences, but they’re just that, and the world is full of opinions.)

I’m noticing more and more men who are consciously taking their development into their own hands.  Men who sense that their lives are not up to fate, but up to them.  Men who are not satisfied with how they are showing up and with their place in the world.

Men are sensing that society isn’t helping them develop their masculine core.  In fact, it’s dulling and weakening their masculine edge, and these men want more.  They want to find their strong, confident, bold embodiment and expression.

I’m also noticing there really aren’t good places for these men to go. 

There’s the gym and various physical “warrior training” modalities.  That’s okay at one level, but we all see the “gym guys” or “MMA guys” and they’re… off.  Something’s missing. 

Then there’s the PUA arena.  They help train men to be more successful at dating women.  The problem?  They don’t succeed at a very high level.  While pretty much 100% of men who go regularly to the gym or physical training modalities will see real success, the success rate for PUA training is considerably lower – around 25% - and more expensive. 

Granted, some of this is due to men not really trying to change their lot in life, but just dabbling.  But there are other problems too.  The entire industry is based on fear, anger and lack.  If not for a large supply of weak men with low self-esteem (who are also pretty desperate and not to discerning), the industry would die. But the industry is not interested in making men into, well, men.  It’s interested in making weak men into somewhat more attractive weak men.  (It’s all about the “funnel,” which is the opposite of upleveling one’s life.)

If you look at the conversations, the attitudes toward women are either adversarial, some form of frustrated anger, or detachment – they’re a means to an end.  And the end is usually social validation from other weak, angry, desperate men in the community.  Frustrated anger is not a healthy masculine edge.  Frustrated anger and the ability to attract women isn’t any better in the long run.

Throw on top of that a good physique built from the gym and you begin to see why a lot of men who are “successful PUAs” are kind of fucked up in life.  You’ve spent years developing your masculine body, and years more learning to get laid, only to find out you’re the same pathetic, weak loser guy you’ve always been, now with nowhere left to go.

Then there’s the, for lack of a better term, “wussy PUA.”  I got sucked into this branch myself pretty hard.  It sounds good – PUA is just about scoring, *WE* are about developing the WHOLE MAN.

Except it isn’t.

It’s about retaining the extreme feminist and cultural Marxist ideology.  There’s a lot of yoga and meditation and “non-judgment” in these modalities.  There’s a lot of talk about embodiment and “valuing women” and “real connection.”  They TALK about healthy masculine, but the funny thing is, you look around in these groups and there is none.

There’s a lot of soft men who feel at some level they need the approval of women – they need women to sign off on what they’re doing.  “Is it okay if we do this?”  “Please, women, tell us men what we’re doing wrong and what you want us to do.”  They talk about patriarchy and “toxic masculinity.”  They’re really big on pointing out what “average men” are doing wrong.  And the other message is “average men” are wrong.

There’s a lot of focus on embodiment and “owning your feelings,” instead of repressing them.  As long as those emotions are nice things like crying a lot and being weak, needy and vulnerable.  Yes, those are real emotions.  But so is anger.  So is aggression. 

There are many other issues with the “wussy PUA” modality.  Yes, it is possible to be weak and supplicating to women and be quite successful in dating.  These modalities seem to be curiously modeled after the cults of years past.  There’s a lot of reference to Osho – a Satanic cult leader and felon.  There’s a lot of approval of prostitution as positive self-expression and support for prostitution cults that are busted by the police.  There’s a LOT of approval of drug use.  In fact, good luck finding ANYONE in that modality who advocates against the use of marijuana or any other drugs. 

Nudism, polygamy, celebration of indiscriminate sexual connections under the guise of “opposing slut-shaming,” a general disapproval of jobs that actually pay the bills, a visceral opposition to the “nuclear family” and any organized religion that might cause people to question their selfish behavior.

You can bet that “getting a tattoo” will be part of the “ritual of masculinity.”  But you know what won’t be part of that “ritual?”  Actually becoming a man – a man with an edge, a man with a sense of responsibility, a man who doesn’t ask women if he’s being a man in an acceptable way.  There’s lots of yoga and Tantra and “getting in touch with your feelings” crap from the 60s hippie cults.  It’s marshmallow masculinity.

So men can be gym rats, angry bitter “red-pill” PUAs, wussy feminist yogas, or….

I called it “Middle Way,” but now that I think about it, it’s more “other way.”  Basically, don’t buy any of that crap.  They’re all trying to guide men under this failed cultural umbrella.  I look at other cultures and there’s a natural way.  And it can be developed.

The cultures where masculinity is strong men embrace their masculine polarity.  They’re MEN.  Not anti-women, not supplicating wussbags, but actual MEN standing in their own right. 

