My energy has clearly opened up over the past two months,
and opened at another level this last week.
For the past 4 ½ years, my energy has been moving forward but weighed
down a lot. Over the past couple months, and accelerating this month, a lot of
that weight is lifted and the energy is much more free, to the point where I
have space to process and repurpose things from my “bad energy” past into my
present. I was sitting on a lot of stuff
and didn’t want to even look at it. Now
I can use it or finally get rid of it.
And this freedom also means I don’t have to hold onto things
that were beneficial but maybe outlived their usefulness, or have turned rotten
on their own and need to be eliminated.
I was looking at pictures of myself from twenty years ago,
and it was a time when my energy was high but also misdirected and there was a
lot of negative energy in my field I wasn’t clearing out. And I looked older
than I do now. I had fuller, darker
hair, but I was overweight and had the look of someone who was ageing too
rapidly on the inside. Energetically
I’ve actually reversed the ageing process.
So what am I doing now with this expanded energy? I’m back to actually doing alchemy instead of
hunkering down. I’m engaged in Natural
Grounding. I’ve finally made the
decision to end my work with Destin and his group and refocus my energy toward
positive, productive things in my own life and area of impact. I’m more active
with my family and career than I’ve ever been.
And now I’m feeling a calling to find outlets for my
energy. The time for slowing down and
doing nothing is coming to a close and I’m being called to move forward. But in
what direction and in what way is not clear.
I feel called in many different directions, and feel
resistance in all of those directions.
So there’s still processing going on.
One thing I’ve noticed is coaching keeps calling me in and I
truly enjoy my work when helping people find happier and more fulfilling lives
and clearing out their limiting BS. It
feels good, and the universe keeps handing me clients.
But I’m torn. I don’t
sense this is a profession, more a calling to serve. I have a great job that pays well and there’s
no reason to change careers. I could
maybe add this as a second gig on the side, but I feel zero calling to build a practice.
Furthermore, I don’t like what I see out there in the “evolutionary
coaching” scene. My Facebook is full of
hippies contributing nothing of value to the world who hold themselves out as “personal
coaches,” basically to avoid taking responsibility for their lives. All these losers living the same “life
purpose,” and not one of them actually making an honest living from it. It’s escapism.
To go on my soap box a little – a coach who doesn’t have his
basic shit handled – job, paying bills, taking care of his family and being a
responsible member of society – CANNOT coach.
If you suck at the very basic aspect of living, you are a life FAILURE,
not a life COACH. Duh. Yet I can count
over a dozen people on my Facebook alone who are broke, pathetic LOSERS who
claim they’re rejecting conformity by refusing to be responsible people and
instead “living their purpose” – which coincidentally is ALWAYS “life coaching.”
As they say, those who can’t do, coach. So if you suck ass at life, then by that
logic your calling must be to coach others to be successful at life, right? Bullshit.
In every one of these cases, my life is MUCH better than
theirs. These people holding themselves
out as coaches are basically sponges of society. In at least three cases, the “coach” has his
or her kids taken away or supervised by the government for failure at basic
parenting. In a dozen others, they can’t
pay their own rent. They can pontificate
– boy, they’re good at blathering on and on and on (yah, they got the resources
to fund their pot habit, obviously).
They all claim to be legendary in bed (yet none of them is very good at
actually maintaining a relationship, so one has to question how truly ‘irresistible’
these supposedly awesome lovers truly are), and more than willing to share
their knowledge (which in every case is just more pot-inspired verbal diarrhea
of zero value).
So basically we’re talking about a bunch of losers with
overinflated senses of self-worth using “coaching” as a means of propping up
their fragile egos to help them forget that their lives are basically total
shit. So no, I have no interest
whatsoever in being associated in any way with that cohort. I am proud of my success in life. I’m not perfect by any means, but next to
these people…?
And those that are “successful” are almost all total
bottom-feeders, basically leeching off of people with low self-esteem. They’re charlatans. I’ve seen all kinds of
deception and outright theft of product among people who claim to teach “integrity,”
and it’s disgusting. Even the very few
that are good coaches and ethical tend to play to the lowest common denominator
– they’ve sharpened the marketing saw but their coaching product is bland and
uninspiring.
So I don’t want to be energetically associated with the evolutionary
coaching fad as it is currently structured.
And at the same time I keep getting called to serve and doing a good job
at helping people in my own way. I have
a lot of skills and experience to offer, without wallowing in failure or using
drugs for inspiration. My resistance is
I don’t want to be “one of them.” So I
won’t.
Then there’s the writing.
Writing is always a part of my expression, but I’m sure there’s
more. What would I be offering that’s
distinct and value-added amidst a sea of charlatans, flakes and incompetents?
What would I be offering that actually would inspire me to put energy into that
endeavor and work on my craft?
One of the things I’ve observed about myself in my
communication is that I tend to overstate the positive in my progress and
minimize anything that’s not going well. This isn’t conscious, it’s more that I
really want things I’m doing to “work,” and also mistakes and areas of
improvement sounds like drudgery and work.
With the energies opening up, I can look more honestly and put more
conscious attention on things I want to improve.
So here’s my current list:
Focus:
1.
Eliminate overthinking and worry by focusing and
refocusing on the present moment
2.
Connect to stillness – continue and expand practice
3.
Focus on healing and releasing all shame, guilt,
embarrassment, and negative beliefs
4.
Expand the container of unflappability – notice where
things are getting under my skin and consciously expand my capacity to hold
space for these things
5.
Expand into those areas I want to go but hold
back out of fear of the “energy spikes.”
6.
Discover what things I want to do and do them.
7.
Get a full night’s sleep every night
8.
Lose 10 pounds
It’s a fine line between discussing areas of personal
improvement and whining about my problems.
I hate whiners. And I’m sure my
undersharing of my areas that I seek to improve is a result of that disdain. But
it’s not whining if you’re doing something about it, it’s reflection. And it’s
important. What’s the point of an anonymous blog if I’m not going to utilize it
to explore those less-than-perfect aspects of myself?
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