Coming Home: When "What I Want to Do" and "What I Need to Do" Merge

 Circumstances are beginning to feel like destiny.  Maybe because they are.

About a year ago I bought a house in Pensacola, Florida.  I planned at the time – or so I told myself – to rent it out and just have a storage shed in the back for fishing stuff.  Over that year, the fishing and other stuff expended to include a fell set of Orion crystals and matrix, stuff for food preparation, laundry and showering, a folding table to eat on and even some clothes, on top of the “fishing stuff.”  And a car. 

I can’t say I was living out there but I was definitely maintaining a life out there, and looking back at the pictures from when I was there, living my best life out there, and feeling kind of sad and disconnected when I’d come back to Southern California. 

Meanwhile, the energies in Florida resonated and enhanced my spiritual energy practice.  When I was in Florida, my energy work was stronger and free of resistance and distortion.  Things were easy.  And at the same time energetic conflicts with the tenants grew.

Finally things tipped over.  The tenants had to leave early and I decided to alter my “plans” and try keeping the house for myself pay the mortgage, visit often and see if I could make it work.

As soon as I made that decision, energies shifted dramatically in a big way.  And after my last visit, I set up a crystal matrix that is now my source.  My energy center is no longer in California, where I spend most of my time, but my home in Pensacola, Florida.  In order to do my work now, I tap into that energy, instead of connecting from here to there as part of a grid.  Pensacola is now the hub, Los Angeles is the spoke.

I saw all this coming, but I didn’t want to believe it.  First, I didn’t think I could afford it.  Still have my doubts.  Second, it’s a bit of an undertaking.  Third, it’s what I really wanted, and I’d become used to assuming whatever I wanted was secondary to the “greater good,” that the two were never aligned. 

After meditating on it and seeing the results of the transition, it’s obvious now that in fact what I want IS the greater good.  Not that “doing what you want is the best thing for the world,” but in this case, they are aligned.  Which means I am called forth to commit and sacrifice to make this a priority and make it work.

And the energies have shifted dramatically over the past few months as pathways have opened up.  Yes, this IS where I belong.  It is home.  And it is necessary for the next phase of my work, as well as my happiness and the happiness of my family and the “greater good.”

It’s worth spending a little time inquiring about the belief that “what I want” is somehow inherently not aligned with my higher purpose or the greater good.  That’s a real limiting belief, and I’m sure a lot of other people share that belief.  I know they do. 

Where does that come from?  I know I grew up with a belief that you put in the work and delay gratification for something better down the road, and to “do the right thing.”  And at some level, I suppose that’s true.  You want to get the degree to get the better job, to open up more opportunities.  But somewhere in there is another belief that I’m sacrificing to do what others think is important, because I should serve them first. 

Some of the things currently in my life – including my entire energetic practice – fall into that “this is crazy stuff” category, things I do on the side after I’ve taken care of all the important things.  But the thing is, when I’ve actually been true to my higher self, free from fear, delusion, false hope and shame, it’s been right.  But I don’t always listen and honor that inner voice.

In this case, I did.  And in every step, it seemed like “this isn’t the right time, I can’t afford it, this won’t work,” but it not only works, it turns out to be necessary, and far earlier that I imagined the timeline to be.  And it’s worked out far better. 

And everything else from that – the massive improvement in energy work, the feeling of being “home,” everything, it’s all better. 

I’m feeling like the home was not something I pushed, even though it felt like it at the time, but something that pushed me.  It was something I had to do, but since I wanted to do it, it didn’t feel like a sacrifice, it felt like a joy. 

So I’m going to expand my altar and energetic practice in my new home and we’ll see where I’m called to go next.  But I finally have a home.  I’m finally on the right path. 

About the Israel Attack: A Message to the Spiritually Stupid (And the rest of us too)

 I wasn’t going to write anything about the situation with Israel, mostly because, while I have an opinion, nobody really cares about my opinion (except so much as it validates or contradicts their own and in doing so either comforts or triggers their personal insecurities).  And also because that’s not why I’m here and what this blog is intended to be about.

I’ll weigh in on one aspect, namely the painful idiocy of some of the so-called “spiritual people” who claim to be fellow travelers.  Let me say this, if you’re going to weigh in on this issue, and if you’re going to put your spiritual credentials on the line, DON’T be the stereotypical spiritual moron.

Saying that a group of terrorists invading and killing unarmed people is the same as armed conflict is factually and morally false, intellectually lazy, and spiritually, well, “unhelpful,” to put it very mildly. 

Please stop being the stereotype by conflating the conscious, deliberate torture and killing of unarmed women and children with armed conflict.  They’re not the same – not in God’s book or any other sane person’s book.  There’s no “self-defense” argument for committing deliberate acts of murder, rape, and torture on unarmed people.  “They did x, y, z first” is not a moral argument.  It’s incredibly stupid.

If you want to take a “spiritual pacifist” stand (a problematic stance, but we’ll use it for the sake of argument), part of that stance requires you to detest evil.  Read that again.  You are SPIRITUALLY REQUIRED to DETEST EVIL.  Not “be neutral on the subject of good and evil,” but to STAND for good and actively RESIST evil.  Now, the “pacifist” stand would call for doing so in a “non-violent way,” which is where the whole “problematic” aspect comes in, and I’m not going to get into the idiocy (in my opinion) of “spiritual pacifism,” but the directive to STAND FOR GOOD and OPPOSE EVIL comes BEFORE the “non-violent” part.  It’s in the name “SPIRITUAL pacifist.”  Otherwise you’re just “Intellectually lazy, wimpy and morally noncommittal Neutral Man” which is a worthless, low-vibration sub-human waste of oxygen.  You might as well identify as a fish, except even fish fight when they have to.  So what does that make you, a vegetable?