And in these cultures, not everything about men is met with approval by women.  And that’s the way it should be.  Men aren’t here to answer to women.  And despite the rhetoric, we all know women sure as heck don’t answer to men.  Women are intuitive and flexible and will RESPOND to men, but women do – and have always done – what they want in the end.

All this whining about “patriarchy” and “oppression” is BS.  It’s a lie.  Every household tells the truth – nobody’s telling women what to do.  If anything, it’s completely the other way around. The whining about “patriarchy” is a grasp for POLITICAL POWER and cultural hegemony.  Feminism is one big fat lie that will get men nowhere in life.  It’s BS worthless university professors pass around to justify having a job they know deep down inside is 100% useless.  They’re frauds, scared to death the world will figure out they are such and force them to get real jobs.  That’s why they scream so loud, to drown out the honest questions both from outside and in their own mind.

Natural masculinity embraces the polarity.  It has an edge.  It is naturally dominant.  It values competition and yes, fighting.  It values strength, courage, personal responsibility and protecting others. It cares for women, it doesn’t kowtow to women. It protects and provides.  And it elicits very strong, powerful, positive reactions from women.  It encourages women to embrace their natural polarity. 

In societies where men are naturally masculine, men and women are partners, not rivals.  Men also aren’t afraid of women.  Men stand in their own space and know their own worth.  Female disapproval is kind of a Western construct, but reality is different.

Yes, natural masculinity comes off a bit “macho.”  That’s a good thing, it’s self-esteem.  It’s not being afraid of your own strength and worth. Does it sometimes go overboard?  Yes.  Humans are imperfect. But at its essence it is strength and confidence at its core, and a healthy pride in being a man. Men – older men – are looked up to and admired. They’re an inspiration to boys growing up.  Fatherhood is highly valued and respected. 

Natural masculinity is not afraid to express desire for women, because he knows he is desirable.  He doesn’t “tone it down” or worry about offending her by being himself.  PUA – what’s that?  Yoga?  Get that shit out of here. 

Western men who travel around the world find that naturally masculine men tend to look down on them.  It’s not jealousy, it’s not “white privilege” or any of that BS.  They can sense most Western men aren’t “intact.”  Most Western men are weak and have disavowed their masculinity, or replaced it with a weird, disembodied form of angry aggression.  And naturally masculine men sense this and have no respect for this weakness. 

Something about the modern Western culture disconnects men.  Some of it is the overreliance on thinking and ego – a lack of embodiment.  Some is Western society’s constant attack on boys and men.  Some is Western society’s embrace of cultural Marxism and this bizarre concept of “equality,” which is the opposite of natural polarity.  A lot of it is just a Western society that’s too damn stressed and unhappy about everything.

I’ve said Natural Grounding won’t help much in dating by itself.  But it can serve as a valuable reference point for men to find that natural masculine center.  It takes more than videos, but it’s a start.  Energetic cleansing and attuning can help. So can a physical regimen that includes some form of competitive, “aggressive” action.  Yoga won’t really get you there, but competitive sports and contact/ sparring sports can.  Meditation by itself is passive and limited in effectiveness, but in the context of a larger process is helpful for clearing the thinking mind and de-stressing.

Over time, you can differentiate solid, grounded masculine polarity from its false counterparts. You can notice a weak man pretending to be strong, you can see the soft mushiness of the man who has neglected his core and the man who is operating from stress-induced and thought-induced anger instead of embodied natural aggressive energies.   You can spot the “spiritual man” who is strong in his “sky energy” but weak in his “earth masculine” (the “inverted pyramid”).

And you’ll begin to see how phony and deceitful the structures around you really are.  You’ll begin to see the difference between how the media portrays men and women and what’s really going on. You’ll begin to see that what women say they want and how they actually respond are completely different.  You won’t need some coach to tell you how to interact with women, because you’ll discover that being a naturally-grounded man is attractive to women.  You’ll find yourself acting different and separate from the old fears and illusions.  And you’ll begin to realize how rare that kind of man is in Western society (and if you travel, how common it is elsewhere).

Yes, it’s like taking a red pill and waking up from the illusion, but nothing like the weak, angry, ego-driven “Red Pill” men.  You’ll actually BE different, not arguing the point in online groups.  You’ll walk, talk, think, feel, behave – not like a man, but AS a man. 

A naturally grounded man can acknowledge that feminism exists – and that it’s a joke.  That the whole political and media circus is an illusion.  None of it is real.  And I say naturally grounded as in aligned with your true human masculine nature, it’s not the same thing as what Rion is doing.  His stuff can help, but 95% of the work is going to be you – completely separate from any coaching or training stuff – shedding the false structures on your own.

