Are you happy?
If you are like most people, and like I have been most of my
life, you’ll either answer “no” or “some of the time.” Because for most people, happiness feels like
something always out of reach, or some precious gift bestowed on just a
fortunate few.
For the large majority of people, life is very difficult and
full of suffering, disappointment, pain, challenge and heartbreak. Even people who seem to have all the benefits
of life – wealth, health, beauty, success – are often plagued with
unhappiness. The saying “money can’t buy
happiness” is very true.
So I ask again, are you happy?
Maybe you are very spiritual and believe life is suffering
and happiness is only promised in the afterlife. That mankind was made to toil and sacrifice
in order to earn happiness as a reward for a holy life. Maybe you subscribe to an ideology that tells
you happiness only comes at the expense of others, that a few “privileged”
people derive happiness by oppressing the masses, that the key to real
happiness is changing the economic and political system.
Both of those beliefs are inherently incorrect. Happiness is intrinsic, not extrinsic. It is not waiting for you on the “other side,”
but available to you now. And it is not
contingent on some nineteenth-century writer’s delusional political fantasy
(that has caused untold oppression, suffering and death since he brought his
delusions into the world). Happiness is
not contingent on anything outside of oneself.
Much of what I see in the spiritual community is a desperate
attempt to find happiness. People aren’t
really seeking deeper spiritual connection, because this entails deeper
personal responsibility for global consciousness, and most people really don’t
want that. Most people who believe they
are on a spiritual path really just want to feel happy. So they seek, they go to workshops, they hire
coaches, they pray, they meditate, they read books, they discuss and argue –
all in the vain pursuit of happiness.
Spiritual connection is a critical aspect of happiness –
because we are all spiritual beings. But
a spiritual path is not a path to happiness – in fact it is often a challenging
path filled with suffering that requires a great deal of personal fortitude to
pursue. It is not the path of ease and
joy, though it has its beautiful moments.
And again I ask you – are you happy?
At this point, maybe you’re confused. Maybe you’re wondering if what you think of
when you think of “happiness” is the same as what I mean when I say the
word. Because if one does not know what
happiness is, how can one answer the question?
I feel compelled to write about happiness because happiness
is our spiritual foundation, our birthright, and a deeply misunderstood and
neglected aspect of our being.
What Is Happiness?
Since many, many people have lost their connection with
happiness, we must start the rediscovery by stripping away the lies,
distortions and false assumptions about happiness.
1.
Happiness is not an emotion. Emotions are things like joy, sorrow, anger,
and fear. They are temporary feelings,
usually in response to thoughts or events.
They come and they go. Happiness
is a base state of being, a free flow of our energy, the full capability to
process what is going on inside and around us, to heal and grow.
2.
Happiness is not a feeling of ease. While there is a certain contentment that
comes with happiness, it is not the same as having a life of ease. Many people spend their whole lives working
very hard in very difficult circumstances and yet are filled with happiness –
they exude that happy glow that lifts the spirits of those around them and it
helps them persevere.
3.
Happiness has nothing to do with wealth
(or access to government services, or the makeup of a country’s
government). Happiness is not
derived from without, but from within.
It is our birthright. There are
countless examples of people who received a windfall only to be more unhappy
than they were before. And there are
poor people all over the world who have found happiness, while many in the “wealthy”
West have lost touch with what it means to be happy.
4.
Happiness is not bestowed by a church,
religious figure, personal coach, or guru; happiness is not found by
passing a class or through ritual or initiation; HAPPINESS IS NOT OBTAINED
THROUGH MAGIC. Anyone who tells you
to follow them and “then you will be happy” is a FRAUD, plain and simple, and
is leading you down a dark path for their own benefit. They are not happy, and they don’t want you
to be happy, either. You do not need to “earn” happiness and it is not bestowed
on people born in a certain location, or who worship a certain god. Giving money to someone will not make you
happy (though acts of charity are a byproduct of happiness).
5.