Again, to reiterate, a KEY part of spirituality is a commitment to God, which means a commitment to GOOD, which means you are commanded to differentiate between good and evil, support good and condemn evil.  I don’t know why people think they can reject this central aspect of God-centeredness and go around with an air of fake moral superiority, but all they’re doing his damaging their own karma and making themselves (and the rest of the community who doesn’t call them out on this) look like jackasses.  It’s a big reason why most people look down on the “new-age spiritual community,” it isn’t God-centered, it seems to be just drug and sex-centered and an excuse to wear dumb clothing and jewelry. 

So getting back to how this ties into the latest Israel situation, if you’re unable to morally identify the evil acts and parties in this scenario, you’re really lost.  But let me spell out the obvious:  taking up guns, knives, bombs and other weapons against unarmed and unsuspecting civilians, doing so in a calculated manner so as to “surprise” the victims and cause the maximum amount of death and destruction, committing murder, rape and torture – is bad.  It’s morally wrong.  Period.  The episode is horrific, tragic, mournful and the acts committed appalling and despicable.  You don’t need to spend years on a spiritual journey, take a bunch of drugs, bang drums or vomit in front of a fake shaman to figure out which side is God and which side is against God. 

Once you’ve firmly and unequivocally established right from wrong and oriented yourself with God, then you can debate the nuances of policy (I will not get into this) from a spiritually solid foundation.

So let’s break down some of the “Incredibly Stupid Spiritual Logic” going around:

“What do you expect?  They live in an open-air prison!” 

Leaving aside the stupidity of the whole “open-air prison” argument (and it is stupid, sorry not sorry), let’s look at this from the God lens.  Are you suggesting God absolves the acts of prisoners who go on a rampage?  Are you suggesting a detestable act is less detestable depending on the geographic origin of the act, or the living conditions of the perpetrators?  Where does God say such a thing?  Because I can point to all sorts of spiritual evidence that God says the EXACT OPPOSITE.  Bottom line, good is good, evil is evil and equivocation is the tool of the devil.  The forces of good have no interest in creating moral confusion, the forces of evil certainly do.

“Israel took their land!”

Where does God say “If someone takes something of yours, go forth and rape and murder their unarmed neighbors and burn their children alive”? And please don’t come back to me with your bullshit interpretation of “eye for an eye,” that’s NOT how it’s interpreted and people need to heed the warning about twisting the word of God for evil purposes, you’re poisoning your own karma in your defense of evil.

“Israel has done bad things!”

Where does God say “If your neighbor has done a fair amount of evil, then you too can commit some evil and I’ll let it all slide.”  Finding evil in B doesn’t absolve the evil in A.  I’m not saying expanding your search of evil in the world isn’t a useful inquiry – it can be.  But turning around and saying “I FOUND EVIL, so these guys are okay now!” is 100% wrong. 

“This was God’s will.”

Dude, sit down, you’re drunk.  You don’t know God’s will, but every “spiritual” jackass thinks they are the one prophet that knows the mysteries of God.  They don’t.  You don’t.  So just shut up.  A faithful servant does not claim to know the mind of his master, he does what he’s told. Be humble and kind, not arrogant and stupid.  If you’re a servant of God, make your words a reflection of God, not another pile of poop for him and his followers to clean up while you run around claiming prophet status.

“Religion is evil.”

Alright, we’ve all heard about the Crusades, the Inquisition, 9-11, barbarians sacking and this and that in the name of God, as well as your stupid opinions of gay issues, abortion and whatever.    Nobody fucking cares what you think about history or politics.  History is full of human failures.  Humans fail.  So the solution isn’t more humans and less God, it’s focusing on something bigger than ourselves.  The fact that we fall short in that goal doesn’t condemn the goal.  You don’t have to be a theologian or iron out all the contradictions in major religions to follow God, support good and condemn evil. Children can do it (when we adults aren’t raping and murdering them), you can too.   

“But but but… I wanna be able to fuck and do drugs without feeling guilty about going to Hell.”

-Said out loud by nobody.  Which is really too bad.

Because I’d have a WHOLE lot of respect for someone who said what they’re really feeling, instead of making these ridiculous moral arguments equivocating good and evil and bashing God.  But think about where that guilt is coming from and why it might be driving you to avoid good and apologize for evil, real evil, not that misdemeanor crap you’re doing that keeps you up at night fearing Hell. 

Let me just say this, your struggles in life are why you are here.  Life is a struggle.  Life is imperfect – in fact that’s where the beauty of life is, in the imperfection.  That’s part of the reason AI art looks so hideous and nightmarish – “perfection” is kind of repulsive.  You’re not expected to be perfect. But just because you struggle with things like “sex and drugs feel great, but I also feel guilty about serving God because I feel bad about those things in that context” doesn’t mean you aren’t a servant of God.  And it doesn’t mean you need to “be okay” with obvious evil in the world or give up your search for the good in life. 

You’re imperfect.  I’m imperfect.  Yet God still call us to service, so obviously he sees some use in our imperfect asses.  And it doesn’t mean we’re unqualified to call out real evil when we see it or to ask what God wants us to do next.  I’m sure most of those poor victims had some shit in their lives, but nothing compared to evil that befell them at the hands of monsters.  We’re all a little fucked up, but we’re not all monsters.  But monsters do exist, and it’ll take good people (imperfect as we are) doing everything we can to fight back with our light.

And that, good people, is what the spiritual battle is really about.