And as you start feeling more of your natural core, you might sense some sadness and regret.  A lot of men in this world grow up being that natural man, they don’t get misled by some Western illusion. Maybe you’ll begin sensing that and feel regret and resentment for the good years that were cheated from you. That’s also a natural feeling – if you get released from prison after having done nothing wrong, you’ll value your freedom but also feel very restful for being put in there. While working to right the wrongs of society is important (I’ve taken a much more active stance when it comes to politics and the media precisely because of this) it’s also important to look forward and not spend too much time looking of your shoulder at what could have and should have been.

And finally, becoming a naturally grounded man will not make you a world-class ladies man.  It will put you where you need to be (if you follow your heart).  And for most men, that’s not a ladies man.  You’ll have freedom and access, but you’ll also find your place where you really belong.  And for a lot of men (the huge majority), that’s as the head of a healthy family. 

So if this ends up leading you to “marriage and children,” that doesn’t mean you did something wrong.  It probably means you did something right.  (Assuming you actually grew through the process and this is a conscious decision based on what you see as best for you and the greater good.)  A lot of coaches seem to look down on marriage, which is too bad.  There’s nothing noble about being single and dating a lot of women.  It’s one option.  It comes with positives and negatives.  It’s a possibility, not a goal.  Remember, a lot of good men have laid down their lives to protect their families.  Not too many will make that sacrifice to protect their right to stay single.  Something to think about.

Walking Away from Cal - Been a Great Decision

Years ago – early 1990s – I became a passionate Cal football fan.  Before that I was a pretty passionate college football fan, but for another team. I Cal football with open arms, attending every game as a student and many as an alum.  I paid for premium cable TV to get the games I couldn’t see in person.  I blocked out the time, and I blocked out more time to deal with the emotional ups and downs.

In some sense, it just wasn’t a healthy habit.  But it was also a source of happiness and camaraderie.  But over time things changed.  Cal had some really good years under Jeff Tedford, then undermined him for several more years, then fired him, then replaced him with two coaches about at the level of Tedford’s predecessor.

At this point, I don’t care about Cal football.  I still follow it somewhat, because I like college football in general, but I’ve given up on Cal football.  I’ve completely lost my passion.  Because it’s become clear in the long run things will never change.

Cal will never be a quality football program.  They might have a good year here and there, but they will mostly be mediocre at best.  This is what the powers that be at Cal want.  They don’t want real success.  There’s no point in hoping for better, it is what it is. 

Cal as an institution has become a cesspool of progressive politics.  It’s always been liberal, but now it’s taken on a fascist component.  The law school has devolved into mind programming.  Robert Reich is considered an economist there.  What used to be a very liberal school that put academics first is now a mind-control institution that insists on political hegemony.  It’s very difficult to root for a football team that is the public face of such a corrupt institution.

The university itself has slid from being one of the top-ranked schools in the world to now being ranked far below USC and below UCLA.  It’s squandered its reputation and become mediocre.  In fact, taking away what little reputation it still holds as a academic institution, the rankings go even further down.  It’s gone from being a bargain to being overpriced and poor quality for the effort to get in. The degree carries no weight in the business community anymore. 

Basically, I’ve been pouring energy into rooting for a football team that has gone nowhere that represents a university that’s gone steadily backward for the nearly thirty years I’ve been involved. And at this point, I have nothing but regret for the time and energy I’ve expended.

So I’ve probably swung the other way, into a form of resentment.  And I do feel cheated.  I gave a lot to this university and it’s squandered it.  My degree used to be worth something and it’s gone down steadily in value since I attained it.  The football team ebbs and flows between mediocre and really bad.  The students and alumni are increasingly shrill, extreme, and really an embarrassment to call fellow Cal Bears.  The whole Bay Area has been corrupted and lost all its charm.

So yah, I’m resentful.  But mostly disappointed.  The reality of the situation has hit me – things are not going to get better.  The team will always be mediocre at best.  The school will continue to slide downhill.  The Bay Area is not going to get better.  So I’ve given up, because I’ve taken off the blinders and see reality. 

This is the first football season where I don’t care if the team wins or loses.  Really don’t.  And I don’t care that I don’t care.  And I have to say, freeing up that space feels really good. I like having my Saturdays back in the fall.  I like not thinking about Cal, and not fighting the inevitable, which I can’t change anyhow.

And being a Cal fan is passive and disempowering anyhow. Ditching Cal sports fandom has made me a better person all the way around.  Looking at that time I was a passionate fan as wasted time is actually a good thing.  It encourages me to find other places where I’m wasting energy in a similar way. I save money – no more cable TV, no more game expenses.  Less stress.  Far less consumption of beer – a very good development. 