No person, circumstance, object or
activity can “make” one happy or “provide” happiness. Happiness is a state of being cultivated
from within. Pure love is an expression
of happiness, but loving someone, or having someone love us, will not bring
happiness, because happiness is not external.
Many people believe “If I find true love, then I will be happy,” when
actually the opposite is true – if one is happy, then one can find true love
free from unhealthy attachments an spiritual entanglements. Finding joy in one’s
work or hobbies is a manifestation of happiness, but doing things one prefers
to do and getting things one wants will not create happiness. Nobody can give you happiness, or take it
away. THIS IS A CRITICAL POINT, so
please integrate this fully – No person, place, thing or situation can give or
take away happiness. This is the recipe
for freedom.
So What IS Happiness?
We’ve discussed briefly what
happiness isn’t, but what is happiness?
1.
Happiness is a base state of being,
independent of emotion. At any
moment you might feel joyful, or sad, or fearful, or a multitude of other
emotions. Emotions are like paint on a
canvas. Happiness is the inspiration of
the painter, which turns those colors into beautiful works of art. The paint cannot destroy the inspiration of
the artist, nor destroy the integrity of the canvas.
2.
Happiness is our spiritual foundation,
our natural base state and our birthright.
Look at babies. They may be
cranky at times, but there’s always an inherent happiness underneath. We call this different things – innocence,
curiosity, joy – but nobody taught the baby to be this way, it comes
naturally. In some societies
(interestingly, often ones that have less wealth), this never goes away and
adults retain this “childlike wonder.”
People in the West are often amazed – “How can someone so poor be so
happy?” Because we have lost touch with
what real happiness is.
3.
Happiness feels like lightness, peace and
sense of connectedness in every situation.
It is like the sky – it’s always there, even when the most violent
storms blow through. And it will always
be there. Happiness is that knowing the
blue sky is always a part of us. The sky
doesn’t show itself just to some – it’s always there. It is us who choose to hide from the sky, or
ignore it, or create a false replacement.
But happiness is and has always been there, even though pain and
suffering.
But I’ve experienced so much
hardship, I can’t be happy. This is
a choice you are making. Buddha teaches
that life is full of suffering. This is
not intended to be a gloomy assessment of our condition, it’s just reality. It
is the thoughts of suffering, which we keep revisiting, that cause us so much
pain. When we are free from these thoughts,
in stillness, we reconnect with our happiness.
But I’m in so much pain and
illness, I can’t be happy. Psychic
and bodily pain is no different – they are both thoughts we experience in the
mind. Many people have learned to connect with their happiness while
experiencing tremendous pain, and even freed themselves from physical suffering
in such a way.
I suffer from depression, I can’t
be happy. This is one of the myths
of modern medicine, that our brains are somehow inherently “chemically
imbalanced.” But the chemicals were
created in you, through your system’s response to thoughts. People aren’t born depressed, something “triggers”
it and the person is stuck – their hand keeps squeezing the knife harder and
harder and can’t stop. Then modern
medicine tells people “take this pill that forces your brain to produce different
chemicals.” This may be helpful to some,
and I don’t mean to dissuade people from doing what works for them, but for
many this is unnecessary and often counterproductive. The condition of “depression” is an extended
emotion. Reconnecting with happiness
frees us from the cycle of depression.
Okay, I understand now (sort
of). But I still feel
unhappy. What do I do? For the time being, integrate this
lesson. Notice the difference between
emotions and base state, this alone can often yield amazing results. I will offer more practical lessons to help
people, but for now allow yourself to bask in the freedom of knowing that
happiness is yours, entirely independent of anyone or anything, that is it your
birthright, and that you can stop looking around for it. This freedom alone will lead to a deeper
connection with happiness.
From there, simply notice what
comes up. You may experience periods of
freedom and lightness followed by doubt, worry and resistance. This is normal. You may find yourself listening
to people who will tell you what I’m saying is crazy and to “be logical.” That’s normal, too. (Ask yourself how that’s worked out for you,
and your critical friend.) Simply
observe without acting and continue to integrate the message here. I’ll be back with more steps when the time is
right.
With Love,
Uthaithani
