Kind of a shit day overall. Stress at work - some asshole trying to renege and steal our deposit. Financial stress. Energetic attacks all over.
Oddly the only thing not crappy is that I started again on my novel, got four pages in. Haven't written since 2015 and even then not much. So of course the universe rewards me with extra bullshit.
Even the call with Etienne that I carved out my week to do got cancelled after the fact. Now I'm going to wake up early tomorrow, deal with stupid ex, then get ready for this trip I'm already pissed about because I feel ripped off.
Fuck me.
Yah, I'm supposed to be all peaceful and centered all the time and put up this front. Fuck that. It's bullshit. Everyone gets upset, everyone has bad days. Why pretend it's all wonderful and peaceful all the time?
Yah I get pissed sometimes. And sad. And discouraged. Not every day is awesome. That doesn't mean my life sucks, I love my life. But no, I DON'T have everything handled, and everything isn't always great all the time. I don't dwell on it, but fuck it, shit comes up and I don't always deal with it as Peaceful Buddha.
Sometimes I feel annoyed. Or angry. Or scared. Or disappointed. Now I feel tired, bored, frustrated, stressed and angry. And you know what? I don't feel like sitting quietly and letting these feelings pass like some psychic flatulance. Somethings been not right for a while and I've been ignoring it. Maybe this pissed off and tired feeling can guide me to the source of the bullshit so I can get rid of it, instead of saying mantras and pretending nothing's wrong.
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