Bottom line, being a Cal fan was an unhealthy habit, the equivalent of smoking.  Getting rid of it has added years to my life.  Letting go of my connection to Cal is similar – healthy, revitalizing.  And it turns out I was hiding from boredom.  Boredom is nothing to hide from – face it head-on and make real changes to be a better person.  Hiding in passive things like sports fandom is an escape and probably masking bigger issues.  Better to just be bored and work through it honestly.

So long, Cal.  You won’t be missed. This is my #CalExit

Yes, Westerners, Buddhists ARE "Judgmental." And You Should Be, Too.

It’s been a fun time over on Twitter.  The place has never been known for intelligent conversation, but it seems the dregs of low-intelligence have found me and thought they could somehow silence me with their corrupted Western interpretation of Buddhism.

Basically it goes like this:  “You have a sense of right and wrong.  That makes you judgmental.  Which makes you a bad Buddhist because Buddhists are non-judgmental.”

First point, yes.  Second point, duh.  And third… LOL, 100% fail.

The core of Buddhism is right thought, right action.  So BY DEFINITION, following Buddhist teachings REQUIRES judgment.  That means to be a “good Buddhist” one HAS to exercise judgment.  In other words, one MUST be “judgmental.”

You see, in order to have right thoughts and right actions, one must be able to discern right from not right (also known as “wrong”).  This process of discerning right from wrong is commonly referred to in the English language as…

 

…wait for it…

JUDGMENT.

Whew.  Okay, now that we’ve covered a review of “English words we learned in the fourth grade,” let’s get to the meat of the matter – the corruption of Buddhism in the West by leftist idiots.

Because “Buddhism is about non-judgment” is NOT a tenant of Buddhism.  Real Buddhism, as it is practiced by real Buddhists in the East who actually base their lives by its standards, is ALL about judgment.  Right and wrong is a big part of Buddhism.  Morality is an essential element.  Being a good person, accountability for wrongdoing, karma, moral responsibility, good versus evil – these are basic foundational aspects of Buddhism.  In Buddhist countries there’s a LOT of judgment of people and bad behavior – how else do you educate people about right and wrong if you don’t point out examples of each?

Nobody in the East would agree with the statement “Buddhism is about non-judgment.”  Things like marital infidelity, murder, lying, stealing, slander – these are judged harshly, more so than in the West.  Heck, disrespecting the King of Thailand is judged – and comes with a stiff prison sentence.  Saying Buddhists are non-judgmental is like me saying my cat is a vegan – it’s hilariously false and an obvious projection of one’s own belief system upon a system that’s in complete disagreement with your personal opinions.

Yet somehow stupid white leftists convinced ignorant people in the West that Buddhism is about “not judging people.”  No, WESTERN LEFTISM is about “not judging people.”  Or more accurately, “don’t make me feel bad for what I want to do, but I’ll go ahead and judge anyone I want.”  It’s shameless hypocrisy (which incidentally is also looked down upon in Eastern culture).  Western leftists adopted Buddhism (as in, they appropriated images of Buddha and kinda sorta took up meditation) and rebranded it to conform to their “do whatever you want” hippie attitude.

But 60’s Hippie BS and Buddhism are not in agreement.  In fact, a lot of Thai Buddhists are sick and tired of Western hippies using Buddhist relics as decorations and flagrantly misinterpreting Sutra for their own selfish benefit.  All over Thailand there are billboards telling stupid Westerners to knock it off. Yet over here, calling oneself a Buddhist and stating a strong opinion elicits the usual ignorant response from the Hippies about “non-judgmental” Buddhists.

Let’s be clear on what being “non-judgmental” means, because it’s not noble or holy in any way.  People who take their religion seriously understand that morality is a fundamental aspect of religion.  Christians who believe in Christ’s redemption understand they must also adhere to his moral teachings.  Same for every religion, and Buddhism is no different in this respect.

One cannot accept some parts of Buddhism while cutting out the moral requirements any more than one can live without a heart.  Western bastardization of Buddhism to exclude the moral requirements is an abomination to Buddhists throughout the world.  It’s a huge insult. Carrying on sex parties with your head of Buddha looking on is shameful and deeply offensive to anyone who takes the religion to heart.  And if hearing this makes you feel bad, then good.  That’s your conscience telling you to knock it off and behave better. 

Instead of telling others to “stop being judgmental,” try listening to that voice that’s making you feel bad when people point out your bad behavior.  That’s your better self telling you to grow up and be a better human being.  Instead of drowning it out by attacking good, moral people and their religions, try LISTNING to your conscience and being a more morally upright person.  You won’t always “feel better,” but you will BE better, because you’ll behave better.

Right thoughts.  Right actions.  Stop throwing away your moral compass, it’s there for a reason.  And stop telling people to be “non-judgmental,” if anything we need MORE people using good judgment for the benefit of others.

