Others - the changes in physical exercise, even the beat music - I'm encountering some strong resistance now. I dumped the Kundalini app, which felt like far too much work and not aligned with where I'm at right now.
I'm also experiencing far too much "money bleed," which is one of the aspects of resistance, it often shows up not just as physical and emotional issues but financial as well.
Resistance is to be expected. There's nothing shameful about encountering resistance. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging it and appreciating it for what it is. This is a key aspect to truly working through the resistance.
When my body says it is fatigued, I have to listen. I can't just plow through stubbornly, that's how injuries and illness happen. It doesn't mean I need to give it, but I need to honor the warning signs and separate the resistance showing up as fatigue from my body's genuine need for rest. One must be worked through, the other honored fully.
That doesn't mean I stopped doing pushups. I adjusted to account for gym days while keeping on track.
The resistance to the beat tracks is interesting. I enjoy listening to them, but I find myself switching out to other things like meditation tracks - which is fine, still taking a break from the unconscious "familiar" music. I also notice I miss the old "liked" playlist. Which is totally understandable - they're liked for a reason. So this is more about gently redirecting back to my goals while honoring my preferences, and avoiding too much of one thing. (And avoiding other things, like TV and social media.)
The spending patterns and "bad financial luck" is an interesting one. My unconscious patterns show up in my spending and consumption habits. And here a much more conscious approach is called for. Mindless austerity is as bad as mindless spending, because it still avoids the conscious awareness aspect. What am I buying? Is is something I need or serves my purpose, or is it a "shiny object" or a thoughtless purchase that's likely to feel like a ripoff down the road?
My relationship with money and spending is a manifestation of some of the unhelpful patterns that show up in my communication, following through on tasks and other issues that I resist confronting head-on. I avoid the conscious examination process and fall into unhelpful emotional habits. For example, I wanted to kick the Bob I have in the back porch. I couldn't find the sparring socks, so I ordered another pair. Not a huge purchase, but unnecessary. A more thorough search revealed the missing socks.
Supplements is another area I waste on. I focus on what they're supposed to do, not how they're actually benefitting me - or not. Do I need this? Is it serving me or am I just wasting money on crap because I want it to work? I can think of a few things that really aren't serving me and need to wean myself off of unconscious consumption "for my well-being." It's wish-casting, which is a common unconscious pattern of mine - I don't want to fully examine the issue so I imagine this pill, or this app, or this trick, will take care of the problem.
Then there are subscriptions, "surprise fines," investment losses and associated "junk" that adds up and is a drain not only on my finances but on my overall energy and mood. And I don't believe they're "accidental" or just "things that happen in life." They're unconscious patterns manifesting over and over.
And I'd say of all the resistance and leakages I currently experience, the financial resistance and leakages are currently the most pronounced and most oppressive. There's also the most room for conscious examination and improvement.
I've got two weeks (a little less) left of this phase of transformation. And I don't have to be perfect at sustaining everything, overall I'm doing well. But I really intend to use these next two weeks to better examine the aspects that have me "falling off the wagon." Stress with work and home, anxiety about changes I want in my life, physical fatigue, mental fatigue, "boredom," unconscious patterns that could be a form of hypnosis I just need to break.
And also, what patterns are changing? Clearly, the fact I'm speaking to the resistance and examining it consciously instead of taking it personally or just writing it off as magical "backsliding" is something new and positive. So is the overall energy, not to mention I look and feel better physically.
Taking concrete action instead of wishful or magical thinking, that's a big distinction.
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