Re. Kavanaugh: (Justifiable) Crickets from my Progressive Friends

Kavanaugh?  Whose that?  Can we talk about Russia again?

My social media has been unusually quiet re. the Kavanaugh smear campaign.  The usual sanctimonious liberals who think Trump is the embodiment of evil haven’t had a word to say about the lies being thrown out against the judge.  

And let’s be clear here.  They’re lies.  It’s an obvious game to try to throw a Senate vote and hold open a Supreme Court seat.  Let’s get that out of the way.

But my progressive friends have never been shy about repeating the most ridiculous accusations against Trump or any other Republican. Until now.  Now it’s crickets. 

Hmm, why?

Well, I know why.  Even among my “consent” crowd, most of the guys have done stuff like this for real.  And worse.  And a lot more recently than 35 years ago.

In fact the huge majority of my “progressive” friends were directly involved one way or another with the bad stuff.  I heard the stories about drunken high school parties.  I was the nerd in high school who didn’t get invited to the parties, but I heard a lot of stories. I heard the stories from boys and girls – and the girls weren’t the slightest bit outraged by what was going on.  They gladly kept returning to the same type of parties, kept drinking up to or to the point of passing out, and doing what they did.

It was “partying.”  Nobody objected, nobody complained.

In college, I saw a lot.  Our fraternity was mild compared to most, but there was stuff going on.  My freshman year I saw guys put grain alcohol in the punch.  I found out later that punch was passed off as “non-alcoholic.”  We had an award for the guy who slept with the ugliest woman.  And the list goes on and on.

Are these guys bad people?  Are they predators?  No.  The crazy (or not so crazy) thing is women showed up willingly to be a part of this stuff.  Because a big part of the college experience involved getting drunk and having awkward hookups and crazy stories. 

The women were all in on this stuff.  And I’m talking about women who were feminist activists at the time and who now are influential in the political establishment.  Because we were all immature and liked to party and it didn’t seem bad at the time.  None of those women is saying anything now, either.  Because, yah, we all did crazy, stupid stuff in high school and college that we wouldn’t do now.  And yah, we were pretty lucky to get out okay, and we’d caution our children to not repeat our mistakes.  But we’re also not who we were then.

Then there are the guys I’ve met more recently, who come from the “evolution/ consent” circles.  But they got there because they weren’t *entirely* aligned with consent earlier in their lives.  And by earlier, I mean like within the past 5 years or so.  Pretty much all of them did stuff.  Some of it really bad – like, way worse than what went on at the fraternity.  Hell, guys from that community have engaged in inappropriate behavior within the past few months and want forgiveness.

And the thing is, a lot of these guys did messed up things and really took the lesson to heart.  They changed.  People can change a lot in a few years, or five years.  Much less ten years.    Twenty or thirty years – hell, some of these guys weren’t BORN then.  And those who are older are nothing like those guys, that’s how evolution works. Should they lose their jobs because of how they used to be, no matter how much they changed since then?  That goes against everything we teach our kids about how to learn lessons and become a better person.  But that’s where we are it seems.  Or some of us anyhow.

Should these guys be deprived of their livelihood or embarrassed in front of their families for things that they did 20 or 30 years ago?  No.  And neither should the women who went along with it and encouraged it (or at least looked the other way).  We all grew up.  We learned to be responsible.  We became good husbands and fathers. We became responsible and successful at work.

(I’m not even going to get into the embarrassment of publicly admitting to being a virgin well past the age of 18.  Most guys would rather confess to false rape charges than admit they didn’t get laid until later in life.  I know women who would reconsider dating a guy if she found out he lost his v-card later in life, the stigma is real.  Also, he kept his calendars from high school?  He’s not a sexual predator, but if “being a complete nerd” is a crime, he just pled guilty.)

The reason none of my “progressive” friends is saying boo about the accusations against Kavanaugh is because they know the truth.  Nobody is who they were in college, and the stuff some of my friends did was considerably worse. Support the judge or not based on his record as a judge.  Degrading him and attacking him for alleged drunken stuff from high school or college is nonsense.

 

Even if all the charges against him are 100% true (and we know they’re not), it shouldn’t change one single senator’s vote if we have any common sense left.  Dragging up stuff from high school and college is BS.  If someone is deprived a job or a promotion because of what happened as a teenager, that’s just wrong. 

These accusations should have never seen the light of day and they shouldn’t be getting the attention they’re getting now.  What happened 20 or 30 years ago is far too long ago to make any kind of judgment on a person today.  

And even my most hard core “progressive” friends know this. And thus the crickets.

Another Train Wreck: Gee, If Only Someone Was Warning People!

Why Didn't Anyone Warn Us??

Turns out “creepy protégé,” whom I alluded to in earlier posts, has train-wrecked as spectacularly as sensed he would, based on my energy reading.

That doesn’t make me some savant for getting that one right.  Yes, I do feel people would do well to listen when I talk about these things, especially when it comes to assessing energies.  I often surprise even myself and there are clearly some gifts there – underdeveloped and sometimes distorted or ignored, but there.

I’m not here to bang my own drum, but I feel the need to restate some of my prior warnings, with this new information serving as additional evidence that, yes, I know what I’m talking about and it’s coming from a place of higher truth.

Beware the “personal coaches.”  All of them. All these people who claim to want to help you with your love life, your dating life, your sex life, your financial life, your “higher purpose,” “spiritual gurus,” “evolutionary coaches,” all that crap – it’s crap.  I could cite mountains of hard evidence, or download insight from one of the Archangels telling you it’s crap.  Will it be enough for you to finally listen and change?

Do I have to cite my own past mistakes in using "coaches?"  Again??

I’m not sure what I have to do at this point to get the message to people so they will finally listen.  It’s frustrating. It feels like it’s my current lot in life to speak the truth and be ignored.

I think it was over two years ago (I’ll have to check when I started this blog, it was around that time) I gave a straight no-nonsense reading to “creepy protégé,” except he wasn’t a creepy protégé yet.  He ignored everything I saw and ended up on the path of disaster I saw ahead for him.  I warned Destin, too.  I warned Rion.  Nobody listens.

It’s like they’re insistent on following their destiny to their destruction (or at least to bad places), to prove me right. 

Yet here I am, still talking.  I’m that crazy dude on the street saying bad things are happening.  Except, unlike crazy dude on the street, bad things really do happen. And still I’m ignored.

So… what is my purpose?  What is my contribution?  Is anybody learning and listening from any of this? Or am I the seer everyone ignores because “oh, that guy can’t possibly be a seer, not that guy.  No, we should listen to Shamans and people who conduct Wiccan rituals, this guy here is too normal and boring and “lame dad” to be awakened and have any psychic or energetic gifts.  The guy’s never even been to Burning Man, he’s got to be full of it.”

I guess I should quit my job, abandon my family responsibilities, move to Costa Rica and start a sex cult.  If I do that, dress up in stupid robes, arrange my bedroom into a creepy pentagram and conduct quasi-Satanic rituals and call them “magick,” claim to talk to the dead and keep all kinds of really creepy and possibly (or very) illegal souvenirs around to prove I’m legit, then maybe people will take me seriously.

Or I could spend decades studying mystic Buddhism, Kabballah, mystic Islam, Taoism, and get some BS degree from the Integral Institute.  Then I can post a bunch of arrogant tripe telling everyone how much more evolved and right I am than everyone else.  Never mind that everything I say is 100% wrong and my predictions are completely off, I STUDIED REALLY HARD, so I’M BETTER THAN YOU.

I could change my last name to “Ma” or my “Playa Name,” or some weird name from India or Native American lore that sounds mystic when I’m high on pot, adopt some hybrid pagan pseudo-religion loosely based on misinterpretations of Native American, Roman, Greek, Egyptian and Druid pagan worship practices.  Maybe I can throw in some African tribal medicine BS I learned from six months in the Peace Corps that the natives shared as an inside joke (or got off the Internet).

Of course, if I do any of those things, I’m a complete fraud and I’ll be as phony and lost as all the other “spiritual” people doing the same stupid things that I warn against.  But at least then people will listen.  I won’t have anything of value to impart, but I’ll have an audience. 

Apparently the key to gaining an audience as a seer is to, first, not be able to see and, second, shamelessly flaunt your insecurities and ignorance and claim them as “mystic” or “ritual.” Because if you happen to be someone on the “normal person” spectrum who can actually SEE THINGS – everyone will either ignore you, claim you’re projecting, or think you’re full of it.

So I do the work.  I meditate.  I work with the archetypes.  I keep clearing and listening.  And I after all that I share what I find.  And it gets tossed aside.  And the message I get is to keep going.

But why?  What’s the point in sharing this if I’m just going to keep being ignored and ridiculed, and later proven right (which again, nobody cares)?

Fine.  I’ll keep going. 

So again, pretty much everything about the current “spirituality” movement is hogwash.  It’s a waste.  The “evolutionary coaching,” the personal coaching, it’s garbage.  A lot of this should be obvious, but it isn’t, so here I am again, saying the same thing. 

Nobody whose getting coached is really getting better.  Nobody in the spiritual movement is evolving.  Nobody is making money except the people at the top, because it’s a pyramid scheme. 

Most of what passes for “spirituality” is self-serving BS.  It’s people fleeing from their truth in spectacular fashion.  It’s Halloween dress-up.  It’s an excuse for sex.  It’s a diversion from the hard truth that someone can’t find a real job, or a healthy relationship, or fulfill their obligations as a parent, or they feel lonely or bored or just want attention. 

People who change their name to draw attention to how “spiritual” or “evolved” they are – they’re running away.  They’re afraid.  They’re lonely and scared.  They’re not spiritual.  People who are making a name for themselves aren’t changing their names, they change how the world sees them by how they’re being and what they’re contributing. 

All these pagan rituals, this Shaman nonsense, Tantra as it’s taught in California-based practices, these BS “spirituality” cults – this isn’t spiritual development, it’s toxic crap.  All of it.  You shouldn’t follow these people, those people need help.

A lot of these cults engage in real rape and violation.  Some are even worse and engage in forms blood ritual. Really messed-up stuff.  They’re pretty much all engaged in forms of black magic.   This is bad stuff.

The “coaching” stuff is either worthless or follows the cult pattern.  There are ways one can improve oneself, and utilize outside help, but most of this current reliance on coaching is misguided and unhelpful, often dangerous. 

There are a lot of lost, lonely, frightened people who wasting a lot of money and not getting better.  And for some it’s even worse than that.  Happiness will not be found here.  You will not develop your gifts by engaging in self-perpetuating loneliness, disempowerment and fear.  Acting out your issues through sexual dysfunction will not lead to anywhere but disaster.  No, it’s not spiritual – none of that is anywhere close to spiritual.  Stop telling yourself that your psychological issues are “spiritual,” dammit!

Stop it! 

Because I’m really getting tired of saying I’m right after your train wrecks. They're not pretty.

Men's Improvement: The Addiction of "Wanting to Be The Best In Bed."

I thought about not posting this.  I was afraid of the negative response I’d receive – from people I know, from the usual neener critics in my life.  But I have something to say. It may be edgy and controversial, it may elicit some drama from critics and people whose sacred oxes I gore.  But upon reflection, I feel that’s all the more reason to say what’s on my mind.  Having this space and constraining myself because the response might be inconvenient defeats the purpose of being here in the first place. I’m not here just to create controversy, but if something controversial or edgy needs to be said, I need to say it.  So have at it, critics…

There’s nothing wrong with mediocre sex.  The problem is being a mediocre person and staying in mediocre relationships.

I realize what I just said there is blasphemy in the SexTantaWeirdo communities, but it’s the absolute truth, so let me repeat.  There is NOTHING WRONG with mediocre sex.  In fact, in the overall scheme of things it’s a GOOD THING.

Let me explain.  The huge majority of connections you’re going to have in your life are going to be “average.”  The reality is human nature really does follow a bell curve, and most interactions are going to fall into that huge “middle of the curve” bell.  And that includes sexual connections.  Most people are not an amazing connection, just average. 

Now your average might look different than other people’s, but there’s still an average.  You’ll have some encounters that are amazing; you’ll have some that are just not good; and you’ll have some that are fun but basically… okay.  And that’s actually a good thing.  Every encounter shouldn’t be off the charts, that’s actually kind of a messed up goal and will take you to messed up places.

The SexTantraWeirdos are, well, after careful observation I’d say really fucked up, egocentric and psychologically disturbed dudes.  They’re, as far as I can see, mostly losers in life who have attached this ridiculous significance to “being the best sex she’s ever had to every woman I meet.”  And what do they have to show for it?  An oversized ego obsessed with sex, massive insecurity that oozes out everywhere, no money or in debt, and an abundance of fucked up drama relationships.

Like, UNBELEIVABLY. FUCKED. UP. Relationships.  The kind that make “mediocre” look awesome by comparison.

So they’ve constructed lives where they’re good in bed and shitty at life.  This is NOT a healthy lifestyle.

Also, and this is the really odd counterintuitive, many of these guys really suck at meeting new women and interacting like normal human beings. You’d think men who were gods in bed and put so much attention on this area would actually be pretty good at meeting new women, but a lot of them really suck at it.   Or they’ve created weird Tantra-quasi-prostitution circles.  It’s pretty fucked up.

Look, here’s the thing.  If you’re an insecure guy whose life has pretty much sucked as long as he’s been alive, then cultivating the ability to make women feel AMAZINGLY good in bed is going to sound like the magic ticket out of Loserville.  And it does feel really good, from an ego standpoint.  Maybe too good.

But in the long run it’s foolish and destructive.  Obsessing over this aspect of life will not get you out of Loserville.  The best you’ll get is a 30-year mortgage on a penthouse suite in a nicer area of Loserville.  Maybe you can aspire to being Mayor someday.  You’ll have pretty high status among the residents or Loserville.  But at the end of the day, there’s going to be a moment of reflection when you have to acknowledge your life is a fucking joke.  And at that point, you might not be able to get yourself out.

Being a really good lover is awesome.  Maxing out that skillset on every single woman you meet – not smart.  Making it your goal in life to be the *absolute best lover* for every woman you ever meet – really dumb.

Think of it this way.  You learn a martial art.  You get really good and now you have this great skill.  Hopefully you integrate that skill to create a fuller life with more strength and confidence.  Because if your goal was to use your power to kick the ass of everyone who ever did or does you wrong, or running around trying to prove you are the most alpha fighter in the world (and we know people like this, right?), your life is going to suck, perhaps permanently so.

Most people kind of intuitively know obsessing over one thing in life is not healthy, but the temptation to obsess over sexual performance for men is a powerful drug.  You get that “high” from doing that, and it’s hard to maintain a balanced perspective.  Especially if you’re a man who hasn’t had any taste of success in other areas of life.  Men need to feel they’re good at something, and feeling he’s good at making women feel good… feels really good for a man.  And if he hasn’t had experiences of feeling good about himself up to that point, it’ll be addictive.

I’ve noticed the men who fell into that obsession earned a reputation for “being good,” and were surrounded by some of the shittiest relationships and psycho women I’ve ever seen in my life.  They’re so obsessed with not being normal that they have no idea what a normal, healthy relationship looks like.  (They’re actually quite nice, really.)

I realize this runs counter to men’s ego, but it’s better to dial back a little at first and gauge her energy.  See if you and she are compatible first.  In most cases, you won’t be that compatible – it’ll be kind of “meh” – so why would you want to try to make her obsessed with you?  There can only be two reasons – one, you’re so insecure you need validation from everyone, even people you don’t like that much or two, you’re so insecure about finding another sex partner you have to invest all your energy into making *this* one *the best* even if deep down she isn’t really what you want, because deep down you fear it could be the last sexual relationship you’ll ever have.

In either case THAT’S REALLY REALLY REALLY FUCKED UP. 

If you and she are an “average” connection, then mediocre sex is fine.  Really. You two have fun for a while and then move on without much hard feelings.  She should be allowed to forget about you and you should have enough maturity and confidence in yourself to let her forget, if she’s not someone you want to remember.  And you should also have enough maturity and confidence to NOT SETTLE out of fear or low self-esteem.

Being able to dial it back, be cool, and let her go is a sign of confidence and maturity.  And in the long run it’ll actually make you a better lover.  In fact, I’ve come to the conclusion that the best move a guy can learn if he want to be really good in bed is learning when it’s not working well and letting women go with grace.  Moving on is a very important and largely underdeveloped skillset.  Obsessing over “being the best” will get you typecast as, well, that weirdo who is obsessed about being the best in bed.  It reeks of insecurity and it’ll severely limit your life in a lot of ways.

Plus, it feels a lot more natural to offer something really special when the connection is really special.  Things work a lot better, and you have a strong attachment with someone you actually enjoy being with, instead of one of these psycho one-sided attachments.

Let me put a finer point on this – INTENTIONALLY trying to be the BEST.LOVER. EVER.  with women you don’t feel the same way about – it’s selfish and abusive.  It’s not “giving,” it’s taking.  It’s YOU putting your EGO ahead of someone else’s feelings.  It’s manipulative and deceitful.  It’s fucking uncool.  And if you’re the guy who constructs his life to be that guy who NEEDS to be HER BEST, no matter what, it’s going to come out.  And guess what?  You’ll be surrounded by women who are the same – they just want to use you for their own benefit.  (Or women you’ve turned into psycho stalkers out of your abusive ego needs – congratulations, asshole.)

And some guys will say – SWEET! Yah, immature, selfish, short-sighted boys will say that.  And guys stuck in Loserville who never grow up and never make anything out of their lives.

If you’re a man who wants to get better at sex, you might initially look up to those men who are “every woman’s best,” but eventually you’ll reach a level in your life where you’ll see those “men” for the pathetic men-children they are.  They’re not strong men worthy of respect, and at some point you’ll realize you have a lot more going for you than they do and kick yourself for ever looking up to these guys. 

Now look, for a lot of men (most men) “mediocre sex” is all they know.  And that’s not okay.  You want to get good at this and step up in life.  It’s part of being a quality man.  PART OF, not ALL OF.

What I’m saying here is, yes, learn the skills.  It’s good for you.  But be aware of the ego trap.  

Addictions come in many forms, and this one can be particularly difficult to overcome.  A good sex life is an important part of a good life, but it is only part.  It is not the foundation, and it is certainly not the main or only aspect of a good life.  Notice where the ego wants to draw you into obsession and imbalance, or where you’re using one aspect of life to compensate for deficiencies in other aspects.  Balance and perspective are essential to living a good, happy life.